Trumpalooza, also known as CPAC ends Sunday with a rousing speech by the star of the extravaganza, Donald Trump. It’s the annual conference during which conservatives come together to network, discuss policies, showcase presidential hopefuls, and chart the course for the future of the conservative movement. This year’s iteration of the conference is dedicated solely to the glorification of the false messiah, Donald Trump.
No festival would be complete without overpriced merchandise, and CPAC is no different. All things Trump are available at CPAC including hand-crafted luxury Trump hammocks, 2024 Trump bumper stickers, impeachment champ T-Shirts and “don’t me I voted for Trump” buttons. I bet the average Trump evangelical cultist would rather browse in the gift shops at CPAC featuring Trump paraphernalia than walk the streets of gold in heaven with Jesus Christ.
But what do you get the Trump devotee who already has all the aforementioned Trump items including the hammock?
The bizarre gold statue of the disgraced former president, that has been the runaway hit of the conference, is on sale for a cool $1000,000. The golden idol weighs 200 pounds, almost as much as the blimp it represents.
Are you a white evangelical POS who idolizes Trump? Do you think your messiah’s farts smell like heavenly incense? Do you worship the ground he walks on? Then don’t leave CPAC with a lousy T-Shirt! Demonstrate you reverence for your Dear Leader by purchasing the Trump Golden Calf idol! Take out a second mortgage if that’s the only way you can afford the abomination.