Month: April 2018

Michelle Wolf Rips Sarah Huckabee Sanders a New One at the WHCD

Comedian Michelle Wolf was the evening`s headliner at the annual White House Correspondents` Dinner (WHCD). And her comedy routine ranged from raunchy to very raunchy to oppressively raunchy.

But I`m not a prude and I respect a person who speaks truth to power to the elite, be they politicians, journalists or entertainers.

Everybody, especially politicians, who attend the WHCD know they will be roasted, they should don their asbestos underwear and not complain when they are toasted to a crisp.

Here are some of the elites that Wolf savaged:

Kellyanne Conway

“If you don`t give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie, It`s like that old saying: If a tree falls in the woods how do we get Kellyanne under that tree?

Roy Moore

“I`m 32 years old, which is an odd age. Ten years too young to host this event and 20 years too old for Roy Moore.”

Donald Trump

“I would drag him here myself, but it turns out the President of the United States is the one pussy you`re not allowed to grab. He said it first. Yeah, he did.”

Sarah Huckabee Sanders

The White House Press Secretary got a front-row seat to a brutal roasting. Not to but too fine a point on it, but Wolf ripped her a new arsehole, and then shat into it.

“I`m a little starstruck I love you as Aunt Lydia in The Handmaid`s Tale.”

“I actually really like Sarah. I think she`s very resourceful she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Maybe she`s born with it, maybe it`s lies. It`s probably lies.”

I would have given my life savings to call Sanders a liar to her face, bravo to Wolf for calling a filthy liar a liar.

But Wolf went too far making fun of her personal appearance. God knows Sanders is an ugly woman, but Wolf ain`t no beauty queen herself. The comedian is only 32, but looks 62. She has an aquiline nose, frizzy hair, and a cackling voice, when I see her I don`t know if I should burn her at the stake, or offer her $5 for sexual favors.

Outrageous Robert Paul Reyes you may be thinking, right Sherlock, exactly my point.

Whole Foods Draws Flak for ‘Yellow Fever’ Asian Restaurant

“Earlier this week, Whole Foods opened a new Asian-themed restaurant called Yellow Fever at one of their Long Beach, California locations – and Twitter immediately pointed out how racist the name was.”

The Raw Story

“Yellow Fever” is a slang term for white men who prefer Asian women, and the name of a viral disease that killed hundreds of thousands of people during the 19th century.

You`d think an Asian restaurant would avoid such a racist and unappetizing name like the plague, but I guess some folks still abide by the proverb that there`s no such thing as bad publicity.

Will Whole Foods open a fast food restaurant in their stores called Herpes Burgers, and when customers order a burger, will the staff be instructed to ask them, “Do you want an STD with that?”

The controversial restaurant is not owned by Whole Foods, it`s an independent restaurant chain that has partnered up with the grocery chain to open in its store. However by letting the restaurant open in one of its locations, Whole Foods is endorsing racism as a marketing ploy.

I love Asian food, but I will avoid the Yellow Fever restaurant and The Whole Foods grocery stores like the plague.

Read More:

https://www.rawstory.com/2018/04/unappetizing-racist-internet-rips-whole-foods-opening-asian-themed-restaurant-called-yellow-fever/

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ABBA Announces New Music! Hallelujah!

“Some 35 years after their split, the four original members of Abba announced today that they have recorded two new songs. One, `I Still Have Faith in You,` is set for release in December.
That song will be part of a `Virtual Abba` experience in collaboration with `American Idol` creator Simon Fuller first announced in 2016, and it will premiere, via digital versions of band members, on NBC and ABC at the end of this year. There are no details as yet about the second song.”
In a statement, the band wrote:
`The decision to go ahead with the exciting ABBA avatar tour project had an unexpected consequence. We all four felt that, after some 35 years, it could be fun to join forces again and go into the recording studio. So we did. And it was like time had stood still and that we only had been away on a short holiday. An extremely joyful experience!`”
Variety
I cannot emphasize how earth-shattering this proclamation is, imagine if you will the Pope declaring that a new book has been added to the canon of the New Testament or President Donald Trump and Congress announcing that a new amendment will be added to the Constitution making weed legal, and you will begin to understand the euphoria of ABBA fans.
Today many ABBA fans who weren`t alive in the 1970`s have an ironic appreciation for the Swedish superstars, but Baby Boomers worship them as cameltoe Messiahs of the music industry.
After 35 years ABBA will be releasing two new songs, but time doesn`t stand still, and the Second law of thermodynamics is still in full effect and entropy has taken its toll on pop music (Cardi B), the culture at large (Trumpism) and on the septuagenarian disco queens.

Thank God the new songs will be issued in virtual format with digital versions of the band members, seniors wearing tight-fitting outfits isn`t a good look.

The new songs will be released in December, this will be the happiest Christmas in decades for ABBA fans.

Read More:
http://variety.com/2018/music/news/abba-reunite-announce-two-new-songs-1202790031/

Donald Trump’s ‘Breeding’ Tweet Racist as Hell

There is a Revolution going on in California. Soooo many Sanctuary areas want OUT of this ridiculous, crime infested & breeding concept. Jerry Brown is trying to back out of the National Guard at the Border, but the people of the State are not happy. Want Security & Safety NOW!

Donald Trump Tweet April 18, 2008

President Donald Trump`s tweets are a real-time glimpse into the sewer of racism that breeds in his mind.

One word (breeding) jumps out at me, you will find this word in the writings of racists who opine on the subject of race and immigration. They like to compare immigrants from Mexico and Latin American countries to animals breeding and populating.

There is a chance that this was a “senior moment” or a “covfefe moment” and Trump meant to write “breeding contempt.” But Trump is a virtuoso at dog whistling, and he knew that if he inserted the word “breeding” in his tweet, even if it wasn`t grammatically appropriate, that it would resonate with his racist base.

A sanctuary city is any jurisdiction which doesn`t require local police to enforce federal immigration law. You`d think anti-big government conservatives would be in favor of sanctuary cities, but their racism trumps their fears of a big government.

Trump would like us to believe that sanctuary cities are hellholes where MS-13 gang members are breeding like rats, and committing crimes while police look the other way.

Sanctuary cities are jurisdictions where immigrants are welcomed and treated with respect and dignity. We need more sanctuary cities, and less tweets from Trump that breed contempt.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Thug Cat Knocks Over Laptop

Cats are drawn to laptops like mice are drawn to cheese and dogs to bones. Whenever I power up my laptop my cat wakes up from hibernation and plops down on the keyboard, making writing my articles a tedious and cumbersome enterprise.

If I try to nudge her out of the way, she stares at me as if she`s asking: You let sleeping dogs lie, so why won`t you let a kitty lie in peace in the warmth of your laptop?

God help me if I leave my laptop open, when I return I almost always discover that my mischievous furball has changed the font, deleted a folder or searched Google for “cat treats.”

But cats usually don`t knock over a laptop, after all why would they damage one of their favorite resting places? But here`s a video of a thug cat knocking over a laptop:

https://mashable.com/2018/04/24/cat-knocks-over-laptop/#9m4cwguhbSqc

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Hillary Clinton Went on an F-Bomb Tirade Against Donald Trump in Debate Prep

“Hillary Clinton unleashed a f–k-laced fusillade about President Trump as they were preparing to debate in 2016, according to a new book.

The former Secretary of State took debate-prep sessions as `cathartic exercises` and her team members understood that she would sometimes go off on them, according to reporter Amy Chozick`s `Chasing Hillary.`

`You want authentic, here it is!` she`d yelled in one 2016 prep session, followed by a f–k-laced fusillade about what a `disgusting` human being Trump was and how he didn`t deserve to even be in the arena,` the book, out on Tuesday, recounts.”

The New York Daily News

Donald Trump is a disgusting pig, and he makes no efforts to conceal his warts. America knew exactly what we were getting when we elected him: A racist, misogynist and semi-illiterate short-fingered vulgarian. You could make an argument that he`s the most authentic president in history.

Hillary is also a disgusting pig, but her handlers work overtime putting lipstick on the pig, in a vain attempt to try to persuade us that she`s a cute kitty cat.

Hillary is phony to the core, she pretends to be a fearless feminist, while she ridiculed and tried to destroy her husband`s victims of rape and sexual assault.

Had she honestly expressed her hatred of Trump in the debates, and cursed him she might have won the election.

The decrepit septuagenarian is on the last chapter of her life, and it`s not too late for redemption.. She can demonstrate some authenticity be confessing that her marriage to Bill Clinton is a marriage of political convenience and divorce the slimy bastard. She can also come out of the closet and marry the love of her live, Huma Abedin. Now that`s some fuckin* authenticity.

Read More:

http://beta.nydailynews.com/news/national/clinton-gave-f-k-laced-fusillade-trump-debate-prep-article-1.3951420

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Shania Twain Says She Would Have Voted for Trump, Then Apologizes

“Multi-platinum country-pop star Shania Twain is walking back a statement she made in an interview with The Guardian in which she said she would have voted for Donald Trump were she an eligible voter.

The Canadian songstress, in an interview over the weekend to promote her first album in 15 years, said:

`I would have voted for him because, even though he was offensive, he seemed honest. Do you want straight or polite? Not that you shouldn`t be able to have both. If I were voting, I just don`t want b- – – – – -t. I would have voted for a feeling that it was transparent. And politics has a reputation of not being that, right?`”

NPR

I am resigned to the fact that the Russians interfered with our elections with impunity, and without suffering any meaningful payback from the Trump administration.

But we have to draw the line somewhere, and I simply will not abide any interference in American politics by a Canadian.

Shania Twain doesn`t know how blessed she is to live in a democracy with a Prime Minister who is admired and respected in Canada and throughout the world. God only knows how many Americans have fled to Canada to flee Trump`s incompetent and corrupt administration.

Twain made her controversial statement in support of her first new album in 15 years, that`s no way to publicize an album. That Don`t Impress Me Much!

Twain`s apologies are too little too late; I volunteer to spank her until she utters a sincere apology.

Read More:

https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/04/23/604850914/shania-twain-singing-words-of-sorry-for-saying-shed-have-voted-for-trump

Donald Trump Considering Pardon for Boxer Jack Johnson

“Sylvester Stallone called me with the story of heavyweight boxing champion Jack Johnson. His trials and tribulations were great, his life complex and controversial. Others have looked at this over the years, most thought it would be done, but yes, I am considering a Full Pardon!”

Donald Trump Tweet April 21, 2018

Jack Johnson was an African American world heavyweight boxing champion from 1908 to 1915. In the Jim Crow era he was Muhammad Ali on steroids, he married white women, and had numerous white girlfriends. Johnson flaunted the societal conventions of his day, and white boxers were terrified of meeting him in the ring. He was a racist`s worst nightmare and an affront to the Southern way of life.

America longed for a Great White Hope to take the tile away from the uppity nigger, but no such champion emerged.

The only way to stop Johnson was to arrest him on charges of violating the Mann Act – forbidding one to transport a woman across state lines for “immoral purposes.” Never mind that the woman Johnson transported over state lines was his girlfriend. Johnson was arrested twice, and served time in prison for violating the Mann Act.

Is Donald Trump serious about granting a full pardon to this African American icon? Trump values celebrity above everything else, and if Stallone recommends pardon for Johnson, he may very well follow through.

But if he does pardon Johnson, it won`t be because he wants to right a wrong that was done to a black historical figure. Trump may want to send a message to Michael Cohen and anybody else who might be considering flipping: If I pardon a nigger I never even heard of before Stallone told me about him, don`t you think I will pardon you? Don`t flip, I have your back!

Trump is a blatant racist, and if he pardons Johnson he won`t fool anyone. Let`s hope that the Great White Hope, Special Counsel Robert Mueller, will strip the presidency from him, so to speak.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump and White Evangelicals: A Marriage Made in Hell

When Americans seek information about anything they google it, I googled “evangelicals” and these articles were in the top ten results:

White Evangelical Support for Trump Is Still Rock Solid – The Atlantic

Are these evangelicals ready to topple the idol of politics? – The Washington Post (The idol in the headline is a reference to Donald Trump)

The non-Trump evangelicals – Back to basics – The Economist

Trump`s Really Unpopular Outside the White Evangelical Pews – NYMag

Poll: white evangelical support for Trump is at an all-time high – Vox

Trump and the Evangelical Temptation – The Atlantic

Trumpism and white evangelicalism have become impossibly intertwined. White evangelicals have gone all in for Trump for immediate political gain, but their unholy alliance will damage their movement for generations to come.

I can`t emphasize enough that blind faith in Trump is a white phenomenon, non-white evangelicals aren`t enthralled by the orange pervert.

“A new survey released this week by PRRI, where I serve as the CEO, finds white evangelical support for Trump remains strikingly high, with 75 percent holding a favorable view of the president and only 22 percent holding an unfavorable view. This level of support far exceeds his favorability among all Americans, which is at 42 percent. Among all non-white evangelical Americans, Trump`s favorability is only 36 percent.”

The Atlantic

When the likes of a Jerry Falwell Jr. or a Franklin Graham make an outreach to minority communities their message is going to fall on deaf ears. A person of color isn`t going to want to hear the Gospel, or anything else, from a minister who supports a blatantly racist president.

Donald Trump and his sycophants in the white evangelical faith are anathema to people of color, whether they be evangelicals, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, or atheists.

White evangelicals have made a mockery of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, or to state it in a modern way: They have tarnished their brand name beyond redemption. As an Hispanic American when I hear white evangelicals praise Trump, I can`t help but think of Trump calling Mexican immigrants rapists.

We will never forgive Trump for his racism and misogyny, and we will never forgive white evangelicals for supporting such a moral degenerate.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Ted Cruz’s Time Magazine Tribute to Donald Trump is an Embarrassment

When Ted Cruz was asked to write a public tribute in Time magazine to the lowlife orange bully who mercilessly attacked him and his family during the 2016 presidential campaign, he would have politely declined if he had a shred of dignity.

But instead In his entry for the magazine`s 100 Most Influential People of 2018, Cruz lavished praise on his erstwhile enemy:

President Trump is a flash-bang grenade thrown into Washington by the forgotten men and women of America. The fact that his first year as Commander in Chief disoriented and distressed members of the media and political establishment is not a bug but a feature.

President Trump is doing what he was elected to do: disrupt the status quo. That scares the heck out of those who have controlled Washington for decades, but for millions of Americans, their confusion is great fun to watch.

Trump is a grenade thrown into Washington by a malevolent deity, a Joker if you will, who enjoys creating chaos and anarchy for its own sake. Trump isn`t just disrupting the media and the political establishment, he`s turning our society upside down.

Do we really need to be reminded that during the course of the 2016 campaign Trump christened the Texas senator “Lying Ted Cruz,” ridiculed his homely wife, and accused Cruz`s father of playing a role in the assassination of John Kennedy?

Where`s the Ted Cruz who called Trump a “sniveling coward,” “pathological liar” and a “big Loud New York bully” during the campaign?

It`s one thing to refrain from attacking the president for the sake of party loyalty, and it`s quite another to lavish praise on a moral degenerate.

Trump and Cruz represent the corruption of politicians in general, and Republicans in particular.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

APRIL 2018 ARCHIVES  PAGE TWO:

https://robertpaulreyes.com/april-2008-archives-page-two/

Teen Student Shows Up For Senior Prom in a Casket! Video!

“Alexandrea Clark arrived to her senior prom in a hearse on Saturday at Americus Sumter High School, and said there was a good message behind it.

Clark arrived to her senior prom in a hearse on Saturday at Americus Sumter High School. She took the short, five to 10-minute ride from the funeral home to school, which has since gone viral. She says her vision for her grand entrance was two years in the making.

She told 11Alive she did it in-part to encourage her classmates to not drink and drive.

`I was thinking about my class and how they are going to prom and doing the bad stuff after prom; like having drugs and doing all that,` she said.

11Alive.Com

High school seniors like to make a grand entrance by arriving for the senior prom in a limousine, but Alexandrea Clark stole the show by arriving in a hearse, and then being unloaded from the vehicle in a casket.

Clark wasn`t just trying to achieve viral infamy, she was sending a not so subtle message to her classmates: Don`t Drink and Drive!

Clark has been working for two years at the West Mortuary in Americus, and her dream since middle school is to become a funeral director.

She loves working in a mortuary, “because I love being around people and helping others.”

I think I missed my calling, unlike Clark I don`t like people at all, and working around dead people would be heaven on Earth.

When I croak I hope I will be embalmed by somebody who loves career like Clark. You Go Girl!

http://www.11alive.com/article/news/local/meet-the-georgia-student-who-arrived-to-prom-in-casket/85-540270922

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ja-4A4yuiaw

Stray Cat Scares Bejesus Out of Wanker

“A customer at a Tennessee garden center was caught on security camera jumping onto a store counter to avoid a stray cat that wandered in.

The security camera footage shows a man standing at the counter at Beasley`s Yard in Columbia when another customer walks in the door.

A stray cat darts into the door before it closes, causing the man at the counter to become startled and jump up onto the counter.”

UPI

Even the toughest dude is afraid of something, I for one will scream like a little girl if a spider falls on me.

But a man who jumps onto a store counter when a feline wanders in, should turn in his man card. He`s more of a pussycat than a human being, and I`m surprised the store owner didn`t knock him off the counter with a baseball bat.

But at least the store owner posted the video online, to the mortification of the coward, and the delight of millions of people all over the world.

Link to video:

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/04/18/Stray-cat-scares-customer-into-jumping-up-on-counter/2451524068997/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=7

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Rep. Jim Jordan Tells Anderson Cooper He’s Never Heard Trump Lie

House Freedom Caucus co-founder Rep. Jim Jordan repeatedly insisted in an interview with CNN`s Anderson Cooper that he has never heard pathological liar President Donald Trump tell a fib.

Jordan reminds me of White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson who declared that the obscenely obese McDonald`s-loving Trump is in excellent physical and mental health, and the many white evangelical leaders who proclaim that the morally bankrupt billionaire is anointed of God to Make America Great Again.

It`s self-evident that Trump is a lying sack of shi*, and a moral reprobate. I would feel silly trying to convince anyone of this undeniable reality, but here`s a list of 2,000 lies Trump has uttered in a year:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2018/01/10/president-trump-has-made-more-than-2000-false-or-misleading-claims-over-355-days/?utm_term=.f59d3c822eae

It would be so refreshing if conservative politicians, right-leaning pundits and evangelical preachers simply stated: Trump may be a pussy-grabbing, mean-spirited short-fingered vulgarian, but we will endorse him as long as he continues to nominate conservative Supreme Court Justices, sign tax laws that benefit the wealthy, demonize immigrants and support the rest of our right-wing agenda.

But instead they pretend that he`s a paragon of virtue, and a statesman who will go down in history as the greatest president since Abraham Lincoln.

I can`t wait until Special Counsel Robert Mueller completes his investigation and Trump is impeached and removed from office, maybe then the president`s enablers will stop singing his praises.

Little Girl Draws Crude Drawing of Her Beloved Kitty on Missing Pet Flyer

“A young girl is doing everything she can to find her missing cat.

Sierra Beckenstein received the kitty named Peppercorn on Easter, but last Wednesday the cat went missing.

She searched her neighborhood several times, and then decided to make fliers, however, she didn`t have any pictures of Peppercorn.

Sierra got creative and drew her cat, describing her as `skiddish` with green eyes.”

ABC 13

When a pet runs away from home, anxious pet owners, even children, post a missing pet poster on social media, including a photograph of the missing doggie or kitty.

Unfortunately, little 10-year-old Sierra didn`t have a photo of her missing cat, so she posted flyers on telephone poles in her neighborhood that included a drawing of her beloved pet.

Sierra, God bless her soul, has the drawing ability of a 5-year-old, I`ll be kind and describe her drawing as minimalist.

But obviously Sierra loves her cat, and I pray that despite the old-school approach to find her missing pet, the “skiddish” fur ball will find his way home.

Link to video:

http://abc13.com/pets-animals/girl-draws-picture-to-help-find-missing-cat/3336985/

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Brush Your Cat At Least Once a Week

The average cat spends anywhere from 85% to 90% of his day sleeping, about 10% destroying your earthly possessions, and the rest of his time plotting to kill you.

Felines are independent and low-maintenance, and you may think that all you have to do is feed them and clean their litter box, but you still need to brush your kitty at least once a week.

Even though cats spend an inordinate amount of time grooming themselves, brushing your cat on a weekly basis helps remove loose hairs from his undercoat. If these loose hairs aren`t removed your cat will ingest them, and eventually expel them as hairballs.

Grooming your pet will also help you bond with him, he may think twice about scratching your furniture if you show him a little bit of attention.

Come on don`t be so lazy, you spend a good two minutes a day scratching your ass, you can make time to brush your kitty for a few minutes each week.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Two Men Arrested for Being Black at Starbucks in Trump’s America

I avoid Starbucks like the plague, I prefer not to patronize an establishment that`s a magnet for slackers, wankers, hipsters and other assorted millennial riff-raff.

Starbucks is forced to sell a cup of coffee for a small fortune, because their clientele will nurse a cup of Java for hours while they take advantage of the free Wi-Fi.

I`d rather go to McDonalds and buy coffee at a reasonable price and not be surrounded by earbud-wearing zombies.

I doubt that a white customer has ever been arrested for trespassing for lingering too long over a cup of coffee, or for asking to use the restroom before ordering.

But all hell broke loose at a Philadelphia Starbucks when two young African American men had the temerity to ask to use the restroom before ordering an overpriced cup of coffee. You`d think they has requested to use the bathroom to sell crack.

The video of the outrageous incident has gone viral after it was shared on Twitter with a caption stating that two black men were arrested simply for waiting on a friend at the coffee chain outlet.

The men were waiting for a friend, who`s a real estate agent, to discuss a real estate deal. But the Starbucks employees see two young black men chatting, and they assume that they are discussing a drug deal, and they call 911.

Unless I see a black person commit a crime right before my eyes I wouldn`t call the cops, because I know that a person of color doesn`t have a good chance of surviving any interaction with the police.

The black gentlemen remained remarkably calm while being surround by cops, and they were handcuffed and perp-walked out of Starbucks.

It`s a shame that this type of racist incident happens with alarming regularity, but thank God they didn`t become another hashtag.

Link to video:

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/philadelphia-starbucks-arrest/

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Guide Dog Trained to Sniff Out Burger King Whoppers for Blind Owner

“On April 12, Burger King`s U.K. branch released a video to YouTube of a guide dog being successfully trained to smell out flame-grilled Whoppers for his visually impaired owner.

British hockey player Nathan Tree describes his golden retriever Flynn as his “best friend” who “saves my life every day.” Traveling often for his career on the ice, Tree was inspired to teach his pup to sniff out Burger King Whoppers, his “go-to food.”

After fifteen days of training, Flynn is successfully able to identify a flame-grilled Whopper in a blind scent test with another burger and fish and chips, just in time for Tree`s trip to Paris.”

Fox News

According to a video posted on YouTube by Burger King a guide dog has been successfully trained to smell out flame-grilled Whoppers for his blind owner.

Methinks this is one of the greatest whoppers ever told in an advertising campaign. I`m not blind, but I am lazy as hell, and it would be terrific if I could train my pooch to sniff out the closest Burger King, and bring me back a couple of Whoppers.

But I`m afraid my doggie would only bring back the wrappers, she`s pilfered a burger from my kitchen table on more than one occasion.

In the commercial Tree and Flynn walk through the City of Lights, and the canine successfully leads his owner to a Burger King.

Those type of miracles may only happen in commercials, but Flynn is an adorable pooch and those Whoppers look mighty tasty.

Read More:

http://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/2018/04/14/burger-king-trained-guide-dog-to-sniff-out-whoppers.html

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6qJpnJvMLQ

New York Daily News Headline: PEE BRAIN! Trump is a Pea-Brain Golden Showers-Loving Freak

“New Yorks hometown newspaper is taking on President Donald Trump yet again with another absolutely savage front page.

The New York Daily News posted its Friday cover on Twitter late Thursday:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ny-daily-news-trump-pee-cover_us_5ad01136e4b0edca2cb81e0f“

Huffington Post

The New York Daily News headline screams: PEE BRAIN! Is this yellow journalism (no pun intended), or does President Donald Trump deserve the golden showers of ridicule that are devastating his administration?

That`s a rhetorical question, Trump is indeed a pea-brain short-fingered vulgarian who is destroying our democracy and staining his presidency. It`s incumbent upon all legitimate newspapers to expose him as an Emperor who has no clothes and is drenched in urine.

When then FBI Director James Comey told President Donald Trump about the infamous dossier, he seemed obsessed with the most lurid allegation, that the Russians had a tape of prostitutes urinating on each other in his hotel room in Moscow.

According to Comey, Trump told him to investigate it to prove that it didn`t happen. Comey quotes Trump as saying: If there`s even a 1% chance my wife thinks that`s true, that terrible.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much, there`s a 100% chance Melania knows that her hubby is the kind of freak who dances the Macarena while hookers piss all over him.

The White House needs a solid cleansing, the People`s House needs to be hosed down, washing away pee-stained Trump and his all of his lackeys.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Christian Conspiracy Theorist David Meade Predicts Rapture Will Take Place April 23, 2018

“According to conspiracy theorists, codes in the Bible suggest the end of the world is imminent, with Earth set to be destroyed on April 23.
One theory suggests the end times dates back to astrological constellations appearing on November 23, matching the book of Revelation 12:1-2.
The passage signals the start of the Rapture and the second coming of Jesus Christ.
The passage 12:1-2 reads: `And a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of 12 stars. She was pregnant and was crying out in birth pains and the agony of giving birth.`”
Express

With President Donald Trump threatening on Twitter to strike Syria with Tomahawk missiles, and news anchors discussing if the president hired prostitutes to urinate on each other it certainly feels like we are living in the last days.

Christian theologian and author David Meade is making headlines for predicting that the Rapture will take place April 23, 2018.

But before you cash out your CD`s and live like a decadent billionaire before the world ends it`s important to keep these things in mind:

*The Bible warns us in Matthew 24.36: But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

*”David Meade” is a pen name, the wack job conspiracy theorist doesn`t have the courage to use his real name.

*The end-time conspiracy theorist predicted that the planet Nibiru was going to collide with Earth on September 13, 2017. After his prediction failed, he revised the apocalypse to October 2017, and then November 2017.

Meade has repeatedly been wrong in predicting the Rapture, it`s worth noting that the Old Testament says that prophets who are wrong even one time should be killed:

Deuteronomy 18: 20: But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die.

We`re not living under the Old Testament dispensation but we should put him to death 21st century style: Ridicule the wanker on social media until he kills himself.

Read More:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/944211/end-of-the-world-rapture-april-23-prediction

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Crazy Woman Offers to Trade Car for Entire Stock of Necco Wafers!

“A Florida woman really loves Necco Wafers, the colorful candies made by a Massachusetts-based company that is currently at risk of shutting down.

The Boston Globe reports 23-year-old Katie Samuels reached out to candy wholesaler Candystore.com to offer her 2003 Honda Accord for all of their stock.

Samuels has childhood memories of playing “church” at her grandmother`s home and pretending to take Communion with the candies.

In March, Necco announced that 395 workers could be laid off if the company does not find a buyer. Candystore.com did not accept the offer in what they`re calling “The Great Necco Wafer Panic,” but Samuels managed to buy four dozen rolls of the wafers.”

NBC Washington

I have fond memories of candy bars like Look, Big Hunk and Rocky Road that I enjoyed as a child, but can`t find in supermarket shelves today.

But I still have nightmares about the time that I ate Necco Wafers as a child. I don`t remember if it was the neighbor who didn`t appreciate me playing in the sidewalk in front of his house or the crazy cat lady who gave me that godawful candy, but I still can`t get the taste out of my mind.

Necco Wafers are about the same size as communion wafers, and they come in different colors, but they taste like chalk or aspirin.

I might trade in my 2003 Ford Focus for a truckload of Big Hunk candy bars or even communion wafers, but you couldn`t pay me enough money to eat even one Necco Wafer.

If you are an eccentric like Katie Samuels who loves Necco Wafers, you don`t have to worry about the company going out of business, sales of the weird candy has skyrocketed since the Boston Globe reported their financial troubles.

Read More:
https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/Florida-Woman-Offers-Car-for-Entire-Stock-of-Necco-Wafers-479385283.html

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Outrage: Alabama Football Team Prays for Donald Trump at White House!

“Members of the University of Alabama football team prayed with President Donald Trump on Tuesday afternoon as they made their ceremonial visit to the White House as winners of the 2017-2018 College Football Playoff National Championship.

During the Trump presidency, visits by championship sports teams to the White House have seemingly been marred by the fact that some high-profile athletes haven`t made the trip to the executive mansion to protest the president.

However, the Crimson Tide`s visit to the White House on Tuesday to celebrate their 26-23 Jan. 8 victory over the University of Georgia could likely be remembered for the fact that a handful of players huddled around the president to pray for him and the administration.

According to WBRC sports reporter Christina Chambers, the prayer was the idea of Alabama punter JK Scott. Chambers reports that when the punter went to shake Trump`s hand following his ceremony, he asked the president if he could pray with him.”

Christian Post

The tradition of teams visiting the White House to celebrate their championship should take a hiatus during the Trump administration. Most football teams, whether amateur or professional, are predominantly African American, and it makes no sense for them to visit the White House, and thereby giving their stamp of approval to the racist Trump administration.

Instead of visiting the White House to celebrate their 2017 NBA championship, the Golden State Warriors toured the National Museum of African-American History and Culture with local Washington students.

Championship teams should follow the example of the Golden State Warriors and turn down invitations to visit the White House. However I`m not surprised that the University of Alabama football team made their ceremonial visit to the White House as winners of the 2017-2018 College Football Playoff National Championship. After all the state of Alabama is a Mecca for rednecks; Alabamians love football, pedophile senatorial candidates, and of course Donald Trump.

Not only did the Alabama football team visit the White House, but they huddled around the president, laid hands on him, and prayed for the racist bastard.

It would have been OK if players prayed for Trump to repent and turn away from his wicked ways. But I`m sure these wankers prayed a generic Christian prayer asking God to bless Trump and give him wisdom. Such bullcrap!

I`m going to pray myself, that next year the Crimson Tide won`t win the national championship.

Read More:

https://www.christianpost.com/news/alabama-football-team-prays-for-donald-trump-white-house-national-championship-ceremony-222797/

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Diamond and Silk’s Coonery and Buffoonery Resonates With Trump’s Racist Base

Lynnette “Diamond” Hardaway and Rochelle “Silk” Richardson known as “Diamond and Silk” are two of President Donald Trump`s most ardent African American supporters.

They take “coonery and buffoonery” to an absurd level, and their videos resonate with Trump`s racist base for the same reason that minstrel shows were very popular in the South in the early 19th century.

I can imagine white Trump supporters watching a Diamond and Silk video, laughing at their antics, and wondering why all black people can`t be hoodwinked so easily.

It sickens me that two black women shucking and jiving in support of a blatantly racist president garner millions of views on YouTube.

But YouTube and Facebook shouldn`t take any measures to censor or demonetize their videos. Coonery and buffoonery isn`t hate speech, and Diamond and Silk videos are protected free speech.

Facebook recently classified the videos produced by Diamond and Silk as “unsafe to the community,” and that had the practical effect of making their content on Facebook more difficult to access.

Their videos are an affront to the black race, and indeed all of humanity, but as I have previously stated their content shouldn`t be censored or restricted.

In the Facebook community there is enough bandwidth for pages that celebrate cats, promote human rights, defend liberty, advocate on the behalf of gays, lesbians and other minorities, and yes there is even space for pages where Uncle Toms can indulge in their coonery.

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Dude Stabs Woman With Steak Knife Because He Didn’t Like Texture of His Steak

“According to state police, 41-year-old Shannon Lynch was having dinner with a woman in a Bullskin Township home around 11 p.m. when the two got into an argument.

Police say Lynch `took offense to the texture of his steak` and began to assault the woman. During the assault, Lynch allegedly picked up a steak knife and stabbed the woman in the arm.

Lynch then left the house, and police say his current whereabouts are unknown.”

CBS Pittsburgh

I don`t want to make light of domestic abuse, but if I wait until almost midnight for my steak dinner, that damn steak better be cooked perfectly.

That woman had one thing to do, and one thing only: To cook that slab of meat to her man`s ideal standards, and she failed miserably.

Naturally homeboy took offense to the texture of his steak, and stabbed the woman in the arm with the steak knife.

I guarantee that the next time this woman fixes a steak dinner for her man, it will be cooked to his exact specifications. I can also guarantee that there will be a next time, stupid women rarely kick their violent boyfriends to the curb.

Naturally Lynch left the house after stabbing his date, what would be the point in staying, stabbing your date is an automatic conversation killer.

Read More:

http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2018/04/07/fayette-county-steak-woman-stabbed/

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College Student Uses CPR She Learned From ‘The Office’ to Save Squirrel

“Michigan college student said she used a CPR technique she learned from NBC`s The Office to save the life of a drowning squirrel.

Central Michigan University student Natalie Belisto posted a video to Twitter showing her rescuing the drowning squirrel and later keeping it warm with a hair dryer.”

UPI

College students are post-millennial slackers who find comradery and security in their safe spaces, bur are ill fit to thrive in society. They are adept at finding Wi-Fi hot spots, but are totally clueless at changing a tire or cooking a meal.

But Michigan University student, Natalie Belisto, isn`t a useless wanker like her contemporaries, she used CPR to save the life of a drowning squirrel. Being a child of the Internet age, this heroic woman posted a video to Twitter showing her dramatic rescue.

Belisto learned CPR from “The Office,” a sit-com that aired from March 24, 2005, to May 16, 2013. This mockumentary has become a cult favorite, and is perhaps the most streamed series in Netflix`s history.

Fans of “The Office” feel an intimate connection with the series because it breaks the fourth wall, and the characters stare at viewers and talk directly to them.

Pam/Jenna Fischer might as well have spoken to Belisto from the boob tube: Save that squirrel! Just remember that episode when the Dunder Mifflin employees learned that a good tip for CPR is to do chest compressions to the beat of the Bee Gees song “Staying Alive.”

May that hapless squirrel stay alive forever!

May heroic Natalie Belisto stay alive forever!

May “The Office” stay alive forever!

Link to video: https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/04/06/College-student-uses-CPR-to-save-drowning-squirrel/6911523035873/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=1

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Former Mexican President Vicente Fox is a Master at Trolling Donald Trump

Former Mexican President Vicente Fox is the undisputed master at trolling Donald Trump, he makes the likes of Rosie O`Donnell and Jimmy Kimmel look like rank amateurs in the art of getting under Trump`s orange skin.

On Good Friday (I realize Easter Week is over, but any Friday that Fox ridicules Trump is a Good Friday), he shared an image on Twitter of himself wearing a new Trump-trolling T-shirt. Click the link at the bottom of page.

The design depicts Trump as a baby who is building a wall from Lego bricks. There is a smoke symbol representing the stench emanating from his soiled diapers. Trump has a smug expression of his face, he`s oblivious that he stinks to high heaven. He`s just as oblivious that his wall is a fantasy that will never come to fruition.

The slogan on the shirt reads: Can`t Build a Wall if Your Hands are too Small! Not only are Trump`s hands too tiny to build a wall, but his brain is too small to conceptualize the herculean effort to build a $100 billion wall.

Fox has long ridiculed Trump`s promise to build a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border.

Viva Fox! You made my day, please continue to troll Trump, we hate him even more you hate the bastard.

Link to pic of anti-Trump shirt:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/vicente-fox-donald-trump-t-shirt_us_5ac86ca7e4b09d0a1194003b

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