Pat Robertson Claims God Told Him Trump Will Win Reelection and Usher in End Times

Pat Robertson reports that he has been told by God that Trump will win reelection … and it will bring about the beginning of the End Times.

I try not to engage in conversation with racists, morons, buffoons and assholes, and it makes me wonder why the Almighty has a penchant for speaking to assholes the likes of Pat Robertson. Shouldn’t the omniscient Creator of the universe exercise some discipline to whom He speaks?

I’m guessing the Lord doesn’t speak to me because when I fart, I don’t cup my ears to interpret the Word of God emanating from my ass. White Trump supporting evangelicals who believe that a satanic cabal of pedophiles controls the world have no problems believing Robertson when he imparts divine wisdom by breaking wind.

It should be noted that this isn’t the first time that Robertson has predicted the end of the world, in the 80’s he prophesied:

“I guarantee you by the end of 1982 there is going to be a judgment on the world.”

I’m not a prophet or a theologian, but I predict that these are the end times for the 90-year-old snake oil salesman.

I’m not going to place my right hand on the Bible, but I predict that Joe Biden is going to win in a landslide. God isn’t whispering in my ear or speaking through my ass; I’m relying on the polls that show Biden leading in the national polls, and more importantly in all the swing states.

Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappuccino Sign of the End Times

“Starbucks` wildly popular Unicorn Frappuccino may have come and gone, but it lives on atop the head of one Canadian stylist`s satisfied customer.

Kelly Woodford, owner of the Sapphire Hair Lounge in Winnipeg, Canada, shared a short video on Instagram comparing the colors of a Unicorn Frappuccino to the colors she used to dye a customer`s hair.”

UPI

I am contemplating running for mayor of my city for the sole purpose of banning any Starbucks within city limits. Starbucks are a magnet for millennials, slackers and assorted riff-raff, it boggles the mind that they haven`t been targeted by jihadists or spree killers.

I love coffee, and I get my daily fix at a Waffle House, and it`s served by a waitress, not a freaking barista. Any millennial who works as a barista should be drowned in a vat of Unicorn Frappuccino.

The day that Starbucks started offering Unicorn Frappuccino in its dens of iniquity, is the day that I said to myself: The Apocalypse is right around the corner! Now that a hair stylist has used the Unicorn Frappuccino colors to style a customer`s hair, I`m researching bunkers online.

Pic of moron rocking Unicorn Frappuccino hairdo:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/04/25/Stylist-shows-off-hair-inspired-by-Unicorn-Frappuccino/4801493130386/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=16

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