wanker

Trump Makes Penis Joke on Live TV

With the world holding its collective breath, wondering if the commander-in-chief with the doll hands will ignite World War III with an inflammatory social media post or by joining Israel’s crusade to destroy its arch enemy, Trump stepped out on the lawn in front of the White House and… called for? A ceasefire? A negotiated settlement? A ratcheting down of kinetic activity?

Bitch, please. He made a crude dick joke. Trump is obsessed with dicks, whether it’s his own tiny dick or Arnold Palmer’s monster dick.

Trump was showing off two 100ft flag poles he put up outside the White House. Never mind that there are already plenty of American flags in the White House, the insecure bastard surrounds himself with phallic symbols to compensate for his inadequacy.

The profane buffoon stood in front of the cameras showing off the enormous flagpole. He then made a crude and sophomoric penis joke:

 “Let’s have a good – they call it a lifting. They also use another word but I’m not gonna use that word. It says with an E. Do you know what the word is? If I ever used it I would be run out of town. Alright. So enjoy it.”

What a dick! This is the fool whose decisions in the next hours and days may determine if the world blows up.

We’re screwed!

Franklin Graham Cautions Trump on Profanity! Goddamn Wanker!

Matthew 12:36: “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.”

Franklin Graham, one of the most prominent evangelical Trump cheerleaders, has urged Donald Trump, privately and publicly, to refrain from uttering profanities at press conferences and speeches.

As President of the United States and nominal Leader of the Free World, Trump has a bully pulpit that amplifies his every utterance, even his most banal and profane tweets.

Trump will have a lot to answer for on Judgment Day; almost every word that emanates from his sphincter-shaped month is careless. Trump’s brain isn’t a computer that weighs the meaning of every word and calculates how it may resonate with different audiences, it’s a megaphone that blares his unfiltered diatribes.

Graham gets his panties in a twist whenever Trump cusses, but MAGA cultists cream their pants when their Orange Messiah swears, especially when the profanity is directed at a political opponent. Trump has uttered expletives in evangelical churches, with nary a murmur of disapproval from the god-fearing folks. They aren’t bothered even when Trump spits out a “goddam.”

Graham chastises Trump for using four-letter words, but he has nothing to say about Trump’s racism, misogyny, greed, mendacity, fascist tendencies, and overall contemptible behavior.

Goddamn Franklin straight to hell, the hypocrite will have a lot to answer for in the Day of Judgement. He will have to give an account for all his sermons praising Donald Trump, who is the embodiment of evil.

Elon Musk is the Cringiest Trump Supporter

Donald Trump’s superpower is the ability to make even the most powerful politicians, celebrities, preachers, and business moguls prostate themselves in front of him in exhibitions of subservience and servility.

The latest wanker to make an ass out of himself is Elon Musk, the wealthiest man in the world. After the orange buffoon introduced Musk to the stage in his triumphant return to Butler, PA, the tech mogul jumped in the air several times like a 1st grader who just got a puppy for Christmas.

Musk who wore a black MAGA cap and was dressed all in black, christened himself “Dark MAGA.” Musk was pointing out the obvious, we are well aware that MAGA is a dark movement that will drag us back to the Dark Ages if the chaos agent-in-chief returns to the White House.

Even the Dear Leader was repulsed by Musk’s cringy theatrics, he gave him a JD Vance style side-eye.

Ron Filipkowski, a frequent Trump critic, wrote above a clip of Space Karen jumping on stage: “This might be the cringiest shit I’ve ever seen in politics.”  No shit!

After watching Musk make a spectacle of himself, I wanted to pluck out my eyes and roast them in an open fire.

How Dare Tom Selleck Credit Jesus for his ‘Success’

In a beliefnet.com article Tom Selleck is quoted as saying that Jesus Christ is responsible for all the success in his life.

It’s a good thing Jesus Christ rose from the dead, otherwise he would constantly be rolling over in his grave every time a wanker attributed his “success” in life to Him.

Selleck isn’t a philanthropist, educator, scientist or writer he’s an actor who owes all of his success in his profession to his good looks.

In his prime in the 80’s Selleck won a few Emmy Awards for his portrayal of private investigator, Thomas Magnum. Selleck’s iconic mustache should have received an Emmy for “best supporting actor”, because his thespian skills consisted of looking pretty in Hawaii’s beautiful scenery.

Selleck, 76 is still acting, although now his ridiculous toupee receives more attention than his mustache.

Selleck an ultra-conservative is a spokesman for the National Rifle Association (NRA), but by far his most deplorable role is as a paid endorser for reverse mortgages. Reverse Mortgages prey on the elderly, and only a person who has sold his soul to the devil would shill for such despicable companies.

WWJD? He sure as fuck wouldn’t be a spokesman for the NRA or reverse mortgages.

How dare Selleck credit Jesus for his success in life, Jesus would beat the holy hell out of him and stuff his toupee where the sun don’t shine.

Sean Spicer’s New Book ‘The Briefing’ a Colossal Failure

“`He is a unicorn, riding a unicorn over a rainbow.`

That`s how Sean Spicer lovingly describes his former boss in his new book, “The Briefing,” according to a copy obtained by the Guardian.”

Market Watch

Sean Spicer was mercilessly ridiculed during his short stint as the White House Press Secretary, nevertheless he sought to parlay his brief tenure as Trump`s lying lackey into a career as a cable news talking head and as an author.

CNN, MSNBC and every other legitimate news outlet flat-out turned him down, why would they besmirch their reputation by hiring a lying sack of crap?

Even Fox News home to conspiracy theorists, right-wing nutjobs and assorted assholes refused to offer Spicer a contract, although he frequently appears as an analyst.

Spicer`s career as an author thus far is an unmitigated disaster, his new book, “The Briefing” debuted in 20,0000th place on Amazon`s book chart. I could self-publish a book about Trump`s sphincter-like mouth and it would sell more copies.

Trump isn`t a beautiful mythical figure like a unicorn, he`s a flying pig shitting over a rainbow, and at the end of his rainbow is a faux-gold pot of steaming manure.

There should be no room on TV, indeed in polite society for any former member of the corrupt and racist Trump administration. Sean Spicer can ride his unicorn to an asylum, that`s where he belongs.

Read More:

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/sean-spicer-likens-donald-trump-to-a-wondrous-mythical-creature-2018-07-12

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Stray Cat Scares Bejesus Out of Wanker

“A customer at a Tennessee garden center was caught on security camera jumping onto a store counter to avoid a stray cat that wandered in.

The security camera footage shows a man standing at the counter at Beasley`s Yard in Columbia when another customer walks in the door.

A stray cat darts into the door before it closes, causing the man at the counter to become startled and jump up onto the counter.”

UPI

Even the toughest dude is afraid of something, I for one will scream like a little girl if a spider falls on me.

But a man who jumps onto a store counter when a feline wanders in, should turn in his man card. He`s more of a pussycat than a human being, and I`m surprised the store owner didn`t knock him off the counter with a baseball bat.

But at least the store owner posted the video online, to the mortification of the coward, and the delight of millions of people all over the world.

Link to video:

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/04/18/Stray-cat-scares-customer-into-jumping-up-on-counter/2451524068997/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=7

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Jeff Sessions is the Creepiest Politician in History

Attorney General Jeff Sessions has been called everything from a Keebler elf to Mr. Magoo to a grey alien to a steaming pile of dung, and that`s what his friends in the Senate call him. Just kidding, even though he served for over two decades in that august body, he doesn`t have any friends there or anywhere else.

Sessions is the creepiest politician in history, he`s like a loathsome lizard that you are too afraid to touch so you just poke it when a ten-foot pole.

This vile creature is older than dirt, and it`s not too soon to be talking about his funeral. I hope it`s a closed casket funeral, he looks like a vampire now, God only knows what he will look like when he`s finally dead.

Donald Trump has been publicly shaming and humiliating Sessions ever since he recused himself from the investigation into Russia`s attempted meddling in the 2016 election.

I haven`t heard a single politician, pundit or preacher come to his defense, arguing that a man of such integrity and high moral character shouldn`t be subjected to such despicable treatment.

Because of course the slimy racist doesn`t have any integrity, people defend him on strictly political terms.

We worry whenever Trump blasts him, only because it may mean that he`s getting ready to fire him. As much as we loathe Sessions we don`t want to see him fired, because Trump would replace him with a lackey who would fire Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

Sessions endorsed Trump early in the 2016 presidential race, he travelled with the short-fingered vulgarian and got to know him very well. Sessions knew what a sick bastard Trump was, and he should never have agreed to serve as Attorney General.

I`m enjoying watching Trump torment Sessions on a daily basis.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Neighbors Thought Wanker Was a Terrorist for Flying Jack Daniel’s Flag

“According to a report by a Swiss site, a 29-year-old man from Regensdorf in the canton of Zurich recently bought and erected a Jack Daniel`s flag, along with an Italian flag, outside his property.

The man, born in Switzerland but with Italian heritage, said he had put up the flag because he found it `funny`. His neighbours, however, appeared to disagree and confused the flag of the famous Tennessee whiskey producer with that of the militant group, so-called Islamic State.

After emptying his letter box, the man found a letter, allegedly from `concerned neighbours` that read: Should we be afraid of you? First the Italian flag and now the black death flag. Are you an IS-sympathiser? The letter concluded by stating that the author(s) would put the man and his girlfriend “under observation, if necessary.”

The Drinks Business

As far as I`m concerned a man can erect any flag on his private property, however if you erect a flag featuring the logo of a whiskey company your neighbors are going to suspect you`re a drunkard.

The homeowner said that if he found the culprit, he would take legal action due to damage to his reputation. What a wanker, his reputation was ruined the moment he raised the Jack Daniel`s flag.

To quote the immortal words of Rodney King: Can`t we all just get along? If the Swiss gentleman threw a neighborhood party, and provided free Jack Daniel`s, peace and tranquility would prevail in that neighbored forevermore.

Moral of this story:

If you see something, say something, unless you happen to be a freaking moron who mistakes the Jack Daniel`s logo for an ISIS flag.

Read More:

https://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2017/10/man-mistaken-for-terrorist-after-his-isis-banner-turns-out-to-be-a-jack-daniels-flag/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes