Why are Donald Trump’s disgusting diminutive hands purple?

The unreliable narrator Trump has provided three explanations for visible purple bruising on his hands:

Aspirin use: the idiot takes 325 milligrams of aspirin daily for “cardiac prevention”, a higher does than the 81 milligrams typically recommended by cardiologists. This heavy intake makes the thin-skinned narcissist’s skin more susceptible to bruising.

Inadvertent physical contact with objects: he explained a specific large bruise on his left hand by saying he “clipped it on the table.”

Frequent handshaking: Trump’s minister of propaganda Karoline Leavitt attributed bruising on his hand to “frequent handshaking.”

Here are some more plausible explanations:

Melania’s Punishment

The first lady has a penchant for swatting away his repulsive hands whenever he attempts to hold her hand. If she gently swats away his paws in public, in private she smacks his mitts with her dildo whenever he gets too close to her.

Fisting Lindsey Graham

It is the worst kept secret in D.C that the Senior Senator from South Carolina is gay. As heavily trafficked as Graham’s bunghole is, its opening is wider than the White House Emergency Tunnel. However, Trump’s fragile doll hand still bruises whenever he has an encounter with Lady G.

Trump is Dead

It is obvious Trump is morally, spiritually, and emotionally dead, but is he also physically dead? Does Trump slather orange makeup to cover up a purple tint on his face? Does the decomposing zombie look like Barney the Dinosaur when he’s naked?

It’s time to bury the mother fucker.