Perfect Christmas Gifts for Republican Freaks

It’s the happiest season of the year, when we take time to consider what gifts to buy for our family, friends and loved ones. But I’m only going to waste a few moments thinking about what goodies the most despicable politicians deserve.

What gift does a sociopath like Trump who makes the Grinch and Scrooge look like cherubic angels deserve? A lump of coal? Nah, too much of a cliché. The perfect gift for him would be a butt plug. What better present for an incontinent old fart who always has droopy drawers? It could also be used to plug up his sphincter-shaped mouth; I’m sick and tired of the excrement that emanates for his pie hole.

What would be the perfect trinket for a snake oil salesman like Vivek Ramaswamy? How about Dollar General ED pills that he can use in his side hustle as Trump’s fluffer?

What doodad could I give Lindsey Graham, otherwise known as Lady G? How about a life-size anatomically correct Ken doll to keep him company at night?

What novelty item would be fitting for a pedo enabler like Jim Jordan? I know, action figures of a wrestler being anally probed by a leering physician.

Mike Johnson looks like he would appreciate old school porn, therefore I would give him old copies of Penthouse and Hustler magazines

I would give Mike Lindell one of his pillows, perfect for smothering miscreants.

What bauble could I give Marjorie Taylor Greene? A strap-on dildo, after all doesn’t she look like she straps one on every night?

And as for Mike Pence, balls would be the perfect gift, considering Trump emasculated him.  

I realize I gave all these Republican politicians sex-related gifts, but that’s appropriate for sexually repressed hypocritical freaks