WTF is up with Trump’s hand. His grotesque doll hands have long fascinated and repulsed us and led us to conjecture about the size of his presidential pecker. The philander-in-chief was spotted with scabbed red marks on the palm and fingers of his right hand in January 2024, sparking concerns that he had syphilis. Last week a noticeable bruise on the back of Trump’s right hand made headlines again, when he spoke to reporters outside the White House. Trump cartoonishly tried to cover the unsightly bruise with a layer of pancake makeup.

The decrepit septuagenarian has thin skin, literally and figurately, and it’s not surprising that he often sports bruises on his hands. When you are that old, and you take low-dose aspirin for a heart condition, any bump can cause bruising.

White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt claimed that Trump was covering up a bruise from too much handshaking. Bitch, please! Trump is no longer in campaign mode, and he rarely shakes hands.

Leavitt should have been transparent and offered a more plausible explanation:

Melania slapped his hand again.

He accidentally hit his paw against the bed post while pleasuring himself to a video of Stormy Daniels.

He is so old that anything will cause his parchment-like skin to bruise.

It is caused by the demon that possesses his carcass.