British Supermarket Chain B&M Seeks ‘Chicken Nugget Connoisseur’

“B&M, one of Britain`s largest variety store chains, announced on its website that it is seeking a chicken nugget connoisseur to taste-taste the chicken nuggets for its new line of store-brand frozen and fresh foods.

The posting lists `relevant experience` for applicants, including:
*Getting the 20 share box of nuggets from McDonalds and keeping them all for yourself.

*You can conduct a power point presentation on the reasoning behind curly fries being nicer than chips”

UPI

I`m a fast food junkie, but I do have standards, and I draw the line at chicken nuggets. This fast food staple looks and tastes like deep-fried sawdust. A chicken nugget is more foul than fowl, and chicken is probably way down in the list of ingredients.

I`m not qualified to be a chicken nugget connoisseur; I once made the mistake of ordering a box of 20 McDonald`s chicken nuggets and my pooch ended up eating 19 of them.

The “winning applicant” will be issued monthly $35 vouchers to spend on B&M`s line of frozen foods, and is required to share his feedback with the store chain.

Applicants must submit an essay explaining why they are deserving of the opportunity. I`m a writer, that`s what I do, but I`d rather write an essay explaining why I deserve the opportunity to participate in a study examining the dangers of consuming lead.

Sorry, B&M, but I think you know what you can do with your chicken nuggets.

Read More: https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/01/18/Chain-store-posts-job-for-chicken-nugget-taste-tester/7411516283970/

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Happy Birthday Betty White! America Loves You!

Whenever I see Betty White trending on Twitter my finger trembles as I click the link to find out why America`s sweetheart is trending. Whenever the nonagenarian icon is trending on social media, I fear it`s because the angels took her home.

Such was the case this morning when I see the screen and TV legend trending on Twitter; I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I found out that she`s in the news because she`s 96 years old today.

Those of you who`ve been reading my column for years are well aware of my cynical nature, and you might be surprised to learn that Betty White is my favorite celebrity, and not a hot mess like Miley Cyrus or a wise ass like Bill Maher.

Betty has the sweet face of a grandma who welcomes family and strangers to her home with a cookie and warm glass of milk, but who tells naughty jokes with a twinkle in her eye.

Betty has been warming our hearts for decades, from “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” to “Golden Girls” to “Hot in Cleveland,” while making us wet our drawers with her sarcastic humor.

A reporter recently asked Betty what the secret to her longevity was, and she answered: Vodka and hot dogs.

Here`s hoping that Betty downs at least four glasses of vodka every day along with a dozen hot dogs, because we want her to live 96 more years.

Happy Birthday Betty White! America Loves You!

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Rev. Maurice Watson Denounces Trump’s Racist Comments with Red-faced Mike Pence in Pews

“A Maryland pastor on Sunday denounced President Trumps s—hole countries comment before God, his congregation and Vice President Pence.

Worshipers at the Metropolitan Baptist Church in Largo, Md., said the vice president grew visibly red-faced as the Rev. Maurice Watson called Trump out for his vulgar comments last week about Haiti and several African nations.

`I stand today as your pastor to vehemently denounce and reject any such characterizations of the nations of Africa and of our brothers and sisters in Haiti,` Watson told his congregation as Pence looked on.

`And I further say: Whoever made such a statement, whoever used such a visceral, disrespectful, dehumanizing adjective to characterize the nations of Africa, whoever said it, is wrong. And they ought to be held accountable.`”

New York Daily News

Sometimes a Christian pastor is required to minister to the least among us with the compassion and humility of Jesus Christ, and sometimes he`s called upon to speak truth to power with the vehemence and thunder of an Old Testament prophet.

If Vice President wanted to bask in the praise of like-minded evangelicals in the aftermath of Donald Trump`s blatantly racist shithole comment, he should have visited a white evangelical church.

White evangelical churches have a long history of not just tolerating racism, but practicing racism, and a racist charlatan like Trump is as welcome as a snake oil televangelist.

Mike Pence made the mistake of attending a black evangelical church shortly after his boss uttered his toxic comments, and the pastor was duty-bound to vehemently denounce the president`s racist rhetoric.

Pence`s huge Bible was no shield for the minister`s words of condemnation, and his face was red with fury and humiliation.

Sunday night Pence probably commensurated with Trump`s evangelical advisory council in a presidential circle jerk.

If only the Rev. Maurice Watson was granted an audience with Trump!

Read More:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/pastor-denounces-trump-s-thole-comments-pence-pews-article-1.3758143

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Donald Trump and Melania Trump Are an Affront to the Memory of Martin Luther King Jr.

Legislation was signed in 1983 creating a federal holiday marking the birthday of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Taking place each year on the third Monday in January, the MLK Day of Service is observed as a national day of service in honor of the tireless crusader for peace and justice.

Unfortunately, very few people who aren`t federal employees actually get the day off, but we should still honor the memory of MLK by serving others after we get off from work.

Donald Trump, the President of the United States, didn`t set an example for the people that he serves by helping build a house for Habitat for Humanity or by serving meals in a food kitchen, he was too busy playing golf with his millionaire pals.

Melania Trump on Monday sent out a tweet acknowledging Martin Luther King Jr.`s lifetime of service, but nobody was buying it.

Today we honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. & his service to this great country. I am honored to be First Lady of a nation that continually strives for equality & justice for all. #MLKDay

The nation may strive to create a more perfect union, but her husband`s racist rhetoric and policies are setting back our democracy decades.

If Melania really wanted to honor the memory of MLK she would poison her hubby`s covfefe.

I`d better forget the execrable Trumps if only for this holiday, so I will be in the proper state of mind to celebrate the birth of Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Donald Trump Must be Removed From Office by Any Means Necessary

In the future we will have to explain to our grandchildren just how exhausted and debilitated we were after surviving the interminable first year of Donald Trump`s presidency.

In his inaugural address Trump lamented “American carnage,” his words had a prophetic quality because he has bulldozed and trampled over our democratic institutions of the free press, independent judiciary and bipartisanship leadership. Any sober-minded patriot who considers the state of the Union will see carnage everywhere. Trump didn`t end American carnage as he promised in his inaugural speech, he exhilarated the decline of all of our democratic institutions.

After a year of living under the Trump regime I am simply exhausted, Trump is like a category five hurricane that never runs of of steam because it`s powered by Satan`s infernal farts. It is impossible to ignore Trump without becoming a recluse and unplugging the TV and radio, and going offline. The only solution is to remove Trump from office BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

Trump will never pivot, he will never become presidential, and he will never reach rock bottom. His mind is a bottomless shithole of racism, vulgarity and paranoia. As a political writer for a local newspaper and a blogger I am perhaps more exhausted than most of my fellow Americans, because it`s my job to chronicle Trump`s racism and sheer insanity.

But we must not grow weary in well-doing, we must continue our fight against our shithole president and his shithole Republican enablers until he`s removed from office, and I emphasize BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

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Study: Dog Owners Would Rather Be With Pets Than Friends

“More than half of American dog owners admit they flake out on social events to hang out with their pet, according to new research.

The study of 2,000 dog owners found skipping out on human commitments specifically to get a bit of quality furry friend time is a common occurrence.

That bond is understandable given the way they aid our mental health – from their ability to lessen relationship stress to softening bad days at work and more, the average dog gets their owner through five (4.83) stressful events every week.

In fact, six in ten survey-takers said their dog often takes care of them in some way, shape or form, reinforcing the important two-way relationship between dogs and humans.”

Fox 10

I`m not surprised by the results of this study, I`d rather hang out with my pooch, Mandy, than engage in any social interaction with a friend, colleague or family member.

Of course I would rather spend quality time with my loyal and faithful canine companion than attend a social event where rats are scheming to climb the social ladder or flirting to find a rutting partner for the night.

Even innocuous small talk with a friend or coworker is like navigating a minefield, whereas walking or playing with Mandy is an oasis of peace and relaxation in a chaotic world.

Don`t feel guilty if you flaked out on attending a baby shower or a friend`s birthday party to hang out with your dog. That adorable baby will probably grow up to be an ungrateful spoiled brat, and your friend is probably bonking your girlfriend, whereas your pooch will remain faithful and loyal for the rest of his life.

Read More:

http://www.fox10phoenix.com/health/dog-owners-would-rather-be-with-pets-than-friends-study-suggests

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Merriam-Webster Rebukes Shithole President Donald Trump

It should come as no surprise that the Merriam-Webster Twitter account is on a mission from God to correct the word usage and typos of the most ignorant and intellectually-challenged American president in history.

Ten times Merriam-Webster has majorly trolled Donald Trump:

https://moneyish.com/ish/10-times-merriam-webster-has-majorly-trolled-donald-trump/

On the same day that the Washington Post reported that Trump called Haiti, El Salvador, and various African countries “shithole countries” while discussing immigration policy, Merriam Webster announced that their word of the day was “reprehensible.”

An almost perfect rebuke of our racist president, it would have been perfect if Merriam-Webster included an image of Trump under “reprehensible.”

Merriam-Webster defines “reprehensible” as worthy of or deserving reprehension, blame, or censure.

Throughout the presidential campaign and during his first year in office Trump has uttered blatantly racist remarks against Mexican immigrants, Mexican Americans, African Americans, Muslims and Haitians, to the extent that it renders him unfit for office.

And as we have seen with the issue of immigration Trump`s racist mindset influences policy. Trump wants to limit immigration from African, Muslim and Latin American countries.

There are a dozen reasons why Trump should be impeached, not the least of which is his bigotry and racism. Unfortunately, the shithole president won`t be impeached until the Democrats take control of Congress in the mid-term elections.

But in the meantime Congress should censure Donald Trump for his shithole remarks. Censure is the most extreme reprimand, short of impeachment, that Congress can take against the president.

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Shithole President Makes Shithole Racist Statement

During a meeting with a bipartisan group of senators at the White House discussing immigration in general, and DACA in particular, President Donald Trump referred to El Salvador, Haiti and the entire continent of Africa as “shithole countries.” Trump followed that pearl of wisdom by suggesting that he`d rather see immigrants from countries like Norway.

Republican Sens. Tom Cotton, David Perdue and Lindsey Graham, Senate Minority Whip Dick Durbin and Republican Reps. Bob Goodlatte, Kevin McCarthy and Mario Diaz-Balart were at the meeting.

Oh to be a fly on the wall! How did these illustrious politicians react when Trump made those obscene and blatantly racist statements? I would have immediately called out the president for his inflammatory and bigoted remarks. Unless someone surreptitiously recorded the meeting we may never know, but we do know that not one of these statesmen has publicly repudiated Trump since the infamous meeting.

The silence has been deafening from the likes of Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell; are they banking on the notion that America has become inured to the fact that out shithole president is a racist?

We must never accept the fact that Trump is a racist, we most condemn him every time he makes a racist comment. Trump`s racist remarks lead to racist policies which leads to violence against people of color.

Politicians must follow the example of Rep. Mia Love, a Utah Republican whose parents came to America from Haiti who issued the following statement:

This behavior is unacceptable from the leader of our nation. The President must apologize to both the American people and the nations he so wantonly maligned.

My parents came from the shithole countries of Mexico and Venezuela, and they instilled in me a strong work ethic, a desire to educate myself, and a passion to speak out against racism. As a columnist for a local print publication, and as a blogger I will condemn Trump every time he utters a racist comment.

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Time Cover Depicts Donald Trump’s Urine-Colored Hair on Fire

“Time magazine on its latest cover shows President Trump`s hair on fire to depict his first year in office.

The cover, which was designed by artist Edel Rodriguez, depicts the president screaming with his yellow hair on fire. The caption reads: “Year One.”

Rodriguez said the flames in Trump`s hair is a reference to author Michael Wolff`s new book, “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House.”

The Hill

Donald Trump is such a narcissist that he salivates whenever he makes the cover of a major magazine, especially Time Magazine. Trump often brags about how many times he`s appeared on the cover of Time, and until recently he even had a fake cover of Time depicting him displayed in several of his resorts.

But I don`t think the dotard will be displaying the latest cover of Time featuring him in the Oval Office. It depicts the president screaming with his urine-colored hair on fire. The image doesn`t show him below his belt, but if it did his pants would be on fire, since he`s the greatest liar ever to reside in the White House.

I find it especially delicious that the artist is a Cuban American; I can imagine Trump tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep because a Latino has so thoroughly captured his essence.

The talented artist in 2016 depicted then-candidate Trump in “Meltdown” and “Total Meltdown” on Time covers. I eagerly anticipate one final Edel Rodgriquez Trump Time cover: The caption will be “Impeached” and the image will ashes floating in the breeze.

Pic of Time Cover:

http://thehill.com/homenews/media/368468-time-magazine-cover-depicts-trumps-hair-on-fire-to-sum-up-his-first-year

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Hero Confronts and Slaps Filthy Swine Harvey Weinstein at a Restuarant! Video!

“According to TMZ, the confrontation happened in Elements restaurant at the Sanctuary on Camelback Mountain Resort & Spa in Paradise Valley.

TMZ reported that the producer, who is said to be undergoing rehab through the exclusive Meadows center in Wickenburg, was eating dinner with his `sober coach` at about 9 p.m. when a man at an adjacent table asked to take a photo with him. Weinstein declined.

When Weinstein and the coach got up to leave, the other diner told his friend to start filming what was about to occur, TMZ reported.

The video shows the man walking up to Weinstein and saying, `You`re such a piece of s— for what you did to these women,` and slapping him in the face twice. Weinstein, who was caught off-guard, is seen caught off-guard.”

USA Today

For decades Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein used his political power and intimidating size to his advantage, sexually assaulting aspiring actresses and models.

In a perfect world this pig would be facing numerous indictments, and he would be too ashamed to show his face in public.

This monster has the unmitigated gall to dine in an exclusive restaurant with his “sober coach.” Are you kidding me, this human excrement should be eating a bologna sandwich in jail under the supervision of a correctional officer.

A civic-minded citizen walked up to Weinstein, and blasted him, saying: You`re such a piece of shi* for what you did to these women. The hero than slapped him on the face, not once, but twice.

This fat pig should be reprimanded every time he has the audacity to appear in public. He will likely get away with the dozens of times that he sexually harassed and assaulted women, it`s up to us to show this filthy swine that he`s not welcome in polite society.

Read More:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2018/01/10/harvey-weinstein-slapped-arizona-restaurant/1021828001/

Donald Trump’s ‘Executive Time’ Should be Extended to 12 Hours a Day

“President Donald Trump`s work days reportedly begin as late as 11 a.m., end by 6 p.m., and often contain hours of executive time.

Trump`s private schedule, which was obtained by Axios, showed `executive time` listed from 8 a.m. until 11 a.m., when he was `in his residence, watching TV, making phone calls and tweeting.` He also had `executive time` periods scheduled throughout each day.”

Huffington Post

Like most septuagenarians Donald Trump doesn`t get much more than four of sleep a night, and like most septuagenarians he doesn`t make the most out of his waking hours. When you get that old and decrepit you consider it a productive day if you manage to put on your adult diapers without any assistance.

Most of us endure a long commute before reaching the office, but all Trump has to do is walk down the stairs to the Oval Office. Nevertheless, Trump needs three hours of executive time before his official workday begins.

In Trump`s case executive time is a synonym for farting around: He watches cable news channels, calls his billionaire pals, and tweets his fool head off. If an average hard-working stiff indulged in more than five minutes of executive time at work he`d get canned.

But don`t get me wrong, I`m not complaining, in fact I would be delighted if Trump`s executive time was extended to 12 hours per day. Trump`s administration doesn`t need their Fearless Leader`s bumbling interference, they would get a lot more accomplished if the stable genius spent all of his day in his bed, tweeting and snacking on cheese balls.

Read More:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-executive-time_us_5a54812fe4b003133ecbb064

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Stable Genius Donald Trump is a Consequential and Consensual President

“US President Donald Trump has deleted a Tweet citing his consensual presidency after the typo was caught by the Twittersphere.

Trump initially misquoted conservative columnist Michael Goodwin with two tweets citing Goodwin as saying:

`His is turning out to be an enormously consensual presidency. So much so that … there has never been a day that I wished Hillary Clinton were President. Not one. Indeed, as Trump`s accomplishments accumulate, the mere thought of Clinton in the W.H., doubling down on Obama`s … failed policies, washes away any doubts that America made the right choice. This was truly a change election, and the changes Trump is bringing are far-reaching and necessary.` Thank you Michael Goodwin! (Please read entire column) mgoodwin@nypost.com”

On his second attempt, the President replaced `consensual` with Goodwin`s actual adjective – `consequential` — and included the columnist`s reference to Trump`s missteps.”

CNN

Michael Goodwin is spot on, Donald Trump is a consequential president, only not in the sense of an Abraham Lincoln who emancipated the slaves and saved our union, or a Franklin Roosevelt whose New Deal saved us from the Great Depression and whose decisive leadership helped defeat the Nazis in World War II.

Trump is a consequential president in the sense that his tweets mocking and provoking an unstable dictator of a nuclear county may trigger World War III. Trump`s irrational behavior may or may not destroy civilization, but his ineffectual leadership and autocratic behavior has already done irreparable harm to our democracy.

Donald Trump was also spot on when he misquoted Goodwin as saying that he was a “consensual” president. The self-described “stable genius” is a fuc*ing moron who should have been impeached already.

Trump remains in power only because the Republicans have made a Faustian bargain, they turn a blind eye to his corruption, stupidity and plain evil nature, in return for getting conservative justices on the Supreme Court and conservative judges on circuit and appeals courts. And not to mention a Tax Scam that hurts the disenfranchised and enriches the one percent.

Congressional Republicans and the Republicans in Trump`s administration are consenting to all the tomfoolery and racism emanating from the White House.

It`s incumbent upon the electorate to vote Democratic in the mid-term elections so Congress can get serious about impeaching and removing Trump from power.

Read More:

http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/08/politics/trump-consensual-twitter-typo/index.html

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Mike Pence Missing From Michael Wolff’s Book

In Michael Wolff`s tell-all book on the Trump administration, all of the president`s close advisers, including his sons and daughter, are quoted ridiculing and criticizing him. Ivanka is even quoted mocking his pride and joy, his comb over from hell.

Everybody from the chief of staff to the butler calls Trump a variation of moron. Trump blew his top when it was reported a few months ago that his Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called him a “fucking moron,” you can imagine how he feels now that it`s been revealed that all of his aides think he`s an idiot.

In the internecine warfare that is the trademark of the Trump administration, there is only one thing that everybody agrees on: Trump is a fucking moron.

However, there is one principal figure that`s missing from the salacious gossip that permeates Wolff`s expose: Vice President Mike Pence.

Pence`s main function in Trump`s White House is to look endearingly at the president, especially when the cameras are rolling. While all of Trump`s aides were spilling their guts eviscerating their Dear Leader, Pence was staring at Trump`s portrait with awe and admiration.

When Pence does speak, nothing but obsequious praise for his boss flows from his lips. Pence may develop an ulcer from biting his tongue and keeping a low profile, but he`s just biding his time until Trump is impeached and removed from office.

We may deride Pence as a sycophantic weasel, but he may have the last smile.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Twitter Has No Intentions of Banning Donald Trump

“Some Twitter users have called, repeatedly, for the social network to block President Trump’s account — but a new statement from Twitter essentially says that is not going to happen.

Twitter has previously responded to complaints about Trump’s account by saying that certain users’ tweets have a “newsworthiness” value that makes it important to stay online and inform the network’s global conversation. Its Friday statement expanded on that idea, though this latest explanation did not mention Trump by name.

“Elected world leaders play a critical role in that conversation because of their outsized impact on our society,” the post said. “Blocking a world leader from Twitter or removing their controversial tweets would hide important information people should be able to see and debate. It would also not silence that leader, but it would certainly hamper necessary discussion around their words and actions.”

Washington Post

There is no question that President Donald Trump’s tweets violate Twitter’s terms of service, and if he was a retired trucker firing off toxic tweets from his trailer home, instead of the Leader of the Free World he would have been permanently banned from the social media behemoth.

Every time Trump posts under vulgar and nasty tweet, especially one that might trigger a dictator to fire the first salvo of World War III, it’s tempting to demand that Twitter to block Trump’s account.

But Trump’s tweets are inherently newsworthy, not because they are pearls of wisdom, but by virtue of the fact that he’s the president of the United States.

It may not be a pleasant experience to read Trump’s stream of consciousness flatulence, but it gives us a window into his demented and devious mind.

Twitter has no intentions of blocking their most famous subscriber, they issued the flowing statement:

Blocking a world leader from Twitter or removing their controversial Tweets would hide important information people should be able to see and debate. It would also not silence that leader, but it would certainly hamper necessary discussion around their words and actions. 

We shouldn’t expend our energy attempting to convince social media giants to block Trump, we should be exercising every fire of our being attempting to impeach him.

Read More:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-switch/wp/2018/01/05/twitter-explains-why-it-wont-block-world-leaders-without-naming-trump/?utm_term=.98354c3d17a3

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump ‘Pictured Xi Jinping as a Woman’ to Help Pronounce His Name Before 2017 Summit

Michael Wolff’s expose of the Trump administration includes many explosive revelations, including Steve Bannon’s description of the Trump Tower meeting between Donald Trump Jr and a group of Russians during the 2016 election campaign as treasonous and unpatriotic.

Everything about this book speaks to the incompetency of the Trump administration, in the first place why would Trump and his aides grant a reporter with a reputation for doing hatchet jobs on the rich and famous unfettered access to the White House? That’s like hiring a convicted embezzler as a loan office at a bank, or a convicted pedophile as a kindergarten teacher.

Trump’s reaction to the book couldn’t have been more unpresidential and incompetent, the president’s lawyer sent a letter to the author and publisher demanding that they “cease and desist” from publishing the expose. Thereby ensuring that “Fire and Fury” will become the best-selling book of the year, who won’t want to read a book that the president wants to ban?

Trump’s legal action also exposes him as a thin-skinned narcissist, and as an autocrat who will go to extreme means to stifle dissent and criticism.

There are hundreds of essays being written dissecting the most explosive quotations from “Fire and Fury”, I want to highlight this nugget concerning Trump’s penchant for mispronouncing words.

Trump was prone to pronouncing China leader’s name Xi Jinping as “X-I”, the correct pronunciation is “shee.” Wolff reports that to avoid an embarrassing gaffe Trump’s aides advised him to think of the Chinese leader as a female and call him “she.” That could have easily backfired, the demented Trump could have thought that the Chinese dictator was really a woman, and he could have treated him like he treats most women, an groped his butt.

In hindsight we should all be relieved that Trump didn’t call Jinping “Mr. Pingpong” or “President Chink.”

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Louis the Horse-riding Cat Breaks the Internet! Video!

“Now there’s something you don’t see every day. It’s a cat, riding a horse. Louis the cat and Comet the pony both belong to a professional horse-trainer. They’re good buddies, and often enjoy going on rides in the English countryside. The odd couple sure looks like they’re having fun. After all, what’s better than spending quality time with a friend?”

YouTube Description

There are a gazillion and one videos on YouTube depicting cats doing just about everything under the sun, but this may be the only video depicting a feline riding a horse.

Louis the cat isn’t a side-saddle riding sissy, he is an accomplished equestrian. Perhaps Judge Roy Moore the well known pedophile and amateur horseman can take pointers from Louis on how to properly ride a horse.

It’s surprising that there aren’t more horse-riding cats considering that felines gravitate toward higher perches. My cat Ebony likes to jump on top of my highest bookcase so she can properly survey her domain.

With all the tomfoolery and insanity emanating from the White House, I thought my readers might enjoy this adorable diversion:

 

Fire Breaks Out at Bill and Hillary Clinton’s Chappaqua House

“Police in New Castle, New York, have confirmed a fire at the home of Bill and Hillary Clinton in Chappaqua, a town north of New York City.

Police declined to give further details on the fire at 15 Old House Lane where the Clintons have lived for nearly 20 years after buying it for $1.7 million in 1999.

Scanner reports said it was a bedroom fire and has been extinguished.

The house, built in 1889, features five bedrooms over 5,232 square feet and a pool on its 1.1 acres.”

USA Today

I am not going to hypocritically claim that I`m glad Bill and Hillary Clinton weren`t home at the time. I wish to God that Hillary had been home trying out new pantsuits, and that the fat heifer was engulfed in flames before she could run out the front door. I would be delighted with any scenario that precludes the witch from ever running for office again.

According to USA Today the fire started in a bedroom, leading some who are unfamiliar with Bill and Hillary`s marriage to conclude that things got so steamy between the amorous couple that they set the damn house on fire.

Truth be told theirs is a marriage of political convenience, Slick Willy is a philanderer and Hillary is a straight-up lesbian, I seriously doubt if they have ever enjoyed conjugal bliss.

The Clintons have lived in Chappaqua for a couple of decades, but they have probably been together in their home only a handful of times. The Clintons own several properties, and they`re not going to be under the same roof if they can help it.

2018 almost started off in a terrific manner, but sad to say Bill and Hillary Clinton are alive and well.

Read More:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/01/03/fire-reported-bill-and-hillary-clintons-new-york-house/1001184001/

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What Will Pedophile Judge Roy Moore Do With the Rest of His Life?

After losing his Senate bid in the most Republican state in the country to a Democrat, what is Judge Roy Moore, 71, going to do until the Grim Reaper drags him away to hell?

Well we know what he will probably be doing on Sundays: Teaching Sunday School to prepubescent girls. While normal parents would never let the pedophile get within 50 yards of their daughters, the Bible-thumping parents of Alabama will be fighting each other to enroll their daughters in the limited seats available for Moore`s class.

But what will the child molester do on weekdays?

He could make a killing in his Woody cowboy outfit, and brandishing his tiny pistol at gay parties, gays really go for that campy shi*. I know the judge is virulently anti-gay, but methinks he might enjoy the attention of gay gentlemen. Too many anti-gay Republican politicians have turned out to be closeted gays.

Moore may be anathema in polite society, but evangelicals still have a hard-on for him, and he can always find employment in the evangelical world.

Moore could be employed as a carnival barker at the Ark Encounter, a fundamentalist theme park whose centerpiece is a full-scale model of Noah`s Ark.

Moore is a horse`s ass, but he sure ain`t a horseman. He could work as a rodeo clown, the country hicks would get a kick out of watching Moore attempt to ride his horse Sassy.

He could form a country Gospel trio with his wife Kayla and his horse Sassy. The horse`s braying would hopefully drown out Moore and his spouse, and who wouldn`t enjoy the spectacle?

I promise this will be my final Roy Moore article, I just couldn`t resist making fun of the pedophile one more time.

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A TED Talk That Matters: Why Do Cats Act So Weird?: Video

TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) is an organization which posts talks online for free distribution, under the slogan `ideas worth spreading.`

Most of the TED talks deal with science and technology: Simulation theory, quantum mechanics, artificial intelligence …

If you`re an egghead with a doctorate in String theory TED talks are right up your alley.

But finally there`s a TED video for common folks, and it`s on a subject that everybody can relate to: Cats!

This 2016 video from TEDEd doesn`t feature a boring scientist speaking from a podium, it`s a cutesy animation narrated by distinguished cat expert Dr. Tony Buffington.

This video answers the questions that have perplexed cat lovers since time immemorial:

Why do cats seek higher ground?

Why do they sharpen their claws on your furniture?

Why do they purr?

Why do they love boxes?

Cat lovers might tend to dismiss a ponderous professor, but the adorable animation keeps our interest, and I recommend this video for all cat lovers, regardless if they`re into String theory or just like teasing their cats with a string.

Robert Paul Reyes’ New Year’s Resolutions

Every year like clockwork at this time of the year I post my Top Ten New Year`s Resolutions. But I`ve never published an update on how many of the resolutions I managed to keep.

My yearly Top Ten lists are a testament to my abject failure to keep my commitments, it`s always a case of the “spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Maybe I should channel a beauty pageant contestant and simply declare that my only resolution is to strive for world peace. But my regular readers know that I`m a cynical old bastard, and I would lose what little credibility I have.

A more rational course is simply to end the practice of posting my Top Ten New Year`s Resolutions. I really don`t need another reminder that I`m a weak human being whose dreams and aspirations are bigger than my ability to make them come to fruition.

I could post a list of the Top Ten Accomplishments of 2017:

I managed not to accumulate any debt this year, as the year comes to a close my only bills are my monthly utility bills.

I haven`t made any enemies this year (that I`m aware of). I may have legions of online enemies who hate me because of my sometimes controversial essays, but in real life I haven`t pissed somebody off to the extent that they consider me an enemy.

Make that my Top Two Accomplishments of 2017.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year. If you don`t have much to celebrate this year, do like everyone else, and manufacture some faux joy by getting sloppy drunk.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

The Internet is Real Life! Humankind is Destined to be Replaced by Artificial Intelligence!

It seems like only a few years ago the Internet was a harmless realm of entertainment and diversion from the trials and tribulations of real life.

It was a smorgasbord of porn, everything from softcore porn featuring lipstick lesbians pummeling each other with pillows to hardcore smut that wouldn`t be out of place in an adult book store in Times Square circa 1970.

It was a soapbox for citizen journalists to publish their editorials to a worldwide audience, a force of democratization that democracies as well as totalitarian countries perceived as a threat.

It was a platform for UFO wingnuts to post their out-of-focus videos on YouTube, spreading their galactic Gospel to the four corners of the world.

It was an outlet for maligned and ridiculed cat ladies to infect everyone with their love for their furry significant others, indeed it`s felines not porn or flying saucers that have broken the Internet.

The Internet is still all of these things, but today there`s less whimsy and more worry. Today we wake up to the tweets of a president who has weaponized social media to the detriment of the Internet and our democracy.

Bullies who once terrorized a playground can now wreak havoc on the virtual world, a child can no longer be free of a coward`s taunts when he`s home, the bully`s taunts can follow him home on Facebook and Twitter.

in the early days of the Internet the biggest threat we faced from hackers was annoying adware, now they can siphon our bank accounts in a nano-second.

The Internet is no longer a distraction from real life, it is real life. We shop, date, go to school, and pretty much do everything online. We can`t disconnect from the Internet without becoming a recluse and a hermit.

Life can be unbearable at times, and we live our lives in the virtual realm, so naturally the Internet is unbearable. I hate to sound pessimistic, but common sense and rationality won`t prevail online or in real life until artificial intelligence replaces humankind.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Ivanka and Tiffany Trump Bikini-Clad Xmas Video Shocks the Nation

“A video of first daughters Tiffany and Ivanka Trump blowing kisses to their followers in bikinis is being met with mostly criticism in return online.

In the short clip uploaded to Twitter Tuesday, the two women can be seen posing in their bikinis as `O Holy Night` is heard playing in the background while lounging by the pool at their father`s Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida.”

AOL.Com

Let me start on a high note: Tiffany and Ivanka Trump are beautiful beyond words, it`s almost beyond comprehension that their father is an orange-faced pig, with a mouth that resembles a sphincter, wispy hair that looks like cotton candy that was dropped in a urine-filled toilet bowl, and the shrunken hands of a dwarf.

If anyone is waging a war on Christmas it`s these two bikini-clad airheads who are blowing kisses while “O Holy Night” is playing in the background. I doubt there are any holy nights at Mar-a-Lago when these strumpets are in the house.

These young millionaire chicks can escape the bitter cold and cavort in their daddy`s resort in sunny Florida, while most of us can`t afford to go on a vacation.

I will release my own video blowing kisses to these bimbos when their fuc*en moron father is impeached and removed from office.

Link to video:

https://www.aol.com/article/news/2017/12/27/tiffany-ivanka-trump-mocked-bikini-clad-video/23317943/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Aussie Videotapes UFO on Christmas

“BE IT a bird, a plane, or Santa dropping off some last minute presents – something unexplained was seen circling the Sunshine Coast skies last night.

Coast resident Renee Anderson caught the unidentified flying object on video while celebrating Christmas with family and friends.”

Sunshine Coast Daily

On Christmas children search the skies in hopes of catching a glimpse of Santa`s sleigh, and child-like adults stare at the skies in hopes of seeing a UFO.

In Australia it`s never a good idea to scan the skies in search of UFOs, while your looking up a dingo may kidnap your baby, or a kangaroo might deliver a swift kick to your arse.

The newspaper article states that Renee Anderson was celebrating Christmas when she saw the UFO, and the filmed it and posted the video on Facebook. Perhaps if she had done a little less celebrating she wouldn`t have embarrassed herself and her family by posting the dubious video on social media.

Moral of this story:

If you videotape a UFO while you are drunk as a skunk, wait until you sober up before posting it online.

Link to video:

https://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com.au/news/ufo-caught-on-video-flying-through-coast-skies/3298400/

Reprobate Church Welcomes Donald Trump and Melania Trump With Standing Ovation

President Donald Trump and First Lady Melania Trump arrived fashionably late for the Christmas Eve midnight mass service at Church of Bethesda-by-the-Sea in upscale West Palm Beach.

They were greeted with a standing ovation, no doubt in appreciation for how much Trump`s Tax plan will benefit them.

When a president who is the antithesis of the teachings of Jesus Christ receives a rousing standing ovation at a Christian church you know we are living in the End Days.

But at least the pastor spoke truth to power, gently and subtly rebuking Trump. The Reverend James Harlan started off with a quote from Nelson Mandela

It is never my custom to use words lightly. If 27 years in prison have done anything to us, it was to use the silence of solitude to make us understand how precious words are and how real speech is in its impact on the way people live and die.

Harlan went on to speak about the power of words to make the world a better place.

He ended with this admonition:

Your words can have as much destructive potential as they do healing.

I doubt if the pastor`s words had any effect on Trump. The words of an eloquent and soft-spoken minister won`t move Trump. Jehovah needs to dispatch Elijah the Prophet to warn the short-fingered vulgarian that if he doesn`t repent that God will cast him into the Lake of Fire.

While the pastor was preaching about the power of words to make this a wonderful world, Trump was probably posting nasty tweets from his pew.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Melania’s Christmas Selfie: First Lady Looks Like Duck Face Tramp From Pit of Hell

“Melania Trump was in the holiday spirit on Christmas Day – but Twitter, not so much.

The first lady was trolled on social media after she posted a selfie with a filter featuring a Santa hat and sparkling reindeer.

#MerryChristmas, the first lady captioned the photo, adding emojis of a Christmas tree and Santa Clause.”

People Magazine

Melania`s Christmas selfie is the epitome of tackiness, the First Lady looks like the last tramp you want to meet on the way to Christmas mass.

Her Yuletide selfie would make a perfect cover for the Christmas edition of Hustler magazine, the centerfold would display the former model in all her pornographic glory.

Melania`s lips are puckered as if she`s being interviewed for an intern`s position in the Clinton Foundation.

Ladies, and I use the term loosely, may walk around with their lips puckered like whores n the gaudy elegance of Mar-a-Lago, but everyday Americans are walking around with a grimace as they contemplate the New Year with a president with a mouth that looks like a sphincter and a First Lady who puckers her lips like a slut.

Pic of Melania`s tacky Christmas selfie:

http://people.com/politics/melania-trump-filtered-christmas-selfie-twitter/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes