Perfect Christmas Gifts for Republican Freaks

It’s the happiest season of the year, when we take time to consider what gifts to buy for our family, friends and loved ones. But I’m only going to waste a few moments thinking about what goodies the most despicable politicians deserve.

What gift does a sociopath like Trump who makes the Grinch and Scrooge look like cherubic angels deserve? A lump of coal? Nah, too much of a cliché. The perfect gift for him would be a butt plug. What better present for an incontinent old fart who always has droopy drawers? It could also be used to plug up his sphincter-shaped mouth; I’m sick and tired of the excrement that emanates for his pie hole.

What would be the perfect trinket for a snake oil salesman like Vivek Ramaswamy? How about Dollar General ED pills that he can use in his side hustle as Trump’s fluffer?

What doodad could I give Lindsey Graham, otherwise known as Lady G? How about a life-size anatomically correct Ken doll to keep him company at night?

What novelty item would be fitting for a pedo enabler like Jim Jordan? I know, action figures of a wrestler being anally probed by a leering physician.

Mike Johnson looks like he would appreciate old school porn, therefore I would give him old copies of Penthouse and Hustler magazines

I would give Mike Lindell one of his pillows, perfect for smothering miscreants.

What bauble could I give Marjorie Taylor Greene? A strap-on dildo, after all doesn’t she look like she straps one on every night?

And as for Mike Pence, balls would be the perfect gift, considering Trump emasculated him.  

I realize I gave all these Republican politicians sex-related gifts, but that’s appropriate for sexually repressed hypocritical freaks

Donald Trump’s Hateful Christmas Message


It’s tradition for political leaders to deliver a Christmas message striking the chords of unity, peace and goodwill.

In his Christmas message President Joe Biden wished for the “poison” to be drained from politics in favor of bipartisan cooperation. And leaning on the tenets of his Catholic faith of love, mercy and compassion he encouraged Americans into a more empathetic era.

Then there’s the twice-impeached disgraced former president, Donald J. Trump. He posted this Christmas diatribe replete with grievances and insults on his social media platform, Truth Social:

“Merry Christmas to EVERYONE, including the Radical Left Marxists that are trying to destroy our Country, the Federal Bureau of Investigation that is illegally coercing & paying Social and LameStream Media to push for a mentally disabled Democrat over the Brilliant, Clairvoyant, and USA LOVING Donald J. Trump, and, of course, The Department of Injustice, which appointed a Special ‘Prosecutor’ who, together with his wife and family, HATES ‘Trump’ more than any other person on earth. LOVE TO ALL!

There are no Marxists in Congress and the Communist Party USA is a fringe political party with less influence in politics, culture and society at large than the Flat Earth Society. It’s not Marxists but MAGA Republicans who pose an existential threat to our democracy, evidenced by their attempts to overturn the results of the free and fair 2020 presidential election.

I’m confident that in the Christmas spirt of love and forgiveness Joe Biden, The FBI and the Special Prosecutor won’t sue Trump for his libelous and treasonous insults.

Trump finished his divisive, hateful, and divisive Christmas message with the word: LOVE TO ALL!

If Trump really loved us, he would leave the spotlight and just shut the hell up.  

Merry Christmas to All My Readers


It’s Christmas Eve and the temperature is five degrees when I wake up this morning. A hot cup of coffee will warm my spirits I think as I turn on the kitchen faucet, but the pipes are frozen solid.

When the temperature is in the single digits you expect a winter wonderland scene to warm your holiday spirits. But there’s nary a cloud in the sky, and the frigid sun seems to be mocking me.

Usually, a leisurely drive without a destination in mind will calm my spirits, but I’m afraid that if I turn on the ignition my car won’t start, and my melancholy mood will only stiffen.

Writing is therapeutic even if it means typing a silly little essay that will benefit only me, but already my despondent soul is beginning to thaw.

Princess my dog sits by my side as I put the finishing touches on this article, and her moans and sighs of contentment as I pet her finally melt my heart. Merry Christmas to all my readers, may your pipes never freeze, and your spirts never languish. May you always have a dog, a cat or a loved one to help brighten your Christmas mood.

GOP Congressman Sparks Outrage for Family Christmas Pic with Guns Days After School Shooting

“A US congressman has posted a Christmas picture of himself and what appears to be his family, smiling and posing with an assortment of guns, just days after four teenagers were killed in a shooting at a high school in Michigan.

Thomas Massie of Kentucky tweeted: ‘Merry Christmas! ps. Santa, please bring ammo.’”

The Guardian

When politicians mail Christmas cards to their constituents or post Christmas images on Twitter, they usually take one of the following routes:


They will don nauseatingly cheesy yuletide sweaters and pose in front of a Christmas tree, hoping that the self-deprecating image will elicit votes.


They will pose in front of a nativity scene with a banner reading “Jesus is the Reason for the Season” in the background, trusting that their display of religiosity will translate into votes.


They will dress like Santa and pose in front of a sleigh laden with gifts, believing that their secular take on Xmas will appeal to voters of all religions.

Rep. Thomas Massie took a different approach, he posted a pic of himself and his family wearing shit-eating grins and brandishing assault rifles. I guess he wants to appeal to the Republican base, gun-toting fanatics.

It’s an indictment of our democracy that Massie’s Christmas image will be successful in burnishing his image.

Norwegian Commercial Depicting Romance Between Santa & Harry is the Heartwarming Video We Need This Christmas

Good will and good cheer are hard to come by, especially during the holiday season. People are too busy dodging shoppers in malls, getting drunk at Christmas parties and fighting holiday traffic to contemplate peace in the world and good will in their neighborhoods. At this time of the year there’s a plethora of Grinches and Scrooges and nary an angel to be found.

But in the midst of all the chaos, confusion and strife of the Xmas season I’ve found a small treasure, a commercial from Norway of all things.

I rarely watch broadcast TV because I hate commercials; I barely have the patience for a ten second Internet ad. But a four-minute commercial for Norway’s postal service called “When Harry Met Santa” kept my attention for every blessed second.

This commercial depicts the sweet romance between Santa Claus and a man he only sees annually. Harry is heartbroken that he must wait so long in between visits.

At the end, Santa tells Harry, “Well, I arranged some help this year, so I can be with you,” and then the two kiss.

If this sweet and innocent commercial doesn’t give you the Christmas spirit, your heart is smaller and stonier than that of the Grinch.

Trump Releasing ‘Our Journey Together’ Photo Book in Time for Christmas

The functionally-illiterate Donald Trump previously teased that he was writing “the book of all books.”

His evangelical supporters, who treat him as the Messiah, were probably expecting a tome destined to be included in the canon of Scripture.

The rest of us who were expecting a coloring book or at best a graphic novel, weren’t far off the mark:

“Today I am thrilled to announce I will be publishing a wonderful book in time for Christmas!” Trump said in a statement. “‘Our Journey Together’ is a collection of beautiful photos captured during our very successful time in the White House.”

The coffee table book features hundreds of photographs that were “handpicked by the President” and captions that he wrote.

What publishing company would stoop so low as to publish a book written by the twice-impeached disgraced president? A publishing company founded by his son Donald Trump, is the answer.

I wouldn’t give my worst enemy Trump’s book for Christmas, but I don’t doubt that most MAGA households will have his book on their coffee tables.

Trump’s PAC Offers Christmas Wrapping Paper Bearing His Likeness for $35 Donation

“With just 54 days until Christmas, Donald Trump’s political action committee, Save America, is enticing supporters of the former president to donate more than $35 in exchange for ‘Official Trump Wrapping Paper.’

‘President Trump asked us to personally reach out to you because he wants to make sure you get our NEW Trump Gift Wrapping Paper in time for Christmas,’ an email sent to supporters Monday reads.”

Donald Trump isn’t the Grinch who stole Christmas, he’s the Grifter who exploits Christmas to squeeze every last red cent from his gullible supporters.

Perhaps Melania could do a commercial for Trump’s Christmas wrapping paper: Who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff and decorations? But I will accept expensive fucking Xmas gifts wrapped in Trump wrapping paper.

Trump’s sycophants have a penchant for wearing Trump-branded attire to signify their allegiance to their Orange Messiah, and I have no doubt that Save America will sell out their stockpile of “Official Trump Wrapping Paper.”

If I receive a gift wrapped in Trump wrapping paper, I would throw it away without unwrapping it because nobody who supports the short-fingered vulgarian has the good taste to buy a gift that I would find appealing.

On second thought I might keep the Trump wrapping paper and use it as toilet paper.

Donald Trump is a Grinch! Yes, Coleman, There is a Santa Claus!

Donald Grinch

Donald Trump spoke to children whose calls to NORAD had been patched through to the White House lines – there`s no way the Stable Genius can screw up this photo-op, right?

In front of a crackling fire and between two Christmas trees even a Grinch like Trump should have been filled with the Christmas spirit.

But in a Christmas Eve call, Trump asked 7-year-old Coleman whether she still believes in Santa Claus.

“Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at 7, it`s marginal, right?” Trump asked Coleman.

If a seven-year-old child calls a Santa Claus hotline, you don`t have to be a Stable Genius to deduce that the wee innocent still believes in Santa.

Dear God let`s hope that calls to a suicide prevention hotline aren`t routed to the Oval Office, for another photo-op.

I can only imagine the conversation as Trump takes a call from a teenager contemplating suicide:

Justin from San Francisco: I can`t do anything right! What`s the point? I really want to kill myself!

Trump: Jump off the Golden Gate Bridge you freaking loser! No big loss, I doubt a liberal loser like you was planning on voting for me in 2020 anyway.

Yes, Coleman, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as crass commercialism and greed exists in this capitalist state. Go to a mall, if one still exists in your town, and you will see me there.

Merry Christmas to little Coleman and to all my readers! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

This Christmas Curse Out a White Evangelical in the Name of Jesus Christ

White Evangelicals are evil

According to Christian tradition the seven deadly sins are: envy, gluttony, greed or avarice, lust, pride, sloth, and wrath. But white evangelicals, many of whom are obese, proud of their sanctimoniousness, envious of their more well-heeled mainline Protestant brethren, and angry with anyone who doesn`t worship Trump, think that sexual sin is the mother of all sin.

They consider a Christian, especially a woman, caught in sexual transgression the lowest form of sinner. They demonize gays and lesbians, and treat them like trash, even though Jesus Christ never condemned homosexuality, or even mentioned gays. Jesus apparently wasn`t bothered that people might think he was gay, because he spent every day and night during his ministry living with twelve male apostles.

About 80 percent of white evangelicals voted for Trump in 2016, and in spite of the Stormy Daniels scandal, and his affairs with other women of ill-repute there has been no erosion of support.

You won`t hear any televangelist or minister rail against Trump and his many sexual transgressions, and you won`t hear any layperson bemoan the short-fingered vulgarian`s sexual escapades.

White evangelicals frequently proclaim that the Bible tells us to pray for our leaders, and that we should pray for Trump. But they never pray for Trump to repent of his predatory sexual behavior, his greed and mean spirit, instead they pray that the Almighty would continue to bless him. As if God would bless an unrepentant sinner who takes pride in his sins, sexual or otherwise.

Damn Donald Trump and his white evangelical enablers, gays will sashay through the Pearly Gates while they will be greeted in hell by demons with an insatiable appetite for sodomizing religious hypocrites.

Peaceful Pics of Cats Nestling in Christmas Trees

Cat enjoys nesting in Christmas Tree

This is a link to photos and videos of felines peacefully nesting in Christmas trees. Looking at these image will fill you with the Christmas spirit up the wazoo.

Unfortunately, in real life a cat will nestle in a Xmas tree only after he has bit all the Christmas lights and littered your living room with tinsel.

I`ve owned cats all my adult life, and I learned decades ago that if you own one of these mischievous critters don`t even try setting up a Christmas tree.

But by all means enjoy these stress-relieving images of kitties nestling in Christmas trees. You might also enjoy pics of unicorns with butterflies streaming out of their rear ends.

December 2018 Archives Page Two:

Melania Trump Hasn’t Bought Donald Trump Any Christmas Gifts

“FIRST LADY Melania Trump is yet to buy her husband any Christmas presents, with the couple frequently not exchanging festive gifts at all, it has been claimed.

A source close to the First Lady told Hollywood Life: `Melania absolutely loves Christmas, she goes all out, but as of now she has yet to buy Donald anything.`

`Melania says Donald`s next to impossible to buy for and often they don`t exchange gifts at all for Christmas.`”


I can empathize with Melania`s quandary, after all what do you give a billionaire who already owns the most expensive toys in the world?

Perhaps the first lady can create her own Christmas card, as a token of the love and affection she has for her husband. But of course there is never any love and affection between a gold-digger/trophy wife and her spouse, so hand-created gifts are out of the question.

Anyway, judging by Melania`s blood-red Christmas trees her gifts would probably be as tacky and gaudy as the trinket a Madam of a brothel would give her favorite customer. She`s probably going to end up giving Trump a blood-red butt plug signed by Mike Pence.

At the Trump White House Christmas resembles Festivus, grievances may be aired, and I doubt any presents will be exchanged.

Melania Trump’s Evil Bloody-Red Christmas Trees

If Donald Trump was responsible for decorating the White House for Christmas the trees would be blinking neon, mistletoe would be hung in the womens bathrooms, and the White House would be lit up like a whorehouse.

The only thing worse than having the fucking moron decorate the White House is having his clueless wife do it.

The entire civilized world is seeing red at Melania`s forest of cone-shaped, crimson trees, the crazy former nude model has turned the People`s House into Dracula`s palace.

I`m a purist and I think a Christmas tree should be natural and green thus reminding us of nature, a red tree evokes images of Christmas in hell.

These are not normal times in the White House and in our country, and I guess blood-red Christmas trees are a perfect fit for our troubled times.

In the holiday season we take comfort in the beloved traditions of the yule log, Christmas carols, eggnog, and a traditional tree, there`s nothing traditional about a red tree, thus reminding us that everything if off kilter and we are living in hell.

I long for the day when sanity is restored, Trump is impeached and spending Christmas in a brothel decorated with red trees, and a normal president is in the White House trimming a natural Christmas tree.

Pic of Melania`s evil red Xmas trees:

Nothing Says ‘Merry Christmas’ Like a Skinny Mariah, a Fat Blunt, a Purring Cat, and a Roaring Fire

Nothing says Christmas bliss like lighting up the Yuletide bong, sitting in front of a crackling fireplace, with your kitty cat purring on your lap.

If a gang of Grinch`s invading my home, and stole all my Earthly possessions, I wouldn`t mind as long as they didn`t grab my bong or my cat.

In fact, I would be chill even if the Zombie Apocalypse breaks out, as long as I`m warm inside my little pink house with my cats, and my pooch.

It`s Christmas time and everybody deserves to be blissed out, but if you don`t have a fireplace or a cat, don`t despair.

Lil BUB`s Extraordinarily Magical Yule Log video features the soothing sounds of Lil BUB purring in front of a fireplace.

Dude, you really don`t even need any weed to be filled with the Christmas spirt, there`s nothing like a feline purring to alter your consciousness.

Turn on your smart TV, click on the Lil BUB Christmas video, and dream about the 1990s era Mariah Carey sliding down the chimney and crooning: All I Want for Christmas is You!

Nothing says Merry Christmas like a skinny Mariah, a fat blunt, a purring cat, and a roaring fire.

Ten Worst Things About Christmas


An alcoholic beverage made with milk, egg yolks, rum or whiskey, and spices doesn`t sound particularly appetizing, and it`s not! Is it any wonder that nobody consumes this noxious brew any time other than Christmas?


Most Christmas office parties are not held at the office, but after work at a bar or restaurant. I don`t relish the idea of spending my free time with my co-workers, in fact I`d rather give Oprah Winfrey a one-hour Brazilian wax than spend a minute with my colleagues during my free time. Is it any wonder that most people get absolutely toasted at office parties, that`s the only way they can survive the excruciating ordeal.


Secret Santa is a Christmas tradition in which members of a group (usually employees who work in the same office) are randomly assigned a person to whom they give a gift. The identity of the gift giver is a secret not to be revealed.

I usually take some thought and consideration in buying a gift for the person I was assigned even if I`m not especially fond of that person. My Secret Santa invariably turns out to be a cheap bastard who buys me a tie or a damn pair of socks.


Christmas Movies are cheesy and saccharine productions tailor-made for Hallmark, Lifetime and Netflix. Out of the thousands of Christmas flicks, there are only four good ones: Diehard, Bad Santa, Bad Santa 2 and It`s a Wonderful Life.


Nobody looks good in a Christmas sweater, even Salma Hayek wouldn`t look good if she was clad in a Christmas sweater and nothing else, no pants, no panties, no nothing! Some hipsters have an ironic appreciation for Christmas sweaters, but there`s too many losers who actually think they are hot shit when they wear a Christmas sweater to work.


These wankers perform in a public place (usually a shopping mall) or go from house to house singing Christmas carols. I`d rather have my peace and quiet interrupted by Jehovah`s Witnesses than by smiling bastards singing beloved Christmas carols off-key.


At Christmas family members who for excellent reasons (they despise each other) don`t get together any other time of the year sit down to enjoy a meal. There`s always the crazy uncle who spouts conspiracy theories, the incontinent grandma who poops in her diapers, the delinquent nephew who`s watching porn on his cellphone during the blessing, the nympho aunt who is hitting on her brother-in-law, and the crying baby that you are just dying to throw into the fireplace.


Like any dude I hate shopping on a normal day, going Christmas shopping is a freaking nightmare. The only available parking is a mile from the store, stationed by the front door is a Salvation Army volunteer giving you a nasty look for not dropping a coin in his kettle, and the store is jam-packed with shoppers who are filled with anything but the Christmas spirit.


Your mall Santa is either a wino, a pedophile or both, parents who let their innocent children sit on Santa`s lap should be reported to the authorities.


I don`t mind hearing a Christmas standard or two during the holiday season, but why in the name of God does my favorite oldies station play Christmas music 24/7 starting as early as the day after Thanksgiving? If I hear Mariah Carey`s “All I Want for Christmas” one more time, I`m going to murder the fat whore.

Dang, is there anything good about Christmas?

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Top Christmas Gifts For Your Cat

I love all the trappings of Christmas: The mistletoe hanging in the office, houses festooned with Christmas lights, carolers serenading commuters, and stockings hanging by the fireplace.

Not everyone has a fireplace, but everybody should hang Yuletide stockings somewhere for all the members of their family, including the four-legged ones.

My cats, Tico and Ebony, have frayed their stockings, they treat them like a scratching post.

Which brings us to the question: What toys should you get your felines for Christmas?

Any Toy That Encourages Your Kitty to be Active

Cats are the laziest creatures on Earth, if my pets find a warm spot, they won`t move until they need to eat or use the litter box. Buy them a cat tunnel or a mechanical mouse that will inspire them to get off their fat butts.

Any Toy That Has Catnip

Humans have their eggnog and a holiday bong, it`s only fair that we provide our kitties with catnip. Your neighborhood pet store has dozens of toys that have catnip stored in them that`s released slowly while your cats are playing.

A Super Deluxe Litter Box

Too many cat owners just buy the cheapest litter box they can find, and keep the damn thing until it falls apart. Is it any wonder that some cats make it a point to defecate OUTSIDE the litter box? At the minimum a litter box should have a lid. Would you feel comfortable taking a crap in a bathroom that doesn`t have a door?

Another Cat

Cats are independent, but that doesn`t mean they enjoy being alone for hours at a time while you are at work. A good idea would be to foster a cat from a shelter, and if it gets along with your furball, adopt it.


You can`t go wrong if you fill your cat`s stocking with his favorite gourmet treats.

If you don`t have a cat, adopt one from your local animal shelter as a Christmas gift to yourself.

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Seal Terrorizes Australian Town on Christmas

“An Australian couple woke up Christmas morning to find a fur seal doing its best impression of a hood ornament on their car, but residents of the town say this is not the first time a seal has tried to move in to the neighborhood.

Animal control officers in Newstead, a suburb of Tasmania, subdued the seal as it ran from driveway to driveway and car to car through the neighborhood, apparently unsure how to get back to the nearby waterway it came from.”


I wouldn`t be surprised if a dingo wreaked havoc Down Under on a Christmas morning, kidnapping a baby from a living nativity scene, or if kangaroo flash mob attacked shoppers at a mall.

Australians wage a never-ending battle to reclaim their land from the native wildlife, if you visit Australia make sure you are never without a knife worthy of Crocodile Dundee.

But it`s not often that a seal goes wilding in Australia, this seal terrorized Newstead before it was subdued by animal control officers.

Most dangerous job in the world: Animal control officer in Australia.

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Hipster Nativity Scene Depicts Birth of Jesus Christ in 2016

“A pair of brothers crafted a Hipster Nativity set, depicting a modern version of the birth of Jesus in the manger.

The $130 Nativity set brings the biblical Christmas scene into the 21st century as Joseph and Mary take selfies with the newborn Jesus in a stable with a solar-powered roof, the Three Wisemen on segways bearing packages from Amazon and the shepherd looking at his cell phone.”


The Nativity scene certainly needed to be updated for the 2st century, but why did the brothers include an invention (Segway) that was introduced in 2001 with much fanfare as the replacement for the automobile, but turned out to be a huge sales disappointment?

And why on Earth are there barnyard animals in the updated Nativity set? It`s the 21st century dammit, and cats rule online and in real life. There should be a cat cuddling next to the Baby Jesus.

Speaking of the Baby Jesus, he should be an orange-faced replica of Baby Trump. I`m sorry if I offended anybody`s religious sensibilities, but Trump as Baby Jesus makes as much sense as Trump as Leader of the Free World.

It would have been a nice touch if Baby Jesus had been depicted wearing a “Black Lives Matter” onesie.

All in all a nice job by the brothers, and the hefty price tag is very much 21st century.

Pic of Nativity scene:

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Woman Driver Runs Over Ex-Boyfriend’s Christmas Display

“State police say holiday music was blaring from a western Pennsylvania woman’s car as she tore up the yard of her ex-boyfriend’s home, nearly running the man and his family over.

Forty-seven-year-old Mary Jo Smith was charged Tuesday with multiple offenses stemming from Monday’s incident.

Alan McCutcheon says he was setting up a Christmas light display outside of his Fayette County home when Smith yelled ‘Merry Christmas’ and made several passes through his yard.”

CBS News

Smith should be charged with a misdemeanor for attempting to run over her ex-boyfriend, and a felony for blaring Christmas music from her car radio.

McCutcheon should be charged with a felony for setting up a Christmas light display outside his home, call me a Grinch but I’m already sick and tired of Christmas music and Christmas lights.

We still have three weeks to go before it’s finally Christmas; I pray God will give me the strength to resist going Krampus
on every Christmas display in my neighborhood.

I’ll knock boots with Smith in the back of her vehicle, as long as she has Luther Vandross on her car stereo and not Christmas music.

Read More:

Pooch Loves Santa


“A pair of Florida siblings captured their 1-year-old dog`s joy at meeting the real-life version of her favorite chew toy: Santa Claus.

John Mantaldo, 16, and sister Angelina Mantaldo, 19, said their 1-year-old Shiba Inuna dog, Kya, has been infatuated with her Santa Claus chew toy ever since they got it for her when she first came home last Christmas.

The siblings brought Kya to their local mall in Orlando to meet Santa in person.”

A pooch loves to chew on her Santa Claus chew toy, so her owners take her to the mall to meet Santa in person. This makes as much sense as a dog owner tracking down where his mailman lives, so he can take his mailman hating-pet to meet him in person.

This had all the potential of being a bloodbath at the mall, but instead of chewing the bloody hell out of Santa, Kya had a huge smile on her face when she met the Jolly Old Bastard.

All the kids waiting in line to see Santa got a double treat, they got to sit on Santa`s lap and pet the adorable pooch.

I wish all my readers a Happy Holiday Season!

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Photo Credit: Wikipedia