It’s the happiest season of the year, when we take time to consider what gifts to buy for our family, friends and loved ones. But I’m only going to waste a few moments thinking about what goodies the most despicable politicians deserve.

What gift does a sociopath like Trump who makes the Grinch and Scrooge look like cherubic angels deserve? A lump of coal? Nah, too much of a cliché. The perfect gift for him would be a butt plug. What better present for an incontinent old fart who always has droopy drawers? It could also be used to plug up his sphincter-shaped mouth; I’m sick and tired of the excrement that emanates for his pie hole.

What would be the perfect trinket for a snake oil salesman like Vivek Ramaswamy? How about Dollar General ED pills that he can use in his side hustle as Trump’s fluffer?

What doodad could I give Lindsey Graham, otherwise known as Lady G? How about a life-size anatomically correct Ken doll to keep him company at night?

What novelty item would be fitting for a pedo enabler like Jim Jordan? I know, action figures of a wrestler being anally probed by a leering physician.

Mike Johnson looks like he would appreciate old school porn, therefore I would give him old copies of Penthouse and Hustler magazines

I would give Mike Lindell one of his pillows, perfect for smothering miscreants.

What bauble could I give Marjorie Taylor Greene? A strap-on dildo, after all doesn’t she look like she straps one on every night?

And as for Mike Pence, balls would be the perfect gift, considering Trump emasculated him.  

I realize I gave all these Republican politicians sex-related gifts, but that’s appropriate for sexually repressed hypocritical freaks