Month: December 2016

Amateur Mechanic Modifies Toy Car To Reach Speed of 40 mph

power-wheels
“An amateur mechanic in Illinois modified a child’s Power Wheels toy car to run on a real engine and reach speeds of 40 mph.

Kyle Kuta shared a video showing how he took a Power Wheels vehicle based on the Cadillac Escalade and replaced the 12-volt electric engine with a 5 horsepower 160cc Honda engine.

The video shows Kuta take his souped-up toy car for a test drive, reaching speeds of 40 mph.”

UPI

I don’t know how to change the oil in my car, or fix a flat tire, but if I were mechanically inclined, in my spare time I would tune-up the vehicles of senior citizens who live on a fixed income.

Kuta is a master mechanic, and in his free time he souped-up a child’s Power Wheels toy car so that it can reach speeds of 40 mph.

Talk about a complete waste of time and money, what good is a toy car that exceeds 40 mph? I guess you could hand over the key to the toddler next door who’s always screaming and disturbing the peace.

The toy car’s steering wheel would be perfect for Donald Trump’s tiny hands, but he wouldn’t be able to squeeze his lard ass into the vehicle.

I guess I should be a little bit more understanding, after all everybody needs a hobby.


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Is a KFC-scented Candle Romantic?

kfc
“The New Zealand wing of KFC is offering fried chicken lovers the chance to win a strange piece of merchandise: a scented candle.

The fast food eatery posted to Facebook showing a supposedly fried chicken-scented candle bearing the image of the chain’s Colonel Sanders logo.

‘To go in the draw to win one just suggest another piece of KFC merchandise you’d like to see from us in the comments below!’ the post said.

The eatery said the winners will be announced Monday. The post did not say how many of the candles would be made available.”

UPI

There is nothing more romantic than a candlelit dinner, a floral-scented candle enhances the amorous ambience. A fried chicken-scented candle bearing the KFC logo will bring any budding sexual yearnings to a screeching halt.

There is an outside chance than a young woman might be turned on by a lobster-scented candle featuring a Red Lobster logo, but there’s zero chance that you’ll ever hear back from your date if she sees a KFC candle on your dinner table.

Sex Education 101: Men and women aren’t alike! Dudes think there’s nothing sexier than sharing a bucket of fried chicken with a hot girl while Lil’ Wayne’s “Pussy Monster” is playing on the stereo.

Dudes pretend you have a modicum of class when you are on a date!


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Crooked Hillary Clinton Comes Out of the Woods to Praise Reprobate Harry Reid

hillary-clinton-benghazi-hearing

After her humiliating defeat at the hands of a clueless clown, Hillary Clinton has been seen by concerned citizens roaming the woods near her home in Chappaqua.

Hillary ditched her trademark pantsuits and designer shoes for a warm coat sensible pants and hiking boots.

Most of us were hoping and praying that dementia had finally taken complete hold of her, and that she would roam the woods forever, never to emerge as a credible politician again.   

Alas, Hillary left the woods of Westchester County to visit Capitol Hill on Thursday for a ceremony honoring retiring Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid.

It’s altogether fitting and proper that a decrepit old political hack like Reid was honored by a putrid fossil the likes of Hilary.

For the occasion, Hillary donned a purple pantsuit, the same royal color she wore for her concession speech.

Hillary can’t get it through her thick skull that the electorate has rejected the Clinton dynasty.

We’ve had our fill of Hillary’s speeches; we weren’t waiting with bated breath for her to pay tribute to an old reprobate.

For God’s sake Hillary, your reign is over, return to the freaking woods. 

Woman Driver Runs Over Ex-Boyfriend’s Christmas Display

krampus
“State police say holiday music was blaring from a western Pennsylvania woman’s car as she tore up the yard of her ex-boyfriend’s home, nearly running the man and his family over.

Forty-seven-year-old Mary Jo Smith was charged Tuesday with multiple offenses stemming from Monday’s incident.

Alan McCutcheon says he was setting up a Christmas light display outside of his Fayette County home when Smith yelled ‘Merry Christmas’ and made several passes through his yard.”

CBS News

Smith should be charged with a misdemeanor for attempting to run over her ex-boyfriend, and a felony for blaring Christmas music from her car radio.

McCutcheon should be charged with a felony for setting up a Christmas light display outside his home, call me a Grinch but I’m already sick and tired of Christmas music and Christmas lights.

We still have three weeks to go before it’s finally Christmas; I pray God will give me the strength to resist going Krampus
on every Christmas display in my neighborhood.

I’ll knock boots with Smith in the back of her vehicle, as long as she has Luther Vandross on her car stereo and not Christmas music.


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Lena Dunham’s Disgusting Toilet Selfie

lena_dunham_tff_2012_shankbone_3
“The 30 year-old took to Instagram to share this intimate moment with her 2.8 million followers.
In it, she is seen posing with her thighs slightly ajar and her hands between her legs in a suggestive gesture, as she (presumably) relieves herself and flushes away her sorrows about Donald Trump.”

HeatStreet

Lena Dunham is the creator, writer, producer and lead actress of the HBO series “Girls”, no image makes it on air without her approval. On every episode Dunham offends our aesthetic sensibilities by exposing her blotchy fat ass. It’s one thing to appear butt-naked occasionally as an affirmation of body acceptance, it’s quite another to appear nude on every episode, that’s a sign of vanity and hatred of viewers.

Dunham has taken exhibitionism to a new level, her toilet selfie is disgusting; I wish I could flush the big ugly turd down the toilet.

Recently in a drunken video rant on Instagram Dunham referred to herself as a “human wastebasket” — indeed she is. Apparently only when Dunham is drunk does she see herself as she really is, the next time she gets plastered I hope she make an appointment with a shrink or a minister.

Dunham is an ugly girl desperate for attention, her serial flashing on “Girls” lost its shock value, so now we are treated to a toilet selfie. Will this moral slide end with a snuff film starring herself?

Link to toilet selfie:


 

Donald Trump Selects Dr. Ben Carson as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

ben-carson

“On Monday, President-elect Donald Trump announced the long-rumored selection of former pediatric neurosurgeon and presidential candidate Ben Carson as secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

Curious as it may sound, Carson accepted the offer from his former rival less than a month after his spokesman told reporters that Carson was not qualified for a position in the incoming administration because he ‘has no government experience‘ and has ‘never run a federal agency.’ The same spokesperson made clear that Carson would not want to take a position that could cripple the presidency.”

Salon

In this presidential election the electorate made it abundantly clear that they wanted change above everything else.

The socialist revolutionary, Sen. Bernie Sanders, would have defeated the establishment favorite Hillary Clinton, if the DNC hadn’t rigged the game in her favor.

Donald Trump beat 17 heavyweight Republican rivals even though everybody (RNC, media, intelligentsia, Wall Street, donor class) was vehemently against him.

In this season of disenchantment with the establishment, when the electorate eschewed political hacks in favor of change agents, even a renowned brain surgeon, Dr. Ben Carson, with absolutely no political experience was the Republican frontrunner for a short spell in the fall of 2015.

That is until Donald Trump brutally crushed Carson’s nascent bid by comparing him to a child molester. On March 4, 2016, Carson ended his campaign, and shortly thereafter he became one of Trump’s most loyal surrogates.

The primaries, especially the debates, exposed Dr. Carson as an idiot savant, he’s a genius when it comes to medicine, but he’s mentally-retarded when it comes  to economics, foreign policy, education, or housing and urban development.

I can understand Trump’s desire to reward Dr. Carson for his loyalty, but his tenure as Secretary of Housing and Urban development is destined to be an unqualified disaster.

Carson’s supporters point to his childhood living in poverty in the mean streets of Detroit as his most impressive qualification. Really? I attended a  high school in the poor side of town, but that doesn’t qualify me to be Secretary of Education.

It’s incumbent upon the Senate to give Mr. Carson a thorough examination, and ultimately reject him for being woefully unqualified.

Read More:
http://www.salon.com/2016/12/06/ben-carsons-life-in-public-housing-qualifies-him-to-be-hud-secretary-supporters-say/

Fashionista/Quarterback Cam Newton Benched for Dress Code Violation

cam-newton

Cam Newton turns heads because of his athleticism and brilliant play on the gridiron, the reigning NFL MVP is a top notch quarterback.

Off the football field people shake their heads at his flamboyant fashion sensibilities, he looks like a drag queen on crack.

Newton should come out of the closet, and not just because he spends too much time in his walk-in closets contemplating which outrageous outfit to wear. Newton should come out of the closet as a gay man, you don’t need to possess a finely-tuned gaydar to deduce that his effeminate clothes and effete demeanor reveal him to be a stereotypically gay man.Of course not every gay man sashays around in frilly attire, but there is a subset of the gay culture that rolls that way.

I don’t mean to imply that there is no room in the NFL for gay quarterbacks, in fact I wish Cam would come out as gay because it would advance gay rights. Cam may act effeminate off the football field, but on the gridiron he is fearless, putting his body and career on the line rushing for first downs.

Quarterback/fashionista Newton should have been arrested by the fashion police a long time ago, kudos to his couch for benching him for the first series of the game against Seattle for failing to wear a tie on the team’s flight from northern California to Seattle.

Journeyman quarterback Derek Anderson started the game instead of Newton, and promptly threw an interception on the first play of the game. A Seattle linebacker returned the pick to the 8-yard line, and the Seahawks went up 3-0, en route to a 40-7 rout.

Most football fans could care less about Cam’s penchant for dressing like a trans gay hooker, but when his disregard for conventional dress directly leads to a losing a football game — Houston we have a problem.

Bill Maher on Donald Trump: It’s Like Watching a Toddler Playing With a Gun

bill-maher

“Its been almost a month, will I ever get used to Trump? Fuck no. Its like watching a toddler playing with a gun – you’re always nervous”

Bill Maher

Donald Trump is a racist clown who doesn’t have the temperament, experience, knowledge or wisdom to be president of the United States, however I don’t subscribe to the #notmypresident sentiment. Trump won, fair and square, and he’s the president of all Americans: Republicans, Democrats and Independents.

However,I share Maher’s apprehensions about Trump being the leader of the Free World. I don’t have a lot of faith that we will survive his administration without America plunging into a financial meltdown or a nuclear winter.

Witnessing Trump playing president is like watching a toddler playing with a gun — you’re praying that it’s not loaded, and that his tiny hands will be unable to pull the trigger.

Actually I’m more afraid of Trump playing with his smartphone: Will he tweet that Israel needs to go Medieval on Iran or will he call the tinpot dictator of North Korea and tell him that he loves his hairdo? Both of those actions could lead to World War III!

President Donald Trump? Sad.

Oregon School District Bans Santa Claus

santa-cute
“In a move to show respect to all religions, a school district in Oregon has decided to ban religious-themed decorations in the classrooms during the holidays.

The decision, which was revealed on Tuesday, bans decorations with images such as Santa Claus, according to KATU.
The school district released a notice to staff:

“You may still decorate your door or office if you like, but we ask that you be respectful and sensitive to the diverse perspectives and beliefs of our community and refrain from using religious-themed decorations or images like Santa Claus.”

Fox News

Santa Claus is as American as apple pie, baseball, cheating on your taxes and fast food, for St. Nick to be banned from a school district is a sign of the decline of Western Civilization.

Santa is a secular not a religious symbol, in fact the greed that he represents unites Americans of every religious background. Santa represents the mindless consumerism that’s made America the greatest nation on Earth.

An attack on Santa is an attack on the Constitution, the flag and the American way of life, and it’s incumbent upon every red-blooded American to fight against these commies who are trying to ban Santa from our public schools.

If I had children enrolled in this Oregon school district I would protest by dressing them as Santa every day until the un-American ban is repealed.

This time the politically-correct idiots have gone too far, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the school officials are tarred, feathered, and beaten to a pulp by righteous patriots.


Donald Trump Should Waterboard Hillary Clinton

 

“Donald Trump will not appoint a special prosecutor to investigate Hillary Clinton, campaign manager Kellyanne Conway announced on Tuesday, reneging on one of his signature campaign promises.

 Conway said Trump won’t pursue charges against Clinton for her use of a private email server as secretary of state, nor her potential conflicts of interest with the Clinton Foundation, because he wants to help her heal.”

 Policy Mic

The highlight of Donald Trump’s stump speech on the campaign trail was when he threatened to pursue charges against Hillary; he would be drowned out with cries of: Lock Her Up!  It was a cathartic experience, like a call and response interaction between a pastor and his congregation at a black church.

Trump must keep his two signature campaign promises if he wants to keep faith with his supporters: Build a beautiful wall between Mexico and the United States, and lock Hillary up inside the drab walls of a penitentiary.

Why is Trump reneging on his solemn pledge to lock the witch up; Hillary is the most despised woman in America and nobody would shed a tear if she’s convicted.
Even Hillary would be happier in the Big House; she would enjoy free rein to be a lesbian.

But if Trump isn’t going to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate the myriad Clinton scandals, the least he can do it waterboard the bitch.

Of course Trump doesn’t have the physical wherewithal to waterboard Hillary; his tiny hands are incapable of holding her head under water. But he can delegate the task to the likes of Rudy Gulliani; can you imagine the glee of pure happiness in his eyes as he’s waterboarding Hillary?

Or he could assign the task to his 12-year-old son Barron, he has much bigger hands than his daddy, and he would certainly be making America Great Again by punishing Hillary for her decades of corruption and evildoing.
 
 
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Hillary Clinton Doll Dangling From Metal Hook in Store! Free Speech or Hate Speech?

hillary-clinton-benghazi-hearing

“A Hillary Clinton doll dangles from a metal hook next to a `Make America Great Again` sign inside the Pleasant View Orchards store in Smithfield. It has some customers up in arms, but owner Anthony Polseno says it`s not meant to offend.

When word spread about the doll, it led some people to take to the internet describing their outrage through reviews. One saying in part, `having a doll of Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State with a noose around her neck? that is not only so disrespectful but misogynistic and hateful.`

Polseno, who`s run the orchard for 50 years, says the doll was a gift from a customer. But, the complaints started before the Clinton doll, they began when he first hung his Donald Trump `Make America Great Again` sign. “

ABC News

Poleseno`s Hillary doll dangling from a metal hook next to a “Make America Great Again” sign in his business may be in bad taste, but it`s an example of constitutionally protected free speech.

If a customer is offended by the Hillary doll, instead of getting his panties in a twist; he should simply not patronize Pleasant View Orchards.

In my opinion a Hillary Clinton doll dangling from a metal hook is a vivid example of Making America Great. Political discourse whether it takes the form of speech, performance art or an effigy of a politician dangling from a metal hook is democracy in action. I thank God we live in a free country where we won`t be fined or jailed for ridiculing or criticizing politicians.

I wish I had a Hillary Clinton doll that I could dangle from my front porch; the humiliated political hack needs to be reminded that she is despised by most Americans.

Hillary if you`re thinking of running again in 2020, please take a good look at your likeness dangling in this patriot`s place of business.

Read More:

http://www.abc6.com/story/33848013/outrage-after-smithfield-store-owner-put-hillary-clinton-doll-on-display

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

Pooch Loves Santa

santa

“A pair of Florida siblings captured their 1-year-old dog`s joy at meeting the real-life version of her favorite chew toy: Santa Claus.

John Mantaldo, 16, and sister Angelina Mantaldo, 19, said their 1-year-old Shiba Inuna dog, Kya, has been infatuated with her Santa Claus chew toy ever since they got it for her when she first came home last Christmas.


The siblings brought Kya to their local mall in Orlando to meet Santa in person.”

UPI
A pooch loves to chew on her Santa Claus chew toy, so her owners take her to the mall to meet Santa in person. This makes as much sense as a dog owner tracking down where his mailman lives, so he can take his mailman hating-pet to meet him in person.

This had all the potential of being a bloodbath at the mall, but instead of chewing the bloody hell out of Santa, Kya had a huge smile on her face when she met the Jolly Old Bastard.

All the kids waiting in line to see Santa got a double treat, they got to sit on Santa`s lap and pet the adorable pooch.

I wish all my readers a Happy Holiday Season!

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

Hillary Clinton Must Disappear for the Good of the Democratic Party

hillary-clinton-benghazi-hearing

Hillary Clinton has been keeping a low profile since she suffered the humiliation of losing to a clown with an orange face, tiny hands and the most famous micropenis in the world.

She`s been behaving like a typical grandmother: Hiking, walking her pooch, and browsing at bookstores. Chappaqua residents who are unfamiliar with Hillary`s decades of political corruption, might think she`s just a friendly well-to-do grandma enjoying her golden years.

The Hillary who mocked Donald Trump on the campaign trail, and who was loud, shrill and annoying in her stump speech, is finally quiet. (God, I thought nothing could silence the witch)

But those of us who recognize Hillary as a nasty woman shouldn`t let down our guard, the demon-possessed wretch may yet make another run for the White House.

Hillary announced last week that she would support recounts in Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania, that doesn`t sound to me like a witch who will ride off in a broom into the sunset, and never be heard from again.

Patriots must be ever vigilant, and not give Hillary a moment of peace until the Grim Reaper drags her away to hell.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Photo Credit: Wikipedia