robert paul reyes

Mike Pence Has a Penchant for Planting Holy Kisses on Donald Trump’s Butt

“Dictionary.com has absolutely zero tolerance for Mike Pence kissing Donald Trump`s ass.

After video footage of a Wednesday Cabinet meeting showed the VP giving Trump an inordinate amount of praise, the dictionary took matters into its own hands, delivering a powerful blow to Pence`s ego with a ridiculously sassy, straight-forward tweet.

Retweeting a Washington Post analysis titled `In Cabinet meeting, Pence praises Trump once every 12 seconds for three minutes straight,` Dictionary.com`s official Twitter account called Pence out, defining his behavior in one word: sycophant.

`There`s a word for a person who would praise someone every 12 seconds. #VP #Pence,` the tweet read, linking out to the sycophant dictionary entry.”

Mashable

Only a preacher delivering a sermon on Jesus Christ can be excused for praising a man once every 12 seconds.

A man who praises a mere mortal once every 12 seconds during a speech is the very definition of a sycophant, or to put it into words that Donald Trump would understand, an ass-kissing toadie.

I couldn`t praise a giant like John Kennedy or Martin Luther King once every 12 seconds during a speech, who can bring himself to shower a lying sack of shit like Trump with compliments?

Jesus had nothing but words of compassion and kindness for prostitutes and other social outcasts, but he had ringing words of condemnation for hypocritical leaders like the Pharisees.

To use one of Trump`s favorite expressions “believe me” Jesus would call Trump everything but a child of God.

To hell with Pence and his evangelical faith that propels him to praise a loathsome pig, Dictionary.Com is spot on, he is the epitome of a sycophant.

Read More:

https://mashable.com/2017/12/22/dictionary-trolls-mike-pence-sycophant/#Sd6gLczGhsq3

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Oprah Winfrey Donald Trump Death Match: Hopefully They Would Kill Each Other

Donald Trump`s boundless ignorance is matched only by his mind-blowing ego, the perfect representation of the billionaire buffoon would be a blimp covered with an image of an empty suit.

I can think of only one celebrity who is as vapid and egotistical as Trump, and that`s Oprah Winfrey. The talk show diva preaches a New Age Gospel with herself as the Messiah. The perfect symbol of the billionaire braggart would be a blimp filled with flatulence, and an image of a golden calf.

Winfrey has been publicly playing with the idea of running for president in 2020, naturally Trump attacked her on his favorite social media platform, Twitter:

“Just watched a very insecure Oprah Winfrey, who at one point I knew very well, interview a panel of people on 60 Minutes. The questions were biased and slanted, the facts incorrect. Hope Oprah runs so she can be exposed and defeated just like all of the others!”

Winfrey had a mealy-mouthed response to Trump`s savage tweet:

“You don`t win by meeting any kind of negativity head-on.”

This answer is in keeping with Winfrey`s pseudo-spirituality where you don`t attack evil, but engage it with dialogue.

I`m sorry, but you attack evil openly, and I make no secret that I despise Trump`s fascism and racism as much as I despise Winfrey`s New Age bullcrap and hypocrisy.

Winfrey`s social circle included sexual predator Harvey Weinstein, fellow lesbian Hillary Clinton, and real estate developer Donald Trump.

I`ve been advocating for gay and lesbian rights publicly since I first started posting my essays online in 1998, but I despise lesbians like Clinton and Winfrey who are too damn cowardly to come out of the closet, even though practically everybody knows they aren`t heterosexual.

I would pay anything to watch a pay-per-view death match between Winfrey and Trump that resulted in the death of both of these gasbags.

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Outrage: 288-Pound Woman Runs Marathon

“When Ragen Chastain sets a goal, she wants it to be nearly unattainable. Which is how she went from hating running to signing up for a marathon.

`I decided I wanted to try a challenge and jump out of my comfort zone, and distance running had always been the thing that I was worse at in the entire world,` Chastain, 41, a speaker and writer, tells PEOPLE. `So I signed up for a marathon first thing.`

`I was looking around for other plus-size people who had done marathons, and I saw a lot of people who started the marathon but didn`t finish it,` she says. `So I was just really inspired by the idea of being plus-size and finishing the marathon, and the visibility that would create for other people who wanted to try it and thought they couldn`t because of their size.`

After completing a 20-week training program, Chastain successfully (if not painfully) finished the Seattle Marathon.

AJC.Com

I applaud Chastain for not accepting the politically-correct orthodoxy that there`s nothing wrong with weighing as much as a baby hippo, and taking steps to lose some weight.

I`m assuming that her intention was to lose weight, but God forbid if her intention was solely to give visibility to fat people.

Baby steps …

How about finishing a 50-yard dash in under five minutes before tackling a marathon?

Instead of “signing up for a marathon first thing,” she should have run to Jenny Craig or to a gym to sign up for a one-year membership.

I doesn’t matter that she completed a 20-week training program before running in the marathon, a 288-pound woman who runs in a marathon is risking a heat stroke, heart attack or stroke.

Chastain is self-centered beyond belief, sure she could have set a world record for a heifer completing a marathon, but did she consider what a eyesore she was to the spectators? Or that if she passed out first responders would have to lift her fat carcass onto a stretcher?

I hope the spectators didn`t enable her vanity by cheering her when she limped over the finish line.

Chastain would be well-advised not to run any more marathons until she drops down to 160 pounds.

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Donald Trump Humiliates Racist Keebler Elf Jeff Sessions Once Again

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III (a moniker befitting a Southern racist), was a United States Senator from Alabama from 1997 to 2017.

In his long tenure in the Senate Sessions uttered many racist remarks, and opposed Civil Rights legislation, but perhaps the most odious stain in his legacy was his early support of Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election.

Sessions was the first Senator to endorse Trump, and he helped legitimize his candidacy. In the Day of Judgement the racist Keebler elf will have a lot to answer to answer for; I don`t envy the racist bastard.

Trump rewarded Sessions by appointing him Attorney General of the United States, the Republican Senator`s dream job.

But Session`s dream job quickly turned into a nightmare when he recused himself from all Department of Justice probes into the 2016 campaign, including looking into Russia`s involvement. Trump blames the appointment of Special Counsel Robert Mueller on Session`s recusal.

The faithful lackey instantly became a pariah in Trump`s eyes, and the president has brutally attacked him on Twitter ever since. Just when you think the beleaguered Attorney General is finally out of the doghouse, Trump publically humiliates him again.

This morning Trump once again publicly berated his own Attorney General tweeting.

“If all of the Russian meddling took place during the Obama administration, right up to January 20th, why aren`t they the subject of investigation? Why didn`t Obama do something about the meddling? Why aren`t the Dem crimes under investigation? Ask Jeff Session!”

The Justice Department isn`t Trump`s private detective agency, and he shouldn`t be publicly urging Sessions to investigate the previous administration.

To add insult to injury Trump misspelled the Attorney General`s name, referring to him as “Session” instead of “Sessions.”

The DOJ hasn`t responded to Trump`s latest Twitter tantrum. I don`t feel a sliver of sympathy for Sessions, he should have known better, Trump has a long history of betraying his closest friends.

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Viral Video! Cat Naps in Front of Busy Escalator!

“It`s the epitome of cat behavior.

An eight-second clip that has been viewed over 1.3 million times on Facebook, shows a feline sitting in front of a busy metro station escalator, unbothered by the inconvenience she is causing riders. The calico kitty sits almost dead center to where people need to exit, seemingly confident that the dozens of people stepping off the escalator will move to accommodate her nap time.

And they do!”

People

I`ve owned cats all of my adult life, and I learned very quickly to walk very gingerly because they are liable to plop down and take a nap anywhere: Next to your bed, the bathtub, the middle of a hallway …

Felines expect their owners to be aware of their location at all times, and to navigate our way around their home without stepping on their paws or tail.

I`m not surprised that this calico kitty decided to sit in front of a busy subway station escalator, with the full confidence that the commuters would give her a wide berth.

This kitty may not have survived much longer than a New York Minute in an escalator in the Big Apple, but thank goodness all the commuters accommodated her nap time in the busy Istanbul metro station she calls home.

Link to video:

http://people.com/pets/cat-escalator-turkey-metro-station-taksim/

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Did Melania Trump Hire Exorcist to Cleanse White House of Obama and Clinton Demons?

“A hoax circulating on Facebook claims that first lady Melania Trump hired a professional exorcist to cleanse the White House of past demons from the Barack Obama and Bill Clinton years.

`Melania Trump hired exorcist to `cleanse White House of Obama demons,` read the headline on February 8 from Your News Wire.

The story was flagged by Facebook users as being potentially fabricated, as part of the social media`s efforts to combat fake news.

Stephanie Grisham, a spokeswoman for Melania Trump, says any reports claiming the first lady had a ceremony to rid the White House of demons before moving in is false and `not true in any way.`”

Politifact

Donald Trump and his sycophants relentlessly claim that the mainstream media spreads fake news to downplay the achievements of the Trump administration, in reality it`s right wing web sites that are the foremost purveyors of fake news.

Even the most outlandish and ridiculous fake news item that appears in one of these right wing conspiracy sites soon spreads like wildfire in this alternative universe, and it`s accepted as Gospel by dimwitted white evangelicals.

Melania might hire a dermatologist to lighten her hubby`s orange complexion, a Feng Shui practitioner to bring some harmony to the White House, or an Orthodox priest to bless the White House by sprinkling some holy water (of course she would warn him not to sprinkle any water on the designer furniture), but she would never in a million years hire an exorcist to cleanse the White House of past demons from the Barack Obama and Bill Clinton years.

Although it might be a good idea to hire a professional exorcist to cleanse the White House after one year of the Trump administration. No doubt the short-fingered vulgarian has attracted a legion of demons.

I have no faith in the efficacy of con artist exorcists to cleanse the White House of demons, but hiring one to cleanse the People`s House would be performance art at its most entertaining and educational.

Read More:

http://www.politifact.com/punditfact/statements/2018/feb/19/yournewswirecom/fake-news-claims-melania-trump-hired-exorcist-clea/

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Banish Fergie From America for Destroying National Anthem! America Will Never Forgive or Forget!

In 2005, the Black Eyes Peas featuring Fergie were performing “Let`s Get It Started” in San Diego when she got things started by peeing all over herself. There was urine running down her legs and a massive urine stain on her crotch that could be seen by her fans in the nosebleed seats.

A picture is worth a thousand words, and the photos of the urine-drenched Fergie spoke volumes of her abject humiliation. Fergie should have retired from show business, and dedicated the rest of her life to washing the diapers of babies in the Third World. But homegirl swallowed her humiliation and kept right on rocking.

I forgave the pop diva even though I can`t stand the Black Eyes Peas, and especially Fergie`s weak rapping skills.

I thought that Fergie would never sink lower than that fateful night in San Diego, but I was wrong, sweet Holy Jesus I was wrong.

Fergie`s idiosyncratic rendition of the National Anthem at Sunday`s NBA All-Star Game was godawful, it`s the miracle that Fergie managed to leave the arena without being mauled by the fans.

The bewilderment and shock was etched in the faces of the basketball players and the fans as Fergie was destroying our beloved National Anthem.

Even Rosanne Barr who until now had delivered worst rendition of the National Anthem was in shock, she tweeted:

“Who saw Fergie`s national anthem performance at the NBA All Star Game? she tweeted. think mine was better lowkey.”

Fergie finally apologized today, telling TMZ:

“I`ve always been honored and proud to perform the national anthem and last night I wanted to try something special for the NBA,” she said. I`m a risk taker artistically, but clearly this rendition didn`t strike the intended tone. I love this country and honestly tried my best.”

Fergie`s apology is too little too late, at the worst she deserves the death penalty, and at the least she deserves to be banished from the United States of America.

I can`t even begin to describe what a mockery Fergie made of the National Anthem, see for yourself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZOe67lFsvY

Tiny Flying Saucer Rediscovered at London Science Museum After 59 Years

“Fragments of a miniature flying saucer from an incident known as the British Roswell have been rediscovered in a cigarette box at London`s Science Museum.

The item was originally discovered on Silpho Moor near Scarborough in 1957. The 16-inch metal disc weighing 22 lbs was reportedly inscribed with hieroglyphics similar to those found on the Roswell incident wreckage in 1947; the most infamous of all supposed UFO discoveries.

The unidentified object was found to contain a book made of 17 thin copper sheets, each covered in more hieroglyphics. Local café owner Philip Longbottom claimed the book translated into a 2,000-word message from an alien called Ullo, warning: You will improve or disappear.

Experts at the Natural History Museum in London quickly decided that the `Silpho UFO` was an elaborate hoax, as there was no evidence that the metal was from elsewhere in the solar system, and the item showed no signs of having passed through Earth`s atmosphere at high temperatures.”

International Business Times

London`s Science Museum would be well-advised to hire a dozen security personnel as UFO nuts will soon descend upon it to venerate the UFO artifact.

The 16-inch metal disc inscribed with hieroglyphics was originally discovered on Silpho Moor near Scarborough in 1957. Hmm, could it be that this mysterious disc was an early prototype of the Wham-O Frisbee, and the “hieroglyphics” were actually copyright symbols?

Experts at the Natural Museum in London quickly dismissed the “Silpho UFO` as an elaborate hoax, but UFO experts will no doubt claim that the tiny flying saucer belongs to a Lilliputian race of aliens from the planet Uranus.

The unidentified object contained a book made of 17 thin copper sheets covered in hieroglyphics. A UFO-loving weirdo claimed the 2,000 word message was a message from an alien warning the human race: Improve or disappear. I`m not an expert on deciphering hieroglyphics, but I would guess the message is actually: There`s a sucker born every minute.

Enough already with this UFO tomfoolery!

Read More:
http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/british-roswell-ufo-rediscovered-science-museum-after-59-years-1660635

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Donald Trump is an Abomination and We Must Get Rid of Him by Any Means Necessary

Donald Trump is a Pathological liar. Serial philanderer. Alleged child rapist. Admitted pussy-grabber. Insecure narcissist. Chicken hawk draft dodger. Twitter troll. Sphincter-face insult king. Bankrupt billionaire. Short-fingered vulgarian. Porn star-chasing pig. Limelight-loving loser.

You don`t have to be a psychic or a a political analyst to know that historians will fill tomes with millions of words (more nuanced and subtle), but arriving at the same conclusion as this humble blogger.

Generations from now citizens will wonder why we elected such an abomination, and why Congress and the public allowed him to remain in power.

But now, at this moment, I am outraged that white evangelicals not only tolerate a crass con man who is the antithesis of Christianity, but actually believe that he was anointed by the Almighty to make America Great Again.

The white evangelical movement has been terminally tainted by their insane support of Trump, and our democratic institutions have been severely damaged, but I`m optimistic that our democracy will survive.

I take solace in the fact that I have repeatedly spoken out against Trump, and I beseech all my readers to join the resistance. We can and must defeat Trump, his evangelical enablers and the spineless Republican congressional defenders.

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Frank Ocean’s ‘Moon River’ Minimalist Masterpiece

Moon River is the quintessential crooner`s ballad, the Oscar-winning Henry Mancini-penned standard was originally performed by actress Audrey Hepburn in the 1961 film Breakfast at Tiffany`s, it became the theme song for easy listening king Andy Williams, and it`s been covered by every crooner worth his or her salt from Frank Sinatra to Judy Garland to Sarah Vaughan to Morrissey.

Moon River was tailor-made for neo-soul crooner Frank River, and on Valentine`s Day he released his idiosyncratic version of the pop standard. The minimalist masterpiece featuring the singer`s dreamy vocals will cross you in style to the rainbow`s end where you can forget all your troubles for a short spell.

We all need a respite from the tragic news of the school shooting in Florida, relax my friends and enjoy:

 

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Native Americans and All Minorities Despise Elizabeth Warren

“Sen. Elizabeth Warren says President Donald Trump disrespects Native Americans by referring to her as Pocahontas, and she says that while she`s not enrolled in any tribe, I never used my family tree to get a break or … advance my career.

The Massachusetts Democrat tells the National Congress of American Indians that her mother`s family was part Native American and her father`s parents `were bitterly opposed to their relationship.`”

TIME

Of course President Donald Trump disrespects Native Americans, the decrepit racist disrespects Hispanics, Blacks, and every other non-white race.

Trump longs for the halcyon days when Blacks picked cotton, Latinos toiled in the fields, Chinese laid down railroad tracks, and Native Americans were confined to their reservations.

It`s beyond dispute that Trump disrespects Native Americans, but Elizabeth Warren is the last person on Earth who should be defending them. She falsely claimed to be part Native American to further her academic career.

I`m a Latino, and I would be outraged if a Caucasian falsely claimed Hispanic heritage for political gain.

With all due respect Warren should shut the hell up until she provides actual documentation to substantiate her claim of having Native American blood.

There are several companies that offer DNA testing for less than $100, if Warren has 1% Native American blood it will show up in the results.

Warren belongs in the same basket of racist deplorables as Trump, and she should shut her trap.

Read More:

http://time.com/5158552/elizabeth-warren-donald-trump-pocahontas/

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Donald Trump Jr.’s Wife Taken to Hospital After Opening Letter Containing White Powder

“An envelope with suspicious powder sent to one of President Donald Trump`s sons also included a threatening note, senior law enforcement officials told NBC News.

`You are an awful, awful person. I am surprised that your father lets you speak on TV,` the note to Donald Trump Jr. said, according to the officials.

It also said: `You the family idiot. Eric looks smart. This is the reason why people hate you. You are getting what you deserve. So shut the f*** up.`”

NBC News

This is really pushing the envelope when it comes to expressing a political opinion.

It goes without saying, although I won`t miss an opportunity to hammer the point home, that Donald Trump Jr. is a fuc*ing moron, and that he would be doing the world a favor if he shut the fuc* up. Junior`s demented old dad spouts enough nonsense for the whole family, we certainly don`t need the family idiot putting in his two cents` worth.

The sender of the dispatch was spot on when he pointed out Junior`s intellectual shortcomings, and he was expressing our sentiments when he advised him to keep a low profile, but it was beyond the pale for him to include what turned out to be corn starch.

The sender terrified Junior`s wife, Vanessa Trump, she was taken to a New York hospital as a precaution. The poor woman suffers enough already, on a daily basis, being married to an imbecile.

The writer of the nasty note stated that Eric Trump looks smart, which makes me wonder if he`s blind or somewhat of a moron himself. Forgive my political-incorrectness, but Eric looks like a freaking retard.

I would be the happiest person in the world if we never heard another word from Donald Trump, or his idiot sons.

Read More:

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/angry-note-sent-trump-jr-said-you-are-getting-what-n847651

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Michelle Obama’s Official Portrait an Abomination! Artist Amy Sherald Deserves to Burn in Hell!

“An official portrait of former first lady Michelle Obama was unveiled at the Smithsonian`s National Portrait Gallery Monday morning.

The painting was done by Baltimore artist Amy Sherald, who is known for her social justice painting style.

`Let`s just start by saying, `Wow,` again. Let me just take a minute. It`s amazing. Wow,` Obama said after the portrait was unveiled. The moment was met with a gasp and applause.

All presidents and first ladies have their portraits done and hung in the Portrait Gallery.”

The Daily Caller

With all due respect to the former First Lady, “Wow” my ass. Amy Sherald may be a preeminent social justice warrior, but she`s a pedestrian artist.

If I didn`t know who painted Michelle Obama I would have guessed he/she was a KKK sympathizer and not a social justice warrior, because the painting perpetrates the stereotype of the angry black woman. Michelle is depicted with a sullen expression, and her eyes look like the eyes of a dead fish.

Michelle may have pretended to be wowed by the painting, but when the abomination was unveiled there were audible gasps emanating from the shocked audience.

The woman in the official portrait looks nothing at all like Michelle, who the hell was the artist looking at when she was painting?

I have trouble coloring within the lines in a coloring book, but I could have rendered a more realistic portrait of Michelle with a painting brush sticking out of my ass.

There`s a special place reserved in hell for social justice warriors who dabble in painting.

Pic of Michelle`s portrait:

http://dailycaller.com/2018/02/12/michelle-obama-official-portrait-reaction/

Openly Gay Olympics Figure Skater Adam Rippon Refuses to Meet Anti-Gay Mike Pence

Vice President Mike Pence is the most anti-gay Republican leader, he supports anti-gay conversion therapy, and he declared that resources for a federal HIV/AIDS program should be directed only toward institutions that provide assistance to those seeking to change their sexual behavior.

Pence, a fervent born-again Christian, has justified and excused Trump`s long litany of sins: Chronic lying, greed, godawful treatment of women ranging from mocking their physical appearance to outright sexual assault, petty and vindictive nature, support of pedophile Roy Moore, gutter language …

Regardless what outrageous anti-Christian thing Trump says or does, the ultra-fundamentalist Pence still looks at his boss with a look of benign adoration. It`s safe to conclude that Pence will tolerate any sin that Trump engages in, with the exception of homosexuality. If Pence caught Trump in a threesome with General Mattis and General John Kelly, he would declare: Love and admiration of the military is one thing, but sodomizing generals is another! You are a degenerate sodomite, and I will no longer serve in your administration.

Given Pence`s blatant animosity of the gay and lesbian community, it should come as no surprise that openly gay figure skater Adam Rippon has criticized Pence`s homophobia, and expressed revulsion at the idea of meeting the Vice President.

Pence had a staffer try to set up a meeting between himself and Rippon, but he was rebuffed. Rippon should stand his ground and refuse to meet Pence, until he publicly condemns the insane practice of conversion therapy.

It`s easier for a fat pig like Trump to go through the eyes of a needle than it is to brainwash a gay man to become straight or vice versa.

The Olympics is all about the brotherhood of man, and the diversity of the world community, what the hell is Pence doing in South Korea anyway?

http://hollywoodlife.com/2018/02/09/donald-trump-hair-blowing-in-the-wind-malfunction-video/

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Donald Trump’s Panties in a Twist Over Video That Exposed Him as a Bald Freak

“Donald Trump, 71, might be the most narcissistic person on Earth, so it was wildly entertaining when a gust of wind blew apart his facade of seeming to have a full head of hair. The president was boarding Air Force One to head to Mar-A-Lago on Feb 2 when wind took his hair upwards and exposed what appeared to be a giant bald patch on the back of his head. The video went viral this week and everyone from late night talk show hosts to news anchors have been laughing it up. Of course Trump is having a fit that the world is mocking his epic hair malfunction and is doing everything to ensure that it never happens again.”

Hollywood Life

This is an update to my article:

Shock Video Proves Donald Trump`s Scalp is as Smooth and Bald as Baby`s Butt

http://thesop.org/story/20180207/shock-video-proves-donald-trumps-scalp-is-as-smooth-and-bald-as-babys-butt.html

Donald Trump is a thin-skinned narcissist, and whenever he`s mocked on SNL or by a late night comic he goes berserk.

Trump has endured countless jokes about his tiny hands (and by extension his tiny pecker), his mouth that resembles a sphincter, his orange complexion, his fat ass that can seat a UN delegation discussing world peace, and of course his ridiculous coiffure.

The orange buffoon has vehemently denied that he wears a toupee, but this viral video is proof positive that underneath the combover from hell or wig is a scalp that is as shiny and smooth as a bowling ball.

The only thing that would have been more embarrassing than being exposed as a bald freak, would be if Mike Pence had posted a pic of the decrepit fool changing his diapers on his Twitter feed.

The vain moron was livid when the video exposed him as a bald-faced liar and a bald orangutan.

There`s no satisfaction in blaming the wind, I`m sure Trump berated his staff for the humiliation he suffered when the wind blew apart the fake news that he has a full head of hair.

I wonder did Trump make Mike Pence manicure his tiny hands, order John Kelly to apply Vaseline to his sphincter-like mouth, command Ben Carson to measure his tiny penis and declare that he missed his calling and should be making adult movies, or force Hope Hicks to slather fake tan on his ugly mug.

Not that I feel sorry for his staff, they deserve to rot in hell for enabling the racist, short-fingered vulgarian.

Read More:

http://hollywoodlife.com/2018/02/09/donald-trump-hair-blowing-in-the-wind-malfunction-video/

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Dude Falsely Reports a Fire to Get Help for Cat Stuck in Tree? Hero or Wuss?

“Authorities say a teenager whose cat was stuck in a tree is in bigger trouble after falsely reporting a fire to attract help.

The 911 center`s operations director in Hamilton County, Tennessee, Jeff Carney, tells WRCB-TV that multiple agencies responded to what they thought was a fire Monday at the home of 18-year-old Trevor Austin Lane.

Lane`s arrest report says his cat had been stuck in the tree overnight, and he figured the fire department`s `big ladders` would be of use.”

New York Post

If my cat was stuck in a tree I would consider it a catastrophe and I would caterwaul like a cat in heat until I got everybody`s attention. I could care less if my neighbors thought I was a pussy for being so worried about my kitty.

However it`s inexcusable to falsely report a fire to summon help, and Carney should be whipped with a cat o` nine tails.

If Carney had simply told the truth, the 911 operator would have contacted Animal Control to rescue his feline.

Carney was arrested and jailed on a $1,500 bond; I hope he didn`t tell his new jailbird friends why he ended up behind bars, or else they would consider him a pussy and they would be all over him like white on rice.

Read More:

https://nypost.com/2018/02/07/teen-called-in-fake-fire-to-get-help-for-pet-cat-stuck-in-tree-report/

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Redneck Attacks Roommate Over Stale Cap’n Crunch

“An Alabama man allegedly beat his roommate after discovering that the victim had failed to properly seal a box of Cap`n Crunch cereal, which had gone stale, police report.

Duane Barry Smith, 52, was arrested Friday for domestic violence following a confrontation with the man he shares a residence in Moundville, a town outside Tuscaloosa.

According to police, the victim said that Smith became upset upon discovering the stale cereal and blamed him for failing to keep the Cap`n Crunch fresh. Smith was especially perturbed since he is missing teeth and had difficulty consuming the stale cereal.

At one point, Smith demanded that his roommate remove his dentures so that he could experience how hard it was to consume the Cap`n Crunch. When the man refused, Smith allegedly began striking the victim with an electrical cord.”

The Smoking Gun

The dateline for this Smoking Gun article is Moundville, Alalabama, the epicenter of redneck tomfoolery, witness this story that I wrote last month:
Moundville Country Bumpkins Epic Fight Over Cheesecake:

http://thesop.org/story/20180121/moundville-country-bumpkins-epic-fight-over-cheesecake.html

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, and I munched children`s cereal, but when I became a man, I put away children`s cereals like Count Chocula and Cap`n Crunch.

But in Alabama rednecks not only love them some children`s cereal, they also love to court teen girls, and they madly love pedophiles like Roy Moore.

But I must admit that Cap`n Crunch is delicious, especially when it`s fresh and crunchy. Eating stale cereal is like smoking a blunt that you accidentally dropped in your toilet; I can understand Smith`s umbrage at his roommate/lover? at not properly sealing the box of cereal.

The victim should consider himself blessed that that the toothless wonder didn`t hit him over the head with a jug of moonshine after he worked him over with an electrical cord.

The moral of this story: Don`t ever visit Moundville, but if business requires that you visit that godforsaken place, take a zombie survival kit with you. If you pick up the last cheesecake or the last box of Cap`n Crunch at a grocery store and the shoppers start heading in your direction, for the love of God blast their brains with a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun.

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Like Every Other Dictator Donald Trump Wants a Military Parade

“Donald Trump loves pomp and circumstance. He loves public displays of toughness. And he really, really loves the military.

Add it all up and you get this: `Trump tells Pentagon to plan a military parade.`

The parade would be modeled after the Bastille Day parade that Trump spectated last year during a visit to France. `The marching orders were: I want a parade like the one in France,` one military official told The Washington Post, which broke the story.”

CNN

Dictators muzzle the free press, ridicule their political opponents, constrain an independent judiciary, and they love military parades.

It`s impossible to produce a documentary about a dictator and not include footage of military parades. Every dictator from Mussolini to Hitler to Stalin to Kim Jung-un has presided over military parades.

Evidently Trump has become green with envy as he`s seen Lil` Kim preside over a military parade once or twice every year. Ostensibly Trump wants a parade to demonstrate his love and appreciation for the military, but we all know that he wants missiles parading down Pennsylvania Ave. as compensation for his tiny hands.

America is the greatest military power in the world and we don`t need to stage elaborate military parades. The world is cognizant of our military might, for good or ill, our military is engaged in dozens of countries.

What we really need to do is impress the world with the power of our democracy to do good, by accepting refugees from every corner of the world.

Unfortunately, Trump will probably get his silly and expensive parade because nobody in his administration has the guts to tell him that it`s a stupid idea.

Read More:

https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/07/politics/trump-parade-analysis/index.html

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Shock Video Proves Donald Trump’s Scalp is as Smooth and Bald as Baby’s Butt

“A video shows the president climbing the stairs to Air Force One last Friday when a sudden gust of wind catches his combover.

 

The blast lifted the strands of hair like a flap and revealed his bare scalp underneath for all to see.”

The New York Post

Donald Trump`s hair defies gravity, it offends our aesthetic sensibilities, and it`s an affront to the Almighty.

Volumes have been written about his coiffure, his supporters swear it`s his own hair kept together by hairspray and prayers, others claim it`s a toupee or implants, and a few think it`s an abandoned Robin`s nest.

Trump has declared on numerous occasions that it`s his own hair, but he`s a pathological liar, and we have to take everything he says with a grain of salt.

I personally favor the explanation that it`s a bird`s nest, but I don`t really care, the only thing I know is that whenever I see the buffoon on TV I`m overcome with a desire to buy a flamethrower on eBay and travel to Washington and burn the abomination.

Now there`s video proof that regardless what`s on the moron`s head, whether it`s how own follicles, an implant, or a wig, underneath it there`s a freaking bald scalp.

Now that we`ve solved the mystery of Trump`s hair, can anyone explain why his hands are so tiny, or why his mouth looks like his rectum?

Piers Morgan Blasts BBC For Airing Homophobic Cartoon of Him and Donald Trump

“Piers Morgan launched a blistering on the BBC after it aired a homophobic cartoon depicting the British journalist with his nose up President Trump`s backside.

The Good Morning Britain presenter, who secured the first international interview with Trump last week, slammed the corporation for using the image on The Mash Report – its satirical news roundup

He wrote: `Amusing though this image may be to many people, can you imagine the BBC broadcasting it if the President was Hillary Clinton or the interviewer was a woman?”

Daily Mail

I share the cartoonist`s disgust at Piers Morgan`s softball interview with Donald Trump, it was an abomination and a disgrace to the profession of journalism.

However the cartoonist shouldn`t have sunken to Trumpian levels to register his disapproval of Morgan treating a pig like Trump with kid gloves. It was wrong for the BBC to air the homophobic cartoon.

The cartoonist could have made his point without drawing a sexually graphic cartoon, he could have simply depicted Morgan kissing Trump in his sphincter-like mouth: Same thing, much less offensive.

If the President was Hillary Clinton, and a cartoonist depicted a female interviewer licking her ass, feminists would no doubt torch the BBC studio.

Not only would such an outrage against a woman not be tolerated, but to portray a politician who everybody in the world knows is a straight-up butch lesbian performing a lesbian sex act would ignite a firestorm of protest.

There is no need to resort to homophobia to denounce Trump and his sycophantic enablers.

Link to offensive cartoon:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5348145/Piers-Morgan-blasts-BBC-airing-homophobic-cartoon.html

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

New York Theater Invites Patrons to Bring Their Dogs

“A theater in upstate New York is telling patrons to bring their dogs to four movies this month.

For its Dog Movie Week from Feb. 11 to Feb. 17, the Smith Opera House in Geneva, N.Y., will show dog-related films Best in Show, Must Love Dogs, The Artist and Bolt. The theatre will offer free treats to dogs, who can attend for free, as long as they are leashed and well-behaved.”

UPI

We`ve all taken a dog to a movie, we all have a date from hell horror story.

But taking a real dog to a movie is a dream come true; I can`t think of anything better than sharing a bucket of popcorn with my pooch as we enjoy a movie in a theater.

When a dude takes a date to a movie, he`s usually the one who pays for both tickets and the overpriced snacks. A night at the movies can easily set you back $50, but for Dog Movie Week at the Smith Opera House canines attend for free, plus they get free dog snacks.

Going to the movies has gone to the dogs, and I`m doggone happy.

Read More:
https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/02/01/New-York-theater-invites-movie-goers-to-bring-dogs/1891517503419/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=18

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Claims Orrin Hatch Said He Was the Greatest President in History

“It`s no surprise to anyone that President Donald Trump loves to boast about how great he is. But he seemed to take things to a new level on Thursday when he suggested that some people are saying he`s the best president in American history. He attributed that extreme bit of praise to Orrin Hatch, the longest-serving Republican senator.

`He said once I am the single greatest president in his lifetime, now he`s a young man, so it`s not that much,` Trump told Congressional Republicans at their annual retreat in West Virginia. And apparently it wasn`t enough that the 83-year-old from Utah said that he was the best president in his lifetime. `He actually once said I`m the greatest president in the history of our country,` Trump told the lawmakers in his next breath. `I said, does that include Lincoln and Washington? He said yes.` The commander in chief clearly enjoyed the praise very much: `I said, I love this guy.`”
Slate

President Donald Trump likes to compare himself with the “late great Abraham Lincoln,” but when historians render their verdict he`ll be compared with Richard Nixon.

Trump`s default mode is to exaggerate, if his personal physician told him “Don`t worry the length of your penis is only slightly below average,” he would boast “My doc just informed me that Ron Jeremy would envy my presidential pecker.”

Nobody in his right mind, not even Trump`s most deluded sycophants, would claim that he is the greatest president in history.

What Senator Hatch actually said was that Trump can be the greatest president, but never that he actually is the greatest president. Hatch said that he would like to work with the president to make this the greatest presidency in history for the American people.

Of course even that statement is patently ridiculous, it most be noted that Hatch uttered those ridiculous words in the immediate aftermath of Trump`s tax plan becoming the law of the land. When we are drunk with victory we utter all sorts of nonsense.

Trump is a blithering idiot and a world-class narcissist, I can`t wait for him to be impeached.

Read More: https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2018/02/trump-says-orrin-hatch-told-him-he-was-the-best-president-in-history-but-the-senator-denies-it.html

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Trump Boasted His State of the Union Was Most Watched in History! It Wasn’t!

“President Donald Trump touted the ratings from his State of the Union Thursday morning, tweeting that the numbers were record-breaking. But they actually werent.
“Thank you for all of the nice compliments and reviews on the State of the Union speech. 45.6 million people watched, the highest number in history. [Fox News] beat every other Network, for the first time ever, with 11.7 million people tuning in. Delivered from the heart!” Trump tweeted Thursday morning, his third tweet of the day.
Trump`s right about the numbers. Per Nielsen data, approximately 45.6 million viewers tuned in to watch his speech. And he`s also accurate that Fox News garnered the highest ratings, although, per Nielsen data, the network actually had 11.5 million viewers, not 11.7. But he`s not right when he called the numbers the “highest number in history.
Trump`s three immediate predecessors – former Presidents Barack Obama, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton – all amassed higher ratings from their first State of the Union than he did: 48 million people tuned in to watch Obama in 2010; 51.7 million tuned in to Bush in 2002; and 45.8 million tuned in for Clinton in 1994. (The President delivers an address to the joint sessions of Congress during his or her first year, and the State of the Union the following year).
Time

President Donald Trump has a long history of exaggerating the size of his crowds and the ratings of his speeches, he`s exaggerated everything from the length of his tiny pecker to his golf handicap to the size of the crowd at his inauguration.

It should come as no surprise that Trump lied when he boasted that the ratings for his State of the Union were record-breaking. They weren`t, not by a long shot.

Any president, especially on his first State of the Union address, has one primary objective: To deliver a speech that is short on inflammatory rhetoric but rich in platitudes that will unify the country.

Although the president`s State of the Union address wasn`t as divisive as his usual stump speech, he still sought to solidify his base by demonizing immigrants from Mexico and Central America.

Trump cares more about his own popularity than he does about the state of the union, as evidenced by his fixation on the rating for his important speech.

Trump`s State of the Union speech was as long and boring as a typical Bill Clinton address, but it wasn`t a ratings blockbuster.

Trump is a reality TV buffoon and his approval ratings as president and the ratings for his speeches will never match the ratings of Celebrity Apprentice.

Read More:

http://time.com/5128429/donald-trump-state-of-the-union-ratings-fact-check/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Pics of Busao the Cat and His Space Heater God

Ancient Egyptians worshipped a Cat Goddess, often represented as half feline, half woman, whom they called Bastet.

Thousands of years later we still worship felines, they rule the Internet, and they are the divine queens and kings of our homes.

We treat our cats like deities, we buy them gourmet cat food, expensive toys (that they ignore in favor of a box or a crumpled piece of paper), and cat condos for their entertainment and relaxation.

But the reverence and awe isn`t mutual, or dogs may look upon us as gods, but cats barely give us the time of day.

But is there anything or anybody that cats worship?

There`s a pampered kitty in Japan named Busao who worships his space heater. Busao looks upon his heater with a mix of reverence and awe.

I wish my cats looked at me the same way that Busao looks at his heater, after all I spend a small fortune looking after their every need.

Cat lovers know that their pets always make themselves comfortable in the warmest place in the house, be it next to a space heater or the furnace.

Maybe if I wrapped myself in an electric blanket my spoiled cats would always cuddle on my lap, and treat me like Buddha.

Pics of Busao and his Heater God:

http://metro.co.uk/2018/01/28/busao-cat-falling-love-heater-us-january-7266521/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Music World Stunned! Ed Sheeran’s ‘Shape of You’ Wins Grammy for Pop Solo Performance

In the most disappointing result in the 60 years of the Grammys, Ed Sheeran`s `Shape of You` won the 2018 Grammy Award for pop solo performance. Even the late Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli is turning over in his grave.

The other four nominees (Lady Gaga, Pink, Kesha & Kelly Clarkson) were bona fide divas who never fail to deliver a knockout performance.

I fail to comprehend how this wanker sells out arenas, the perfect venue for Sheeran is an old timer`s bar where the patrons are deaf and drunk and his singing is just an ambient noise that doesn`t distract them from their main focus, getting plastered.

Sheeran is a lackadaisical singer and a horrible songwriter, case in point the lyrics to “Shape of You”:

I`m in love with the shape of you

We push and pull like a magnet do

Although my heart is falling too

I`m in love with your body

Last night you were in my room

And now my bedsheets smell like you.

“Shape of You” is the song that plays in an elevator that descends all the way down to the pit of hell.

If “Shape of You” comes on the radio the average person won`t simply change the radio station, he will blast it to smithereens with a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun. And if he`s listening to the radio in the bathtub when the song is played, he will knock the radio into the tub, choosing death over the chance that he will ever hear that cursed song again.

Sheeran`s CD`s should be tossed into a bonfire! Come to think of it, he should be set on fire as well!

This is the lament of a pop culture critic, not a call to action.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes