Month: May 2024

What Community Service Would be Best for Trump?

Former president Donald Trump was found guilty by a jury of 34 counts of falsifying business records for concealing hush money paid to adult film star Stormy Daniels before the 2016 presidential election.

The twice-impeached former president has a long history of evading taxes, failing to pay contractors, lying on financial statements to secure loans and sexually assaulting women, but this is his first criminal conviction.

Even though the real estate tycoon faces a possible maximum sentence of four years imprisonment for each of the 34 counts against him, it’s highly unlikely he will spend a day behind bars.

Given that this is his first criminal conviction and that he was found guilty of low-level non-violent felonies he is more likely to receive probation or community service. What type of court-ordered community service should the convict be ordered to perform?

Work at an Animal Shelter

Everything that Trump touches turns to shit, and he is responsible for polluting social media with tons of bullshit, therefore it is only right that he cleans up shit for a change.

Build a House for Habitat for Humanity

Trump is a builder and real estate developer who’s built luxurious condos and resorts for the wealthy and powerful, it’s only right that he helps build a modest home for a poor family for a change. It would be refreshing to see him channel Jimmy Carter instead of Richard Nixon, for a change.

Work as an Assistant for an Immigrant Landscaper

Trump demonizes undocumented workers as rapists, thieves and murderers, it’s only right that he work side-by-side with an immigrant so he can learn first-hand how hard-working, industrious and entrepreneurial most of them are.

Work as a Caregiver for Joe Biden

Even though Trump suffers from his own cognitive issues he constantly makes fun of Biden’s dementia. It’s only right that he be sentenced to change Bidens diapers, clean his dentures, and sing him bedtime stories.

If Trump is found guilty in his other pending criminal cases he will most likely be sentenced to prison, but in the meantime what community service do you think he deserves?

We Need to Reclaim American Flag from Trump and his MAGA Cultists

Before Trump became president in 2016 the American flag was a symbol of patriotism and freedom, and even Democrats proudly flew the flag without worrying that their neighbors might think that they were professing allegiance to Republican ideology.

But Trump and his MAGA cultists have turned our great flag into a symbol of allegiance to him and the MAGA movement. Old Glory is the battle flag of Trump and his insurrectionists; Trump rallies feature enormous American flags, and all sorts of merchandise depicting Trump and the flag are hawked at his rallies.

When I see the authoritarian orange sociopath hugging, kissing and caressing the American flag it makes me want to throw up.

Even though Lynchburg is a conservative city in the Bible Belt since Donald Trump became president in 2016, there have been significantly less homeowners flying American flags. Even mainstream Republicans who are not part of the MAGA cult are reluctant to display the Stars and Stripes.

I’m a progressive who hates how Trump has damaged the GOP in particular and democracy in general, but I still fly the American flag on my front porch because I’m so grateful to live in the greatest democracy in the world. I have a Black Lives Matter banner in my front yard, so my neighbors will not mistake me for a Trump supporter.

This Memorial Day American flags were flying proudly in public buildings and private residences in every neighborhood in Lynchburg.

I hope that Trump will be soundly defeated, and that all Americans, and not just Trump sycophants, will once again proudly display the American flag every day, not just on Memorial Day or Independence Day.

Shame on Nikki Haley for Endorsing Trump

Anthony Scaramucci, who for a New York minute served as White House communications director in the Trump Administration, criticized Nikki Haley for saying she would support the former president over President Biden. Her exact words:

“Trump has not been perfect on these policies. I’ve made that clear, many, many times. But Biden has been a catastrophe. So, I will be voting for Trump.”

This wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement, in fact it barely qualifies as an endorsement, but she should have kept her mouth shut and preserved her dignity.

I feel no need to kiss the ring, Haley said in February before suspending her primary campaign; now she’s puckering her lips getting ready to kiss his ass. Now she has implicitly endorsed the sociopath that just a few months ago she described as “too old, too chaotic, too unhinged and too prone to temper tantrums to be president again.”

Haley states that Trump has not been perfect on his policies, but it’s not his policies so much as his criminal indictments hanging over his head, his racist and immoral behavior, and his authoritarian tendencies that renders him unqualified to serve as president.

Scaramucci was one of just a few principled Republicans who criticized Haley’s timid endorsement of Trump. Adam Kinzinger: “Not a surprise, but, pathetic.” Mark Sanderford: “What you have here is somebody obviously wanting to be relevant in 2028.”

It’s Trump, not Biden who’s a catastrophe and Haley’s weak endorsement of Trump isn’t enough for the MAGA cultists, and they will never forgive her for running against their messiah in the first place.

Upside-down Flag at Alito’s Home an Affront to Our Democracy

Letting your freak flag fly high means to do something dramatic to express your support for a group or a cause that’s dear to your heart. For example, a stoner might let his freak flag fly high by installing huge bongs, instead of garden gnomes, in his front yard.

The Supreme Court justices are supposed to interpret the law in a non-partisan, non-ideological and non-religious basis.

But Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is an insurrectionist at heart who makes little effort to conceal his White Christian Nationalist leanings.

An upside-down American flag, a cherished symbol among the MAGA Stop the Steal rioters, was flying outside Alito’s home, just days before Biden’s inauguration. Inverted flags were a common sight in trailer parks in the months after the Biden inauguration, and it’s an affront to our democracy that Alioto disrespected our flag to show common cause with insurrectionists.

The chivalrous Alito threw his wife under the bus blaming her for flying the inverted flag. He claimed that she did so in protest to a neighbor who had Fu** Trump sign on their front yard.

This week, the New York Times reported that the Alitos flew an “Appeal to Heaven” flag (a white flag with a pine tree on it) at their beach house in New Jersey last year. Most Americans don’t know the Appeal to Heaven flag from a McDonald’s flag, but MAGA cultists are familiar with it and some of them brandished said flag while assaulting the Capitol.

Alito should recuse himself from any cases related to the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol, and if he refuses the Chief Justice John Roberts should compel him to recuse himself.

Classified Documents Found in Trump’s Bedroom Months After Mar-a-Lago Raid

Newly released court filings revealed that Donald Trump’s lawyers found classified documents in his bedroom months after the 2022 FBI raid of Mar-a-Lago. Most of the newspaper articles and cable news reported this disclosure as “shocking.”

I hardly find it shocking that Trump believes that he is a above the law, and that he has such disdain for the FBI and the rule of law that he kept classified documents in his bedroom.

I would be shocked if the MAGA messiah kept a Bible on the nightstand next to his bed. Trump is old school and he probably keeps a stained copy of Hustler magazine within easy reach of his creepy little hands.

I would be shocked if Melania was discovered on Trump’s bed, it’s probably been decades since he’s enjoyed carnal relations with this trophy wife. She’d rather be dead than endure the degradation of having her fat ass husband grope her breasts with his disgusting doll hands or have his puny presidential pecker anywhere near her vagina.

I’d be shocked if clean bedsheets were discovered on the former president’s bed. Can you imagine what his bedsheets look like after Trump has been on his bed for just a few moments? The linen would be defiled by his fake orange tan, blond hair dye, and not to mention that the incontinent septuagenarian would leave the sheets smudged with feces and drenched with urine.

I would be surprised if a chess set was found in Trum p’s bedroom, at this point he doesn’t have the cognitive ability to play Tic-Tac-Toe.

More classified document found in Trump’s bedroom? I don’t think anyone is surprised.

Jasmine Crockett Deserves a Nobel Prize for Calling MTG #BleachBlondeBadBuiltButchBody

I’ve been posting essays online since 1998, I’ve written thousands of articles, and I’ve come up with some inventive phrases that are the envy of my fellow bloggers. (or so I imagine)

But Rep. Jasmine Crockett’s eviscerating of Marjorie Taylor Greene (MTG) by dismissing her as “BleachBlondBadBuiltButchBody entails a presence of mind and mastery of the English language that I simply don’t possess. And to think that she came up with this alliterative coup de grace off the cuff, just boggles my mind.

I rarely praise ad hominin attacks but Crockett’s verbal takedown of MTG was richly deserved considering that personal slander is the Georgia congresswoman’s modus operandi. This is not a case of both sides are wrong, MTG was the first to resort to personal attacks by making fun of Crockett’s fake eyelashes. Frankly, it was about time that somebody gave MTG a taste of her own medicine.

#BleachBlondeBadBuiltButchBody was the perfect insult to lob against a profane anti-LGBT legislator, but I need to stress that I intend no disrespect to the many beautiful #BleachBlondGoodBuiltButchBody queer women.

Forevermore whenever MTG opens her mouth we will think: Oh shut up you #BleachBlondeBadBuiltButchBody!

The Debate Between Sleepy Joe and Drowsy Don Will be a Snoozefest

Let’s get ready to rumble! President Joe Biden, 81, and former President Donald Trump, 77, have agreed to a pair of debates. The two ageing pugilists have agreed to a debate on June 27, hosted by CNN, and another on Sept. 10 hosted by ABC.

Don’t expect a Lincoln-Douglas oratory masterclass when these two senile combatants take the stage, it will be more like a clash between Mr. Magoo and Scrooge McDuck.

The debates will feature just the two presidential candidates and the moderators without the rowdy in-person audience that makes even the most boring verbal duel interesting. This will be a disadvantage for Trump because he feeds off the energy of his cultists. The Sleepy Joe vs Drowsy Don debate will be a snoozefest.

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr was not invited to the debate; I guess a conspiracy theorist who had part of his brain eaten by a worm would only serve to make the verbal confrontation between the old geezers more confusing.

The only way this debate will be interesting is if Joe Biden stumbles walking up to the stage or if he can’t find his lectern without assistance. There’s also the strong probability that Trump will enliven the verbal match with a bout of flatulence.

I would caution Biden to be prepared for low blows, there is no telling what the vulgar and vindictive Trump will say to rattle his opponent. And I would caution Trump not to interrupt Biden if he regales the viewing audience with an anecdote about Corn Pop, let Biden be Biden and he will lose the debate.

Trump is Past His Expiration Date

“Michael Cohen testified today that Trump once asked him how long he’d be single if Melania were to leave him and said, ‘How long do you think I’d be on the market for? Not long.’ On the market?

‘Coincidentally, ‘not long’ is how Stormy described it.’ — STEPHEN COLBERT

‘But it’s true — he would be off the market soon. I mean, he is clearly past his expiration date.’ — STEPHEN COLBERT”

The New York Times

Trump is past his expiration date as far as being viable marriage material. The narcissist bragged that if Melania left him over his extramarital affairs, he wouldn’t be in the market for long. Trump isn’t exactly a good catch for a gold-digger, he has mountains of debt, his future residence may be a federal penitentiary, he’s persona non grata in most social circles, and not to mention that he’s butt ugly. Imagine a gold-digger calculating whether it’s worth it to marry a billionaire with a mouth that looks like a sphincter. She’d probably faint the first time he tried to french kiss her.

Trump is also past his expiration date when it comes to his physical condition. Like a sirloin steak that’s past its expiration and has been dyed to make it appear fresh, the septuagenarian with the dyed blond wispy hair and the orange complexion reeks to high heaven. Is it any surprise that lawyers, journalists, court reporters and other court officials have complained that he smells, and not just when he’s farting. Trump is physically deteriorating, witness his double chin, his balding pate, and unsteady gate.

Needless to say, Trump’s brain is past its expiration date. The buffoon can’t complete a sentence, let alone a speech. He doesn’t make sense regardless how much weed you smoke or alcohol you drink.

Trump is past his expiration date when it comes to his neo-Nazi, authoritarian ideology. His fascist rhetoric may have been all the rage in Germany in the 30’s and early 40’s, but it’s past its expiration date in 21st century America. His far-right Nationalist ideology may resonate with his evangelical base, but they are a minority in our secular democracy.

Trump is past his expiration when it comes to being a viable presidential candidate, it’s time for voters to kick him to the curb.

Trump Praises Hannibal Lecter as a ‘Wonderful Man’

“Silence of the Lambs. Has anyone ever seen The Silence of the Lambs? The late, great Hannibal Lecter is a wonderful man. He oftentimes would have a friend for dinner. Remember the last scene? Excuse me. I’m about to have a friend for dinner, as this poor doctor walked by. ‘I’m about to have a friend for dinner.’ But Hannibal Lecter. Congratulations. The late, great Hannibal Lecter.”

Remark delivered by Donald Trump to a huge MAGA rally in New Jersey

When presidential candidates have the honor and privilege of speaking before an audience of 100,000 people they don’t waste the opportunity, they wax eloquent on crucial issues like climate change, the Russian invasion of Ukraine or the Gaza genocide.

The Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump delivered his usual stump speech to the huge crowd in Willwood, N.J, rambling on about personal grievances, 2020 stolen election lies, and other assorted lunacies.

In his MAGA rallies Trump often showers dictators like Putin with praise, but this time he praised a fictional cannibal serial killer. It could be that Trump’s dementia has deteriorated to the point where he thinks Hannibal Lecter is a real person. The senile sociopath sent love letters to Kim Jong Un; I wonder if he has sent love letters to his cannibal pen pal?

Trump praised the fictional serial killer “as a wonderful man” before segueing into comments disparaging and demonizing undocumented workers. The racist sees little difference between migrants and cannibals.

It’s incredible to witness a former president and current presidential candidate utter such nonsense, but it’s even more incredible that this lunatic will probably win.

I’d rather have dinner with Hannibal Lecter, we me as the main dish, than see Trump return to power.

What People Remember the Most About Trump’s Administration is His Execrable Behavior

“Two of the biggest U.S. news events in decades, the Covid pandemic and the Jan. 6 storming of the Capitol, are seldom the first thing on people’s minds when it comes to their memories of the Trump administration, for example, according to an April Times/Siena survey of registered voters nationwide.

When asked to describe the one thing they remembered most from Donald J. Trump’s presidency, only 5 percent of respondents referred to Jan. 6, and only 4 percent to Covid.”

The New York Times

The COVID pandemic was a catastrophe that decimated our economy, shuttered our churches, schools and entertainment venues, infected most Americans and killed over one million of us.

Trump’s response to this tragedy was ineffectual from the beginning when he tried to dismiss the pandemic as no different from the flu. He disregarded the advice of the CDC and his own health officials, promoted quack cures like bleach and ivermectin, and generally tried to downplay the crisis for political expediency.

Post pandemic thanks to the efficacy of vaccines and the implementation of social mitigation measures COVID is now a seasonal virus like the flu, and most Americans seem to have forgotten Trump’s abysmal response to the pandemic.

The January 6 Insurrection was a failed coup and an existential threat to our democracy, and former president Donald Trump was the instigator and enabler of the insurrectionists who stormed the Capitol.

The insurrectionists are languishing in jails in D.C. and most Americans have forgotten that Trump was the chief insurrectionist.

Historians will devote volumes to Trump’s mishandling of the COVID threat and to his attempt to undermine our democracy, but according to the Times poll what most Americans remember about the Trump administration are the economy and his behavior.

It’s about the economy stupid, and Trump’s behavior is execrable, but as the 2024 general election quickly approaches, we mustn’t forget Trump’s botched response to COVID or his contempt for our democracy.

America managed to survive Trump’s administration, but if he regains power, it may mean the end to our democracy.

Mad Respect for Stormy Daniels for Surviving her Tryst with the King of Smelly Farts, Trump

Porn star Stormy Daniels took the witness stand on Tuesday at Donald Trump’s hush-money criminal trial and described in lurid detail her 2006 one-night-stand with the disgraced former president.

For the first time in over a decade the adult film actor, who exuded confidence and honesty, met face-to-face with the pathological liar who is seeking one again to become president in spite of the 91 indictments hanging over his head.

I read the transcript of Daniel’s testimony, and I won’t subject you to a retelling of this sordid sexual encounter; I don’t want to be liable for your therapy bills.

I will focus only on the episode when the narcissist Trump showed her a magazine featuring himself on the cover, leading Stormy to remark: “Someone should spank you with that.” Per the porn star, “He gave me the look that dared me to do it, so I swatted him with it right on the butt.”

Sometimes porn actors are forced to perform humiliating and degrading acts, but even perverse acts like bestiality are not as soul-killing as spanking an incontinent old man who is susceptible to out-of-control farting.

if you spank Trump at best, it will provoke a fart and at worst the smack might unleash a torrent of diarrhea. I have nothing but respect and sympathy for Stormy for having survived her tryst with the deviant with a mushroom-shaped puny pecker and the big old farting butt.

‘Von ShitzinPants’ Perfect Nickname for Donald Trump

Michael Cohen’s, Donald Trump’s former lawyer-cum fixer, scatological nickname for his ex-boss broke the internet and shattered the spirts of the former president when social media posts in which he called him “Von ShitzinPants” were read aloud during a contempt of court hearing.

The social media posts were read aloud by Trump’s own lawyer, Todd Blanche. He was trying to argue that it was unfair for a gag order to prevent Trump from talking smack about witnesses when they could say anything about him.

Trump christens his political opponents with silly monikers that amuse elementary schoolyard bullies, simpletons, and MAGA cultists.

It was extremely satisfying to witness the pompous fool get a taste of his own medicine, and to hear his own lawyer say Von ShitzinPants was the cherry on the cake.

Von ShitzinPants is the perfect nickname for Trump, considering he has a penchant for farting in the courtroom. It’s also common knowledge that the incontinent septuagenarian wears diapers.

When Trump isn’t shitting in his pants, verbal diarrhea is streaming from his sphincter-shaped mouth.

I died laughing when I read about this courtroom drama; Trump couldn’t say or do shit when he heard himself being referred to as Von ShitzinPants.

Like the Biblical Samson Trump Will Have an Epic Downfall

The Biblical Samson was a political leader, a judge who ruled Israel before the institution of the monarchy.

Samson’s luxurious long hair was his pride and joy and the source of his power allowing him to perform superhuman feats including slaying a lion with his bare hands and massacring a Philistine army with a donkey’s jawbone.

His enemies knew that if they somehow managed to cut his long hair, it would violate his Nazirite vow and nullify his superhuman powers. Therefore, his archenemy the Philistines dispatched his lover Delilah to cut his hair while he was sleeping, and the enfeebled Samson was captured by the Philistines, who gouged out his eyes and forced him to mill grain at Gaza City.

Donald Trump is a former president, who dreams of being a king, he was president while America was still a democracy, but if he regains power, he will turn our democracy not into a monarchy, but a White National Christian theocracy.

Trump lacks Samson’s luxurious locks of hair, his wispy hair resembles cotton candy that’s been soaked in urine. Nevertheless, the narcissist is proud of his coiffure; at a MAGA rally, the orange baboon bragged about his hair:

 “You know I have this gorgeous head of hair — when I take a shower, I want water to pour down on me. When you go into these new homes with showers, the water drips down slowly, slowly.”

The deviant probably fantasizes about Russians hookers pissing on his hair, the urine dripping down to his mushroom-shaped micro penis.

White evangelicals worship Trump as God’s anointed strong man, they are persuaded that he is God’s man of the hour, and they believe every lie and absurdity that emanates from his sphincter-shaped mouth as the Gospel truth.

Samson was brought down and defeated by his dalliance with Delilah, a prostitute. Trump has engaged in many trysts with porn stars, Playboy bunnies and other women of dubious moral virtue, but it hasn’t affected his good standing with evangelicals. However, if Trump is convicted in his hush-money trial it may convince enough mainstream Republicans and Independents to vote for Biden and cost him the election.