jd vance

South Park’s Trump/Vance Sex Scene Traumatized Me for Life

The latest episode of South Park contains the most disturbing visuals in the history of cinema, it makes the depravity depicted in Faces of Death, Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom, and Caligula, seem like highlights from Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.

Donald Trump uncovered the plot between Peter Thiel and JD Vance to abort his love child with Satan. Vance, drawn to look like Fantasy Island’s Tattoo, convinces his boss that he was only acting in his best interest before putting the moves on him.

Trump and his chief fluffer Vance, then proceed to defile and degrade the Lincoln Bedroom, by doing the nasty in the hallowed room. The use of Trump and Vance’s actual faces in the throes of orgasm is enough to make the most randy Romeo swear off sex forever.

South Park perfectly captures the mendacity of the vice president when he exclaims, “it’s so big.” Even South Park’s tiny version of Vance would curse God if his pecker was as puny as the orange pedophile’s.

I am a huge fan of director John Waters, known as the Pope of Trash, for his trashy cult movies. Divine eating fresh dog feces off the sidewalk in Water’s classic Pink Flamingos? That shit ain’t nothing compared to graphic sex scenes between Vance and Trump.

Watching this disturbing South Park episode caused me lasting trauma. I cannot wait for the next episode.

JD Vance Has the Most Punchable Face in Politics

Vice President JD Vance has the most punchable face in politics. When his mug makes an unwanted appearance on my TV screen, I immediately click to a different channel. His visage elicits such a visceral reaction, I fear if I ever see him in person my fist will connect with his face.

Even if Vance’s countenance were as handsome and pleasing as Brad Pitt’s, I would still want to punch him right in the puss, because of his vehement opposition to abortion, demonization of the LGBTQ community and fierce loyalty to Donald Trump. His smug countenance coupled with his devotion to MAGA ideology guarantees that if I ever see him, he will end up looking like a raccoon.

Vance’s round face, thick eyelashes, penchant for wearing eyeliner and killer side-eye makes him the most memeable kisser in politics. There are myriad Vance memes online, and it was only a matter of time until meme-loving Trump posted one. In a Truth Social post, Trump shared an image that shows him and Vance in police cars pursuing Barack Obama, who is driving a white Ford Bronco, emulating the infamous OJ Simpson slow car chase. Vance’s face has been photoshopped to depict him with long, curly hair, pink cheeks, and a fat face. Has Trump has ever smacked Vance behind closed doors?

I’m not advocating physical violence against any politician, however cognizant that Vance is cursed with a punchable face, I advise my readers to take out their frustrations on a JD Vance inflatable punching bag.

Is JD Vance a Worse Human Being than Trump?

Donald Trump is a pathological liar, serial adulterer, adjudicated rapist, wannabe dictator, conniving fraudster, lifelong racist, and just a general stinking pile of human shit.

If the Almighty finally has enough of the orange messiah and smites the morbidly obese sociopath with a heart attack, we’ll be better off with JD Vance as president, right? Maybe not.

But is the cynical bastard who once called Trump a “moral disaster, cynical asshole, cultural heroin and possible America’s Hitler” and who experienced an epiphany and now praises Trump as the MAGA messiah who will make America great again, really an improvement?

Say what you will about Trump, and there is plenty negative to say about the blathering idiot, but he would never allow anyone to insult his wife. Trump is no wimpy Ted Cruz; he would go nuclear against anyone foolish enough to denigrate his trophy wife.

Marko Elez, a 25-year-old DOGE employee, is a blatant racist who has posted many racist posts on X, including:

“Just for the record, I was racist before it was cool.”

“You could not pay me to marry outside of my ethnicity.”

“Normalize Indian hate.”

After the Wall Street Journal exposed Elez’ racist tweets, he resigned from DOGE in disgrace. Elon Musk ran a poll on X asking if he should be rehired, and of course 80 percent Of X’s racist subscribers said he should be rehired. And of course, the racist Trump administration rehired Elez.

Did JD Vance who is married to an Indian American, and has three children with her denounce the racism of the DOGE employee and demand that he never be rehired? Not exactly.

Here was Vance’s reaction:

I obviously disagree with some of Elez’s posts, but I don’t think stupid social media activity should ruin a kid’s life. We shouldn’t reward journalists who try to destroy people. Ever. So, I say bring him back. If he’s a bad dude or a terrible member of the team, fire him for that.

What a cowardly piece of garbage! Elez is an unrepentant racist who never apologized for his racist tweets, and that automatically makes him a bad dude who has no business being a member of DOGE.

Unfortunately, Trumpism will not die with Trump, not as long as there are assholes like Vance and his ilk in prominent positions in government.

Weird Wanker JD Vance Spreads Racist Rumor about Haitian Immigrants Stealing and Eating Cats

JD Vance and prominent Republicans are repeating the baseless claim Haitian immigrants are stealing pet cats from their neighbors in Springfield, Ohio and eating ducks from local parks.

Officials in Springfield, Ohio, said they have not received any credible reports of Haitian immigrants abducting and eating pets, or decapitating and eating ducks.

Anyone with two brain cells and a smidgen of common sense knows they do not have to worry that their family picnic at a park will be ruined by hungry Haitian immigrants killing and barbecuing the ducks swimming peacefully in the pond. They also know that there is zero chance that Haitian immigrants will steal Fluffy the cat and eat it or sacrifice it in a voodoo ritual.

But Trump’s Maga base is racist, and they are predisposed to believe the most awful rumors about Black immigrants. That is why Vance uses his social media platforms to amplify these baseless and racist propaganda.

Today Vance finally admitted that reports of Haitian immigrants eating cats may turn out to be false, posting on Twitter:

“In the last several weeks, my office has received many inquiries from actual residents of Springfield who’ve said their neighbors’ pets or local wildlife were abducted by Haitian migrants. It’s possible, of course, that all of these rumors will turn out to be false.”

There is no doubt about it, these racist rumors are patently false. Vance should apologize for spreading false rumors abut Haitian immigrants, they love their pets as much as native Americans.

Vance would be well-advised to stop talking about cats, The weird wanker was criticized for stating that the country is being run by a bunch of childless cat ladies, including Vice President Harris.

Nobody wants to hear Vance’s misogynistic take on childless cat ladies or his racist nonsense about Haitians eating cats.

JD Vance is a Mean Jerk

Donald Trump is a manifestly vicious, nasty, petty, and vindictive little man, but his supporters and sycophants find these odious traits endearing and inspiring. Every vile comment and every ridiculous statement that emanates from his sphincter-shaped mouth is treated as the Gospel truth by his disciples.

White evangelicals are every bit as fascist and disgusting as their orange messiah.

Trump chose JD Vance as his running mate over the objections of his trusted aides, and in short order he has become the most disliked vice-presidential candidate in history.

Vance is on a mission from God to remain in the good graces of his boss by spouting hate on every campaign stop. He has an audience of one, and Trump feeds off the hateful energy of his underlings.

Not to belabor the point, but JD Vance is a mean asshole, and he is even turning off the MAGA base. Trumpers love when Trump waxes evil because they believe he can do no wrong, but Vance does not enjoy the same dispensation to be an evil jerk.

Vance was a deplorable jackass before he became part of Trump’s orbit, being in the former president’s orbit has only magnified his fiendishness and degeneracy.  

Vance is every bit an abomination as his Dear Leader, but America is sick and tired of the bad vibes, and the Trump ticket is destined for defeat. This will mean the end of the 78-year-old Trump’s political career, and it will mean the end of the 40-year-old Vance’s career before it really got started.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

JD Vance’s Disqualifying Haircut

A myriad essays have been written about Donald Trump’s striking and disturbing countenance. Trump slathers on orange tan lotion on his weathered mug leaving pale circles around his eyes that give him the appearance of a feral raccoon. Then there is the obscene sphincter-shaped mouth that makes him look like a demon that just escaped from the pit of hell. But it is his infernal hairstyle that defies gravity, offends aesthetics, and scares the bejesus out of little children that keeps me up at night. Pundits, politicians, and preachers ponder why the billionaire former president carefully cultivates a coiffure that looks like cotton candy dipped in a Russian hooker’s urine.

I never imagined that any other politician, let alone Trump’s running mate, would ever don a hairstyle that could compete with the former president. But there has never been a weirder vice-presidential candidate than JD Vance. The couch-fucking freak is saying, “hold my beer, take a gander at my haircut.”

Social media has been horrified by the photo of a new haircut by JD Vance. Who cut his hair, his inbred aunt stricken with glaucoma and cataracts?

The unruly clump of hair atop his dome, with no gradation to the rest of his hair, is not a great look for anyone and certainly not for someone running for vice-president.

Vance’s hairdo looks normal from the front, but from the back it looks like the devil himself styled his hair.

Thank God sofas aren’t sentient creatures, imagine if you will, getting humped by a mean and weird a-hole with such an insane hairdo?

JD Vance’s Donut Shop Visit Awkward as Hell

Americans identify with Homer Simpson’s love for donuts. His orgasmic delight in gobbling his favorite pink frosted donuts with multicolored sprinkles is a metaphor for our urge for instant gratification with products of dubious nutritious values.

JD Vance’s campaign team thought that orchestrating a photo op at a donut shop would be a perfect way to demonstrate that he is a normal guy, and not a weird asshole.

JD Vance’s interaction with workers at a donut shop went epically awry.

After looking at the donut display case, he said: “I’m JD Vance, I’m running for vice president, good to see you.” “OK” is the only response from the employee. She was not impressed with her weird customer and wanted the interaction with him to be as brief as possible.

When a regular guy enters a donut shop, he mutters “mmm donuts” and orders his favorite donut. Only a weird character would ask for an assortment of “whatever makes sense.”

Vance has also gone viral for comments about Diet Mountain Dew and Swiss cheese on a cheesesteak sub restaurant in Philadelphia.

His comments about subjects that have nothing to do with food are even weirder. Witness his comment about our country being “run by childless cat ladies” and his belief that people with children should be rewarded extra votes.

The only way that this photo op could have gone worse is if the shop had a couch and he decided to have carnal relations with the couch instead of ordering donuts.

Tim Walz is Right, Donald Trump & JD Vance are so Weird

Minnesota Governor Tim Walz and newly minted running mate of Vice President Kamala Harris is the embodiment of normalcy. The former schoolteacher and high school football coach is as American as apple pie and as normal and welcoming as your favorite auto mechanic, school crossing guard and neighborhood mail carrier. With his bald pate, beer belly and bubbly demeanor he is as approachable and likeable as your beloved pastor or favorite bartender. He exudes goodness, harmony, and decency, in short, he is a good egg.

Serial sexual predator Donald Trump and his couch-humping running mate JD Vance are bad eggs who exude corruption, criminality, and creepiness. They are plain weird.

Trump is infamous for christening his political opponents with nasty nicknames and cruel adjectives describing their personas.

After a decade of Trump’s criminality, pathological lying, temper tantrums, unhinged rants, and spreading of conspiracy theories, we have become accustomed to his strange behavior.

It took a normal guy to remind us that Trump is weird, it is Walz who first called Republicans weird, and that adjective has stuck. It has unleashed a million memorable memes and viral moments.

A trans-hating conservative who has a penchant for wearing eyeliner, dressing in drag, and having intimate relations with a couch is just freaking weird.

A morbidly obese septuagenarian cursed with a mouth that resembles a sphincter, doll size hands, and raccoon eyes and yet has the nerve to criticize the personal appearance of women is just freaking weird.

Let’s make America Normal Again, let’s kick Donald Trump and his Mini-Me JD Vance to the curb.

What America needs now, more than ever, is the normalcy of Kamala Harris and her astounding running mate Tim Walz.