Donald Trump: I’m Not Into Golden Showers

The National Republican Senatorial Committee held a retreat in Palm Springs, Florida to discuss their strategy for retaking the House and Senate in the midterm elections.

In a classic example of being off subject, unprompted Donald Trump blurted “I’m not into golden showers.” “You know the great thing, our great first lady, “That one, she said, I don’t believe that one.” Am I supposed to infer that Melania believes every other disgusting accusation against her husband?

The short-fingered vulgarian resurrected the unsubstantiated claim that he once ordered prostitutes to perform golden showers in front of him while at a hotel in Russia. There’s a rumor that the tawdry episode was captured on video.

Trump is a pathological liar, and if he declares, “I’m not into golden showers”, that means that he’s drowning in golden showers. I would bet his wispy hair is urine-colored because of his penchant for indulging in golden showers.

If a patriot leaks the Trump Golden Showers video it would break the internet, but it wouldn’t necessarily destroy Trump’s chances of retaking the White House in 2024. If a video emerged of prostitutes pissing on him, his evangelical believers would declare that we were witnessing a miracle: Angels showering their orange messiah with the blessings of the Holy Ghost.

The EPA should declare Trump a toxic waste site: his face is sprayed with suntan chemicals, his diapers are full of shit, he’s drenched in urine courtesy of Russian working girls, and one can only imagine how many STD’s thrive on his puny presidential pecker.

Trump is so disgusting, I can’t write another word and I’m going to take a nice long shower.