Month: January 2018

Ivanka Trump Tweaks Twitter Bio

Usually the spouse of the president of the United States is considered one of the most powerful women in the world, but Donald Trump is married to a former model who has demonstrated zero interest in domestic issues or global affairs. The First Lady can barely express herself in English, therefore she has no influence in pop culture or politics.

Ivanka Trump, on the other hand, cares about many issues, and she professes to care deeply about women`s rights. She`s well-educated, intelligent, eloquent and photogenic, which makes her much more influential than her step-mother.

If Trump had his perverted druthers, he would divorce Melania and marry his own daughter. But incest may be the only sin that Trump`s followers won`t forgive.

Ivanka is an official Advisor to the President, and everything that she says and does matters, and that`s why people noticed when she changed her Twitter bio from:

Wife, mother, sister, daughter. Entrepreneur & advocate for the education and empowerment of women & girls. This is my personal page. Views expressed are my own.

To:

Wife, mother, sister, daughter. Advisor to POTUS on job creation + economic empowerment, workforce development & entrepreneurship. Personal Pg. Views are my own.

I commend Ivanka for deleting the line about “being an advocate for the education and empowerment of women & girls.”

Donald Trump is a misogynist sexual predator, and although Ivanka`s father may value her advice it`s obvious that she hasn`t convinced him of the basic fact that women and girls are human beings and not objects to be sexually exploited.

Ivanka would be well-advised to continue to downplay her role as an advocate of women`s rights.

If Ivanka really cared about empowering women and girls, she would tell her father: I quit! I refuse to work for a serial sexual predator!

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Music World Stunned! Ed Sheeran’s ‘Shape of You’ Wins Grammy for Pop Solo Performance

In the most disappointing result in the 60 years of the Grammys, Ed Sheeran`s `Shape of You` won the 2018 Grammy Award for pop solo performance. Even the late Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli is turning over in his grave.

The other four nominees (Lady Gaga, Pink, Kesha & Kelly Clarkson) were bona fide divas who never fail to deliver a knockout performance.

I fail to comprehend how this wanker sells out arenas, the perfect venue for Sheeran is an old timer`s bar where the patrons are deaf and drunk and his singing is just an ambient noise that doesn`t distract them from their main focus, getting plastered.

Sheeran is a lackadaisical singer and a horrible songwriter, case in point the lyrics to “Shape of You”:

I`m in love with the shape of you

We push and pull like a magnet do

Although my heart is falling too

I`m in love with your body

Last night you were in my room

And now my bedsheets smell like you.

“Shape of You” is the song that plays in an elevator that descends all the way down to the pit of hell.

If “Shape of You” comes on the radio the average person won`t simply change the radio station, he will blast it to smithereens with a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun. And if he`s listening to the radio in the bathtub when the song is played, he will knock the radio into the tub, choosing death over the chance that he will ever hear that cursed song again.

Sheeran`s CD`s should be tossed into a bonfire! Come to think of it, he should be set on fire as well!

This is the lament of a pop culture critic, not a call to action.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Hillary Clinton Gives a Shout-out to ‘Activist Bitches’!

“The former presidential candidate and secretary of state sent out a video message directed to `activist bitches supporting bitches`, as she put it, via Twitter Friday night.

`Hey everyone, I just wanted to say thanks,` Clinton said into a cellphone camera, seated at a red banquette in what appeared to be a restaurant.

`Thanks for your feminism, for your activism, and all I can hope is you keep up the really important, good work,` she said.

At the urging of an off-camera companion, she added with a laugh: And let me just say, this is directed to the activist bitches supporting bitches. So let`s go.”

The New York Post

Hillary Clinton is the worst presidential candidate in history, and the only Democratic challenger incompetent enough to lose to the likes of Donald Trump.

Hillary oozes privilege and insincerity, and she should spend the rest of her miserable life apologizing effusively for blowing the election, and saddling America with the Trump administration.

In this video Hillary was speaking not to network cameras but to a fan`s cellphone when she gave a shout-out to a group called “Activist Bitches Supporting Bitches.”

If Hillary had demonstrated this good humor and sincerity when facing network and cable news cameras during the election she might have beat Trump despite her grievous shortcomings as a candidate.

If Hillary had given a shout-out to her fellow butch lesbians and activist bitches during the presidential campaign Trump would be golfing and grabbing pussy fulltime.

Link to video:

https://nypost.com/2018/01/27/clinton-thanks-activist-bitches-in-bizarre-video/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

The Ten Commandments Rewritten for Donald Trump

“Tony Perkins, the president of the conservative Family Research Council, contended Tuesday that the evangelical community has given President Donald Trump a mulligan when it comes to his personal behavior.

`Yes, evangelicals, conservatives, they gave him a mulligan. They let him have a do-over. They said we`ll start afresh with you and we`ll give you a second chance.` Perkins said in an interview on CNN`s `Erin Burnett OutFront.`

Perkins` remarks come after a Wall Street Journal report that Trump`s lawyer, Michael Cohen, formed a private LLC to pay a former porn star in exchange for not speaking publicly about an alleged sexual encounter with the then-candidate.”

CNN

Evangelicals are willing to give Donald Trump a second chance, a hundred chances, even though he never admits making any mistakes, let alone express remorse or repent.

Trump will get a mulligan from evangelicals every time, as long as he continues to support their evil anti-gay, anti-immigrant and anti-women agenda.

I`m sure God will give me a mulligan when I say: Fuck Trump and fuck the hypocritical evangelicals.

It won`t be long before Tony Perkins rewrites the Ten Commandments especially for Donald Trump:

  1. I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt have no other gods before me. Except for Mammon, as a billionaire thou are allowed to worship Mammon.
  2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, but feel free to place a copy of Time magazine bearing thou regal image in every room in the White House.
  3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain in public, but in the privacy of the White House goddamn the hell out of thou subordinates if they don`t praise thou like a deity.
  4. Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it holy. Thou hast permission to sleep the entire Sabbath, for that is the only way thou can keep it holy.
  5. Honor thy father and thy mother by keeping alive thy father`s Nazi legacy.
  6. Thou shalt not kill thou enemies, instead kill their reputation on Twitter.
  7. Thou shalt not commit adultery, but as president thou gets a mulligan when thou fornicates with a porn star.
  8. Thou shalt not steal in person, but thou hath a dispensation to execute tax laws that steal from the poor and give to the wealthy.
  9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against a conservative, but thou are free to defame and libel heathen liberals.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thou neighbor`s wife, but thou will be forgiven if thou grabs her by the pussy.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Tiny Pooch Sitting on Driver’s Lap Howls His Fool Head Off to the Music

This video uploaded by Weekly Standard reporter Haley Byrd makes up for all the conservative propaganda published by the aforementioned magazine.

The tiny pooch is zipped inside the reporter`s hoodie, and he`s howling along to a string quartet cover of a U2 song.

Unlike Byrd I`m a real man and I don`t ride with a lap dog, my German Shepherd/Pit Bull mix, Mandy, often rides shotgun with me as we cruise the highways and byways.

We listen to classic rock like Creedence Clearwater Revival or the Rolling Stones as we run our errands, and Mandy often demonstrates her approval of my tunes by barking in delight.

Although Byrd`s dog is cute as heck as he howls with his little head sticking out of the hoodie, riding with a dog on your lap is dangerous for the canine as well as the driver, and not to mention other drivers sharing the road with them.

Link to video:

https://sploid.gizmodo.com/a-tiny-singing-dog-might-be-the-solution-to-your-lousy-1822410776

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Who’s the Most Dysfunctional Couple: Bill and Hillary Clinton or Donald and Melania Trump?

“Melania Trump won`t be attending the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, and some are speculating that her cancellation is a subliminal message to her husband, Donald Trump.

For one thing, it came on their 13th wedding anniversary, and Inside Edition notes that the first lady has kept a low profile since the allegations that her husband paid $130,000 in hush money to a porn actress who uses the name Stormy Daniels.

Huffington Post

The Trumps are the most dysfunctional couple to occupy the White House since the Clintons.

Bill and Hillary Clinton were both skirt-chasers, Slick Willy was reckless in his pursuit of tail, Hillary was more discreet since she had to maintain the fiction that she was heterosexual and not a butch lesbian.

Hillary was indifferent to her hubby`s sexcapades, she only objected when he bedded trailer trash vixens beneath their station.

I doubt that Bill and Hillary ever consummated their marriage, and don`t bring up Chelsea because we all know that Webb Hubbell was her baby daddy.

Melania has publicly admitted that she married Donald Trump for his money, they sleep in separate bedrooms in the White House, and they have little interaction with each other.

Melania has been filmed on various occasions swatting away Trump`s deformed little hand when he tried to hold her hand. You can bet that when he approaches her in the privacy of the White House with his tiny pecker, she swats it away in disgust.

Melania isn`t quite as forgiving as Hillary about her husband`s indiscretions, she doesn`t like to be publicly humiliated. Melania knew what she was getting into when she married the lecherous bastard, but she must have been furious when it was disclosed that he had an affair with a porn star.

The Bill and Hillary show lasted eight years, hopefully the Melania and Donald reality show will last less than four years. I`m hoping that the racist buffoon will be impeached when the Democrats take control of both houses of Congress in the midterm elections.

Read More:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/melania-trump-davos-message_us_5a67c901e4b0dc592a0dafad

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Taco Bell Employee Assaults Manager With Burrito!

“A Taco Bell employee is facing arrest after allegedly throwing a hot burrito at his manager because he was upset over having to work the morning shift, South Carolina police report.

Spartanburg cops were called to a Taco Bell Monday afternoon after employee Christopher Dalton got into a dispute with Patricia Keeley, his manager.

Keeley told an officer that Dalton was upset over his work schedule and `was getting into several verbal disputes with other coworkers.` Keeley said that when she told Dalton to `stop being a crybaby,` he exploded.

Dalton allegedly slung a burrito at Keeley, who told police that `the melted cheese got all over her left arm and went all down her left side and leg.`”

The Smoking Gun

When I visit a Taco Bell, which is once in a blue moon, I eat my authentic American tacos, and run home before the diarrhea hits.

The last thing I want is to witness any drama between the employees, because if the grub doesn`t upset my stomach the employee violence will certainly do the trick.

The store manager was lucky that the burrito landed on her arms and not her mouth, otherwise she might have accidentally ingested some of the damn thing.

Keeley sounds like a real loser, the moron better not drop the Chalupa behind bars, or he will end up with more than an upset stomach.

Read More:

http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/taco-bell-burrito-attack-384907

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Outrage: Suzanne Somers Praises Donald Trump to High Heaven

“Suzanne Somers is saying it loud and proud … she`s a huge fan of President Trump, and she also believes shes committing career suicide by saying that.”

TMZ

Today hardcore porn is instantly and readily available to anyone with an internet connection. But in the 1970`s you had to get your titillation wherever you could find it, and jiggle television programming which featured starlets moving in loose clothing or underwear in a way in which their breasts or buttocks jiggled was all the rage. The primary examples of this type of programming were Charlie`s Angels, Wonder Woman and Three`s Company.

Somers wasn`t a gifted thespian, but in the late 1970`s she jiggled her boobs and butt to superstardom as Chrissy Snow on Three`s Company.

In the 1990`s she kept in the spotlight as a spokeswoman for the Thighmaster. The Thighmaster was a piece of exercise equipment that is squeezed between one`s thighs. It`s doubtful the contraption did anything for your thighs, but it was slightly entertaining to watch an ageing actress open and close her legs as if she was attempting to crack a nut.

In the 2000`s Somers wrote a series of best-selling self-help books, including Ageless: The Naked Truth About Bioidentical Hormones, about bioidentical hormone replacement therapy. These books are nothing but quackery, and they sold only because they featured Somers silicon-enhanced face on the covers.

Somer`s career trajectory is thus: Jiggle star to Thighmaster infomercial queen to author of books of medical quackery.

Somers isn`t committing career suicide by coming out of the closet as a Trump supporter, her career was already as dead as a doorknob. The only ways that she could make any news was by doing granny porn or puffing up Trump.

I`m disappointed in Somers, she would have retained a shred of decency had she gone the granny porn route.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Porn Star Stormy Daniels Claims Donald Trump is Terrified of Sharks

“TOUGH-talking Donald Trump is absolutely terrified of sharks and hopes they all die, according to a porn star he is said to have bedded.

X-rated movie actress Stormy Daniels described the US President`s fear as the `strangest thing` in a newly emerged interview she gave back in 2011.

Stormy, who claimed to have had a 2006 affair with Trump, told InTouch magazine he was fascinated by the Discovery Channel`s annual Shark Week specials.

`He is obsessed with sharks` she said. `Terrified of sharks. He was like, `I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.`”

The Sun

Porn star Stormy Daniels hasn`t disclosed any embarrassing details about Trump`s sexual performance or preferences in bed, but she did provide us with the interesting tidbit that the Donald is terrified of sharks.

The racist buffoon may be terrified of sharks, but he watched the Shark Week specials with his porn star lover. I can relate, I am terrified and disgusted by our ineffectual and clueless president, but I read dozens of articles about him every day.

Trump was a predator as a businessman, when he was a full-time real estate mogul he made it a practice to declare bankruptcy as a means of stiffing banks and contractors. It got to the point where only Russian banks would do business with the shady mogul.

Trump is also a sexual predator, for decades he has been abusing, degrading and assaulting women.

Trump is afraid of sharks because they are fearless predators, and they are just about the only creatures that make him feel vulnerable.

But Trump shouldn`t fear sharks, they rarely attack human beings. He should be afraid of piranha, if he ever goes swimming in the ocean those voracious killers would zero in on his tiny genitals.

The filthy pig should also fear whalers, they might mistake him for a whale and harpoon his fat ass.

I hope a whaler, piranha, somebody, or something will get rid of Trump once and for all.

Read More:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/5395680/donald-trump-is-terrified-of-sharks-and-hopes-they-all-die-according-to-alleged-porn-star-lover-stormy-daniels-who-claims-he-watched-shark-doc-before-romp/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Franklin Graham Dismisses Donald Trump’s Alleged Affair With Porn Star Stormy Daniels

“You would think itd be incredibly easy for an evangelical Christian leader to denounce Donald Trump`s alleged affair with porn star Stormy Daniels, which reportedly took place months after giving birth to his fifth child with his third wife. Yet Franklin Graham, appearing yesterday on MSNBC with anchor Alex Witt, had no words of condemnation for his Republican savior.

Graham initially suggested the entire story was fake since Trump hadn`t admitted it – but added that it wouldn`t matter even if it were true because Trump isn`t `President Perfect.`”

Patheos

During the 2016 presidential campaign Donald Trump famously claimed he could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and not lose any voters.

I would argue that Trump could rape a 13-year-old girl in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose any support from evangelicals. Evangelicals would claim that the little harlot tempted him, and that he repented anyway immediately after closing his zipper.

If Stormy Daniels produced a blue dress with a semen stain that was verified to be Trump`s DNA, evangelicals would claim that the stain was in the shape of a cross, and evidence that God`s blessing was upon him.

Franklin Graham has been one of the most diehard Trump supporters, time after time again he has justified the president`s sins and transgressions. I`m not surprised that he has failed to condemn Trump for having an affair with a porn star, and paying her money to keep quiet.

The Rev. Graham had the audacity on Sunday to declare that President Trump defends Christianity more than any recent American leader.

With all due respect the good reverend is full of crap, Trump`s policies, behavior and words are antithetical to Christianity. Trump has defiled the Christian faith more than any recent American leader.

Trump and his evangelical enablers are destroying democracy and Christianity, and the president and his white evangelical supports should be anathema to true Christians, and true patriots.

Read more at http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/01/21/franklin-graham-dismisses-trumps-alleged-affair-hes-not-president-perfect/#wkWTbBktuR7VW26u.99

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

January 2018 Archives Page 2

https://robertpaulreyes.com/january-2018-archives-page-two/

Moundville Country Bumpkins Epic Fight Over Cheesecake

“The Moundville Times reported that Moundville Police Chief Toby Banks was called to a disturbance at a residence where the half-brothers live together at noon Dec. 26.

`Banks said he was asked for his opinion on whether the piece of cake was big enough for a grown (expletive) man,` the paper reported. `He said he thought it was.`

According to court records, the older brother, 24, was still holding the butcher knife he used to cut the dessert when they began arguing about the portion size. The victim told police his brother punched him in the face and busted his lip.

According to the police report, the suspect told the chief `they were arguing over the pie, but he only patted the victim on the face and head like a dog.`”

Tuscaloosanews.com

Moundville is a hick town with a population of less than 3,000 in the redneck state of Alabama.

I`m surprised these country bumpkins were arguing over a piece of cheesecake, and not a slab of cornbread.

I know that the family is important in the South, but what the hell are two grown ass brothers doing living together?

The moral of this story:

When a hillbilly is brandishing a butcher knife that he used to cut a piece of cheesecake into two portions, common sense dictates that you don`t complain that your portion is smaller.

The simple fact that the older brother used a butcher knife instead of a butter knife to cut the cheesecake should have been a tip off that he wasn`t in a mood to put up with any guff from his younger sibling.

The victim told police that his brother punched him in the face, but the older moron claims he only patted the victim on the face and head like a dog. You don`t have to be an expert on redneck behavior to know that he beat him like a dog.

In a red state that worships the likes of Donald Trump and Roy Moore never, I repeat never, get into an argument with any of the local yokels over cheesecake.

Read More:

http://www.tuscaloosanews.com/news/20180119/fight-over-cheesecake-portion-leads-to-arrest?start=2

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump is a Clown With Tiny Hands Instead of Giant Feet

Parents hire clowns to entertain their children for birthday parties, and it works until the kids grow tired of the limited repertoire of the clown`s tricks and shenanigans.

Kids are repulsed and fascinated by clowns at the same time, their painted faces and huge feet scares the Bejesus out of them, but they are mesmerized by their magic tricks.

Eventually when the kids start pelting the clown with anything they can get a hold of, the parents tell the entertainer that his work is done.

President Donald Trump is like a clown at a third-rate carnival who cheats marks at three-card monte when he`s not clowning around.

We hired the Clown of all Clowns as President of the United States, and unfortunately unless we impeach the freak we`re stuck with him for four years.

We are fascinated and repulsed by Trump`s non-stop buffoonery, he has an endless supply of tweets, insults, and incoherent policy initiatives up his sleeve.

In lieu of oversized feet he has tiny hands that he employs to tweet nonsense, and to pull executive actions out of his ass.

Republicans have made peace with Trump by pretending that he`s not a clown, they ignore his infantile tweets, insane rants and childish behavior, because the payoff is conservative judges, tax laws that favor the wealthy, and deregulation that benefits big corporations.

The majority of Americans are sick and tired of the clown sitting in the Oval Office, and we are mortified that he`s turned the White House into a three-ring circus.

I may be tilting at windmills but I will never accept Trump as my president, and I will continue to write essays exposing his buffoonery until Congress does the right thing and impeaches the clown.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Cat-In-The-Bag Carrier is the Cat’s Pajamas! Video!

“The Cat-In-The-Bag Cozy Comfort Carrier ($33.95) is almost exactly what it sounds like – it`s a bag designed to comfortably contain felines. Like the famed Snuggie for humans, this invention comes with a place for your cat`s head, but no holes for their arms and legs.

The creators say their cat sack is different from other carriers because it doesn`t isolate your cat. Instead of being stuffed in a fear-inducing box, a cat can now be carefully wrapped in this bag that keeps it safe while also allowing room for the animals to move freely with an unconfined head.”

People

My pooch, Mandy, loves to ride shotgun with me. She`s a sight to behold as we cruise down the road with her head sticking out the window.

My cats, Tico and Ebony, on the other hand absolutely hate to ride in my car. They act like they are in torment, caterwauling like they`re on crack, on the short five-minute trip to the veterinarian.

It` not just the motion that discombobulates them, they also despise being trapped in a pet carrier.

The Cat-The-Bag Carrier is the perfect solution, a cat won`t feel like he`s in a jail cell, his little head is sticking out and he can see that he`s safe with his master behind the wheel.

What`s cooler than a cat in a hat? A cat in a bag! Get with the damn program and buy one for your kitty, you will both love it!

Read More:

http://people.com/pets/kitty-carrier-cat-in-the-bag-snuggie-for-felines/

Donald Trump Had Porn Star Stormy Daniels Spank Him With a Forbes Magazine

Donald Trump is such an omnipresent fixture on media that his hideous face with his sphincter-like mouth has been indelibly etched on my mind.

When the Grim Reaper finally drags the decrepit reprobate to hell, and he`s no longer a regular feature on the evening news, I will still need deprogramming to cleanse him from my consciousness.

Normal folks have a visceral reaction when they see Trump on TV, namely we throw the remote at the screen, and then search Google for painless ways to commit suicide.

Now a new particularly disquieting detail has emerged about the president`s affair with porn star Stormy Daniels that may cause even diehard Trump supporters to retch. These cultists could care less that Trump paid her off to keep quiet, but they may be troubled that he ordered the porn starlet to spank him with a copy of Forbes that featured Trump, Donald Jr., and Ivanka on the cover.

To have a porn star spank you may be every guy`s fantasy, but to have the hoe spank you with a magazine that features your family on the cover is wrong, horribly wrong.

I like to believe that I`ve done some good with the thousands of essays I`ve published online since 2008, but all that may be negated by leaving my readers with an image that they will never be able to erase: Our obese president butt naked being spanked by a porn star.

My readers may never forgive me, but God forgive me!

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

British Supermarket Chain B&M Seeks ‘Chicken Nugget Connoisseur’

“B&M, one of Britain`s largest variety store chains, announced on its website that it is seeking a chicken nugget connoisseur to taste-taste the chicken nuggets for its new line of store-brand frozen and fresh foods.

The posting lists `relevant experience` for applicants, including:
*Getting the 20 share box of nuggets from McDonalds and keeping them all for yourself.

*You can conduct a power point presentation on the reasoning behind curly fries being nicer than chips”

UPI

I`m a fast food junkie, but I do have standards, and I draw the line at chicken nuggets. This fast food staple looks and tastes like deep-fried sawdust. A chicken nugget is more foul than fowl, and chicken is probably way down in the list of ingredients.

I`m not qualified to be a chicken nugget connoisseur; I once made the mistake of ordering a box of 20 McDonald`s chicken nuggets and my pooch ended up eating 19 of them.

The “winning applicant” will be issued monthly $35 vouchers to spend on B&M`s line of frozen foods, and is required to share his feedback with the store chain.

Applicants must submit an essay explaining why they are deserving of the opportunity. I`m a writer, that`s what I do, but I`d rather write an essay explaining why I deserve the opportunity to participate in a study examining the dangers of consuming lead.

Sorry, B&M, but I think you know what you can do with your chicken nuggets.

Read More: https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/01/18/Chain-store-posts-job-for-chicken-nugget-taste-tester/7411516283970/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Happy Birthday Betty White! America Loves You!

Whenever I see Betty White trending on Twitter my finger trembles as I click the link to find out why America`s sweetheart is trending. Whenever the nonagenarian icon is trending on social media, I fear it`s because the angels took her home.

Such was the case this morning when I see the screen and TV legend trending on Twitter; I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I found out that she`s in the news because she`s 96 years old today.

Those of you who`ve been reading my column for years are well aware of my cynical nature, and you might be surprised to learn that Betty White is my favorite celebrity, and not a hot mess like Miley Cyrus or a wise ass like Bill Maher.

Betty has the sweet face of a grandma who welcomes family and strangers to her home with a cookie and warm glass of milk, but who tells naughty jokes with a twinkle in her eye.

Betty has been warming our hearts for decades, from “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” to “Golden Girls” to “Hot in Cleveland,” while making us wet our drawers with her sarcastic humor.

A reporter recently asked Betty what the secret to her longevity was, and she answered: Vodka and hot dogs.

Here`s hoping that Betty downs at least four glasses of vodka every day along with a dozen hot dogs, because we want her to live 96 more years.

Happy Birthday Betty White! America Loves You!

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Rev. Maurice Watson Denounces Trump’s Racist Comments with Red-faced Mike Pence in Pews

“A Maryland pastor on Sunday denounced President Trumps s—hole countries comment before God, his congregation and Vice President Pence.

Worshipers at the Metropolitan Baptist Church in Largo, Md., said the vice president grew visibly red-faced as the Rev. Maurice Watson called Trump out for his vulgar comments last week about Haiti and several African nations.

`I stand today as your pastor to vehemently denounce and reject any such characterizations of the nations of Africa and of our brothers and sisters in Haiti,` Watson told his congregation as Pence looked on.

`And I further say: Whoever made such a statement, whoever used such a visceral, disrespectful, dehumanizing adjective to characterize the nations of Africa, whoever said it, is wrong. And they ought to be held accountable.`”

New York Daily News

Sometimes a Christian pastor is required to minister to the least among us with the compassion and humility of Jesus Christ, and sometimes he`s called upon to speak truth to power with the vehemence and thunder of an Old Testament prophet.

If Vice President wanted to bask in the praise of like-minded evangelicals in the aftermath of Donald Trump`s blatantly racist shithole comment, he should have visited a white evangelical church.

White evangelical churches have a long history of not just tolerating racism, but practicing racism, and a racist charlatan like Trump is as welcome as a snake oil televangelist.

Mike Pence made the mistake of attending a black evangelical church shortly after his boss uttered his toxic comments, and the pastor was duty-bound to vehemently denounce the president`s racist rhetoric.

Pence`s huge Bible was no shield for the minister`s words of condemnation, and his face was red with fury and humiliation.

Sunday night Pence probably commensurated with Trump`s evangelical advisory council in a presidential circle jerk.

If only the Rev. Maurice Watson was granted an audience with Trump!

Read More:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/pastor-denounces-trump-s-thole-comments-pence-pews-article-1.3758143

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump and Melania Trump Are an Affront to the Memory of Martin Luther King Jr.

Legislation was signed in 1983 creating a federal holiday marking the birthday of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Taking place each year on the third Monday in January, the MLK Day of Service is observed as a national day of service in honor of the tireless crusader for peace and justice.

Unfortunately, very few people who aren`t federal employees actually get the day off, but we should still honor the memory of MLK by serving others after we get off from work.

Donald Trump, the President of the United States, didn`t set an example for the people that he serves by helping build a house for Habitat for Humanity or by serving meals in a food kitchen, he was too busy playing golf with his millionaire pals.

Melania Trump on Monday sent out a tweet acknowledging Martin Luther King Jr.`s lifetime of service, but nobody was buying it.

Today we honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. & his service to this great country. I am honored to be First Lady of a nation that continually strives for equality & justice for all. #MLKDay

The nation may strive to create a more perfect union, but her husband`s racist rhetoric and policies are setting back our democracy decades.

If Melania really wanted to honor the memory of MLK she would poison her hubby`s covfefe.

I`d better forget the execrable Trumps if only for this holiday, so I will be in the proper state of mind to celebrate the birth of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Must be Removed From Office by Any Means Necessary

In the future we will have to explain to our grandchildren just how exhausted and debilitated we were after surviving the interminable first year of Donald Trump`s presidency.

In his inaugural address Trump lamented “American carnage,” his words had a prophetic quality because he has bulldozed and trampled over our democratic institutions of the free press, independent judiciary and bipartisanship leadership. Any sober-minded patriot who considers the state of the Union will see carnage everywhere. Trump didn`t end American carnage as he promised in his inaugural speech, he exhilarated the decline of all of our democratic institutions.

After a year of living under the Trump regime I am simply exhausted, Trump is like a category five hurricane that never runs of of steam because it`s powered by Satan`s infernal farts. It is impossible to ignore Trump without becoming a recluse and unplugging the TV and radio, and going offline. The only solution is to remove Trump from office BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

Trump will never pivot, he will never become presidential, and he will never reach rock bottom. His mind is a bottomless shithole of racism, vulgarity and paranoia. As a political writer for a local newspaper and a blogger I am perhaps more exhausted than most of my fellow Americans, because it`s my job to chronicle Trump`s racism and sheer insanity.

But we must not grow weary in well-doing, we must continue our fight against our shithole president and his shithole Republican enablers until he`s removed from office, and I emphasize BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Study: Dog Owners Would Rather Be With Pets Than Friends

“More than half of American dog owners admit they flake out on social events to hang out with their pet, according to new research.

The study of 2,000 dog owners found skipping out on human commitments specifically to get a bit of quality furry friend time is a common occurrence.

That bond is understandable given the way they aid our mental health – from their ability to lessen relationship stress to softening bad days at work and more, the average dog gets their owner through five (4.83) stressful events every week.

In fact, six in ten survey-takers said their dog often takes care of them in some way, shape or form, reinforcing the important two-way relationship between dogs and humans.”

Fox 10

I`m not surprised by the results of this study, I`d rather hang out with my pooch, Mandy, than engage in any social interaction with a friend, colleague or family member.

Of course I would rather spend quality time with my loyal and faithful canine companion than attend a social event where rats are scheming to climb the social ladder or flirting to find a rutting partner for the night.

Even innocuous small talk with a friend or coworker is like navigating a minefield, whereas walking or playing with Mandy is an oasis of peace and relaxation in a chaotic world.

Don`t feel guilty if you flaked out on attending a baby shower or a friend`s birthday party to hang out with your dog. That adorable baby will probably grow up to be an ungrateful spoiled brat, and your friend is probably bonking your girlfriend, whereas your pooch will remain faithful and loyal for the rest of his life.

Read More:

http://www.fox10phoenix.com/health/dog-owners-would-rather-be-with-pets-than-friends-study-suggests

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Merriam-Webster Rebukes Shithole President Donald Trump

It should come as no surprise that the Merriam-Webster Twitter account is on a mission from God to correct the word usage and typos of the most ignorant and intellectually-challenged American president in history.

Ten times Merriam-Webster has majorly trolled Donald Trump:

https://moneyish.com/ish/10-times-merriam-webster-has-majorly-trolled-donald-trump/

On the same day that the Washington Post reported that Trump called Haiti, El Salvador, and various African countries “shithole countries” while discussing immigration policy, Merriam Webster announced that their word of the day was “reprehensible.”

An almost perfect rebuke of our racist president, it would have been perfect if Merriam-Webster included an image of Trump under “reprehensible.”

Merriam-Webster defines “reprehensible” as worthy of or deserving reprehension, blame, or censure.

Throughout the presidential campaign and during his first year in office Trump has uttered blatantly racist remarks against Mexican immigrants, Mexican Americans, African Americans, Muslims and Haitians, to the extent that it renders him unfit for office.

And as we have seen with the issue of immigration Trump`s racist mindset influences policy. Trump wants to limit immigration from African, Muslim and Latin American countries.

There are a dozen reasons why Trump should be impeached, not the least of which is his bigotry and racism. Unfortunately, the shithole president won`t be impeached until the Democrats take control of Congress in the mid-term elections.

But in the meantime Congress should censure Donald Trump for his shithole remarks. Censure is the most extreme reprimand, short of impeachment, that Congress can take against the president.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Shithole President Makes Shithole Racist Statement

During a meeting with a bipartisan group of senators at the White House discussing immigration in general, and DACA in particular, President Donald Trump referred to El Salvador, Haiti and the entire continent of Africa as “shithole countries.” Trump followed that pearl of wisdom by suggesting that he`d rather see immigrants from countries like Norway.

Republican Sens. Tom Cotton, David Perdue and Lindsey Graham, Senate Minority Whip Dick Durbin and Republican Reps. Bob Goodlatte, Kevin McCarthy and Mario Diaz-Balart were at the meeting.

Oh to be a fly on the wall! How did these illustrious politicians react when Trump made those obscene and blatantly racist statements? I would have immediately called out the president for his inflammatory and bigoted remarks. Unless someone surreptitiously recorded the meeting we may never know, but we do know that not one of these statesmen has publicly repudiated Trump since the infamous meeting.

The silence has been deafening from the likes of Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell; are they banking on the notion that America has become inured to the fact that out shithole president is a racist?

We must never accept the fact that Trump is a racist, we most condemn him every time he makes a racist comment. Trump`s racist remarks lead to racist policies which leads to violence against people of color.

Politicians must follow the example of Rep. Mia Love, a Utah Republican whose parents came to America from Haiti who issued the following statement:

This behavior is unacceptable from the leader of our nation. The President must apologize to both the American people and the nations he so wantonly maligned.

My parents came from the shithole countries of Mexico and Venezuela, and they instilled in me a strong work ethic, a desire to educate myself, and a passion to speak out against racism. As a columnist for a local print publication, and as a blogger I will condemn Trump every time he utters a racist comment.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Time Cover Depicts Donald Trump’s Urine-Colored Hair on Fire

“Time magazine on its latest cover shows President Trump`s hair on fire to depict his first year in office.

The cover, which was designed by artist Edel Rodriguez, depicts the president screaming with his yellow hair on fire. The caption reads: “Year One.”

Rodriguez said the flames in Trump`s hair is a reference to author Michael Wolff`s new book, “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House.”

The Hill

Donald Trump is such a narcissist that he salivates whenever he makes the cover of a major magazine, especially Time Magazine. Trump often brags about how many times he`s appeared on the cover of Time, and until recently he even had a fake cover of Time depicting him displayed in several of his resorts.

But I don`t think the dotard will be displaying the latest cover of Time featuring him in the Oval Office. It depicts the president screaming with his urine-colored hair on fire. The image doesn`t show him below his belt, but if it did his pants would be on fire, since he`s the greatest liar ever to reside in the White House.

I find it especially delicious that the artist is a Cuban American; I can imagine Trump tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep because a Latino has so thoroughly captured his essence.

The talented artist in 2016 depicted then-candidate Trump in “Meltdown” and “Total Meltdown” on Time covers. I eagerly anticipate one final Edel Rodgriquez Trump Time cover: The caption will be “Impeached” and the image will ashes floating in the breeze.

Pic of Time Cover:

http://thehill.com/homenews/media/368468-time-magazine-cover-depicts-trumps-hair-on-fire-to-sum-up-his-first-year

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Hero Confronts and Slaps Filthy Swine Harvey Weinstein at a Restuarant! Video!

“According to TMZ, the confrontation happened in Elements restaurant at the Sanctuary on Camelback Mountain Resort & Spa in Paradise Valley.

TMZ reported that the producer, who is said to be undergoing rehab through the exclusive Meadows center in Wickenburg, was eating dinner with his `sober coach` at about 9 p.m. when a man at an adjacent table asked to take a photo with him. Weinstein declined.

When Weinstein and the coach got up to leave, the other diner told his friend to start filming what was about to occur, TMZ reported.

The video shows the man walking up to Weinstein and saying, `You`re such a piece of s— for what you did to these women,` and slapping him in the face twice. Weinstein, who was caught off-guard, is seen caught off-guard.”

USA Today

For decades Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein used his political power and intimidating size to his advantage, sexually assaulting aspiring actresses and models.

In a perfect world this pig would be facing numerous indictments, and he would be too ashamed to show his face in public.

This monster has the unmitigated gall to dine in an exclusive restaurant with his “sober coach.” Are you kidding me, this human excrement should be eating a bologna sandwich in jail under the supervision of a correctional officer.

A civic-minded citizen walked up to Weinstein, and blasted him, saying: You`re such a piece of shi* for what you did to these women. The hero than slapped him on the face, not once, but twice.

This fat pig should be reprimanded every time he has the audacity to appear in public. He will likely get away with the dozens of times that he sexually harassed and assaulted women, it`s up to us to show this filthy swine that he`s not welcome in polite society.

Read More:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2018/01/10/harvey-weinstein-slapped-arizona-restaurant/1021828001/

Donald Trump’s ‘Executive Time’ Should be Extended to 12 Hours a Day

“President Donald Trump`s work days reportedly begin as late as 11 a.m., end by 6 p.m., and often contain hours of executive time.

Trump`s private schedule, which was obtained by Axios, showed `executive time` listed from 8 a.m. until 11 a.m., when he was `in his residence, watching TV, making phone calls and tweeting.` He also had `executive time` periods scheduled throughout each day.”

Huffington Post

Like most septuagenarians Donald Trump doesn`t get much more than four of sleep a night, and like most septuagenarians he doesn`t make the most out of his waking hours. When you get that old and decrepit you consider it a productive day if you manage to put on your adult diapers without any assistance.

Most of us endure a long commute before reaching the office, but all Trump has to do is walk down the stairs to the Oval Office. Nevertheless, Trump needs three hours of executive time before his official workday begins.

In Trump`s case executive time is a synonym for farting around: He watches cable news channels, calls his billionaire pals, and tweets his fool head off. If an average hard-working stiff indulged in more than five minutes of executive time at work he`d get canned.

But don`t get me wrong, I`m not complaining, in fact I would be delighted if Trump`s executive time was extended to 12 hours per day. Trump`s administration doesn`t need their Fearless Leader`s bumbling interference, they would get a lot more accomplished if the stable genius spent all of his day in his bed, tweeting and snacking on cheese balls.

Read More:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-executive-time_us_5a54812fe4b003133ecbb064

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes