Fatal Attraction in the Digital Age

“A woman (Jacqueline Ades) is accused of breaking into a Paradise Valley home, bathing in the homeowner`s bathtub, and sending tens of thousands of disturbing text messages to the man`s phone after the pair went on one date.”

ABC News

Before breaking into her victim`s home she had already been arrested a couple of times for threatening to kill him for spurning her advances.

This woman wasn`t just a harmless kook, when police officers arrested her for breaking into the man`s home they found a large butcher knife on the passenger`s seat of her vehicle.

This Fatal Attraction psycho armed with a butcher knife and a cell phone bombarded her victim with over 65,000 texts.

Ades was charged with breaking and entering, threatening, stalking and harassment, but she won`t be behind bars for more than a few months. Her victim would be well-advised to change his name, undergo plastic surgery, delete all his social media accounts, and move far, far away.

After reading this article you may say “Glad it wasn`t me” and then swipe right on Tinder or reply to the sexy text the new temp at the office sent you.

But I would urge you to at least google the hell out of the next person you meet online before meeting him/her in person.

Read More:


Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Outrage: Aretha Franklin’s Outfit Changed Every Day for Public Viewing

“Another day, another outfit change for late diva Aretha Franklin.

The Queen of Soul rocked a fresh outfit for the second day of her public viewing in Detroit on Wednesday – this time opting for a pastel blue frock and matching blue stilettos.

The I Say a Little Prayer songstress still had on her red lipstick and red nails – which went with the red dress she donned Tuesday.

Thousands of more fans lined up outside the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History, where Franklin`s 24-karat-gold-plated casket was wheeled into early in the morning.”

Page Six

Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul, like any diva worth her salt rocked some snazzy outfits in her day, but she became a legend because of her powerful pipes and her commitment to civil rights.

Aretha wasn`t a Lady Gaga or a Miley Cyrus who relied on outrageous outfits as a marketing ploy, and it`s a shame that the clowns who organized her Detroit memorial are changing her outfit every day for her public viewing.

The Queen of Soul was the epitome of class, and these hucksters are turning her memorial into a sideshow.

How about a little respect for the music icon? How about simply dressing Aretha in a Gospel choir robe as a homage to her Gospel roots?

Read More:


Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Old Ladies Crazy About Old Cowboy Who Rides a Robotic Horse

“When Mindy Weiss Affronti pulled up to the bank drive-thru two weeks ago and saw a man atop a robotic horse at the teller window, she did a double take.

Then she took his picture.

The friendly cowboy smiled, happy to oblige, before riding off. Left in the stupor of what she had seen, Affronti did what any other rational person would do: She posted the photo on social media.

And so began the newfound fame of Steve Bacque, the self-proclaimed Crazy Cranford Cowboy.”


You know your neighborhood has gone to the dogs when you see golf shirt-clad senior citizens riding on the sidewalk on a Hoveround. Instead of terrorizing the neighborhood cats and dogs, why don`t they just stay inside and do crossword puzzles and clean their dentures?

But I have to tip my hat to the Crazy Cranford Cowboy, a crazy old coot who tools around town atop a robotic horse is a pimp in my book.

I bet all the grannies at the Bingo parlor wish he was riding atop them! Bacque is going to ride off into the sunset with a horde of old ladies in Hoverounds chasing after him.

Read More:


Racist Joe Arpaio’s Hero is Racist Donald Trump! What a Surprise!

“Joe Arpaio, the longtime county sheriff seeking a U.S. Senate seat in Arizona on Tuesday, said during a television interview it took him 75 years to find a hero in his life. That person: Donald Trump.”

The Washington Post

NBC`s Kasie Hunt asked Arpaio “Is John McCain a hero?” and he deflected by answering that Trump was his hero.

Before the ascendancy of Trump, Republicans, Democrats, and Independents would have answered: Of course, McCain is a hero, his battle scars and his bipartisanship leadership in the Senate bear witness to his courage and integrity.

But the GOP is beset by tribal rivalries, and such a simple question poses a minefield for Republicans. They don`t want to offend Trump and so many balk at answering in the affirmative.

I`m surprised it took the racist sheriff 75 years to find a hero to his liking. He referred to his tent city jail, where inmates were housed in inhumane conditions, as a concentration camp, you`d think his hero would be Adolph Hitler.

Last year our racist president pardoned Arpaio for his conviction for criminal contempt of court, that`s what probably tipped the scales in favor of Trump.

Arpaio is running for the Senate seat in Arizona in what hopefully will be his last hurrah. He`s last in the polls but I take slight comfort in that fact, because his hero still has the fervent support of most Republicans.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Vs a Speaker Phone: Video

“Trump attempted to put Mexican president Enrique Pena Nieto on speaker phone in front of a group of reporters assembled in the Oval Office. The goal, apparently, was to talk about a new trade agreement between the U.S. and Mexico, but the outcome was an unforgettable clip that will forever be etched in our brains.”

The Cut

You`d think Donald Trump wouldn`t have any problems using a landline speaker phone, after all it`s ancient technology familiar to a septuagenarian, and the giant buttons are custom-made for his tiny fingers.

He doesn`t seem to have any problems using his Twitter machine, he tweets his fool head off all hours of the day and night. But maybe there`s a videotape of Trump taking 30 minutes to fire off each tweet.

The Stable Genius embarrassed himself, the office of the president, and indeed all of humanity.

I`m not going to provide a play-by-play commentary of this most humiliating incident, watch for yourself and hopefully you will join me in demanding that this fuc*ing moron be immediately impeached and removed from office.

Read More:


Donald Trump Thinks the American Flag Has a Blue Stripe

“Donald Trump has been photographed colouring in an American flag wrong.

The US President was visiting children at a hospital in Ohio with his wife Melania when he sat down to colour in some pictures with children.

A photo tweeted out by secretary of the US Department of Health and Human Services Alex Azar showed Mr Trump sitting with partially coloured-in flag. Twitter users were quick to notice while the top stripe was correctly drawn in red, Mr Trump left the next two white and the coloured the fourth one blue.”


A photograph depicting Trump sitting down with children having fun with coloring books perfectly captures his intellectual deficit.

But when you notice that the Stable Genius is coloring a stripe on the American flag blue, you realize that this photograph should be hanging in a museum because it perfectly illustrates that the Leader of the Free World has the intellectual capacity of a small child.

The Russian flag has red, white and blue stripes, maybe the fuc*ing moron thought he was coloring the Russian flag.

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel and Trump has draped himself in the American flag, to appeal to his base who equate standing up for the National Anthem with patriotism.

Trump has called African American NFL players “sons of bitches” for taking a knee when the National Anthem is played, knowing full well that they aren`t protesting the military or the flag, but protesting police brutality against people of color.

What do you call a septuagenarian who thinks the American flag has a blue stripe? How about a senile moron who has no business lecturing anyone on patriotism?

Read More:


Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

All the President’s Men Are Flipping on Donald Trump

“Sacha Baron Cohen is releasing his own Trump tape – a clip from Da Ali G Show on which President Trump appeared in 2003. The Who Is America? creator and star also resurrected his persona to skewer Trump in a NSFW letter, following Tuesday`s conviction of Trump`s former campaign chairman Paul Manafort and Trump`s former personal attorney Michael Cohen pleading guilty to eight federal crimes.”

USA Today

Donald Trump demands absolute loyalty from his staff, even though he treats them with contempt and summarily dismisses them if they aren`t obsequious enough or if they dare grab the spotlight for a moment.

How is Trump`s policy of “Be loyal to be, and I will treat you like dirt” working? Not so good!

Trump`s most intimate confidants have flipped on the President cum Mob Boss:

Michael Cohen, Trump`s lawyer/fixer/poop catcher pleaded guilty to committing campaign finance violations and said he did so at the direction of the president.

Allen Weisselberg, the Trump Organization`s CFO was granted immunity in exchange for giving prosecutors information for the investigation into Cohen and the hush money he made to women during the 2016 presidential campaign.

David Pecker, who runs the National Enquirer and is a long-time pal of Trump, was granted immunity in the federal investigation into Michael Cohen in exchange for information on hush money deals.

Cohen knows where all the bodies are buried, Weisselberg knows where all the money is hidden, and Pecker has all the stories and tapes documenting Trump`s numerous affairs locked in his safe. Trump is screwed.

And now everyone from Michael Cohen to Omarosa to Sacha Baron Cohen is releasing audio and video tapes exposing Trump as a liar. Dear God, what`s next? Will Mike Pence release a video tape proving that Trump doesn`t practice safe sex during their weekly prayer/humping sessions?

Trump`s base will remain faithful to him to the bitter end, but the people who really matter are turning against him, and it doesn`t bode well for his political survival.

Read More:


Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Taking Your Kitty to the Vet? Calm Your Cat With a New Feline Radio Station!

“No cat relishes a trip to the vet. Being confined to a cramped carrier and hauled out of the house is a stress-inducing experience for most of our feline friends. But turning on the radio could help. Whiskas recently launched a radio station devoted to playing soothing sounds to keep cats feeling tranquil on the way to the veterinarian, according to Little Black Book.

Cat Calm Radio plays music by David Teie, a composer who writes music targeted at cats` preferences. His songs feature sounds that will be familiar and soothing to cats, like beats similar to the sound of suckling milk, played at the frequencies cats use to communicate with each other. Researchers have found that cats respond better to his cat-specific tunes than to human music.”

Mental Floss

I`ve owned cats all of my adult life, and if there`s anything I`ve learned about feline psychology is that they hate the trip to the vet. A ten-minute trip to the vet feels like an eternity, as soon as you place your kitty in a carrier and place him in your car he turns into Satan`s familiar.

When I drove from Oakland, CA to my new home in Lynchburg, VA I took my cat, Patches with me, but I wouldn`t have survived the trip with my sanity intact, had I not administered a tranquilizing pill to her every day.

If you think you are familiar with your new pussy cat`s vocalizations, just wait until you take him to the vet for the first time, he will unleash a cacophony seemingly emanating from the pit of hell.

You can whisper, “Oh pussy it`s going to be OK” all you want, put it won`t calm the savage beast. He won`t transform back into the purring sweetheart that you love until he`s back home.

Thanks God Whiskas has launched a radio station devoted to playing soothing sounds to keep kitties tranquil on the way to the vet. Music has a calming effect on me, after a bad day at work I will play a Sade CD and by the time I`m home I`ll be cool and calm. I`m sure that cat-specific tunes will have a similar effect on our pets.

Cat Calm Radio was launched to promote “National Take Your Cat to the Vet Day.” Check it out:


Read More:

Hours After Manafort and Cohen Blows Trump Supporters Chant ‘Lock Her Up’

Yesterday a jury found former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort guilty on tax- and bank-fraud charges, and on the same day Michael Cohen, Trump`s longtime lawyer/fixer pleaded guilty to eight criminal counts. This one-two punch has left the administration reeling, and my guess is that even the White House butler is lawyering up.

When Trump bragged that he hires the best people, little did we know that he meant the best criminals. Manafort and Cohen aren`t aberrations, Trump surrounds himself with sleazy characters, witness this list of Trump intimates who have pleaded guilty to various felonies.

George Papadopoulos, former Trump campaign foreign policy adviser, pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI.

Michael Flynn, Trump`s former national security adviser, pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI.

Rick Gates, former Trump campaign aide and Manafort`s longtime partner in crime pleaded guilty to a conspiracy charge.

I won`t even mention the Cabinet members who have resigned in disgrace.

Candidate Trump promised to drain the swamp, but the White House is fertile grounds for all kinds of swamp creatures, and most Americans are sick and tired of the endemic corruption.

With the exception of Trump supporters who live in an alternate universe, and they regard the Stable Genius as a man chosen by God to make America Great (re: white) Again.

Just hours after Trump was dealt these two major blows in federal courts, his supporters were chanting “Lock Her Up” and “Drain the Swamp” at a Make America Great campaign rally in West Virginia.

These morons are enthralled by Trump and the scales will never fall from their eyes, at least not until they die and the Almighty casts these white evangelical fuc*ers to hell.

But let us not grow weary in well doing, let us continue to fight the good fight until this abomination is impeached and removed from office.


Bruno the Fat Cat Who Stands on His Hind Legs When He’s Hungry Adopted

“After worldwide interest Bruno the cat has a new home.

The Russian Blue became an internet sensation after Morton Grove shelter Wright Way announced he was looking for a new family. Cats of his breed usually are supposed to weigh between 7-10 pounds; Bruno tips the scale at 25 pounds.

Bruno likes to stand on his hind legs, usually when he wants food. No one is sure how he learned this special trick, but everyone agrees it`s hilarious.”

ABC News

Bruno is a one-trick pony, he gained Internet fame because he has a penchant for standing up when he wants to be fed.

My kitty, Tico, also tips the scales at 25 pounds, and when he`s hungry he doesn`t stand on his hind legs, he walks on my belly and face until I get the message.

I`m not sure what I would do if Tico stood up on his hind legs, would I call the vet, an exorcist, or would I grab my cell phone and try to monetize the freak by posting videos on YouTube?

I`m glad Bruno found a forever home; I hope his new owner will pamper him.

Read More: