Author: robertpaulreyes

What’s the One App Donald Trump Should Have on His Phone?

“One fun thing: POTUS` current device is an iPhone with ONE app: Twitter.”

Axios

The average millennial has dozens of apps on his phone, it`s not surprising that a septuagenarian has only one. Considering how much trouble Trump has got into on Twitter, imagine the chaos if he learns about other apps like Tinder. The short-fingered vulgarian would be swiping right like crazy and hooking up with all sorts of skanks.

What is the one indispensable app that Trump should have on his iPhone:

INSTANT GRAMMAR AND SPELL CHECKER

This would be perfect for the grammar-challenged moron.

SNAPCHAT

The principal feature of Snapchat is that pictures and messages are only available for a short time before they become inaccessible. If Trump communicated only via Snapchat it would be less likely that his inane thoughts would go viral.

YOUTUBE

I would recommend that Trump subscribe to channels featuring makeup tutorials. What`s up with the orange complexion?

ENGLISH PRONUNCIATION APP

If I hear Trump mispronounce “China” one more time, I`m going bonkers!

FART SOUNDS PRANK

This fart sound app would provide countless hours of entertainment for Trump, he could drive Mike Pence to loss his salvation by blaming him for farting. If Trump spent his time farting around with this app he would have less time to destroy our country.

Dear loyal readers what`s the one app that you think Trump should have on his phone?

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Pope Francis Looks Mortified to be Taking Photo With Donald Trump

“All eyes were on the Vatican on Wednesday when Trump, along with members of his family and political inner circle, shared a private audience with the pontiff. Trump had a half hour of the pope`s time for a discussion; they also exchanged gifts and posed for pictures. One image in particular, of a grinning Trump next to a stone-faced Pope Francis, has gone viral.”

Time Magazine

Donald Trump`s daughter, Ivanka, and his wife Melania, are standing immediately to his right, dressed in black with their heads covered in black veils, they look like the most beautiful witches this side of hell.

On the other side of Trump, with a foot of separation,stands a stone-faced Pope Francis, looking dignified and resplendent in his white papal vestments and his white skullcap.

The pope was wearing a cross as big as Mack truck, let`s hope and pray that it provided him enough protection from the likes of the Trumps.

It looks like they posed for a photograph before they split ways, the Trumps to attend a Black Mass, and the pontiff to hear confession.

To show you the depravity of the human heart, I`d rather join a séance with the beautiful but evil Trump ladies than have an audience with Pope Francis.

Link to photo:

http://time.com/4792245/pope-francis-donald-trump-viral-photo/

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MAY ARCHIVES PAGE 2:

https://robertpaulreyes.com/page-2-of-may-2017-archives-of-robert-paul-reyes-articles/

What’s Going to Happen When Antichrist Donald Trump Meets Pope Francis?

American evangelical leaders heartily embraced Donald Trump, and white evangelicals voters provided the impetus to push Trump over the top in a few critical states. We have evangelicals to thank for the most stupid, ignorant, vulgar, crude and egotistical president in history.

Evangelicals will never admit their mistake, even when their Messiah is eventually (God Willing) impeached, for them loyalty to Trump is as much a tenet of their faith as believing in the Virgin Birth of Jesus Christ.

Evangelicals have done serious and irreparable harm to their reputation, how the hell can anyone take these Trump lovers seriously when they preach their message of redemption and renewal in the name of Christ?

Not content with having destroyed the evangelical faith in America, Trump is now set to meet the Pope in the Vatican. On Wednesday one of the most credible and respected religious leaders of our generation will meet one of the least credible and most vilified politicians of our day.

In order to survive this meeting with his reputation intact the Vicar of Christ must refrain from diplomatic niceties and religious platitudes, and treat Trump with respect but not utter a single word of praise. Trump has destroyed evangelicalism in America, he must not be allowed to destroy Catholicism.

Trump isn`t going to experience an epiphany at 70-freaking years old, and I`m sure the Pontiff isn`t going to try to convert the old reprobate. The Pope would be better off taking Trump to the bowels of the Vatican, and having a team of exorcists attempt to drive the demons from the vulgar bastard.

When antimatter meets matter annihilation occurs, when the Antichrist Trump meets Pope Francis let`s pray that the Pontiff survives the meeting, and that Trump will be so unnerved that he will go nuts and act crazy, and be committed. Wishful thinking, Trump is already nuts, and he is already acting crazy and Republicans act as if he`s the Second Coming of Ronald Reagan.

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What a Farce! Saudi Arabia Opens Global Center for Combating Extremist Ideology

President DonaldTrump on Sunday participated in the opening of the Global Center for Combating Extremist Ideology in the Mecca for extremist ideology, Saudi Arabia. The kingdom`s major export after oil is radical Wahhabism, Saudi Arabia funds madrassas (religious schools that teach hatred toward Israel and the United States) in Afghanistan, Pakistan, and even in the United States.

Donald Trump, Egypt`s president Abdel al-Sisi, and Saudi Arabia`s Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud hovered over a glowing orb. When the men placed their hands on the mysterious orb, a runway lit up, revealing men (women may be allowed to polish the glowing orb but they aren`t allowed to work in the Center) and computers in cubicles.

The center will monitor extremist activity online, and the men in the cubicles will probably encourage radial Islamic propaganda online, while Saudi leaders publicly denounce ISIS.

You don`t need a glowing crystal ball to foretell that the Saudis will continue to finance international terrorism. Shame on Trump for participating in this farce.

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Melania Trump Slaps at Donald Trump When He Tries to Hold Her Hand: Video

“Melania Trump appeared to want nothing to do with President Donald Trumps hand on Monday.

After FLOTUS and POTUS arrived at Ben Gurion International Airport in Lod, near Tel Aviv, Israel, for Day 3 of the administration`s first international trip, Trump reached one hand backwards toward his wife – but she quickly rebuffed the gesture with a flick of her wrist. At the time, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was holding hands with wife, Sara, beside the Trumps.”

Huffington Post

We recently learned that Hillary Clinton`s debate preparation included practicing how to avoid shaking hands with Donald Trump. Nobody, friend or foe, wants to touch Trump`s hands, God only knows what that pussy-grabbing freak`s hands have touched.
Even Melania Trump doesn`t want to be anywhere near her toxic husband, she`s been safely ensconced in Trump Tower the last four months — far away from the reach of his tiny hands.
When the Trumps arrived at Ben Gurion International Airport, knowing that millions were watching on TV, Melania Trump flicked away his hand when he attempted to hold her hand.
Only diehard Trump supporters can tolerate him, it`s time to impeach him.
Read More:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/watch-melania-trump-swat-donald-away-when-he-tries-to-hold-her-hand_us_5922f66ae4b034684b0e1ffa

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slo71FaJjfY

Clint Eastwood: We’re Really in a Pussy Generation

“We`re really in a pussy generation. Everybody`s walking on eggshells.”

Clint Eastwood

Eastwood the star of Spaghetti Western flicks of the 1960`s is a straight shooter, he tells it like it is, and he doesn`t give a damn if he triggers snow flakes.

Political-correctness is a cancer that`s metastasizing, affecting every part of our culture. Filmmakers are afraid to tackle certain subjects, comics are afraid to utter certain words, painters are afraid to paint certain subjects, and everyday folks parse every word they speak in a work setting.

Eastwood is spot on: We are in a pussy generation. Take the word “pussy” for example, women are free to wear pussy hats, and to shout: Pussy Power! But if a man says “you are such a pussy,” he`d better be speaking to his cat, and not to friend or colleague who is exhibiting pussy-like behavior.

Just about the only context in which the word “pussy” is objectionable is when a man distills the essence of a woman to her vagina, and refers to her as a pussy. Witness, Trump boasting that he has a special dispensation by virtue of his power and celebrity to grab women by their pussy.

If a dude acts in a typically female manner, but all means call him a pussy.

if a man or woman (pussy is a non-gender specific word) acts in a cowardly fashion, by all means call him or her a pussy.

If a supervisor asks a subordinate to perform a menial task, by all means exclaim: Got to hell! I`m not a pussy!

If you are engaging in romantic foreplay with your wife or girlfriend, by all means declare: You`re my favorite pussy!

It`s alarming to the state which we have fallen, truly we are a pussy generation. We should replace the ultimate phallic symbol, the Washington Monument, with a statue of a pussy cat.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Hillary Clinton Practiced Avoiding Donald Trump’s Hug

“Hillary Clinton`s presidential debate preparation included practicing – unsuccessfully – avoiding getting hugged by a grabby Donald Trump stand-in, a video posted Friday reveals.

The video shows Clinton on Sept. 24 walking out on a mock stage to greet a man playing the Republican nominee Trump for the prep session for the debate, which was being held two days later at Hofstra University on Long Island, New York.”

CNBC

Donald Trump compensates for his diminutive hands by turning every handshake into a power play, legion are the foreign leaders who have fallen victim to Trump`s death grip.

Hillary Clinton debate preparation included practicing avoiding Trump`s embrace and handshake. If only the Democratic Party had avoided fixing the election in favor of Hillary, Bernie Sanders would have crushed Trump in the general election.

Hillary was such an ineffectual candidate that Trump got the best of her in every way possible, including devising a winning strategy for the electoral college.

One day there will be a female presidential candidate who is equal, and even superior, to every male in the field, and who will go on to be elected President of the United States. But it won`t be Hillary.

Read More: http://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/19/watch-hillary-clinton-try-to-duck-a-hug-from-donald-trump.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xdaxNFkBlg

Donald Trump Should be Impeached Sooner Rather Than Later

The Trump administration is mired in scandal, the Republican legislative agenda is in paralysis, while the president`s surrogates try to manage the chaos by issuing statements that are contradicted by the Twitterer-in-chief in the same news cycle.

The Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, the Majority Leader of the Senate Mitch McConnell, and the rest of the GOP leaders are in a perpetual state of anguish over the pandemonium swirling around the White House, but Trump who thrives in turmoil calmly tweets in the Oval Office, creating even more trouble for his handlers and advisers.

Trump could very well survive four or even eight years of scandals and controversy without suffering a heart attack or a mental breakdown, but the Republican Party, our democracy and the American people can`t endure this madness for much longer.

Trump has been in office for only four months, but the evidence is already overwhelming that he is temperamentally unfit, and intellectually incapable of being president. Trump has relied on his intuition in his career as a businessman, he has basically “winged it,” and that has led to as many bankruptcies as great deals.

But you can`t “wing it” as commander-in-chief of the greatest military in the world, without risking Armageddon. Many Democrats are praying and hoping that next year they will regain control of Congress, and be in position to impeach Trump.

But we simply can`t wait that long, it`s incumbent upon Republicans to value our country over party and begin impeachment proceedings. The bombshell news that Trump asked then FBI Director James Comey to drop his investigation of former national security adviser Michael Flynn may finally motivate them to do the right thing.

The longer Trump remains in power the more irreparable harm he will inflict on the GOP and our country, it`s in the best interests of Republicans, Democrats and our democracy for Trump to be impeached sooner rather than later.

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Deer Strolls into Walmart and Freaks Out Over Walmart Freaky Shoppers

“Walmart shoppers in Wadena got a real sense of the outdoors Tuesday night when a deer strolled into the store.

Stephanie Koljonen, of Wadena, witnessed the commotion.
`We were in the pet aisle when we heard what sounded like shelves falling, then a woman screaming,` she said.

“We rushed to help and that`s when we saw a deer was on the loose.`
Koljonen says a fellow shopper swooped in and corralled the deer, gently holding it and covering its eyes so it wouldn`t be spooked. That`s when Koljonen grabbed her camera. She snapped a photo and shared it on Facebook. Her post now has more than 1,000 shares. Authorities later responded and freed the deer.”

KARE 11

I rarely venture inside a Walmart, I value my sanity. The male Walmart shoppers look like Skid Row denizens, the females resemble contestants in a Trailer Park beauty contest, and the children look and act like Bebe`s kids.

It`s hardly surprising that the deer freaked out, I feel a sense of claustrophobia and paranoia when I`m surrounded by Walmart freaks.

Thank God for the quick-thinking Good Samaritan who held the deer, and most importantly covered its eyes so it wouldn`t see the rednecks and hood rats who populate Walmart.

Friends don`t let friends shop at Walmart!

Read More:
http://www.kare11.com/news/weird/deer-wrangled-in-wadena-walmart/440545149

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Die Millennials! For God’s Sake Just Die!

“Online retailer Opening Ceremony is getting into the bizarre upscale jeans trend with a pair of $425 convertible pants from Y/Project.

The `Detachable Cut-Out Front Jeans` by Y/Project are composed of a pair of high-waisted booty shorts with two pant legs that connect to the shorts via buttons.
Unlike other shorts/pants combos, these ones leave a gap between the bottom of the shorts and the tops of the pant legs.”

UPI

This trend in bizarre and expensive jeans is reason #1,0001 to hate millennials. There can be no peaceful coexistence between normal people and millennials, their sense of aesthetics and their philosophy of life is anathema.

The convertible jeans are the latest weird jeans to hit the market, how can we forget the $425 jeans pre-caked with mud or the $100 pair of completely transparent clear jeans.

Millennials with their college degrees are working at Starbucks and Wal-Mart, living in their parents` basement, and relying on Uber for transportation, but they can afford a $425 pair of Jeans? Something is rotten in Denmark.

Bootie shorts and jeans are two distinct animals, and never the twain should meet. If a woman has the hips and the legs for bootie shorts, by all means she should wear them, but nobody, not even a supermodel, should wear a pair of high-waisted bootie shorts. That`s just wrong!

I am eagerly waiting for the Zombie Apocalypse, I just hope and pray that they will wipe out millennials from the face of the Earth.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Dude Sues Date for Texting During ‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2’

“A Texas man is suing a woman for the $17.31 he spent on a date where he claims she texted throughout the movie they attended together.

Brandon Vezmar of Austin alleges in his lawsuit that he met the woman on dating app Bumble and they went on a first date to eat pizza and watch Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 at a movie theater.

The lawsuit alleges the woman opened her phone to read and send text messages 10 to 20 times during the film.

Court papers filed by Vezmar state texting is in direct violation of the theater`s policy, [adversely] affecting the viewing experience of plaintiff and others.”

UPI

Although this Texas man might be slightly anal-retentive, texting is against the policy of most theaters, disrespectful to the audience and to your date. He should have simply deleted her phone number, and never seen her again.

Allow me to come to the defense of the woman, “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” is a very entertaining movie and she was probably texting her friends: I`m watching Guardians with a total loser, but you`ve got to see this movie! OMG! Baby Groot is adorable! I wish I were on a date with him!

With all due respect to the dude, if you spend less than $20 on a date, you shouldn`t expect her undivided attention.

The jackass said he decided to file the lawsuit after the woman declined to reimburse him for the $17.31 he spent on the movie tickets. Are you kidding me, he should be grateful that she didn`t go full Baby Groot tantrum on him.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/05/17/Texas-man-suing-date-for-texting-during-movie/1391495029238/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=13

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Donald Trump Impeachment Talk 24/7

When discussing Donald Trump and the Russia investigation the “I” word is now in play. I`m not talking about the word “idiot,” even most Republicans would agree that the way Trump has handled the presidency in general, and the Russia controversy in specific is idiotic.

I`m talking about the word “Impeachment,” it`s not just Democratic nutjobs like Rep. Maxine Waters who are calling for Trump`s impeachment, even level-headed Republicans are bandying about the weighty word.

Impeachment is now in the national zeitgeist, there`s a Web site with almost a million signed onto a petition imploring the Senate to impeach Trump. There`s an “Impeach Trump” Twitter account and late night comics make jokes about Trump being impeached almost every night.

Donald Trump isn`t going to be impeached as long as Republicans control both chambers of Congress, but the impeachment talk is an albatross around Trump`s neck that ensures that his agenda is dead in the water.

Impeachment talk has now hit a fever pitch with the revelation James Comey penned a memo after a Valentine`s Day meeting with Trump in which Comey associates say the president asked him to end the investigation into former national security adviser and noted Russophile Michael Flynn.

Can you say “obstruction of justice”? Can you say “Watergate all over again”? Cay you say “failed presidency”?

I`m praying that Democrats will take control of the Senate in the mid-term elections and impeach the bastard.

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Should Donald Trump Be Impeached or Executed?

Edward J. Snowden, a former National Security Agency contractor, is a hero who leaked troves of top-secret NSA documents on vast surveillance programs. Pre-Snowden most of us were under the impression that only terrorists, spies and criminals were under the systemic surveillance of Big Brother. It turns out that the feds are interested in the emails, blogs, and telephone conversation of everybody, including your fat mother.

In my humble opinion Snowden should be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, but Donald Trump isn`t likely to award him any medals. In the summer of 2013, Trump tweeted that Snowden was a traitor who gave serious information to China and Russia and should be executed.

Trump`s primary responsibility is to protect American citizens, and he betrayed that trust by providing the Russians with highly classified information that was given to us by Israel with the understanding that it shouldn`t be shared with Russia or any other entity. Trump betrayed his presidential duty, Israel and America, and if I was as intemperate as he is, I would be calling for his execution.

It`s illegal and unethical to call for the execution of the President of the United States, although God knows we would be better off if he was dead. I `m not calling for Trump to be executed, but can we at least agree that he needs to be impeached?

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Does Donald Trump Really Want to be President? Will He Resign?

It`s axiomatic that Donald Trump is the least qualified president ever to sit in the Oval Office, he has the attention span of a colicky toddler, the vocabulary of a 5th grader, the diplomatic skills of a bouncer, the charisma of prosperity gospel televangelist, and the intellectual curiosity of a wilted head of cabbage.

Most Democrats and an increasing number of Republicans are fervently hoping and praying that he will either resign or be impeached before the end of his term.

Regardless how egregiously Trump tramples all over the Constitution, as long as the Republicans control both chambers of Congress he won`t be impeached.

But there`s always the possibility that the unpredictable Trump will simply quit, and devote the rest of his life to what he loves best: Golfing, grabbing pussy, and engaging in Twitter wars with the likes of Rosie O`Donnell.

Trump`s weird behavior certainly lends credence to the theory that he doesn`t want to be president. First Trump unceremoniously fires FBI Director James Comey, and then to add insult to injury he threatens him, implying that he may have secretly recorded their conversations.

In the midst of the Comey controversy he bans America news media from his Oval Office conversation with Russia`s foreign minister while allowing a TASS photographer to record the event.

Then to put the cherry on top of the cake, he invites Henry Kissinger to the Oval Office, not seeming to care a whit that this conjures up memories of Watergate.

How long can the administration last of a president who rules by executive orders, communicates with his enemies and the American public via incoherent Tweets, and insults judges, the press and political leaders of both major parties?

It may be wishful thinking on my part, but I think there`s a chance Trump may resign before his term expires. Especially if a liberal Supreme Court Justice dies or resigns, andTrump successfully replaces him or her with a conservative, he may decide to leave office on a high note.

We can dream …

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Evangelical Supporters of Donald Trump Would Deny Jesus Before They Would Forsake Trump

“Republican strategist and CNN commentator Ana Navarro slammed GOP leaders for acting like members `of the Donald Trump cult,` saying they must `step up and condemn` President Trump when circumstances demand it.

Navarro criticized House Speaker Paul Ryan for refusing to comment this week on the President`s tweet suggesting he had tapes of conversations with fired FBI Director James Comey — a statement many interpreted as a threat.

When asked about the tweet on Friday, Ryan told reporters that he was `focusing on what`s in my control, and that is what is Congress doing to solve people`s problems.`”

CNN

Kim Jong-un, the Dear Leader of North Korea, and Donald Trump the Leader of the Free World have a lot in common.

North Koreans are brainwashed since birth to believe that Kim Jong-un is a God-like, and if they fail to bestow upon him proper reverence they are killed or thrown into a concentration camp.

Trump supporters have brainwashed themselves into believing that the corrupt, vulgar, petty, and narcissistic Trump has been chosen by God to make America great again. If anyone speaks out against Trump`s inept and tyrannical rule, his supporters brand these patriots as ungodly traitors.

People who voted for Trump have made Trumpism into a religion, and they will defend their Messiah come hell or high water. I don`t know what would be more difficult, convincing an evangelical who voted for Trump to deny Jesus or to forsake Trump.

Republican senators and congressmen and congresswomen aren`t deluded by Trump, they know full well that he is ignorant, egotistical and dangerous. Ana Navarro is spot on, they should stop acting like they are members of the Donald Trump cult, and condemn his unconstitutional and un-American actions.

When Trump fired FBI Director James Comey, by his own admission because of the FBI`s Russia investigation, and then threatened him, they should have spoken out forcefully against the leader of their party.

It is incumbent upon Republican leaders to demonstrate to the American public that they are Americans before they are Republicans.

It`s a Watergate-style scandal and Republican leaders need to decide, right now, if they will be on the right side of history.

Read More:

http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/13/politics/navarro-donald-trump-cult-cnntv/

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Donald Trump Tweets “We” and Twitter Goes Nuts

“Something amazing happened on Twitter on Saturday. The President of the United States, arguably one of the most controversial people on the platform, tweeted one word with two letters and so much power.

Donald Trump, or a White House staffer representing Trump, typed `We,` then hit the tweet button, sending the word to the president`s 29 million followers.”

Huffington Post

Trump deleted his “we” tweet a couple of minutes after posting it.

It`s obvious that Trump was starting to type a sentence when he hit the “send” button by mistake, it`s perplexing that a man with such dainty and tiny hands would hit the wrong button.

Trump wasn`t starting a declarative sentence using the royal we such as: We are going to fire Sean Spicer. Trump never employs the royal we, he likes to take sole credit for his actions, and he doesn`t want to give the impression that he is speaking on behalf of his staff.

Trump wasn`t making a minimalist philosophical statement. We, as in we are in this existential nightmare together, and we must find meaning in life as a team.

I`m not going to waste another second wondering what Trump intended to write, Shakespeare he`s not.

The moron was going to type some sort of malarkey, and dissertations won`t be written contemplating what he meant to write.

Read More:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-tweets-we_us_5917b8cee4b00f308cf5ba4f

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A Lynchburg Resident’s Take on Donald Trump’s Commencement Address at Liberty University

President Donald Trump delivered the commencement address at Liberty University which is located about three miles from my home. I wouldn`t drive three yards to hear Trump speak, but I did watch the spectacle on TV.

Before his big speech Trump was presented with an honorary degree from Liberty University, which carries as much weight as a degree from Trump University.

The president opened his first commencement speech at the evangelical university on Saturday by talking about the size of penis.

Just kidding, Trump managed to refrain from making any vulgar comments lest he offend the sensibilities of the conservative Christian school. Funny how evangelicals aren`t offended by Trump`s health plan that renders health care unaffordable for the elderly and the poor, and his economic policies that punish the poor and give tax breaks to the filthy rich, but they pitch a fit when comedians use obscenities to describe Trump. But I digress …

Trump did start his speech by bragging about the size of the crowd:

“I`m thrilled to be back at Liberty University. I`ve been here, this is now my third time, and we love setting records, right? We always set records. We have to set records, we have no choice.”

He again referred to the size of the crowd later in his speech, saying: “This is a beautiful stadium, and it`s packed. I`m so happy about that.”

Trump`s speech was unremarkable: Some platitudes, a few Trumpisms, and a compliment or two for Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr. as a reward for his early endorsement.

I could have delivered a speech of equal style and substance – when I was in elementary school. Damn Falwell for shaming Lynchburg, and damn Trump for shaming our country.

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CNN and Ice Cream-gate

“Is this why voters have lost faith in the American news media?

In what some are now calling `Ice Cream-gate`, CNN`s coverage of Donald Trump`s interview with Time Magazine highlights an apparent scoop: the president is said to receive extra ice cream with his chocolate cream pie.

`Trump takes two scoops of ice cream with his chocolate cream pie, TIME reported, while everyone else around the table gets just one,` CNN trumpeted.

Media Equalizer

The revelation that Donald Trump receives an extra scoop of ice cream with his chocolate cream pie isn`t exactly breaking news. Trump resembles a baby hippo; I`m surprised he doesn`t eat two cartons of ice cream with his damn pie.

If the Food Channel gave the breaking news treatment to the discovery that Trump usually gets two scoops of ice cream while everyone else around the table gets just one, it might be understandable. But for a cable news network to give so much play to such an insignificant story is unforgivable.

We already know that Trump is a greedy pig who thinks he deserves special treatment, if he ate two scoops of ice cream served on Sarah Huckabee Sanders` naked butt that would be a big story, but I hope to God there wouldn`t be any video.

I realize that we need a little bit of comic relief from the disastrous Trump administration, but CNN played it straight.

I`m glad I`m an unknown blogger, because if Trump read my article he would tweet: No soup and certainly no ice cream for Robert Paul Reyes! He is pathetic. SAD!!!

Read More:

https://mediaequalizer.com/brian-maloney/2017/05/cnn-scoop-more-ice-cream-for-trump-than-others

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Photo Credit: Wikipedia

Link to homepage of Robert Paul Reyes: https://robertpaulreyes.com/

Epidemic of ‘Avocado Hand’ Injuries Proof God Hates Wankers and Millennials! Video!

“Surgeons say growing numbers of amateur chefs are reporting to accident and emergency departments with what they are calling “avocado hand”; serious stab and slash injuries that are the result of failed attempts to penetrate the fruit`s hard outer casing with a sharp knife before encountering a resistant inner stone.

The British Association of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Surgeons is calling for safety labels on the fruit to staunch the flow of injured patients to hospitals.”

The Times

You don`t need to be a rocket scientist, a chef or a Mexican to know how to properly cut open an avocado, but with the incredible surge in the popularity of the fruit a lot of newbies are suffering serious injuries attempting to cut open the delicious treat.

I admit that I always cut open an avocado quickly because I`m eager to start eating it, but I`ve never come close to injuring myself.

Do we really need a safety label on the fruit, and what warning message would be on the label:

Morons should stick to eating fruit that doesn`t require a knife to cut it open.

Ask a Mexican American, who has years of experience eating avocados, for assistance in cutting this fruit open.

Don`t use anything sharper than a butter knife.

Bitch please!

Writing this article has given me a yearning for guacamole, and I`m not going to don safety gloves when I prepare the scrumptious meal.

Photo of clueless idiot and Avocado Hand victim Meryl Streep:

https://www.cnet.com/news/avocado-hand-jokes-memes-times-of-london-twitter/

Read More:

are https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/holy-guacamole-that-s-got-to-hurt-zjzvx3j7d?_ga=2.234837150.1494059052.1494594478-1435761260.1494594307

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Dwayne Johnson, The Rock, For President in 2020!

“Dwayne `The Rock` Johnson says he considers a White House run `a real possibility`.

In an interview with GQ magazine, the wrestler turned Hollywood producer responded to fans calling for him to take on another role – president of the United States.
The world`s highest-paid actor said he started considering the option after reading an article in The Washington Post arguing he could be a viable candidate after Donald Trump.”

SKY NEWS

Hillary Clinton failed to break the ultimate glass ceiling, but I still believe that our generation will witness the first female president.

But Donald Trump shattered another glass ceiling, if a B-list celeb can be elected president of the United States it`s a certainty that a mega-star celeb will be sitting in the Oval Office in the near future.

I can imagine a Democratic Oprah Winfrey/Meryl Streep ticket winning the general election against a GOP team of Sylvester Stallone/Jessica Simpson.

The Rock is the most popular movie star in the world, he has a family-friendly reputation, he`s eminently likeable, and I believe that he would win in a general election against any politician or celebrity, with the possible exception of Baby Groot.

The Rock is a registered Independent, and he attended both the Republican and Democratic conventions in 2000 to encourage citizens to vote.

If Donald Trump manages to avoid impeachment and runs for reelection in 2020, I hope The Rock will run as a Democrat or an Independent against him.

The Rock`s 2020 slogan: Make America Rock Again!

Read More:
http://news.sky.com/story/the-rock-considering-a-run-for-president-after-donald-trump-10872332

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Dalai Lama Fails to Remove Negative Energy From Nancy Pelosi! Where’s Mr. T?

After meeting with the Dalai Lama Democratic Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi told a crowd that the Tibetan spiritual leader had prayed for her that she would rid herself of her negative attitude about dwelling on the negative too much.

With all due respect to the Buddhist guru, his namby-pamby New Age approach is ineffectual in removing negative energy from the likes of Pelosi.

When the apostles asked Jesus why they weren`t able to cast a demon out of a child he responded:

“Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”

Pelosi`s heart is as shriveled as her leather-like wrinkled skin, and to remove negative energy from her requires an old school Opus Dei exorcist who will dunk her in holy water and hit her upside the head with a giant crucifix.

Or a fundamentalist Baptist preacher who will pray in tongues and lash her with a whip until she denounces the works of Satan and the orthodoxy of the Democratic Party.

Or, my preference, just lock her in a room with Mr. T for a few minutes, he will punch the hell out of that old witch until she promises never again to utter any jibba jabba tomfoolery.

I`m not a Democrat or a Republican, but I am sick and tired of Pelosi`s constant whining. I`m fasting and praying that Mr. T will take care of business for the good of our democracy.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Made One of His Own Tweets into a Twitter Header

“President Donald Trump`s Twitter strategy has never been subtle, but his decision Monday to top his header with one of his own tweets was bold even by his standards.

Trump briefly topped @realDonaldTrump with a note he sent at 6:41 p.m. ET after former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper testified before a Senate Judiciary subcommittee hearing and said he was not aware of evidence of collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia.”

CNN

I`ve been accused of being a shameless self-promoter, but even I have never considered using one of my own tweets as the header for my Twitter page.

What Donald Trump lacks in intellectual curiosity and intelligence he more than makes up for in chutzpah, he had no reservations about ordering one of his lackeys to Photoshop his tweet denying collusion with Russia into his banner image.

If Trump cares so much about optics, why doesn`t he appoint a staffer to spell-check his tweets before he posts them online?

I implore a white hat hacker to hack Trump`s Twitter feed, and replace his header image with monkeys and clowns.

What a narcissist, I will allow a decent amount of time to transpire before I copy his trick.

http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/09/politics/donald-trump-twitter-header-russia/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Baby Groot is the Messiah the Galaxy Needs in the Age of Donald Trump

Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol 2 is the No. 1 hit in the galaxy, it`s conquered the box office in America, China, Korea and Russia, in fact it`s taken root all over the world.

The breakout star of this family-friendly blockbuster isn`t the dashing hero Star Lord or the sizzling hot Gamora, but the little tree with the saucer eyes, Baby Groot.

Baby Groot doesn`t have a nose, ears or lips, but he has big expressive eyes, and eyes are the window to the soul. Stare into Baby Groot`s eyes and you will see sugar and spice and everything that`s nice, and more than a touch of adorable mischievousness.

Baby Groot is a hit with the ladies, but when they tell their boyfriends they want to see Guardians of the Galaxy, they don`t have to twist their arms because dudes are just as enthralled by Baby Groot.

Baby Groot is the perfect hero in the age of Donald Trump, his bottomless reservoir of adorableness is the perfect antidote for the corruption, filth and degradation of our president.

I`m not a Pollyanna, I`m a cynical blogger whose stock-in-trade is ridiculing politicians, celebrities and religious con artists. The producers of Galaxy created Baby Groot knowing that he would be a billion dollar merchandising engine.

But they unwittingly created an icon of peace and love that transcends religion, politics and borders, witness his international fan base.

Baby Groot`s vocabulary is limited to three words: I am Groot. But depending on his inflection and tone those three words can mean just about anything. It`s up to each one of us to interpret what Baby Groot is saying, and to me he`s always saying: I am adorable.

I am obsessed with Baby Groot, and that`s not a bad thing. I love Baby Groot waving goodbye. I love Baby Groot dancing. I love Baby Groot having a tantrum! I love Baby Groot. America Loves Baby Groot. The World Loves Baby Groot. The Galaxy loves Baby Groot.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

A Therapy Dog in a Dental Office Is a Wonderful Idea

“Going to the dentist is something many people dread, but one Wichita dental office is trying to make the experience a little easier on patients.

For the past several months, Boynton Family Dental has had a new friendly face to deal with dental anxiety.

`I was surprised at first. I just kind of saw movement behind me and didn`t really know what it was,` said patient Debra Mitchell.

That friendly face is a Bearded Collie named Baron. He knows how to calm a patient`s nerves with just a wag of his tail.”

KAKE

I`d rather suffer a rectal examination by a proctologist who is high on LSD and thinks there`s a pot of gold inside my a-hole, than visit my dentist. When I was a child I dreaded my yearly dental examination until my parents took me to a dentist who let his patients choose a free toy from a giant bin. That`s not going to work anymore unless my dentist has a bin with iPhones and watches instead of toy cars and dolls.

But having a therapy dog in the dental office is the next best thing; I can tolerate the most sadistic dentist as long as man`s best friend is by my side. When my dentist isn`t torturing me by drilling my teeth, he is driving me nuts by making inane small talk and asking me questions he knows I can`t answer, because I`m forced to keep my mouth open so he can perform his tender ministrations.

I`d rather have a pooch in the dentist office than be administered enough Novocaine to knock out a horse. Dogs in the dental office is a marvelous idea and I hope it catches on, and not just with dental practices that cater mainly to children.

Read More:

http://www.kake.com/story/32129589/therapy-dog-eases-anxiety-at-wichita-dental-office

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Why Do Cats Knead?

“Not all cats knead, and they don`t all knead in the same way. Most cats only use their front paws, but some use all four; some kitties bring their claws out, and others don`t. A cat kneading at your lap might hurt, but your kitty doesn`t have any bad intentions.

Even when they`re too young for their eyes to open, kittens need to knead, says Katy Nelson, DVM, Virginia-based veterinarian and Freshpet ambassador. Nursing kitties push around when suckling to get their mother`s glands to release more milk, she says. No one is totally sure why the habit lasts through adulthood, but there are a few theories.”

Reader`s Digest

I have two cats, and they both knead on the carpet, rugs, sofas, and on my belly and chest when I`m sleeping on the sofa.

Ebony weighs about 10 pounds, and she kneads my chest and belly with her claws out. She purrs with contentment as she`s poking me with her sharp claws; I usually let her knead for a while before I gently dump her on the floor.

Tico tips the scales at over 25 pounds, and he kneads me his claws retracted, and he also purrs peacefully as he`s suffocating me. I gently dump Tico on the floor after only a few moments, because my life takes precedence over his pleasure.

According to the Reader`s Digest article kittens knead their mother`s glands to release more milk, and most cats continue to knead throughout their lives.

When my kitties knead me I don`t see it as a sign of affection, they`re simply trying to make their bed (me) comfortable for them to sleep on, it`s no different than when we fluff our pillows.

I would find my cats penchant for kneading a more endearing quirk if Ebony`s claws weren`t so sharp (it`s a nightmare trimming her nails), and if Tico didn`t weigh so much.

I`m just glad dogs don`t have a predilection for kneading, if my 70-pound Pit Bull mix jumped on me and kneaded me it wouldn`t be such a pleasant experience.

Read More:

http://www.rd.com/advice/pets/why-do-cats-knead/

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