Dude Falsely Reports a Fire to Get Help for Cat Stuck in Tree? Hero or Wuss?

“Authorities say a teenager whose cat was stuck in a tree is in bigger trouble after falsely reporting a fire to attract help.

The 911 center`s operations director in Hamilton County, Tennessee, Jeff Carney, tells WRCB-TV that multiple agencies responded to what they thought was a fire Monday at the home of 18-year-old Trevor Austin Lane.

Lane`s arrest report says his cat had been stuck in the tree overnight, and he figured the fire department`s `big ladders` would be of use.”

New York Post

If my cat was stuck in a tree I would consider it a catastrophe and I would caterwaul like a cat in heat until I got everybody`s attention. I could care less if my neighbors thought I was a pussy for being so worried about my kitty.

However it`s inexcusable to falsely report a fire to summon help, and Carney should be whipped with a cat o` nine tails.

If Carney had simply told the truth, the 911 operator would have contacted Animal Control to rescue his feline.

Carney was arrested and jailed on a $1,500 bond; I hope he didn`t tell his new jailbird friends why he ended up behind bars, or else they would consider him a pussy and they would be all over him like white on rice.

Read More:

https://nypost.com/2018/02/07/teen-called-in-fake-fire-to-get-help-for-pet-cat-stuck-in-tree-report/

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Redneck Attacks Roommate Over Stale Cap’n Crunch

“An Alabama man allegedly beat his roommate after discovering that the victim had failed to properly seal a box of Cap`n Crunch cereal, which had gone stale, police report.

Duane Barry Smith, 52, was arrested Friday for domestic violence following a confrontation with the man he shares a residence in Moundville, a town outside Tuscaloosa.

According to police, the victim said that Smith became upset upon discovering the stale cereal and blamed him for failing to keep the Cap`n Crunch fresh. Smith was especially perturbed since he is missing teeth and had difficulty consuming the stale cereal.

At one point, Smith demanded that his roommate remove his dentures so that he could experience how hard it was to consume the Cap`n Crunch. When the man refused, Smith allegedly began striking the victim with an electrical cord.”

The Smoking Gun

The dateline for this Smoking Gun article is Moundville, Alalabama, the epicenter of redneck tomfoolery, witness this story that I wrote last month:
Moundville Country Bumpkins Epic Fight Over Cheesecake:

http://thesop.org/story/20180121/moundville-country-bumpkins-epic-fight-over-cheesecake.html

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, and I munched children`s cereal, but when I became a man, I put away children`s cereals like Count Chocula and Cap`n Crunch.

But in Alabama rednecks not only love them some children`s cereal, they also love to court teen girls, and they madly love pedophiles like Roy Moore.

But I must admit that Cap`n Crunch is delicious, especially when it`s fresh and crunchy. Eating stale cereal is like smoking a blunt that you accidentally dropped in your toilet; I can understand Smith`s umbrage at his roommate/lover? at not properly sealing the box of cereal.

The victim should consider himself blessed that that the toothless wonder didn`t hit him over the head with a jug of moonshine after he worked him over with an electrical cord.

The moral of this story: Don`t ever visit Moundville, but if business requires that you visit that godforsaken place, take a zombie survival kit with you. If you pick up the last cheesecake or the last box of Cap`n Crunch at a grocery store and the shoppers start heading in your direction, for the love of God blast their brains with a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun.

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Like Every Other Dictator Donald Trump Wants a Military Parade

“Donald Trump loves pomp and circumstance. He loves public displays of toughness. And he really, really loves the military.

Add it all up and you get this: `Trump tells Pentagon to plan a military parade.`

The parade would be modeled after the Bastille Day parade that Trump spectated last year during a visit to France. `The marching orders were: I want a parade like the one in France,` one military official told The Washington Post, which broke the story.”

CNN

Dictators muzzle the free press, ridicule their political opponents, constrain an independent judiciary, and they love military parades.

It`s impossible to produce a documentary about a dictator and not include footage of military parades. Every dictator from Mussolini to Hitler to Stalin to Kim Jung-un has presided over military parades.

Evidently Trump has become green with envy as he`s seen Lil` Kim preside over a military parade once or twice every year. Ostensibly Trump wants a parade to demonstrate his love and appreciation for the military, but we all know that he wants missiles parading down Pennsylvania Ave. as compensation for his tiny hands.

America is the greatest military power in the world and we don`t need to stage elaborate military parades. The world is cognizant of our military might, for good or ill, our military is engaged in dozens of countries.

What we really need to do is impress the world with the power of our democracy to do good, by accepting refugees from every corner of the world.

Unfortunately, Trump will probably get his silly and expensive parade because nobody in his administration has the guts to tell him that it`s a stupid idea.

Read More:

https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/07/politics/trump-parade-analysis/index.html

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Shock Video Proves Donald Trump’s Scalp is as Smooth and Bald as Baby’s Butt

“A video shows the president climbing the stairs to Air Force One last Friday when a sudden gust of wind catches his combover.

 

The blast lifted the strands of hair like a flap and revealed his bare scalp underneath for all to see.”

The New York Post

Donald Trump`s hair defies gravity, it offends our aesthetic sensibilities, and it`s an affront to the Almighty.

Volumes have been written about his coiffure, his supporters swear it`s his own hair kept together by hairspray and prayers, others claim it`s a toupee or implants, and a few think it`s an abandoned Robin`s nest.

Trump has declared on numerous occasions that it`s his own hair, but he`s a pathological liar, and we have to take everything he says with a grain of salt.

I personally favor the explanation that it`s a bird`s nest, but I don`t really care, the only thing I know is that whenever I see the buffoon on TV I`m overcome with a desire to buy a flamethrower on eBay and travel to Washington and burn the abomination.

Now there`s video proof that regardless what`s on the moron`s head, whether it`s how own follicles, an implant, or a wig, underneath it there`s a freaking bald scalp.

Now that we`ve solved the mystery of Trump`s hair, can anyone explain why his hands are so tiny, or why his mouth looks like his rectum?

Justin Trudeau is an Embarrassment to Canada, Feminists and Mankind

“Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is facing a backlash for correcting a woman who used the term mankind.

During a town hall event last week, Mr. Trudeau interrupted the young woman and urged her to say `peoplekind` instead.

The clip of the interaction has been making the rounds online with critics accusing Mr. Trudeau of `mansplaining` and making up words.”

BBC

The woman`s question/pontification had rambled on for about four minutes when Trudeau interrupted her.

It would have been perfectly reasonable for the Canadian Prime Minister to interrupt her with the admonition: Bitch please, just ask your damn question and sit down!

But Trudeau who is the quintessential politically-correct wanker instead berated her for using the term “mankind” instead of “peoplekind.” Peoplekind? Really? I have never in my life heard anyone other than Trudeau use that ridiculous term.

It`s perfectly acceptable to use “mankind,” although I usually use “humankind” or “humanity.” But to be triggered if someone doesn`t use a gender neutral term to describe the revolting species that is a cancer on Earth is the epitome of the pussification of mankind.

Trudeau is an embarrassment to Canada, feminists and all of mankind.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Justin Timberlake’s Super Bowl Halftime Show an Abomination! Revoke His Black Pass

Justin Timberlake has embraced a black music genre (R&B) and enjoyed superstardom as a solo artist for almost two decades, but for the life of me I don`t understand why he`s been given a black pass by the African American community.

Timberlake feels so comfortable in his skin as a white R& B performer that he`s even rocked cornrows.

The pop star`s black pass should have been revoked in the aftermath of the 2004 Super Bowl Nipplegate controversy. Most of the blame for the wardrobe malfunction was placed on Janet Jackson, MTV (which produced the Super Bowl halftime show) accused the black diva of having engineered the stunt. Timberlake left Jackson twisting in the wind, he failed to publicly and vigorously come to her defense.

Timberlake had an opportunity to make amends with Jackson by demanding that she be allowed to perform with him when he was chosen as the 2018 Super Bowl halftime performer, but he didn`t want to share the spotlight with a live entertainer.

Instead the shameless singer performed the Prince classic “I Would Die 4 U” with a giant image of Prince projected on what looked like a giant sheet. Very tacky and very disrespectful of the rock legend.

Considering Sunday`s Super Bowl was hosted in Minneapolis, Timberlake no doubt felt he had to pay homage to the hometown legend. Prince had a historically fraught relationship with Timberlake, and Timberlake`s “tribute” and subpar performance must have had him rolling over in his grave.

Timberlake is nothing more than a less clownish version of Vanilla Ice.

I appeal to the R& B and hip hop community to disavow Timberlake once and for all, kick him to the curb!

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Piers Morgan Blasts BBC For Airing Homophobic Cartoon of Him and Donald Trump

“Piers Morgan launched a blistering on the BBC after it aired a homophobic cartoon depicting the British journalist with his nose up President Trump`s backside.

The Good Morning Britain presenter, who secured the first international interview with Trump last week, slammed the corporation for using the image on The Mash Report – its satirical news roundup

He wrote: `Amusing though this image may be to many people, can you imagine the BBC broadcasting it if the President was Hillary Clinton or the interviewer was a woman?”

Daily Mail

I share the cartoonist`s disgust at Piers Morgan`s softball interview with Donald Trump, it was an abomination and a disgrace to the profession of journalism.

However the cartoonist shouldn`t have sunken to Trumpian levels to register his disapproval of Morgan treating a pig like Trump with kid gloves. It was wrong for the BBC to air the homophobic cartoon.

The cartoonist could have made his point without drawing a sexually graphic cartoon, he could have simply depicted Morgan kissing Trump in his sphincter-like mouth: Same thing, much less offensive.

If the President was Hillary Clinton, and a cartoonist depicted a female interviewer licking her ass, feminists would no doubt torch the BBC studio.

Not only would such an outrage against a woman not be tolerated, but to portray a politician who everybody in the world knows is a straight-up butch lesbian performing a lesbian sex act would ignite a firestorm of protest.

There is no need to resort to homophobia to denounce Trump and his sycophantic enablers.

Link to offensive cartoon:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5348145/Piers-Morgan-blasts-BBC-airing-homophobic-cartoon.html

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New York Theater Invites Patrons to Bring Their Dogs

“A theater in upstate New York is telling patrons to bring their dogs to four movies this month.

For its Dog Movie Week from Feb. 11 to Feb. 17, the Smith Opera House in Geneva, N.Y., will show dog-related films Best in Show, Must Love Dogs, The Artist and Bolt. The theatre will offer free treats to dogs, who can attend for free, as long as they are leashed and well-behaved.”

UPI

We`ve all taken a dog to a movie, we all have a date from hell horror story.

But taking a real dog to a movie is a dream come true; I can`t think of anything better than sharing a bucket of popcorn with my pooch as we enjoy a movie in a theater.

When a dude takes a date to a movie, he`s usually the one who pays for both tickets and the overpriced snacks. A night at the movies can easily set you back $50, but for Dog Movie Week at the Smith Opera House canines attend for free, plus they get free dog snacks.

Going to the movies has gone to the dogs, and I`m doggone happy.

Read More:
https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/02/01/New-York-theater-invites-movie-goers-to-bring-dogs/1891517503419/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=18

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Claims Orrin Hatch Said He Was the Greatest President in History

“It`s no surprise to anyone that President Donald Trump loves to boast about how great he is. But he seemed to take things to a new level on Thursday when he suggested that some people are saying he`s the best president in American history. He attributed that extreme bit of praise to Orrin Hatch, the longest-serving Republican senator.

`He said once I am the single greatest president in his lifetime, now he`s a young man, so it`s not that much,` Trump told Congressional Republicans at their annual retreat in West Virginia. And apparently it wasn`t enough that the 83-year-old from Utah said that he was the best president in his lifetime. `He actually once said I`m the greatest president in the history of our country,` Trump told the lawmakers in his next breath. `I said, does that include Lincoln and Washington? He said yes.` The commander in chief clearly enjoyed the praise very much: `I said, I love this guy.`”
Slate

President Donald Trump likes to compare himself with the “late great Abraham Lincoln,” but when historians render their verdict he`ll be compared with Richard Nixon.

Trump`s default mode is to exaggerate, if his personal physician told him “Don`t worry the length of your penis is only slightly below average,” he would boast “My doc just informed me that Ron Jeremy would envy my presidential pecker.”

Nobody in his right mind, not even Trump`s most deluded sycophants, would claim that he is the greatest president in history.

What Senator Hatch actually said was that Trump can be the greatest president, but never that he actually is the greatest president. Hatch said that he would like to work with the president to make this the greatest presidency in history for the American people.

Of course even that statement is patently ridiculous, it most be noted that Hatch uttered those ridiculous words in the immediate aftermath of Trump`s tax plan becoming the law of the land. When we are drunk with victory we utter all sorts of nonsense.

Trump is a blithering idiot and a world-class narcissist, I can`t wait for him to be impeached.

Read More: https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2018/02/trump-says-orrin-hatch-told-him-he-was-the-best-president-in-history-but-the-senator-denies-it.html

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Trump Boasted His State of the Union Was Most Watched in History! It Wasn’t!

“President Donald Trump touted the ratings from his State of the Union Thursday morning, tweeting that the numbers were record-breaking. But they actually werent.
“Thank you for all of the nice compliments and reviews on the State of the Union speech. 45.6 million people watched, the highest number in history. [Fox News] beat every other Network, for the first time ever, with 11.7 million people tuning in. Delivered from the heart!” Trump tweeted Thursday morning, his third tweet of the day.
Trump`s right about the numbers. Per Nielsen data, approximately 45.6 million viewers tuned in to watch his speech. And he`s also accurate that Fox News garnered the highest ratings, although, per Nielsen data, the network actually had 11.5 million viewers, not 11.7. But he`s not right when he called the numbers the “highest number in history.
Trump`s three immediate predecessors – former Presidents Barack Obama, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton – all amassed higher ratings from their first State of the Union than he did: 48 million people tuned in to watch Obama in 2010; 51.7 million tuned in to Bush in 2002; and 45.8 million tuned in for Clinton in 1994. (The President delivers an address to the joint sessions of Congress during his or her first year, and the State of the Union the following year).
Time

President Donald Trump has a long history of exaggerating the size of his crowds and the ratings of his speeches, he`s exaggerated everything from the length of his tiny pecker to his golf handicap to the size of the crowd at his inauguration.

It should come as no surprise that Trump lied when he boasted that the ratings for his State of the Union were record-breaking. They weren`t, not by a long shot.

Any president, especially on his first State of the Union address, has one primary objective: To deliver a speech that is short on inflammatory rhetoric but rich in platitudes that will unify the country.

Although the president`s State of the Union address wasn`t as divisive as his usual stump speech, he still sought to solidify his base by demonizing immigrants from Mexico and Central America.

Trump cares more about his own popularity than he does about the state of the union, as evidenced by his fixation on the rating for his important speech.

Trump`s State of the Union speech was as long and boring as a typical Bill Clinton address, but it wasn`t a ratings blockbuster.

Trump is a reality TV buffoon and his approval ratings as president and the ratings for his speeches will never match the ratings of Celebrity Apprentice.

Read More:

http://time.com/5128429/donald-trump-state-of-the-union-ratings-fact-check/

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Pics of Busao the Cat and His Space Heater God

Ancient Egyptians worshipped a Cat Goddess, often represented as half feline, half woman, whom they called Bastet.

Thousands of years later we still worship felines, they rule the Internet, and they are the divine queens and kings of our homes.

We treat our cats like deities, we buy them gourmet cat food, expensive toys (that they ignore in favor of a box or a crumpled piece of paper), and cat condos for their entertainment and relaxation.

But the reverence and awe isn`t mutual, or dogs may look upon us as gods, but cats barely give us the time of day.

But is there anything or anybody that cats worship?

There`s a pampered kitty in Japan named Busao who worships his space heater. Busao looks upon his heater with a mix of reverence and awe.

I wish my cats looked at me the same way that Busao looks at his heater, after all I spend a small fortune looking after their every need.

Cat lovers know that their pets always make themselves comfortable in the warmest place in the house, be it next to a space heater or the furnace.

Maybe if I wrapped myself in an electric blanket my spoiled cats would always cuddle on my lap, and treat me like Buddha.

Pics of Busao and his Heater God:

http://metro.co.uk/2018/01/28/busao-cat-falling-love-heater-us-january-7266521/

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Ivanka Trump Tweaks Twitter Bio

Usually the spouse of the president of the United States is considered one of the most powerful women in the world, but Donald Trump is married to a former model who has demonstrated zero interest in domestic issues or global affairs. The First Lady can barely express herself in English, therefore she has no influence in pop culture or politics.

Ivanka Trump, on the other hand, cares about many issues, and she professes to care deeply about women`s rights. She`s well-educated, intelligent, eloquent and photogenic, which makes her much more influential than her step-mother.

If Trump had his perverted druthers, he would divorce Melania and marry his own daughter. But incest may be the only sin that Trump`s followers won`t forgive.

Ivanka is an official Advisor to the President, and everything that she says and does matters, and that`s why people noticed when she changed her Twitter bio from:

Wife, mother, sister, daughter. Entrepreneur & advocate for the education and empowerment of women & girls. This is my personal page. Views expressed are my own.

To:

Wife, mother, sister, daughter. Advisor to POTUS on job creation + economic empowerment, workforce development & entrepreneurship. Personal Pg. Views are my own.

I commend Ivanka for deleting the line about “being an advocate for the education and empowerment of women & girls.”

Donald Trump is a misogynist sexual predator, and although Ivanka`s father may value her advice it`s obvious that she hasn`t convinced him of the basic fact that women and girls are human beings and not objects to be sexually exploited.

Ivanka would be well-advised to continue to downplay her role as an advocate of women`s rights.

If Ivanka really cared about empowering women and girls, she would tell her father: I quit! I refuse to work for a serial sexual predator!

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Music World Stunned! Ed Sheeran’s ‘Shape of You’ Wins Grammy for Pop Solo Performance

In the most disappointing result in the 60 years of the Grammys, Ed Sheeran`s `Shape of You` won the 2018 Grammy Award for pop solo performance. Even the late Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli is turning over in his grave.

The other four nominees (Lady Gaga, Pink, Kesha & Kelly Clarkson) were bona fide divas who never fail to deliver a knockout performance.

I fail to comprehend how this wanker sells out arenas, the perfect venue for Sheeran is an old timer`s bar where the patrons are deaf and drunk and his singing is just an ambient noise that doesn`t distract them from their main focus, getting plastered.

Sheeran is a lackadaisical singer and a horrible songwriter, case in point the lyrics to “Shape of You”:

I`m in love with the shape of you

We push and pull like a magnet do

Although my heart is falling too

I`m in love with your body

Last night you were in my room

And now my bedsheets smell like you.

“Shape of You” is the song that plays in an elevator that descends all the way down to the pit of hell.

If “Shape of You” comes on the radio the average person won`t simply change the radio station, he will blast it to smithereens with a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun. And if he`s listening to the radio in the bathtub when the song is played, he will knock the radio into the tub, choosing death over the chance that he will ever hear that cursed song again.

Sheeran`s CD`s should be tossed into a bonfire! Come to think of it, he should be set on fire as well!

This is the lament of a pop culture critic, not a call to action.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Hillary Clinton Gives a Shout-out to ‘Activist Bitches’!

“The former presidential candidate and secretary of state sent out a video message directed to `activist bitches supporting bitches`, as she put it, via Twitter Friday night.

`Hey everyone, I just wanted to say thanks,` Clinton said into a cellphone camera, seated at a red banquette in what appeared to be a restaurant.

`Thanks for your feminism, for your activism, and all I can hope is you keep up the really important, good work,` she said.

At the urging of an off-camera companion, she added with a laugh: And let me just say, this is directed to the activist bitches supporting bitches. So let`s go.”

The New York Post

Hillary Clinton is the worst presidential candidate in history, and the only Democratic challenger incompetent enough to lose to the likes of Donald Trump.

Hillary oozes privilege and insincerity, and she should spend the rest of her miserable life apologizing effusively for blowing the election, and saddling America with the Trump administration.

In this video Hillary was speaking not to network cameras but to a fan`s cellphone when she gave a shout-out to a group called “Activist Bitches Supporting Bitches.”

If Hillary had demonstrated this good humor and sincerity when facing network and cable news cameras during the election she might have beat Trump despite her grievous shortcomings as a candidate.

If Hillary had given a shout-out to her fellow butch lesbians and activist bitches during the presidential campaign Trump would be golfing and grabbing pussy fulltime.

Link to video:

https://nypost.com/2018/01/27/clinton-thanks-activist-bitches-in-bizarre-video/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

The Ten Commandments Rewritten for Donald Trump

“Tony Perkins, the president of the conservative Family Research Council, contended Tuesday that the evangelical community has given President Donald Trump a mulligan when it comes to his personal behavior.

`Yes, evangelicals, conservatives, they gave him a mulligan. They let him have a do-over. They said we`ll start afresh with you and we`ll give you a second chance.` Perkins said in an interview on CNN`s `Erin Burnett OutFront.`

Perkins` remarks come after a Wall Street Journal report that Trump`s lawyer, Michael Cohen, formed a private LLC to pay a former porn star in exchange for not speaking publicly about an alleged sexual encounter with the then-candidate.”

CNN

Evangelicals are willing to give Donald Trump a second chance, a hundred chances, even though he never admits making any mistakes, let alone express remorse or repent.

Trump will get a mulligan from evangelicals every time, as long as he continues to support their evil anti-gay, anti-immigrant and anti-women agenda.

I`m sure God will give me a mulligan when I say: Fuck Trump and fuck the hypocritical evangelicals.

It won`t be long before Tony Perkins rewrites the Ten Commandments especially for Donald Trump:

  1. I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt have no other gods before me. Except for Mammon, as a billionaire thou are allowed to worship Mammon.
  2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, but feel free to place a copy of Time magazine bearing thou regal image in every room in the White House.
  3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain in public, but in the privacy of the White House goddamn the hell out of thou subordinates if they don`t praise thou like a deity.
  4. Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it holy. Thou hast permission to sleep the entire Sabbath, for that is the only way thou can keep it holy.
  5. Honor thy father and thy mother by keeping alive thy father`s Nazi legacy.
  6. Thou shalt not kill thou enemies, instead kill their reputation on Twitter.
  7. Thou shalt not commit adultery, but as president thou gets a mulligan when thou fornicates with a porn star.
  8. Thou shalt not steal in person, but thou hath a dispensation to execute tax laws that steal from the poor and give to the wealthy.
  9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against a conservative, but thou are free to defame and libel heathen liberals.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thou neighbor`s wife, but thou will be forgiven if thou grabs her by the pussy.

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Tiny Pooch Sitting on Driver’s Lap Howls His Fool Head Off to the Music

This video uploaded by Weekly Standard reporter Haley Byrd makes up for all the conservative propaganda published by the aforementioned magazine.

The tiny pooch is zipped inside the reporter`s hoodie, and he`s howling along to a string quartet cover of a U2 song.

Unlike Byrd I`m a real man and I don`t ride with a lap dog, my German Shepherd/Pit Bull mix, Mandy, often rides shotgun with me as we cruise the highways and byways.

We listen to classic rock like Creedence Clearwater Revival or the Rolling Stones as we run our errands, and Mandy often demonstrates her approval of my tunes by barking in delight.

Although Byrd`s dog is cute as heck as he howls with his little head sticking out of the hoodie, riding with a dog on your lap is dangerous for the canine as well as the driver, and not to mention other drivers sharing the road with them.

Link to video:

https://sploid.gizmodo.com/a-tiny-singing-dog-might-be-the-solution-to-your-lousy-1822410776

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Who’s the Most Dysfunctional Couple: Bill and Hillary Clinton or Donald and Melania Trump?

“Melania Trump won`t be attending the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, and some are speculating that her cancellation is a subliminal message to her husband, Donald Trump.

For one thing, it came on their 13th wedding anniversary, and Inside Edition notes that the first lady has kept a low profile since the allegations that her husband paid $130,000 in hush money to a porn actress who uses the name Stormy Daniels.

Huffington Post

The Trumps are the most dysfunctional couple to occupy the White House since the Clintons.

Bill and Hillary Clinton were both skirt-chasers, Slick Willy was reckless in his pursuit of tail, Hillary was more discreet since she had to maintain the fiction that she was heterosexual and not a butch lesbian.

Hillary was indifferent to her hubby`s sexcapades, she only objected when he bedded trailer trash vixens beneath their station.

I doubt that Bill and Hillary ever consummated their marriage, and don`t bring up Chelsea because we all know that Webb Hubbell was her baby daddy.

Melania has publicly admitted that she married Donald Trump for his money, they sleep in separate bedrooms in the White House, and they have little interaction with each other.

Melania has been filmed on various occasions swatting away Trump`s deformed little hand when he tried to hold her hand. You can bet that when he approaches her in the privacy of the White House with his tiny pecker, she swats it away in disgust.

Melania isn`t quite as forgiving as Hillary about her husband`s indiscretions, she doesn`t like to be publicly humiliated. Melania knew what she was getting into when she married the lecherous bastard, but she must have been furious when it was disclosed that he had an affair with a porn star.

The Bill and Hillary show lasted eight years, hopefully the Melania and Donald reality show will last less than four years. I`m hoping that the racist buffoon will be impeached when the Democrats take control of both houses of Congress in the midterm elections.

Read More:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/melania-trump-davos-message_us_5a67c901e4b0dc592a0dafad

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Taco Bell Employee Assaults Manager With Burrito!

“A Taco Bell employee is facing arrest after allegedly throwing a hot burrito at his manager because he was upset over having to work the morning shift, South Carolina police report.

Spartanburg cops were called to a Taco Bell Monday afternoon after employee Christopher Dalton got into a dispute with Patricia Keeley, his manager.

Keeley told an officer that Dalton was upset over his work schedule and `was getting into several verbal disputes with other coworkers.` Keeley said that when she told Dalton to `stop being a crybaby,` he exploded.

Dalton allegedly slung a burrito at Keeley, who told police that `the melted cheese got all over her left arm and went all down her left side and leg.`”

The Smoking Gun

When I visit a Taco Bell, which is once in a blue moon, I eat my authentic American tacos, and run home before the diarrhea hits.

The last thing I want is to witness any drama between the employees, because if the grub doesn`t upset my stomach the employee violence will certainly do the trick.

The store manager was lucky that the burrito landed on her arms and not her mouth, otherwise she might have accidentally ingested some of the damn thing.

Keeley sounds like a real loser, the moron better not drop the Chalupa behind bars, or he will end up with more than an upset stomach.

Read More:

http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/taco-bell-burrito-attack-384907

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Outrage: Suzanne Somers Praises Donald Trump to High Heaven

“Suzanne Somers is saying it loud and proud … she`s a huge fan of President Trump, and she also believes shes committing career suicide by saying that.”

TMZ

Today hardcore porn is instantly and readily available to anyone with an internet connection. But in the 1970`s you had to get your titillation wherever you could find it, and jiggle television programming which featured starlets moving in loose clothing or underwear in a way in which their breasts or buttocks jiggled was all the rage. The primary examples of this type of programming were Charlie`s Angels, Wonder Woman and Three`s Company.

Somers wasn`t a gifted thespian, but in the late 1970`s she jiggled her boobs and butt to superstardom as Chrissy Snow on Three`s Company.

In the 1990`s she kept in the spotlight as a spokeswoman for the Thighmaster. The Thighmaster was a piece of exercise equipment that is squeezed between one`s thighs. It`s doubtful the contraption did anything for your thighs, but it was slightly entertaining to watch an ageing actress open and close her legs as if she was attempting to crack a nut.

In the 2000`s Somers wrote a series of best-selling self-help books, including Ageless: The Naked Truth About Bioidentical Hormones, about bioidentical hormone replacement therapy. These books are nothing but quackery, and they sold only because they featured Somers silicon-enhanced face on the covers.

Somer`s career trajectory is thus: Jiggle star to Thighmaster infomercial queen to author of books of medical quackery.

Somers isn`t committing career suicide by coming out of the closet as a Trump supporter, her career was already as dead as a doorknob. The only ways that she could make any news was by doing granny porn or puffing up Trump.

I`m disappointed in Somers, she would have retained a shred of decency had she gone the granny porn route.

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Porn Star Stormy Daniels Claims Donald Trump is Terrified of Sharks

“TOUGH-talking Donald Trump is absolutely terrified of sharks and hopes they all die, according to a porn star he is said to have bedded.

X-rated movie actress Stormy Daniels described the US President`s fear as the `strangest thing` in a newly emerged interview she gave back in 2011.

Stormy, who claimed to have had a 2006 affair with Trump, told InTouch magazine he was fascinated by the Discovery Channel`s annual Shark Week specials.

`He is obsessed with sharks` she said. `Terrified of sharks. He was like, `I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.`”

The Sun

Porn star Stormy Daniels hasn`t disclosed any embarrassing details about Trump`s sexual performance or preferences in bed, but she did provide us with the interesting tidbit that the Donald is terrified of sharks.

The racist buffoon may be terrified of sharks, but he watched the Shark Week specials with his porn star lover. I can relate, I am terrified and disgusted by our ineffectual and clueless president, but I read dozens of articles about him every day.

Trump was a predator as a businessman, when he was a full-time real estate mogul he made it a practice to declare bankruptcy as a means of stiffing banks and contractors. It got to the point where only Russian banks would do business with the shady mogul.

Trump is also a sexual predator, for decades he has been abusing, degrading and assaulting women.

Trump is afraid of sharks because they are fearless predators, and they are just about the only creatures that make him feel vulnerable.

But Trump shouldn`t fear sharks, they rarely attack human beings. He should be afraid of piranha, if he ever goes swimming in the ocean those voracious killers would zero in on his tiny genitals.

The filthy pig should also fear whalers, they might mistake him for a whale and harpoon his fat ass.

I hope a whaler, piranha, somebody, or something will get rid of Trump once and for all.

Read More:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/5395680/donald-trump-is-terrified-of-sharks-and-hopes-they-all-die-according-to-alleged-porn-star-lover-stormy-daniels-who-claims-he-watched-shark-doc-before-romp/

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Franklin Graham Dismisses Donald Trump’s Alleged Affair With Porn Star Stormy Daniels

“You would think itd be incredibly easy for an evangelical Christian leader to denounce Donald Trump`s alleged affair with porn star Stormy Daniels, which reportedly took place months after giving birth to his fifth child with his third wife. Yet Franklin Graham, appearing yesterday on MSNBC with anchor Alex Witt, had no words of condemnation for his Republican savior.

Graham initially suggested the entire story was fake since Trump hadn`t admitted it – but added that it wouldn`t matter even if it were true because Trump isn`t `President Perfect.`”

Patheos

During the 2016 presidential campaign Donald Trump famously claimed he could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and not lose any voters.

I would argue that Trump could rape a 13-year-old girl in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose any support from evangelicals. Evangelicals would claim that the little harlot tempted him, and that he repented anyway immediately after closing his zipper.

If Stormy Daniels produced a blue dress with a semen stain that was verified to be Trump`s DNA, evangelicals would claim that the stain was in the shape of a cross, and evidence that God`s blessing was upon him.

Franklin Graham has been one of the most diehard Trump supporters, time after time again he has justified the president`s sins and transgressions. I`m not surprised that he has failed to condemn Trump for having an affair with a porn star, and paying her money to keep quiet.

The Rev. Graham had the audacity on Sunday to declare that President Trump defends Christianity more than any recent American leader.

With all due respect the good reverend is full of crap, Trump`s policies, behavior and words are antithetical to Christianity. Trump has defiled the Christian faith more than any recent American leader.

Trump and his evangelical enablers are destroying democracy and Christianity, and the president and his white evangelical supports should be anathema to true Christians, and true patriots.

Read more at http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/01/21/franklin-graham-dismisses-trumps-alleged-affair-hes-not-president-perfect/#wkWTbBktuR7VW26u.99

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January 2018 Archives Page 2

https://robertpaulreyes.com/january-2018-archives-page-two/

Moundville Country Bumpkins Epic Fight Over Cheesecake

“The Moundville Times reported that Moundville Police Chief Toby Banks was called to a disturbance at a residence where the half-brothers live together at noon Dec. 26.

`Banks said he was asked for his opinion on whether the piece of cake was big enough for a grown (expletive) man,` the paper reported. `He said he thought it was.`

According to court records, the older brother, 24, was still holding the butcher knife he used to cut the dessert when they began arguing about the portion size. The victim told police his brother punched him in the face and busted his lip.

According to the police report, the suspect told the chief `they were arguing over the pie, but he only patted the victim on the face and head like a dog.`”

Tuscaloosanews.com

Moundville is a hick town with a population of less than 3,000 in the redneck state of Alabama.

I`m surprised these country bumpkins were arguing over a piece of cheesecake, and not a slab of cornbread.

I know that the family is important in the South, but what the hell are two grown ass brothers doing living together?

The moral of this story:

When a hillbilly is brandishing a butcher knife that he used to cut a piece of cheesecake into two portions, common sense dictates that you don`t complain that your portion is smaller.

The simple fact that the older brother used a butcher knife instead of a butter knife to cut the cheesecake should have been a tip off that he wasn`t in a mood to put up with any guff from his younger sibling.

The victim told police that his brother punched him in the face, but the older moron claims he only patted the victim on the face and head like a dog. You don`t have to be an expert on redneck behavior to know that he beat him like a dog.

In a red state that worships the likes of Donald Trump and Roy Moore never, I repeat never, get into an argument with any of the local yokels over cheesecake.

Read More:

http://www.tuscaloosanews.com/news/20180119/fight-over-cheesecake-portion-leads-to-arrest?start=2

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Donald Trump is a Clown With Tiny Hands Instead of Giant Feet

Parents hire clowns to entertain their children for birthday parties, and it works until the kids grow tired of the limited repertoire of the clown`s tricks and shenanigans.

Kids are repulsed and fascinated by clowns at the same time, their painted faces and huge feet scares the Bejesus out of them, but they are mesmerized by their magic tricks.

Eventually when the kids start pelting the clown with anything they can get a hold of, the parents tell the entertainer that his work is done.

President Donald Trump is like a clown at a third-rate carnival who cheats marks at three-card monte when he`s not clowning around.

We hired the Clown of all Clowns as President of the United States, and unfortunately unless we impeach the freak we`re stuck with him for four years.

We are fascinated and repulsed by Trump`s non-stop buffoonery, he has an endless supply of tweets, insults, and incoherent policy initiatives up his sleeve.

In lieu of oversized feet he has tiny hands that he employs to tweet nonsense, and to pull executive actions out of his ass.

Republicans have made peace with Trump by pretending that he`s not a clown, they ignore his infantile tweets, insane rants and childish behavior, because the payoff is conservative judges, tax laws that favor the wealthy, and deregulation that benefits big corporations.

The majority of Americans are sick and tired of the clown sitting in the Oval Office, and we are mortified that he`s turned the White House into a three-ring circus.

I may be tilting at windmills but I will never accept Trump as my president, and I will continue to write essays exposing his buffoonery until Congress does the right thing and impeaches the clown.

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Cat-In-The-Bag Carrier is the Cat’s Pajamas! Video!

“The Cat-In-The-Bag Cozy Comfort Carrier ($33.95) is almost exactly what it sounds like – it`s a bag designed to comfortably contain felines. Like the famed Snuggie for humans, this invention comes with a place for your cat`s head, but no holes for their arms and legs.

The creators say their cat sack is different from other carriers because it doesn`t isolate your cat. Instead of being stuffed in a fear-inducing box, a cat can now be carefully wrapped in this bag that keeps it safe while also allowing room for the animals to move freely with an unconfined head.”

People

My pooch, Mandy, loves to ride shotgun with me. She`s a sight to behold as we cruise down the road with her head sticking out the window.

My cats, Tico and Ebony, on the other hand absolutely hate to ride in my car. They act like they are in torment, caterwauling like they`re on crack, on the short five-minute trip to the veterinarian.

It` not just the motion that discombobulates them, they also despise being trapped in a pet carrier.

The Cat-The-Bag Carrier is the perfect solution, a cat won`t feel like he`s in a jail cell, his little head is sticking out and he can see that he`s safe with his master behind the wheel.

What`s cooler than a cat in a hat? A cat in a bag! Get with the damn program and buy one for your kitty, you will both love it!

Read More:

http://people.com/pets/kitty-carrier-cat-in-the-bag-snuggie-for-felines/

Donald Trump Had Porn Star Stormy Daniels Spank Him With a Forbes Magazine

Donald Trump is such an omnipresent fixture on media that his hideous face with his sphincter-like mouth has been indelibly etched on my mind.

When the Grim Reaper finally drags the decrepit reprobate to hell, and he`s no longer a regular feature on the evening news, I will still need deprogramming to cleanse him from my consciousness.

Normal folks have a visceral reaction when they see Trump on TV, namely we throw the remote at the screen, and then search Google for painless ways to commit suicide.

Now a new particularly disquieting detail has emerged about the president`s affair with porn star Stormy Daniels that may cause even diehard Trump supporters to retch. These cultists could care less that Trump paid her off to keep quiet, but they may be troubled that he ordered the porn starlet to spank him with a copy of Forbes that featured Trump, Donald Jr., and Ivanka on the cover.

To have a porn star spank you may be every guy`s fantasy, but to have the hoe spank you with a magazine that features your family on the cover is wrong, horribly wrong.

I like to believe that I`ve done some good with the thousands of essays I`ve published online since 2008, but all that may be negated by leaving my readers with an image that they will never be able to erase: Our obese president butt naked being spanked by a porn star.

My readers may never forgive me, but God forgive me!

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