kittens

The Coolest Cat on the Internet

Humans go to desperate and expensive lengths to try to look cool: Designer clothes, bling, fancy hair-do, and of course cool shades.

But a cat is chill AF without trying, a feline even looks cool taking a dump in the litter box.

I`ve posted tons of pics of my kitties on Facebook, and I never have to pose them in a manner that makes them look cool. They are naturally cool, all I have to do is snap the pic.

Click the link at the bottom of the page to see photos and a video of a cool cat lying on his back on his owner`s backpack in a bank in Brazil. In crime-ridden Brazil humans can`t afford to be chill in a bank because a bank robbery make break out at any time. But a cat`s default mode is chill, and they are chill anytime and anyplace.

The only complaint I have is that the cat is wearing sunglasses! Talk about overkill, the kitty doesn`t need shades to look cool.

Am I right, or what?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6644917/Cat-shades-reclines-owners-backpack-Rio-bank-foyer.html

Cat Loves Riding Llama

Cats are Gods

“The lama serves its meowjesty, giving the insolent cat a ride during cold showy weather so the kitty doesn`t freeze its paws.”

Sputnik

Felines demand to be treated like royalty, they expect gourmet cat food, spotless litter boxes, and frequent petting. If we are properly servile and obsequious they might reward us with a meow or a purr.

But it turns out that cats treat all animals with disdain, this insolent kitty is riding on top of a llama during a snowy day so she won`t freeze her paws.

Some things never change, the ancient Egyptians considered cats deities, and we`re still treating them like gods.

Check out the video, I don`t detect an ounce of gratitude in the cat`s expression.

Link to video:

https://sputniknews.com/videoclub/201812261070994769-cat-rides-sheep/

Cats Love Playing Hide and Seek

Cats have a penchant for disappearing and then magically reappearing, unfazed by the havoc they`ve caused.

I have a tiny house and you`d think my 25-pound cat, Tico, would be unable to hide from me for more than a few seconds. But on more than a dozen occasions I`ve torn apart my house looking for the obese feline, and only when I`m exhausted from my search will Tico emerge from God knows where.

I don`t know where my cats disappear when I can`t find them, perhaps they can slide in and out of alternate universes, or maybe the mysterious creatures have the ability of becoming invisible when they want some privacy.

This essay is a warning for new cat owners, if you can`t find your furry critter, hold off on posting a missing cat message on Facebook. Stop looking for the mischievous kitty, plop down on the sofa and watch TV, and I guarantee he will emerge out of the void.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

‘Cat Grandpa’ Goes Viral After Pet Shelter Shares Pics of Him Sleeping With Cats

“Terry Lauerman of De Pere has become an online sensation this week after the pet shelter where he volunteers shared photos showing the 75-year-old – who has since been dubbed The Cat Grandpa – fast asleep while snuggling several of the shelter`s cats.

Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary Inc.`s Facebook post about Lauerman has garnered over 80,000 reactions and 22,000 shares since Tuesday afternoon – and those numbers continue to climb. The post also made its way onto social news sites like Reddit and BuzzFeed, and was covered Thursday by Good Morning America.

 We are so lucky to have a human like Terry. Terry just came along one day and introduced himself. He said he`d like to brush cats. Eventually it became everyday. He brushes all of the cats, and can tell you about all of their likes and dislikes. He also accidentally falls asleep most days. We don`t mind – Cats need this! Terry is a wonderful volunteer.”

Green Bay Press Gazette

I wish I could post a video or photograph that would go viral, but I`m not as photogenic as a cute kitten, I don`t have any discernible talents, I don`t possess a grotesquely large butt capable of breaking the Internet, and I`m too lazy to learn a trick that will elicit views.
However I love taking naps with my cats, and maybe if I post a pic of Tico, my 25-pound kitty, plopped on my head as I`m taking a nap, we`ll become Internet sensations.
I`m jealous of The Cat Grandpa, he doesn`t clean the litter boxes or perform any other useful service at the pet shelter, all he does is brush the cats and take naps with them, and suddenly he`s a geriatric pimp.


Move over Cat Grandpa, I`m going to dethrone you as the most lovable cat-loving old codger on the Internet.

Does Your Cat Hate You?

I don`t need to hire a soothsayer or a pet psychologist to determine if my pooch, Mandy loves me. Mandy loves me to death, her love is manifest in her sloppy kisses, wagging of her tail, and the love-struck look in her eyes whenever I`m with her.

Dogs wear their hearts on their sleeves, but you never know where you stand with your feline companions. I love my kitties, Tico and Ebony, but I sometimes wonder if they hate me, and if they`re plotting to kill me. Mind you I`ve had Ebony for 18 years, and Tico for about five years, and I still don`t know if they would miss me if I got run over by a Mack truck.

An expression vaguely resembling love, or at least an absence of hatred, flits across their face, and I rush over to pet them, and they reward me with a hiss or a scratch.

Even though I don`t know if my love is reciprocated, I still adore my cats. I suspect that they really do love me, but have issues expressing their affection.

I am dealing with serious medical issues and I take a nap every day before going to work, and I call Tico, and he always, without fail, snuggles next to my face, and naps with me. If that isn`t love …

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Chimera the Cat with a Human Face: Video

Cat ladies are notorious for anthropomorphizing their pampered kitties, who doesn`t know a cat owner who says something like: Butterball`s left ear just twitched, that means she wants to watch the Jerry Springer show. Usually she like to watch documentaries on the History Channel or one of the cable news networks, but Springer is her guilty pleasure.

I have two cats and I spoil them to death, but I`m under no illusion that they possess human traits. A cat has a fixed expression, and it`s difficult for me to ascribe to it human characteristics. I can tell when my pets are mad, because they will express their anger by hissing or scratching me, but I really don`t think they consider any specific show Must-watch TV.

The ancient Egyptians went further than your modern-day cat lady, they considered felines deities. Cats aren`t human or divine, they are wonderful and loving animals, and I recommend that everyone adopt a kitten from an animal shelter.

However, Chimera, a two-month-old Main Coon Cat`s face resembles a human face. If Chimera looked at me and hissed when Donald Trump was on the TV, I would wonder if she was telling me that she disagreed with the president`s immigration policy.

Watch this video and tell me that you dont agree with me that Chimera is a sentient creature capable of analytical thinking:

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Cat Suffers Serious Burns After Collar Melts in the Hot Weather

“A warning has been issued to pet owners after a collar melted and caused serious burns to a cats neck. Kim Mills recently bought the reflective collar by Ancol for her cat Megatron. Just days after putting it on him, she noticed that he was uncomfortable. `I checked the collar and the plastic clip had melted and fused to Megatron`s skin. He must have been in agony,` Mills said.

`When we took the collar off there was fur and skin fused to it, and a horrible burn wound on my cat`s neck.`”

INews.co.UK

In these dog days of summer we must keep in mind that hot asphalt can burn your dog`s paws, but cats can also suffer from the sweltering heat.

A kitty who was wearing a plastic reflective collar suffered serious burns to his neck when it melted under the hot sun.

I commend Megatron`s owner for fitting her cat with a reflective collar, but no dog or cat should be out too long in the unrelenting heat of summer.

If Megatron was kept inside all the time he would be safe not only from the heat, but from cars, predators and ticks and fleas.

Enjoy the summer sun, but keeps your pets out of the brutal heat.

Read more at: https://inews.co.uk/news/uk/cat-suffers-serious-burns-after-collar-melts/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

A Clean Litter Box Makes for a Happy Kitty

“According to The Humane Society of the United States, the general rule of thumb for optimal litter box hygiene is that you clean it about twice per week. Like most general rules of thumb, though, there`s room for variation here. Your particular needs might differ based on how many cats you have, how many litter boxes you have (if you have multiple cats), and what kind of litter you use in them.”

Bustle

Cats spend most of their time sleeping, and it seems they spend most of their waking hours causing mischief and grooming themselves. Felines operate under the belief that cleanliness is next to godliness, and they clean their entire furry bodies, from their ears to their nether regions.

It shouldn`t come as any surprise that kitties expect their litter boxes to be kept clean. Even people who are complete slobs are irritated when nature calls, and they discover that their spouse didn`t flush the toilet, and there`s a disgusting log floating in the toilet bowl. So you can imagine how mad finicky cats are when their lazy master doesn`t clean the litter box on a regular basis.

The good folks at the Humane Society must be high on catnip, your cats are going to be pissed if you only clean the litter box twice per week.

I have two furballs, one of them tips the scales at 25 pounds, and believe me he craps like it`s going out of style. I clean my litter boxes at least once, sometimes twice per day.

A clean litter box makes for a happy kitty.

Read More:

https://www.bustle.com/p/how-often-should-you-change-your-cats-litter-box-its-important-to-stay-on-top-of-cleaning-it-9241548

The Proper Way to Pick Up a Cat! Video!

I have two cats, Ebony an 18-year-old female cat, and Tico a huge male cat who tips the scales at 25 pounds. I shower my kitties with kisses and hugs, but I never, ever, pick them up.

Ebony is an affectionate furball who loves to cuddle with me when I`m watching TV, but if I try to pick her up she will transform into a beast who is all claws and teeth.

When Ebony was a kitten I picked her up all the time, but when she became a full-grown feline she let me know in no uncertain terms that those days were gone for good.

Tico is a big old affectionate pussy cat, and he won`t turn into a monster if I pick him up. But picking up a 25-pound cat puts too much stress on my back, and I`m not a spring chicken.

The last time I picked up Tico I remember dropping him when he was about three feet from the floor, and the impact was too much for him and he sat motionless for about a minute. I vowed, right then and there, never to pick him up again.

Here`s a video demonstrating the proper way to pick up a cat, for kitty lovers who don`t have psycho cats or cats that weigh as much as a baby hippo:

If Your Cat Licks You It Means He Loves You

The average house cat spends about 50 percent of his time grooming himself.

If you own more than one kitty, you know that sometimes they will lick each other. It`s not a sign of dominance but of kinship, if your felines lick each other, I bet they almost never fight.

My furball, Tico, tips the scales at 25 pounds, and sometimes when I`m reclining in the sofa he will jump on top of me and lick my bald head until it shines like a bowling ball.

Even when Tico licks me right after he has groomed his nether regions, I don`t turn away in revulsion because I know it means that he loves me and considers me family.

Some of us have been licked by some very grimey girls, so don`t shove your pussy cat away when he licks you.

Police Cat Pawficcer Badges Joins Troy Police Department

“Welcome to the Troy Police Pawfficer Badges.

After a tight Twitter poll run by the @TroyMI_Police account to name their incoming police cat, it was revealed that the newest member of their department will be called Pawfficer Badges.

According to the police department`s Twitter announcement, the Pawfficer`s official duties will include community policing, supervising the K9 unit, and of course, providing cuddles.”

Detroit Free Press

With police brutality and racial profiling so much in the news these days, police need to soften their image, and nothing will accomplish that goal better than adopting a kitty cat as a police station mascot.

I`m used to seeing police with intimidating K-9 dogs, it`s refreshing to see burly cops playing with a cuddly kitten.

Hopefully the playful nature of kittens will rub off on the police officers, and they won`t engage in police brutality.

Police cat Pawfficer Badges is a purr-fect addition to the Troy Police Department, and I wish her success in her career.

Video and pics of adorable kitty:

https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/oakland/2018/05/01/troy-police-cat-name-pawfficer-badges/569257002/

Thug Cat Knocks Over Laptop

Cats are drawn to laptops like mice are drawn to cheese and dogs to bones. Whenever I power up my laptop my cat wakes up from hibernation and plops down on the keyboard, making writing my articles a tedious and cumbersome enterprise.

If I try to nudge her out of the way, she stares at me as if she`s asking: You let sleeping dogs lie, so why won`t you let a kitty lie in peace in the warmth of your laptop?

God help me if I leave my laptop open, when I return I almost always discover that my mischievous furball has changed the font, deleted a folder or searched Google for “cat treats.”

But cats usually don`t knock over a laptop, after all why would they damage one of their favorite resting places? But here`s a video of a thug cat knocking over a laptop:

https://mashable.com/2018/04/24/cat-knocks-over-laptop/#9m4cwguhbSqc

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Little Girl Draws Crude Drawing of Her Beloved Kitty on Missing Pet Flyer

“A young girl is doing everything she can to find her missing cat.

Sierra Beckenstein received the kitty named Peppercorn on Easter, but last Wednesday the cat went missing.

She searched her neighborhood several times, and then decided to make fliers, however, she didn`t have any pictures of Peppercorn.

Sierra got creative and drew her cat, describing her as `skiddish` with green eyes.”

ABC 13

When a pet runs away from home, anxious pet owners, even children, post a missing pet poster on social media, including a photograph of the missing doggie or kitty.

Unfortunately, little 10-year-old Sierra didn`t have a photo of her missing cat, so she posted flyers on telephone poles in her neighborhood that included a drawing of her beloved pet.

Sierra, God bless her soul, has the drawing ability of a 5-year-old, I`ll be kind and describe her drawing as minimalist.

But obviously Sierra loves her cat, and I pray that despite the old-school approach to find her missing pet, the “skiddish” fur ball will find his way home.

Link to video:

http://abc13.com/pets-animals/girl-draws-picture-to-help-find-missing-cat/3336985/

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Brush Your Cat At Least Once a Week

The average cat spends anywhere from 85% to 90% of his day sleeping, about 10% destroying your earthly possessions, and the rest of his time plotting to kill you.

Felines are independent and low-maintenance, and you may think that all you have to do is feed them and clean their litter box, but you still need to brush your kitty at least once a week.

Even though cats spend an inordinate amount of time grooming themselves, brushing your cat on a weekly basis helps remove loose hairs from his undercoat. If these loose hairs aren`t removed your cat will ingest them, and eventually expel them as hairballs.

Grooming your pet will also help you bond with him, he may think twice about scratching your furniture if you show him a little bit of attention.

Come on don`t be so lazy, you spend a good two minutes a day scratching your ass, you can make time to brush your kitty for a few minutes each week.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Bullied Kid Adopts Kitty With Same Rare Eye Condition and Cleft Lip

“A 7-year-old boy who was bullied for the way he looks has adopted a cat with the same rare eye condition and cleft lip.
Madden Humphreys, from Oklahoma, was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate, as well as different coloured eyes, known as heterochromia iridum.
His mother, Chriatina Humphreys, found out about a cat named Valentine who had the same conditions from birth.”
Independent

From an early age human beings ostracize, bully and ridicule anyone with a physical or mental defect, or anyone who is just quirky and don`t fit the mold.

This pack behavior in humans gives us a false sense of camaraderie, and as we torment the runt of the litter, we pray that people won`t discover a fault or defect in us that will focus their vitriol in our direction.

But animals are superior to humans in many ways, and a dog and even a cat will accept and love us for who we are, not what we look like.

The mother of this adorable little boy with different colored eyes traveled all the way from Oklahoma to Minnesota to adopt the cat who shares the same rare eye condition and cleft lip.

Madden and the kitten are inseparable, the little boy doesn`t feel so lonely anymore.

Children and pets are a great match, there`s a kitten or a puppy that will make the perfect match for your child at your local animal shelter.

Link to pictures and video of adorable little boy and cute as a button kitty:

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/bullied-child-adopts-cat-same-eye-condition-cleft-lip-madden-humphreys-moon-oklahoma-a8279361.html

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Cops to Get Police Cat!

“Last week, the Troy Police Department set a goal: 10,000 Twitter followers by April and the department gets a police cat.

Well, they hit the goal on Wednesday morning, which means it`s time for police cat!

Click on Detroit

Every police department worth its salt has a K-9 officer, but a canine officer ain`t no therapy animal, and it can`t be used in community outreach.

A canine officer who runs down criminals, and sniffs out your stash isn`t going to engender warm and cozy feelings toward cops.

I give a K-9 officer a wide berth, but if I see a cop petting a Kitty Officer I would feel compelled to pet the cat and hug his human handler.

The Kitty Officer will be expected to make public appearances on behalf of the police department, but he won`t live in the police station. He will go home every night with an officer.

This is simply a brilliant idea, can you imagine a cat wearing a police hat? He would inspire hundreds of kids to become police officers!

Read More:

https://www.clickondetroit.com/news/pawesome-troy-to-get-police-cat-after-hitting-twitter-goal

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Study Says Cats Would Kill You If They Were Bigger

“If you`ve ever suspected that your cat might be plotting to kill you, you might be on to something.

A new study from researchers at the University of Edinburgh shows many parallels between domestic cats and their larger feline brethren, including aggression and neurotic behavior.
The study rated domestic cats as expressing high levels of dominance, impulsiveness and neuroticism, characteristics they share with larger felines like the clouded leopard, African lions, snow leopards and Scottish wildcats. House cats also have high levels of anxiety, insecurity, tension, suspicion and fear of people.
the results of the study, while not completely a shock, are unnerving, especially a conclusion that domestic cats have a desire to kill humans and would likely do so if they were bigger and stronger.”

Orlando Sentinel

Cats are cute and cuddly, but they are also mean and sadistic. When I moved into my house I had a problem with mice, but the cat that I owned at the time, Patches, quickly got rid of the pests. Patches would toy with a poor hapless mouse for hours before she would finally put it out of its misery.

You may deceive yourself into thinking that your kitty would lick you to death if it was as big as a lion, but truth be told he would probably smack you around for a few minutes before tearing you apart limb from limb.

My cat Tico tips the scale at 25 pounds, and he is so fat and fluffy, and as cute as a button. He has a penchant for plopping down on my face when I`m taking a nap, he`s drawn to the warmth of my body, but I also think he just might be trying to smother me.

I don`t care if my cats are plotting to kill me, I love them to death.

Read More:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/gone-viral/os-cats-kill-you-bigger-study-post.html

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Viral Video! Cat Naps in Front of Busy Escalator!

“It`s the epitome of cat behavior.

An eight-second clip that has been viewed over 1.3 million times on Facebook, shows a feline sitting in front of a busy metro station escalator, unbothered by the inconvenience she is causing riders. The calico kitty sits almost dead center to where people need to exit, seemingly confident that the dozens of people stepping off the escalator will move to accommodate her nap time.

And they do!”

People

I`ve owned cats all of my adult life, and I learned very quickly to walk very gingerly because they are liable to plop down and take a nap anywhere: Next to your bed, the bathtub, the middle of a hallway …

Felines expect their owners to be aware of their location at all times, and to navigate our way around their home without stepping on their paws or tail.

I`m not surprised that this calico kitty decided to sit in front of a busy subway station escalator, with the full confidence that the commuters would give her a wide berth.

This kitty may not have survived much longer than a New York Minute in an escalator in the Big Apple, but thank goodness all the commuters accommodated her nap time in the busy Istanbul metro station she calls home.

Link to video:

http://people.com/pets/cat-escalator-turkey-metro-station-taksim/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Dude Falsely Reports a Fire to Get Help for Cat Stuck in Tree? Hero or Wuss?

“Authorities say a teenager whose cat was stuck in a tree is in bigger trouble after falsely reporting a fire to attract help.

The 911 center`s operations director in Hamilton County, Tennessee, Jeff Carney, tells WRCB-TV that multiple agencies responded to what they thought was a fire Monday at the home of 18-year-old Trevor Austin Lane.

Lane`s arrest report says his cat had been stuck in the tree overnight, and he figured the fire department`s `big ladders` would be of use.”

New York Post

If my cat was stuck in a tree I would consider it a catastrophe and I would caterwaul like a cat in heat until I got everybody`s attention. I could care less if my neighbors thought I was a pussy for being so worried about my kitty.

However it`s inexcusable to falsely report a fire to summon help, and Carney should be whipped with a cat o` nine tails.

If Carney had simply told the truth, the 911 operator would have contacted Animal Control to rescue his feline.

Carney was arrested and jailed on a $1,500 bond; I hope he didn`t tell his new jailbird friends why he ended up behind bars, or else they would consider him a pussy and they would be all over him like white on rice.

Read More:

https://nypost.com/2018/02/07/teen-called-in-fake-fire-to-get-help-for-pet-cat-stuck-in-tree-report/

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Louis the Horse-riding Cat Breaks the Internet! Video!

“Now there’s something you don’t see every day. It’s a cat, riding a horse. Louis the cat and Comet the pony both belong to a professional horse-trainer. They’re good buddies, and often enjoy going on rides in the English countryside. The odd couple sure looks like they’re having fun. After all, what’s better than spending quality time with a friend?”

YouTube Description

There are a gazillion and one videos on YouTube depicting cats doing just about everything under the sun, but this may be the only video depicting a feline riding a horse.

Louis the cat isn’t a side-saddle riding sissy, he is an accomplished equestrian. Perhaps Judge Roy Moore the well known pedophile and amateur horseman can take pointers from Louis on how to properly ride a horse.

It’s surprising that there aren’t more horse-riding cats considering that felines gravitate toward higher perches. My cat Ebony likes to jump on top of my highest bookcase so she can properly survey her domain.

With all the tomfoolery and insanity emanating from the White House, I thought my readers might enjoy this adorable diversion:

 

Santa-Hating Cat Becomes Internet Superstar

It`s axiomatic that cats hate Christmas! They strip your Christmas tree of tinsel, and spread it all over your house. They shred the Christmas wrapping from the gifts under the tree. They disrespect the Nativity Scene, and plant their fat butts on the Baby Jesus. They caterwaul when Christmas carolers visit your home. They hiss like a Grinch on crack when you put a Santa`s cap on them. They recoil in horror when you dress like Santa Claus. And they climb up the chimney to escape when you play Mariah Carey`s “All I Want for Christmas.”

A pic of a kitty cat ominously standing over a tiny Santa Clause figurine has become a venerated image for Scrooges all over the world.

I echo this cat`s sentiments: Bah Humbug, enough with the Christmas cheer!

Pic of kitty hating on Santa:

http://rare.us/rare-humor/christmas-hating-cat-has-showdown-with-santa-claus-becomes-internet-celebrity/

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‘Firefighters and Felines’ Calendar: Perfect Gift for the Cat Lover

“Firefighters and felines.

That`s the theme of a new 2018 calendar coming out of Stanislaus County. The goal? To raise money for the Cat Network of Stanislaus and animal rescues from the North Bay fires. The calendar also lists cats that are looking to be adopted by their `fur-ever` families.”

ABC 10

Firemen are the epitome of machismo, and calendars featuring firemen in beefcake poses is a time-honored tradition. You will find firemen calendars in the kitchens of suburban women, and in the bedrooms of urban gays.

Firefighters and felines are inextricably linked, a firefighter rescuing a kitten from a tree is a cliché, so a calendar featuring burly firemen and cute cats makes purr-fect sense.

This calendar validates the fact that masculine men love cats. I love football, fast cars, beautiful women and cats, and that`s not a contradiction but an affirmation of my innate machismo.

The proceeds from the sale of the “firefighters and felines” calendar benefits the Cat Network of Stanislaus, support this excellent cause and buy a calendar.

Calendars are up for sale at Caldrons Pet Choice: 3507 Tully Rd Suite 80-85 in Modesto.

Read More:

http://www.abc10.com/news/local/firefighters-pose-with-cats-for-2018-calendar-for-purr-poseful-cause/494527822

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Should Donald Trump Read a Book About Cats to Improve His Image?

“Jarosław Kaczynski, the most powerful politician in Poland, read a book about cats during a session of parliament on Friday.

Kaczyński, head of the ruling Law and Justice (PiS) party, was engrossed in `Atlas of Cats: Wild and Domestic` while lawmakers were discussing controversial plans to overhaul the justice system, the Associated Press reported.”

Politico

This is the purr-fect publicity stunt, nothing softens the image of a hard-boiled politician than having him read a book about cats.

I`d rather read a book about kitty cats than participate in a debate about judicial reform.

No politician has a more dreadful image than Donald Trump, his image would improve if he was photographed reading a book about any subject.

Bookworm he ain`t, but maybe he could be persuaded to read something up his alley, “The Cat in the Hat.”

Let`s face it trying to improve Trump`s image is a fool`s errand, the buffoon is more likely to be photographed watching porn images on his Twitter feed.

Read More:

https://www.politico.eu/article/poland-jaroslaw-kaczynski-cat-book-parliament/

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It’s National Cat Day!

Author Terry Pratchett once said, “In ancient times, cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.” Felines have the spark of divinity and we are overjoyed when they deign to pay us mere mortals any attention.

Our modern day religions have failed to meet our spiritual needs, maybe it`s time to worship cats like the Egyptians of old.

Catholicism is a patriarchal religion that condones pedophilia and misogyny, Evangelical Christianity`s infatuation with Trump has deprived it of all credibility, Americans love bacon too much to embrace Judaism, and of course with Islam there`s that kill infidels for Allah thing.

Now that I have offended the followers of every major religion, I assume that only enlightened souls who worship cats are still with me.

Today is National Cat Day, and we must cater to every whim of our feline masters, hmm, that`s pretty much every day for us.

Let`s use this supreme holiday to spread our faith: Tell your friends and neighbors who don`t own cats about the joys and pleasures of owning these divine creatures.

Adopt a kitty, it will change your life and save your soul!

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

 

Why Do Cats Knock Things Over? Because They’re Jerks!

“Cats have their quirks, no doubt. But one of the more puzzling – and annoying – things they do is to knock stuff off tables and shelves.

Do they hate your things? Are they criticizing your home decorating skills? Or are they simply trying to drive us insane?

Truth is, it`s none of those things, although I do believe there might be a touch of vindictiveness in some of that behavior.

Animal experts say there are three reasons for this destructive and sometimes hilarious conduct. They`re bored and want attention, they`re practicing hunting, and they`re hungry.”

The Mercury News

My cats, Tico and Ebony, despise each other, and they avoid each other like the plague.

They don`t eat, sleep or play together, they unite forces only when they seem to be in a competition to see who can knock more things over.

Usually they just flick objects over, like a glass of water that`s precariously perched right on the edge of the coffee table, but Tico, who tips the scales at 25 pounds, sometimes pushes things over the coffee table or an end table.

In other words they don`t accidentally tip things over, they deliberately attempt to break my possessions.

I find cheap knick- knacks aesthetically displeasing, the only small objects that my cats can knock off my table and shelves are expensive crystal figurines. Tico has knocked over, and broken a couple of crystal candle holders, at least the candles weren`t lit.

Tico`s girth prevents him from jumping on top of my tallest book shelves and tables, and Ebony is too old to jump very high, so I place my most expensive objects on my tallest tables and shelves.

Why are my kitties and indeed all cats so destructive? They don`t knock things over to get my attention, they are very independent and barely deign to look in my direction.

They aren`t trying to hone their hunting skills, they know damn well that I will serve them gourmet cat food and treats throughout the day.

Cats are jerks, plain and simple. Adorable and fluffy, but jerks all the same. They knock things over because they are jerks.

Cat lovers have learned how to cat-proof their homes, and we gladly put up with their jerk tendencies.

The last time that Tico knocked something from the coffee table, I just picked him up, and gave him a big hug. Take that you big jerk.

Read More:

http://www.mercurynews.com/2017/09/26/why-does-my-cat-keep-knocking-my-things-off-the-table/

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