Listening to Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ is a Transcendent and Orgasmic Experience

Mariah Carey is the unofficial Queen of Christmas, and every other woman, even the Virgin Mary, must bow down before the ethereal creature who embodies the Christmas spirit with every breath she takes and every note she sings.

The Stoneleigh P bar in Dallas, is attempting to snuff out the Christmas spirit by limiting Carey’s Yuletide classic, “All I Want for Christmas is You” to be played on the jukebox only one time a night.

This is an abomination! Sacrilege! Heresy! An affront to the Queen of Christmas! Every bar, every church, every public building should be playing “All I Want for Christmas is You” on a loop from November 1 to December 25.

All I Want for Christmas is for “All I Want for Christmas is You” to be declared the official Christmas song of America.

If Mariah came to my house and sang her iconic Xmas song to me on Christmas Day it would be like the Rapture, Harmonic Convergence and my birthday all rolled into one.

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