Donald Trump is a Grinch! Yes, Coleman, There is a Santa Claus!

Donald Grinch

Donald Trump spoke to children whose calls to NORAD had been patched through to the White House lines – there`s no way the Stable Genius can screw up this photo-op, right?

In front of a crackling fire and between two Christmas trees even a Grinch like Trump should have been filled with the Christmas spirit.

But in a Christmas Eve call, Trump asked 7-year-old Coleman whether she still believes in Santa Claus.

“Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at 7, it`s marginal, right?” Trump asked Coleman.

If a seven-year-old child calls a Santa Claus hotline, you don`t have to be a Stable Genius to deduce that the wee innocent still believes in Santa.

Dear God let`s hope that calls to a suicide prevention hotline aren`t routed to the Oval Office, for another photo-op.

I can only imagine the conversation as Trump takes a call from a teenager contemplating suicide:

Justin from San Francisco: I can`t do anything right! What`s the point? I really want to kill myself!

Trump: Jump off the Golden Gate Bridge you freaking loser! No big loss, I doubt a liberal loser like you was planning on voting for me in 2020 anyway.

Yes, Coleman, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as crass commercialism and greed exists in this capitalist state. Go to a mall, if one still exists in your town, and you will see me there.

Merry Christmas to little Coleman and to all my readers! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

This Christmas Curse Out a White Evangelical in the Name of Jesus Christ

White Evangelicals are evil

According to Christian tradition the seven deadly sins are: envy, gluttony, greed or avarice, lust, pride, sloth, and wrath. But white evangelicals, many of whom are obese, proud of their sanctimoniousness, envious of their more well-heeled mainline Protestant brethren, and angry with anyone who doesn`t worship Trump, think that sexual sin is the mother of all sin.

They consider a Christian, especially a woman, caught in sexual transgression the lowest form of sinner. They demonize gays and lesbians, and treat them like trash, even though Jesus Christ never condemned homosexuality, or even mentioned gays. Jesus apparently wasn`t bothered that people might think he was gay, because he spent every day and night during his ministry living with twelve male apostles.

About 80 percent of white evangelicals voted for Trump in 2016, and in spite of the Stormy Daniels scandal, and his affairs with other women of ill-repute there has been no erosion of support.

You won`t hear any televangelist or minister rail against Trump and his many sexual transgressions, and you won`t hear any layperson bemoan the short-fingered vulgarian`s sexual escapades.

White evangelicals frequently proclaim that the Bible tells us to pray for our leaders, and that we should pray for Trump. But they never pray for Trump to repent of his predatory sexual behavior, his greed and mean spirit, instead they pray that the Almighty would continue to bless him. As if God would bless an unrepentant sinner who takes pride in his sins, sexual or otherwise.

Damn Donald Trump and his white evangelical enablers, gays will sashay through the Pearly Gates while they will be greeted in hell by demons with an insatiable appetite for sodomizing religious hypocrites.

Peaceful Pics of Cats Nestling in Christmas Trees

Cat enjoys nesting in Christmas Tree

This is a link to photos and videos of felines peacefully nesting in Christmas trees. Looking at these image will fill you with the Christmas spirit up the wazoo.

Unfortunately, in real life a cat will nestle in a Xmas tree only after he has bit all the Christmas lights and littered your living room with tinsel.

I`ve owned cats all my adult life, and I learned decades ago that if you own one of these mischievous critters don`t even try setting up a Christmas tree.

But by all means enjoy these stress-relieving images of kitties nestling in Christmas trees. You might also enjoy pics of unicorns with butterflies streaming out of their rear ends.

December 2018 Archives Page Two:

Melania Trump Hasn’t Bought Donald Trump Any Christmas Gifts

“FIRST LADY Melania Trump is yet to buy her husband any Christmas presents, with the couple frequently not exchanging festive gifts at all, it has been claimed.

A source close to the First Lady told Hollywood Life: `Melania absolutely loves Christmas, she goes all out, but as of now she has yet to buy Donald anything.`

`Melania says Donald`s next to impossible to buy for and often they don`t exchange gifts at all for Christmas.`”

Express

I can empathize with Melania`s quandary, after all what do you give a billionaire who already owns the most expensive toys in the world?

Perhaps the first lady can create her own Christmas card, as a token of the love and affection she has for her husband. But of course there is never any love and affection between a gold-digger/trophy wife and her spouse, so hand-created gifts are out of the question.

Anyway, judging by Melania`s blood-red Christmas trees her gifts would probably be as tacky and gaudy as the trinket a Madam of a brothel would give her favorite customer. She`s probably going to end up giving Trump a blood-red butt plug signed by Mike Pence.

At the Trump White House Christmas resembles Festivus, grievances may be aired, and I doubt any presents will be exchanged.

Melania Trump’s Evil Bloody-Red Christmas Trees

If Donald Trump was responsible for decorating the White House for Christmas the trees would be blinking neon, mistletoe would be hung in the womens bathrooms, and the White House would be lit up like a whorehouse.

The only thing worse than having the fucking moron decorate the White House is having his clueless wife do it.

The entire civilized world is seeing red at Melania`s forest of cone-shaped, crimson trees, the crazy former nude model has turned the People`s House into Dracula`s palace.

I`m a purist and I think a Christmas tree should be natural and green thus reminding us of nature, a red tree evokes images of Christmas in hell.

These are not normal times in the White House and in our country, and I guess blood-red Christmas trees are a perfect fit for our troubled times.

In the holiday season we take comfort in the beloved traditions of the yule log, Christmas carols, eggnog, and a traditional tree, there`s nothing traditional about a red tree, thus reminding us that everything if off kilter and we are living in hell.

I long for the day when sanity is restored, Trump is impeached and spending Christmas in a brothel decorated with red trees, and a normal president is in the White House trimming a natural Christmas tree.

Pic of Melania`s evil red Xmas trees:

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/nov/28/melania-trump-red-christmas-trees-white-house-decorations

Nothing Says ‘Merry Christmas’ Like a Skinny Mariah, a Fat Blunt, a Purring Cat, and a Roaring Fire

Nothing says Christmas bliss like lighting up the Yuletide bong, sitting in front of a crackling fireplace, with your kitty cat purring on your lap.

If a gang of Grinch`s invading my home, and stole all my Earthly possessions, I wouldn`t mind as long as they didn`t grab my bong or my cat.

In fact, I would be chill even if the Zombie Apocalypse breaks out, as long as I`m warm inside my little pink house with my cats, and my pooch.

It`s Christmas time and everybody deserves to be blissed out, but if you don`t have a fireplace or a cat, don`t despair.

Lil BUB`s Extraordinarily Magical Yule Log video features the soothing sounds of Lil BUB purring in front of a fireplace.

Dude, you really don`t even need any weed to be filled with the Christmas spirt, there`s nothing like a feline purring to alter your consciousness.

Turn on your smart TV, click on the Lil BUB Christmas video, and dream about the 1990s era Mariah Carey sliding down the chimney and crooning: All I Want for Christmas is You!

Nothing says Merry Christmas like a skinny Mariah, a fat blunt, a purring cat, and a roaring fire.

Ten Worst Things About Christmas

EGGNOG

An alcoholic beverage made with milk, egg yolks, rum or whiskey, and spices doesn`t sound particularly appetizing, and it`s not! Is it any wonder that nobody consumes this noxious brew any time other than Christmas?

CHRISTMAS OFFICE PARTIES

Most Christmas office parties are not held at the office, but after work at a bar or restaurant. I don`t relish the idea of spending my free time with my co-workers, in fact I`d rather give Oprah Winfrey a one-hour Brazilian wax than spend a minute with my colleagues during my free time. Is it any wonder that most people get absolutely toasted at office parties, that`s the only way they can survive the excruciating ordeal.

SECRET SANTA

Secret Santa is a Christmas tradition in which members of a group (usually employees who work in the same office) are randomly assigned a person to whom they give a gift. The identity of the gift giver is a secret not to be revealed.

I usually take some thought and consideration in buying a gift for the person I was assigned even if I`m not especially fond of that person. My Secret Santa invariably turns out to be a cheap bastard who buys me a tie or a damn pair of socks.

CHRISTMAS MOVIES

Christmas Movies are cheesy and saccharine productions tailor-made for Hallmark, Lifetime and Netflix. Out of the thousands of Christmas flicks, there are only four good ones: Diehard, Bad Santa, Bad Santa 2 and It`s a Wonderful Life.

CHRISTMAS SWEATERS

Nobody looks good in a Christmas sweater, even Salma Hayek wouldn`t look good if she was clad in a Christmas sweater and nothing else, no pants, no panties, no nothing! Some hipsters have an ironic appreciation for Christmas sweaters, but there`s too many losers who actually think they are hot shit when they wear a Christmas sweater to work.

CHRISTMAS CAROLLERS

These wankers perform in a public place (usually a shopping mall) or go from house to house singing Christmas carols. I`d rather have my peace and quiet interrupted by Jehovah`s Witnesses than by smiling bastards singing beloved Christmas carols off-key.

FAMILY CHRISTMAS DINNER

At Christmas family members who for excellent reasons (they despise each other) don`t get together any other time of the year sit down to enjoy a meal. There`s always the crazy uncle who spouts conspiracy theories, the incontinent grandma who poops in her diapers, the delinquent nephew who`s watching porn on his cellphone during the blessing, the nympho aunt who is hitting on her brother-in-law, and the crying baby that you are just dying to throw into the fireplace.

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

Like any dude I hate shopping on a normal day, going Christmas shopping is a freaking nightmare. The only available parking is a mile from the store, stationed by the front door is a Salvation Army volunteer giving you a nasty look for not dropping a coin in his kettle, and the store is jam-packed with shoppers who are filled with anything but the Christmas spirit.

MALL SANTAS

Your mall Santa is either a wino, a pedophile or both, parents who let their innocent children sit on Santa`s lap should be reported to the authorities.

RADIO STATIONS THAT GO TO AN ALL CHRISTMAS MUSIC FORMAT DURING CHRISTMAS

I don`t mind hearing a Christmas standard or two during the holiday season, but why in the name of God does my favorite oldies station play Christmas music 24/7 starting as early as the day after Thanksgiving? If I hear Mariah Carey`s “All I Want for Christmas” one more time, I`m going to murder the fat whore.

Dang, is there anything good about Christmas?

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Top Christmas Gifts For Your Cat

I love all the trappings of Christmas: The mistletoe hanging in the office, houses festooned with Christmas lights, carolers serenading commuters, and stockings hanging by the fireplace.

Not everyone has a fireplace, but everybody should hang Yuletide stockings somewhere for all the members of their family, including the four-legged ones.

My cats, Tico and Ebony, have frayed their stockings, they treat them like a scratching post.

Which brings us to the question: What toys should you get your felines for Christmas?

Any Toy That Encourages Your Kitty to be Active

Cats are the laziest creatures on Earth, if my pets find a warm spot, they won`t move until they need to eat or use the litter box. Buy them a cat tunnel or a mechanical mouse that will inspire them to get off their fat butts.

Any Toy That Has Catnip

Humans have their eggnog and a holiday bong, it`s only fair that we provide our kitties with catnip. Your neighborhood pet store has dozens of toys that have catnip stored in them that`s released slowly while your cats are playing.

A Super Deluxe Litter Box

Too many cat owners just buy the cheapest litter box they can find, and keep the damn thing until it falls apart. Is it any wonder that some cats make it a point to defecate OUTSIDE the litter box? At the minimum a litter box should have a lid. Would you feel comfortable taking a crap in a bathroom that doesn`t have a door?

Another Cat

Cats are independent, but that doesn`t mean they enjoy being alone for hours at a time while you are at work. A good idea would be to foster a cat from a shelter, and if it gets along with your furball, adopt it.

Food

You can`t go wrong if you fill your cat`s stocking with his favorite gourmet treats.

If you don`t have a cat, adopt one from your local animal shelter as a Christmas gift to yourself.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Seal Terrorizes Australian Town on Christmas

“An Australian couple woke up Christmas morning to find a fur seal doing its best impression of a hood ornament on their car, but residents of the town say this is not the first time a seal has tried to move in to the neighborhood.

Animal control officers in Newstead, a suburb of Tasmania, subdued the seal as it ran from driveway to driveway and car to car through the neighborhood, apparently unsure how to get back to the nearby waterway it came from.”

UPI

I wouldn`t be surprised if a dingo wreaked havoc Down Under on a Christmas morning, kidnapping a baby from a living nativity scene, or if kangaroo flash mob attacked shoppers at a mall.

Australians wage a never-ending battle to reclaim their land from the native wildlife, if you visit Australia make sure you are never without a knife worthy of Crocodile Dundee.

But it`s not often that a seal goes wilding in Australia, this seal terrorized Newstead before it was subdued by animal control officers.

Most dangerous job in the world: Animal control officer in Australia.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Hipster Nativity Scene Depicts Birth of Jesus Christ in 2016

“A pair of brothers crafted a Hipster Nativity set, depicting a modern version of the birth of Jesus in the manger.

The $130 Nativity set brings the biblical Christmas scene into the 21st century as Joseph and Mary take selfies with the newborn Jesus in a stable with a solar-powered roof, the Three Wisemen on segways bearing packages from Amazon and the shepherd looking at his cell phone.”

UPI

The Nativity scene certainly needed to be updated for the 2st century, but why did the brothers include an invention (Segway) that was introduced in 2001 with much fanfare as the replacement for the automobile, but turned out to be a huge sales disappointment?

And why on Earth are there barnyard animals in the updated Nativity set? It`s the 21st century dammit, and cats rule online and in real life. There should be a cat cuddling next to the Baby Jesus.

Speaking of the Baby Jesus, he should be an orange-faced replica of Baby Trump. I`m sorry if I offended anybody`s religious sensibilities, but Trump as Baby Jesus makes as much sense as Trump as Leader of the Free World.

It would have been a nice touch if Baby Jesus had been depicted wearing a “Black Lives Matter” onesie.

All in all a nice job by the brothers, and the hefty price tag is very much 21st century.

Pic of Nativity scene:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2016/12/16/Hipster-Nativity-set-depicts-birth-of-Jesus-in-2016/1371481905903/?spt=sec&or=on

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes