Author: robertpaulreyes

Will America Survive Donald Trump’s Golden Showers?

The White House is Swamp Incorporated, on a daily basis we are inundated with toxic tweets, political intrigue, mixed messages, the toxic aftermath of presidential liaisons with porn stars and Playboy centerfolds, excuses for Russian treachery, and just about everything else that stinks to high heaven.

We`ve been experiencing a flood of Biblical proportions for the last year, but we are being drenched not with cleansing rain, but with golden showers.

Christopher Steele`s infamous dossier included the salacious claim that Donald Trump once ordered hookers to perform a golden show in front of him while at a hotel in Russia.

Excerpt from Steele`s dossier:

According to the Source D, where s/he had been present, TRUMP`s (perverted) conduct in Moscow included hiring the suite if the Ritz Carlton Hotel, where he knew President and Mrs OBAMA (whom he hated) had stayed on one of their official trips to Russia, and defiling the bed where they had slept by employing prostitutes to perform a `golden showers` (urination) show in front of him. The hotel was known to be under FSB control with microphones and concealed cameras in all the main rooms to record anything they wanted to.

This dossier was published in 2017, and the golden rain is still staining and corrupting our moral infrastructure.

There have been countless articles, theses and even books written about Donald Trump`s pee tape. Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton`s sex tapes failed to break the Internet, but if Trump`s pee tape is ever leaked online it may be the final nail in the coffin of Western Civilization.

It`s impossible to go online, read a newspaper, or watch the TV news without being drenched by the golden showers emanating from the Trump administration.

America survived Monica Lewinsky`s DNA-stained blue dress, and her orifice being employed as a cigar humidifier, and I`m confident that we will survive Trump`s seemingly endless golden showers.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Exposed on New Yorker Cover: Barry Blitt Masterpiece

“The cover of the upcoming issue of The New Yorker features an image of Donald Trump standing nude as he answers questions from a gaggle of reporters with their hands in the air. A judiciously placed lectern covers a crucial part of the president`s anatomy as he points to a member of the press.”

Huffington Post

What message is the artist, Barry Blitt attempting to convey?

That the press and the public is so used to Donald Trump`s outrageous behavior, that nothing he does shocks us anymore? Indeed, if Trump held a news conference in the buff, the event would go on as planned, and not one of the reporters would inquire: Sir, why are you naked?

That the press has exposed Trump as an emperor who isn`t wearing any clothes? It doesn`t matter if the media has exposed Trump as a racist buffoon who is in over his head, his base still treats him like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. If Trump held a news conference butt naked, the likes of Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham would tell their viewers that he wore a beautiful red tie, and a conservative blue business suit.

That Trump believes that the rules and conventions of polite society don`t apply to him, and that the public must accept him on his own terms? And by golly, if he does a press conference in the nude, the press must act as if that`s par for the course?

Blitt depicts Trump as a huge figure who towers over the assembled reporters. Is Blitt saying that Trump is a bigger than life figure, or is he simply illustrating the obvious fact that he is a fat pig?

I`m not sure what message Blitt was trying to convey, but I do know that he deserves a Pulitzer Prize. That huge naked illustration of Trump brilliantly captures his brazen decadence.

Link to Blitt`s masterpiece:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-exposed-new-yorker_us_5aac53ace4b05b2217fed6fb

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Trump’s Bowling Ball Test

“President Donald Trump often speaks of how other countries treat American products unfairly. At a private fundraising event in Missouri, Trump singled out a particular practice in Japan.

`It`s called the bowling ball test. Do you know what that is?` Trump said, according to a recording obtained by the Washington Post. `That`s where they take a bowling ball from 20 feet up in the air, and they drop it on the hood of the car. And if the hood dents, then the car doesn`t qualify. Well, guess what, the roof dented a little bit, and they said, nope, this car doesn`t qualify. It`s horrible, the way we`re treated. It`s horrible.`”

Politifact

The Washington Post noted: It was unclear what he was talking about. No shi*! The same thing could be said after almost every Trump comment.

When White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked in her regular press briefing, what the heck Trump was talking about, she responded that he was just joking. That`s the default explanation for Trump aides when their boss utters a ridiculous statement.

I have my own version of the Bowling Ball Test, if you believe Japan employs a bowling ball test to disqualify American imports, or just about anything else that emanates from Trump`s sphincter-shaped mouth, you have the IQ of a bowling ball.

If you drop a bowling ball from 20 feet up in the air on the hood of any car, be it a Mercedes-Benz or a Ford Focus, the hood will cave in.

Modern cars are intentionally made to crush under even a moderate impact, the more a car crushes the more it absorbs the energy. Better the automobile absorb the impact than a bowling ball or a human head.

I wish a patriot would end this charade and drop a bowling ball on Trump`s head from 200 feet in the air. Please no calls from the Secret Service, like Trump I have a penchant for joking around.

Read More:

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2018/mar/15/donald-trump/trump-botches-japanese-bowling-ball-test/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Cops to Get Police Cat!

“Last week, the Troy Police Department set a goal: 10,000 Twitter followers by April and the department gets a police cat.

Well, they hit the goal on Wednesday morning, which means it`s time for police cat!

Click on Detroit

Every police department worth its salt has a K-9 officer, but a canine officer ain`t no therapy animal, and it can`t be used in community outreach.

A canine officer who runs down criminals, and sniffs out your stash isn`t going to engender warm and cozy feelings toward cops.

I give a K-9 officer a wide berth, but if I see a cop petting a Kitty Officer I would feel compelled to pet the cat and hug his human handler.

The Kitty Officer will be expected to make public appearances on behalf of the police department, but he won`t live in the police station. He will go home every night with an officer.

This is simply a brilliant idea, can you imagine a cat wearing a police hat? He would inspire hundreds of kids to become police officers!

Read More:

https://www.clickondetroit.com/news/pawesome-troy-to-get-police-cat-after-hitting-twitter-goal

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Stormy Daniels Begs Fans to Pay Legal Fees for Lawsuit Against Donald Trump

“Stormy Daniels, the former porn star who says she had an affair with Trump in his pre-political days, is raising money to pay the legal fees and potential damages for her lawsuit against him.

The suit alleges that the hush agreement that keeps Daniels, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, from telling her story is invalid.

On the site – which was tweeted about by Daniels` lawyer, Michael Avenatti – Daniels said she would use the funds raised to pay for attorneys` fees, out-of-pocket costs associated with the lawsuit, security expenses and damages if she loses her suit. She said she did not have the “vast resources” to fight Trump and lawyer Michael Cohen on her own.

Per the crowd fundraiser, Cohen and Trump have threatened damages amounting to $1 million for every time she speaks out about the alleged affair.”

USA Today

Throughout his career real estate mogul Donald Trump sued or threatened to sue his business competitors as a form of intimidation. It`s poetic justice that now that he`s president a porn star is suing him in an attempt to break her nondisclosure agreement.

Trump was a moron for screwing around with a high profile porn star, and Daniels was a moron for agreeing to keep her diseased trap shut for a measly $130,000.

Now the shameless porn starlet is begging her fans to finance her suit against the president. Daniels no longer makes porn flicks, but she should make a couple more to finance her lawsuit. A couple of possible movie titles:

A Wrinkle in Time: The Odyssey of a Whore through Space and Time to Find the Perfect Lover.

The Black Panther from Wakanda Tangles with the White Skank from Baton Rouge.

Here`s how I hope and pray this sordid affair plays out: Daniels wins her lawsuit and sells a sex tape online depicting her drenching Trump in golden showers. This is too much even for Trump`s white evangelical supports to stomach and they finally turn against the bastard. But before Daniels can cash her first check she dies of syphilis.

Read More:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2018/03/14/stormy-daniels-launches-crowd-fundraiser-pay-legal-costs-suit-against-trump/425413002/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Court Rules Alleging Richard Simmons is Transitioning from Man to Woman Isn’t Defamation

“Richard Simmons was ordered to pay nearly $130,000 to the National Enquirer and Radar Online after the exercise guru sued the two media outlets for running a series of articles alleging he was transitioning to become a woman.

Simmons, 69, was ordered by Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Gregory Keosian Friday to pay the media outlets` attorneys` fees and American Media, their publisher, the Los Angeles Times reported.

Simmons sued the media outlets in May for a series of articles that alleged the fitness guru was transitioning to become a woman. He claimed that, while he holds no personal ill-feelings toward the transgender community, the articles were false and defamatory to his character. Simmons` lawyers argued that as a public figure, he has a legal right to “not be portrayed as someone he is not.”

However, Keosian ruled that alleging someone is transgender is not necessarily defamatory. Keosian dismissed Simmons case on Sept. 1, 2017.”

Fox News

Richard Simmons is an eccentric and he offends my aesthetic sensibilities, whenever I see him on TV with his shaved body and tiny shorts I want to blow up my screen with my shotgun.

But different strokes for different folks, and if the fey bastard is your cup of tea, more power to you.

Richard Simmons has disappeared from the national spotlight, he hasn`t made a public appearance in years, and most of us are delighted that he`s become a recluse.

Naturally publications that feature celebrities are going to speculate on the reason for his disappearance. The National Enquirer and Radar Online naturally concluded that the little freak was in hiding as he transitioned to become a woman.

Simmons sued these fine publications for defamation, and the judge correctly ruled that alleging someone is transgender isn`t defamation.

If they had impugned his motivation for transitioning from a male to a female, and alleged that he wasn`t suffering from gender dysphoria but was following in the footsteps of noted drama queen Bruce Jenner and he was interested only in publicity that would have been defamation.

The little ninny is 69-freaking-years-old, and he should be focusing on transitioning from a man to a corpse.

Read More:

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2018/03/13/richard-simmons-ordered-to-pay-130g-to-national-enquirer-radar-online.html

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

White Evangelicals are the Greatest Threat to Christianity and Democracy

President Donald Trump is the most crude, vulgar, petty, corrupt and unchristian president in history:

Trump`s charitable foundation makes the Clinton foundation look like a paragon of virtue. Trump`s foundation admitted violating federal rules on self-dealing that bars nonprofit leaders from funneling their charity`s money to themselves, their business or their families. Every Trump enterprise is self-dealing from his faux university to his stint as president of the United States.

Before he became a politician Trump darkened the door of a church only three times, to get married. During his presidential campaign and his first year in office he`s attended church a couple more times, just to prove to his less faithful evangelical supporters that he`s not the Antichrist.

Trump believes in the Golden Rule: He that has the gold makes the rules. And the corollary: He that has the gold can disregard the rules.

Trump doesn`t know crap about the Bible, the only books he can remember are Genesis and Two Corinthians. The only time he touches a Bible is for depositions, and when he runs out of toilet paper.

Trump`s never uttered a prayer in his life, although he cynically offers his thoughts and prayers after a national tragedy.

Trump has never apologized to any of the countless politicians, celebrities, journalists and judges that he has crudely mocked and ridiculed, and he famously declared that he`s never asked God for forgiveness.

This is the cesspool of evil that white evangelicals venerate and treat like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Thank you Donald Trump for exposing the moral bankruptcy of white evangelicals. Thank you Donald Trump for educating us to the truth that white evangelicals are the greatest danger to Christianity and democracy.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Stormy Daniels Isn’t An Icon of Female Empowerment, She’s a Disease-Ridden Skank

“Stephanie Clifford, aka Stormy Daniels, is having a field day on Twitter with the many people who are insulting her now that she wants to speak out about an affair she says she had with President Donald Trump.

Clifford is embroiled in a legal battle over whether a non-disclosure agreement she signed in October 2016 in return for $130,000 is valid. But while the case plays out, the porn star is responding to haters on Twitter with some hilarious snark, including chastising one user for misspelling skank.

One tweet in particular amused Clifford:

ROFL As if Donald Trump would sleep with a disease ridden slut like you, all you are is a glorified prostitute after quick cash. Why would he want you when he has Ivanka? Better looking and miles more classy than you could ever hope to be. People like you give women a bad rep.”

Deano

AOL.Com

Daniels may be motivated by fame and money to spill the beans on her sexual relationship with Trump, nevertheless in the interests of truth and transparency I hope she spills her guts.

Deano`s tweet may have amused the porn star, but his assertion that she`s a disease-ridden slut is spot on.

Daniels is indeed a glorified prostitute after quick cash. According to Merriam-Webster dictionary a prostitute is a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment.

Prostitutes engage in sexual activity for money in private, but Daniels performs her dirty deeds on film, there is no shame in her game. You don`t have to be Daniels` gynecologist to deduce that her orifices are crawling with STD`s.

Trump is a noted germaphobe who hates shaking hands, however his lust for women of dubious virtue trumps his fear of germs. Trump has a history of bedding disease-ridden porn stars and cavorting with golden showers-loving hookers. Trump would have no problem sleeping with a disease-ridden skank like Daniels.

Deano is mistaking Trump`s daughter Ivanka for his wife Melania, however Trump does have incestuous yearnings for his daughter. Trump once confessed that if Ivanka weren`t my daughter perhaps I`d be dating her.

Deano states that people like Daniels give women a bad name, it would be more accurate to state that Daniels gives sluts a bad name.

Daniels isn`t a feminist icon and a symbol of female empowerment, on the contrary she`s a symbol of the dehumanization, objectification and exploitation of women.

The pornographic industry is controlled by organized crime, and the vast majority of women in this business are treated like dogs. The ethos of the pimp, “Pimps Up, Hoes Down,” is the mission statement of the porn industry.

Legions of girls and young women who dream of being a glamorous porn star like Daniels end up living in crack motels making porn flicks that are too sleazy for PornHub.com

Screw Daniels, she`s nothing but a disease-ridden slut.

Read More:

https://www.aol.com/article/news/2018/03/09/stormy-daniels-has-some-amazing-comebacks-for-angry-people-on-twitter/23381854/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Woman Says She Was Injured by Drag Queen’s Breast, Sues Hamburger Mary’s in Tampa

“A woman who said she was injured by a drag queen`s breast is suing the Hamburger Mary`s restaurant in Tampa, records show.

In a civil complaint filed last month in Hillsborough County, Neldin Molina of Denver said she went to the restaurant May 30, 2015, for a friend`s birthday, unaware that there would be a performance. Hamburger Mary`s, a chain with several Florida locations, including one on Church Street in Orlando, is known for its drag shows.

During the show, Molina said a performer grabbed her head and `wiggle[d] her breast against Molina`s face and head at least 8 times.` Molina said the performer then violently”pounded her head against the performer`s chest up to 9 times.”

Orlando Sentinel

Molina is being disingenuous when she claims that she had no idea that there would be a drag performance at Hamburger Mary`s, and therefore no expectation that she would have a close encounter of the 3rd kind with a drag performer`s breast.

Hamburger Mary`s is only the most gay-oriented restaurant chain in the galaxy, their motto is “Eat, Drink and be Mary!” “Mary” in the motto is a reference to the slang “Mary” used for gay men as far back as the early 1900s.

If you go to a “Hamburger Mary” restaurant you know damn well that a drag performance may break out at any time, just as you know that a fistfight between rednecks may break out at any time when you patronize a “Waffle House” diner.

Granted nobody should expect to be assaulted by a drag performer`s breast, but if Molina lied about being oblivious to the fact that she was in a restaurant that caters to a gay clientele and features drag performances, she`s also probably lying when she claims that the drag performer violently pounded her head against his breast.

Methinks this is another frivolous lawsuit, the judge should dismiss her case and give her a voucher for a free meal at a hamburger joint like McDonald`s where there will be zero chance that she would be assaulted by a drag queen.

Read More:

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/breaking-news/os-hamburger-marys-restaurant-injured-drag-queen-breast-20180309-story.html

Donald Trump aka Denny Dennison is a Filthy Pig

President Donald Trump`s personal attorney, Michael Cohen has publicly declared that he paid porn star Stormy Daniels $130,000 to maintain discretion regarding her sexual relationship with Trump in 2006.

But paying a porn star to keep her trap shut makes as much sense as paying her to keep her legs closed, and she`s chomping at the bit to break her nondisclosure agreement and tell all for a hell of a lot more than $130,000.

Stormy Daniels isn`t her Christian name, she was christened Stephanie Gregor Clifford. It`s imperative that a porn star or a stripper adopt a sexy moniker like Wendy Wild, Summer Vixen or Jaden Hollywood. No dude wants to pay good money to receive a lap dance from a stripper named Betty Smith.

It`s par for the course for a porn actress to use a pseudonym, but why did Cohen use an alias (Denny Dennison) for Trump in the nondisclosure agreement?

Denny Dennison? Please! Denny Dennison is the name of a baseball player or an assembly line worker. When Anthony Weiner was trolling for underage girls online he used the fake name “Carlos Danger.” When Trump cavorts with porn stars and playboy centerfolds he should call himself “Wonder Mike” or “Dangerous Dick.”

I hope that Donald Trump aka Denny Dennison aka Fuc*ing Moron pays the price for paying off a porn star to keep quiet a few days before the 2016 election.
Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Duchess of Cambridge Has Deformed Hands: Is She a Clone, Shape-Shifting Reptilian or Spawn of Satan?

“Duchess Kate is known for making headlines for her chic and frequently affordable style, sweet philanthropic moments and inspirational parenting advice, but now shes making news in the lifestyle world for a very different reason: Her hands.

Kate`s long and delicate fingers are going viral for an unusual reason — it seems that her pointer, ring and middle fingers are all the same length.”

AOL

The Duchess of Cambridge has a maternal glow, and her baby bump is garnering a lot of attention.

But nowhere near as much attention as her deformed hands, her pointer, ring and middle fingers are all the same length. Needless to say this is not normal, and it has the stench of sulfur.

There`s no need to burn this demonic royal at the stake, but the Queen Mother should issue a royal decree ordering Kate never to go out in public without wearing white gloves.

Is lovely Kate a spawn of Satan, a reptilian shape-shifter or a clone? God only knows, but the debate will linger as long as she continues to brazenly show off her witch`s hands.

And I thought Donald Trump`s short hands were repulsive …

Pic of Kate`s evil hands:

https://www.aol.com/article/lifestyle/2018/03/07/people-are-going-crazy-over-duchess-kates-weird-hands/23379585/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Stormy Daniels is a Porn Star, Not an Adult Movie Actress!

Porn star Stormy Daniels (aka Stephanie Clifford) is in the news again because she sued President Donald Trump (aka Orange Baboon) in California court – alleging that he never signed a “hush agreement” over an alleged sexual relationship between the two, making the agreement null and void.

This article isn`t about whether or not Trump had an intimate affair with Daniels, and then had her lawyer pay her hush money, even Trump`s most ardent supporters admit that Trump had a sexual relationship with her.

I was watching CNN the other day and anchor Brooke Baldwin referred to Daniels as a porn star, when defense attorney Mark John Geragos quickly jumped all over her for referring to her as a porn star instead of as an “adult movie actress.” For the remainder of the interview Brooke called Daniels an “adult movie star.”

Enough of this politically-correct BS! Daniels appeared in over a hundred pornographic movies, which makes her a porn star.

Porn movies have cheesy dialogue, substandard production values, and wooden acting, those aren`t the qualities that I equate with a movie that would be enjoyed by adults.

In most porn flicks women are brutalized and objectified, once again I don`t associate such cinematic garbage with “adult films.” Citizen Kane is an adult film, the movies Daniels starred in are porn flicks.

Stormy Daniels has sex for money which makes her a prostitute who appears in porn movies. She doesn`t deserve to be called an “adult movie actress.”

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Does Jesus Speak to Mike Pence?

“Buried under an avalanche of breaking news this month, Vice President Mike Pence gave an impassioned defense of religion.

`The overwhelming majority of Americans enjoy their faith, and we have all different kinds of faith in this country,` Pence said during an event broadcast on C-Span. `My Christianity is the most important thing in my life. I try and start every day by opening the good book. My wife and I try to have a prayer together before I leave every morning. I can honestly tell you my faith sustains me in all that I do.`

He was responding to a question about a joke comedian Joy Behar cracked during an episode of The View on ABC in which she compared Christianity to a mental illness.

`It`s one thing to talk to Jesus,` Behar said on the popular daytime talk show. `It`s another when Jesus talks to you.`”

Charlotte Observer

All Christians talk to Jesus, but only charlatan televangelists and mentally unbalanced believers claim that He literally answers them.

Sane evangelicals will say words to the effect of: I went to Jesus in prayer and I believe He is leading me to take this action.

But when a pious Christian declares “I asked the Lord if I should vote for Donald Trump, and Jesus not only ordered me to vote for him, but he also commanded me to wear a MAGA hat every day,” WATCH OUT! That wasn`t Jesus speaking to him, the wanker is misinterpreting the fart emanating from his arse for the word of God.

Folks who claim that Jesus speaks to them in an audible voice are sanctimonious morons of the worst kind.

I`m not a theologian or clairvoyant, but I know damn well that Jesus does not speak to Mike Pence. If Jesus ever speaks to Pence it will be to rebuke him for enabling and making excuses for the short-fingered vulgarian.

We need less holier-than-thou Christians declaring “Jesus spoke to me,” and more humble believers saying “I`m feeding the poor, and visiting prisoners in jail just like Jesus instructed me in the Gospels.”

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/opinion/editorials/article201882049.html#storylink=cpy

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Jeff Sessions is the Creepiest Politician in History

Attorney General Jeff Sessions has been called everything from a Keebler elf to Mr. Magoo to a grey alien to a steaming pile of dung, and that`s what his friends in the Senate call him. Just kidding, even though he served for over two decades in that august body, he doesn`t have any friends there or anywhere else.

Sessions is the creepiest politician in history, he`s like a loathsome lizard that you are too afraid to touch so you just poke it when a ten-foot pole.

This vile creature is older than dirt, and it`s not too soon to be talking about his funeral. I hope it`s a closed casket funeral, he looks like a vampire now, God only knows what he will look like when he`s finally dead.

Donald Trump has been publicly shaming and humiliating Sessions ever since he recused himself from the investigation into Russia`s attempted meddling in the 2016 election.

I haven`t heard a single politician, pundit or preacher come to his defense, arguing that a man of such integrity and high moral character shouldn`t be subjected to such despicable treatment.

Because of course the slimy racist doesn`t have any integrity, people defend him on strictly political terms.

We worry whenever Trump blasts him, only because it may mean that he`s getting ready to fire him. As much as we loathe Sessions we don`t want to see him fired, because Trump would replace him with a lackey who would fire Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

Sessions endorsed Trump early in the 2016 presidential race, he travelled with the short-fingered vulgarian and got to know him very well. Sessions knew what a sick bastard Trump was, and he should never have agreed to serve as Attorney General.

I`m enjoying watching Trump torment Sessions on a daily basis.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

The Faith of Donald Trump: A Spiritual Biography Worst Book of the Century

Many biographies have been written about Donald Trump, they chronicle his multiple bankruptcies, extramarital affairs with porn stars and Playboy centerfolds, dubious business transactions, feuds with celebrities, misogynist and racist behavior …

Reading about Trump is like swimming in a septic tank, it`s not for the faint of heart.

Competing with all these tomes that delve into the deviant behavior of Trump there`s a biography that purports to delve into the godly side of the short-fingered vulgarian, and it`s not a satire.

The Faith of Donald Trump: A Spiritual Biography was written by David Brody, a reporter for the Christian Broadcasting Network, and Scott Lamb, a Baptist minister. Holy shit!

You`d expect a book about Trump`s spiritual life to be as skimpy as Two Corinthians, but it`s a hefty 375 pages.

This is not a book review, I have not read and have no intentions of reading this abomination. I am sick and tired of white evangelicals justifying and rationalizing Trump`s immoral behavior; I`d rather be dead than waste three or four hours of my life reading this drivel.

In the book flap there`s a blurb by Newt Gingrich, you remember him, he`s the devout Catholic who visited his cancer-stricken wife at the hospital to plead for a divorce so he could marry his mistress. Hopefully Newt`s endorsement will be enough to scare anyone from reading this claptrap.

I don`t know who is more despicable, Donald Trump or the white evangelicals who hail this Antichrist figure as a Messiah.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trumps Seeks Authoritarian Solutions for Gun Violence and Opioid Crisis

Donald Trump has expressed a fondness and affinity for dictators like Russian President Vladimir Putin, Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte, and even North Korean Dear Leader (smart cookie) Kim Jong-un.

Like the aforementioned despots Trump has an aversion for the hallmarks of any thriving democracy: An independent judiciary, a robust and free press, and the concept of due process.

Trump, during a bipartisan meeting at the White House to discuss school safety and gun violence, said it might be better in some cases to allow police to confiscate guns from potentially disturbed individuals before allowing due process. “Take the gun first, go through due process second,” Trump declared. That`s the proclamation of a tin-pot dictator, and not a sentence that a United States president should ever utter.

In the same week that Trump expressed disdain for due process he also advocated the death penalty for drug dealers. At a White House summit on opioid abuse he said:

“If you shoot one person, they give you life, they give you the death penalty. These people can kill 2,000, 3,000 people and nothing happens to them.”

According to Wikipedia more than 14,000 people have been killed since Duterte declared a war on drugs and ordered the police and military to kill drug dealers without due process. There`s a river of blood flowing in the Philippines, but drugs are as plentiful as they were before Duterte`s ill-conceived war on drugs.

Trump would be well-advised to focus on the public health component of the opioid crisis. Tough talk like demanding the death penalty for drug dealers might excite his base, but it won`t do anything to fight the opioid epidemic.

Authoritarian measures won`t solve the intractable problems like gun violence or the opioid crisis, Trump needs to remember that he`s the president of the greatest democracy in the world and not the dictator of a Third World dictatorship.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Study Says Cats Would Kill You If They Were Bigger

“If you`ve ever suspected that your cat might be plotting to kill you, you might be on to something.

A new study from researchers at the University of Edinburgh shows many parallels between domestic cats and their larger feline brethren, including aggression and neurotic behavior.
The study rated domestic cats as expressing high levels of dominance, impulsiveness and neuroticism, characteristics they share with larger felines like the clouded leopard, African lions, snow leopards and Scottish wildcats. House cats also have high levels of anxiety, insecurity, tension, suspicion and fear of people.
the results of the study, while not completely a shock, are unnerving, especially a conclusion that domestic cats have a desire to kill humans and would likely do so if they were bigger and stronger.”

Orlando Sentinel

Cats are cute and cuddly, but they are also mean and sadistic. When I moved into my house I had a problem with mice, but the cat that I owned at the time, Patches, quickly got rid of the pests. Patches would toy with a poor hapless mouse for hours before she would finally put it out of its misery.

You may deceive yourself into thinking that your kitty would lick you to death if it was as big as a lion, but truth be told he would probably smack you around for a few minutes before tearing you apart limb from limb.

My cat Tico tips the scale at 25 pounds, and he is so fat and fluffy, and as cute as a button. He has a penchant for plopping down on my face when I`m taking a nap, he`s drawn to the warmth of my body, but I also think he just might be trying to smother me.

I don`t care if my cats are plotting to kill me, I love them to death.

Read More:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/gone-viral/os-cats-kill-you-bigger-study-post.html

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Awkward: Donald Trump Massages Mike Pence’s Thigh During Billy Graham Memorial Service

“During a memorial service for the late Reverend Billy Graham in the Capitol Rotunda on Wednesday, President Trump, in a rare display of public affection, reached over his wife Melania to place a firm, but gentle hand on Mike Pence`s thigh. Pence looked as comfortable with the president`s touch as you`d imagine, his mouth squeezed tightly shut, his hands gripping the hem of his suit jacket.

Was it a gesture of reassurance? A warning? We may never know. I would like to know how Karen felt about it, though.”

The Cut

I`m not surprised that Trump reached over his wife Melania and placed his tiny hand on Pence`s upper thigh, he knows darn well that if he had placed his hand anywhere on Melania`s body, she would have swatted the disgusting little thing.

Pence is a devout evangelical and perhaps Trump was only trying to console his Vice President on the death of the evangelical icon, or maybe he was just screwing with him. But one thing is sure: Those were the longest moments in the life of the noted homophobe.

After the memorial service Pence probably retreated to his prayer closet and uttered this prayer:

Lord I can resist an ugly orange baboon when he touches my thigh, but please don`t let Jared Kushner caress my thigh lest I become a sodomite.

Read More:

https://www.thecut.com/2018/02/donald-trump-touches-mike-pences-thigh-billy-graham-memorial.html

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Dude Attempts to Rob 7-Eleven By Pointing Finger at Clerk

“Authorities are looking for help identifying a man they say pointed a finger at a 7-Eleven clerk and demanded cash early Wednesday before leaving empty handed.

According to Southwest Florida Crime Stoppers, the man walked into the store with a red shirt covering his face, and approached the clerk with a pointed finger.

The man demanded all the cash from the register, but the clerk refused and the man left the store.

He was seen riding a white bicycle north on Imperial Shores Blvd.”

CBS NEWS

If a dude attempts to rob a 7-Eleven by pointing his finger at the clerk, and leaves the store empty-handed on a bicycle, you don`t have to be clairvoyant or a crime novelist to write the next chapter in his life:

He will be nabbed by the cops and walk out of jail bowlegged a few weeks later.

I wonder what this hapless would-be robber told the clerk: Gimme all the money in the register and a Big Gulp or I will give you a proctology exam?

Moral of this story:

If you point your finger at a clerk demanding he hand over all the money in his register, there are three fingers pointing back at the biggest wanker in the country.

Read More:

http://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2018/02/28/man-reportedly-attempts-to-rob-convenience-store-armed-with-a-finger/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Parkland School Shooting: Would Donald Trump Really Have Run In?

“US President Donald Trump has said he would have run in to the Florida high school where 17 people were shot dead this month even if he was not armed.

`I really believe I`d run in there even if I didn`t have a weapon,` Mr Trump told a group of state governors gathered at the White House.”

BBC

Even if Trump possessed the valor of a Navy SEAL he`s not going to run into a school and confront an active shooter. If he jogs more than a couple of seconds he`s out of breath; he is so obese that he can`t run to the bathroom before soiling his diapers.

The five-time draft-dodger, derisively known as Captain Bone Spurs, is too much of a coward to confront a child brandishing a water gun let alone a madman toting an AR-15.

We don`t need false bravado from our commander-in-chief, we need action. Trump doesn`t have the courage to defy the NRA, and demand thorough background checks every time a citizen buys a gun including online and at gun shows. Trump doesn`t have the backbone to demand that Congress pass legislation banning all AR-15 type rifles.

The teenage survivors of the Parkland massacre are the true heroes, they have the courage to speak truth to power and demand sensible gun control.

Read More:

http://www.bbc.com/news/43202075

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Jon McNaughton’s Painting of Donald Trump is Crap

Jon McNaughton recently unveiled the latest painting in his Americana series, it depicts Donald Trump standing on a football field clutching a shredded, trampled and grass-stained American flag.

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel, and I admit that a jingoistic buffoon like Trump is as American as apple pie, and this painting certainly deserves to be part of the artist`s Americana series.

I`ve already seen McNaughton`s painting prominently displayed on the Facebook pages of MAGA true believers. It probably induces wet dreams of a naked Trump holding the American flag and leading a charge against Mexican, Muslims and other riff-raff in these cretins.

But back to the “work of art,” the president is standing on the gridiron, holding a desecrated American flag to his chest with one tiny hand, and holding a rag with his other hand. Only a fuc*ing moron would attempt to remove grass stains with a rag, the artist is as much of an idiot as the president he so clearly idolizes.

Trump has a pensive look on his face, as if he`s thinking it must have been those black sons of bitches who trampled all over this flag.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Mike Pence Has a Penchant for Planting Holy Kisses on Donald Trump’s Butt

“Dictionary.com has absolutely zero tolerance for Mike Pence kissing Donald Trump`s ass.

After video footage of a Wednesday Cabinet meeting showed the VP giving Trump an inordinate amount of praise, the dictionary took matters into its own hands, delivering a powerful blow to Pence`s ego with a ridiculously sassy, straight-forward tweet.

Retweeting a Washington Post analysis titled `In Cabinet meeting, Pence praises Trump once every 12 seconds for three minutes straight,` Dictionary.com`s official Twitter account called Pence out, defining his behavior in one word: sycophant.

`There`s a word for a person who would praise someone every 12 seconds. #VP #Pence,` the tweet read, linking out to the sycophant dictionary entry.”

Mashable

Only a preacher delivering a sermon on Jesus Christ can be excused for praising a man once every 12 seconds.

A man who praises a mere mortal once every 12 seconds during a speech is the very definition of a sycophant, or to put it into words that Donald Trump would understand, an ass-kissing toadie.

I couldn`t praise a giant like John Kennedy or Martin Luther King once every 12 seconds during a speech, who can bring himself to shower a lying sack of shit like Trump with compliments?

Jesus had nothing but words of compassion and kindness for prostitutes and other social outcasts, but he had ringing words of condemnation for hypocritical leaders like the Pharisees.

To use one of Trump`s favorite expressions “believe me” Jesus would call Trump everything but a child of God.

To hell with Pence and his evangelical faith that propels him to praise a loathsome pig, Dictionary.Com is spot on, he is the epitome of a sycophant.

Read More:

https://mashable.com/2017/12/22/dictionary-trolls-mike-pence-sycophant/#Sd6gLczGhsq3

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Oprah Winfrey Donald Trump Death Match: Hopefully They Would Kill Each Other

Donald Trump`s boundless ignorance is matched only by his mind-blowing ego, the perfect representation of the billionaire buffoon would be a blimp covered with an image of an empty suit.

I can think of only one celebrity who is as vapid and egotistical as Trump, and that`s Oprah Winfrey. The talk show diva preaches a New Age Gospel with herself as the Messiah. The perfect symbol of the billionaire braggart would be a blimp filled with flatulence, and an image of a golden calf.

Winfrey has been publicly playing with the idea of running for president in 2020, naturally Trump attacked her on his favorite social media platform, Twitter:

“Just watched a very insecure Oprah Winfrey, who at one point I knew very well, interview a panel of people on 60 Minutes. The questions were biased and slanted, the facts incorrect. Hope Oprah runs so she can be exposed and defeated just like all of the others!”

Winfrey had a mealy-mouthed response to Trump`s savage tweet:

“You don`t win by meeting any kind of negativity head-on.”

This answer is in keeping with Winfrey`s pseudo-spirituality where you don`t attack evil, but engage it with dialogue.

I`m sorry, but you attack evil openly, and I make no secret that I despise Trump`s fascism and racism as much as I despise Winfrey`s New Age bullcrap and hypocrisy.

Winfrey`s social circle included sexual predator Harvey Weinstein, fellow lesbian Hillary Clinton, and real estate developer Donald Trump.

I`ve been advocating for gay and lesbian rights publicly since I first started posting my essays online in 1998, but I despise lesbians like Clinton and Winfrey who are too damn cowardly to come out of the closet, even though practically everybody knows they aren`t heterosexual.

I would pay anything to watch a pay-per-view death match between Winfrey and Trump that resulted in the death of both of these gasbags.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Outrage: 288-Pound Woman Runs Marathon

“When Ragen Chastain sets a goal, she wants it to be nearly unattainable. Which is how she went from hating running to signing up for a marathon.

`I decided I wanted to try a challenge and jump out of my comfort zone, and distance running had always been the thing that I was worse at in the entire world,` Chastain, 41, a speaker and writer, tells PEOPLE. `So I signed up for a marathon first thing.`

`I was looking around for other plus-size people who had done marathons, and I saw a lot of people who started the marathon but didn`t finish it,` she says. `So I was just really inspired by the idea of being plus-size and finishing the marathon, and the visibility that would create for other people who wanted to try it and thought they couldn`t because of their size.`

After completing a 20-week training program, Chastain successfully (if not painfully) finished the Seattle Marathon.

AJC.Com

I applaud Chastain for not accepting the politically-correct orthodoxy that there`s nothing wrong with weighing as much as a baby hippo, and taking steps to lose some weight.

I`m assuming that her intention was to lose weight, but God forbid if her intention was solely to give visibility to fat people.

Baby steps …

How about finishing a 50-yard dash in under five minutes before tackling a marathon?

Instead of “signing up for a marathon first thing,” she should have run to Jenny Craig or to a gym to sign up for a one-year membership.

I doesn’t matter that she completed a 20-week training program before running in the marathon, a 288-pound woman who runs in a marathon is risking a heat stroke, heart attack or stroke.

Chastain is self-centered beyond belief, sure she could have set a world record for a heifer completing a marathon, but did she consider what a eyesore she was to the spectators? Or that if she passed out first responders would have to lift her fat carcass onto a stretcher?

I hope the spectators didn`t enable her vanity by cheering her when she limped over the finish line.

Chastain would be well-advised not to run any more marathons until she drops down to 160 pounds.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Humiliates Racist Keebler Elf Jeff Sessions Once Again

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III (a moniker befitting a Southern racist), was a United States Senator from Alabama from 1997 to 2017.

In his long tenure in the Senate Sessions uttered many racist remarks, and opposed Civil Rights legislation, but perhaps the most odious stain in his legacy was his early support of Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election.

Sessions was the first Senator to endorse Trump, and he helped legitimize his candidacy. In the Day of Judgement the racist Keebler elf will have a lot to answer to answer for; I don`t envy the racist bastard.

Trump rewarded Sessions by appointing him Attorney General of the United States, the Republican Senator`s dream job.

But Session`s dream job quickly turned into a nightmare when he recused himself from all Department of Justice probes into the 2016 campaign, including looking into Russia`s involvement. Trump blames the appointment of Special Counsel Robert Mueller on Session`s recusal.

The faithful lackey instantly became a pariah in Trump`s eyes, and the president has brutally attacked him on Twitter ever since. Just when you think the beleaguered Attorney General is finally out of the doghouse, Trump publically humiliates him again.

This morning Trump once again publicly berated his own Attorney General tweeting.

“If all of the Russian meddling took place during the Obama administration, right up to January 20th, why aren`t they the subject of investigation? Why didn`t Obama do something about the meddling? Why aren`t the Dem crimes under investigation? Ask Jeff Session!”

The Justice Department isn`t Trump`s private detective agency, and he shouldn`t be publicly urging Sessions to investigate the previous administration.

To add insult to injury Trump misspelled the Attorney General`s name, referring to him as “Session” instead of “Sessions.”

The DOJ hasn`t responded to Trump`s latest Twitter tantrum. I don`t feel a sliver of sympathy for Sessions, he should have known better, Trump has a long history of betraying his closest friends.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes