According to unnamed sources Donald Trump asked top Homeland Security officials whether the United States could bomb a hurricane to stop it from hitting the country.
This isn’t the premise of a Saturday Night Live skit, an Onion headline, or a joke by a late-night comic, this is what passes for real life in the reality TV series known as the Trump administration.
I can imagine the stable genius proposing this brainiac idea in the Situation Room:
Hurricanes start forming off the coast of the shithole country of Africa, as they’re moving across the Atlantic Ocean, or is it the Pacific Ocean or maybe Lake Erie, let’s drop a nuclear bomb inside the eye of the hurricane. That will blind the hurricane and it won’t know which direction to move and maybe it will make a U Turn and kill a bunch of darkies instead of God-fearing Americans. We have thousands of nuclear bombs, and we’re just wasting them by not using them! Nuking a hurricane will make your favorite President’s ratings to go through the roof! In fact, let’s show Mother Nature who’s boss and let’s put out the Amazon rainforest fires with a couple of nuclear bombs. Talk about changing the narrative, the Fake News will forget all about Climate Change. Obama never nuked no hurricane! Everyone will agree that President Trump is greater than Obama after I start nuking hurricanes, forestfires and whatnot. Speaking of Obama let’s nuke Kenya for good measure. Well what do you guys think? Am I the big hands President or What? Mike! That’s your cue to praise my brilliant plan. WWJD?
Sir, Jesus would ride on top of a nuclear-tipped Cruise Missile and blow that hurricane to smithereens! I praise the Lord for blessing us with such a wise and intelligent leader.
Acting Director of Homeland Security:
Brilliant plan Sir! I humbly suggest that we until a Category 9 hurricane develops, that way you will get even more credit for adverting disaster.
Acting Assistant Director of Homeland Security (whispering to the Acting Director of Homeland Security):
Great save boss! That fucking moron doesn’t know the Hurricane Wind Scale is a 1 to 5 rating based on a hurricane’s sustained wind speed.