sleepy don

Lights Out for Sleepy Don

Donald Trump, who will turn 80 in June, is the oldest person ever elected president. Octogenarians need plenty of rest and naps to get through a normal day weeding the garden, polishing the silverware, and watching the grass grow.

Unfortunately, unlike most octogenarians Trump is not retired, he is the President of the United States and the putative Leader of the Free World, the most exhausting and stressful occupation in the world.

The bloated bastard with his cankles, double chin, discolored hands and tentative gait is in obvious need of numerous naps throughout the day. Behind closed doors he may sleep all day, waking up only to rage tweet, berate his subordinates, and have his diapers changed.

Sleepy Don is a very sleepy boy; he takes naps during Cabinet meetings and other official events at the White House.

The decrepit and demented president struggled to stay awake during a Healthcare Affordability event on Thursday afternoon at the White House. Trump’s bobblehead lolled to the side, and his face drooped as he shut his raccoon eyes. At one point, he shifted backward in his chair and tilted his head back, appearing to be in dreamland, while his sycophants praised him.

Trump’s defenders insist that when their Dear Leader appears to be napping, he is actually resting his myopic eyes while others say he is cleverly illustrating his fight against wokeness.

Let’s get real, Trump is physically and mentally unfit to be president, and he should be removed from office before the sleepy moron starts World War III.

Sleepy Don Dead to the World, Please Just Die

Drowsy Don fell asleep on television this week. Has there ever been a week when the octogenarian was not found napping?

This time Donald Trump nodded off in a meeting with the members of his Cabinet. The pool cameras locked on his drowsy face, while his underlings competed for the title of “chief fluffer.”

Imagine the frustration of his Cabinet members as they realized their boss was sound asleep while they were burnishing his ass? Their demeaning, subservient and humiliating performance all for naught.

I am not alarmed that the President of the United States and putative Leader of the Free World was dead to the world during a Cabinet meeting. Topics of national or global importance are seldom addressed, and a Trump Cabinet meeting doesn’t bring to mind momentous gatherings like King Arthur’s Round Table or the 1919 Paris Peace Conference that concluded World War I.

They are more reminiscent of a circle jerk, or a bukkake scene in a porn flick where an adult actress is drenched in bodily fluids.

Do not blame me for using vulgar metaphors when describing the Trump administration, it is impossible for a pundit to cover his fascist regime without resorting to such language.

It is a shame that Trump is counting Z’s while our country is sliding into a dystopian nightmare, but what is worse: Trump sleeping or Trump temporarily awake wreaking havoc?   

Sleepy Donald Trump Mistakes Flag for Blanket

Gramps Donald Trump was dazed and confused when he was presented an American flag during a signing ceremony in the Oval Office. When Rep. John Rose handed Trump an American flag contained in a transparent plastic bag, he responded” “Oh I could use that at night,” apparently mistaking the flag for a blanket.

The remark elicited subdued laughter from the sycophants present, prompting Rose to clarify, “It’s an American flag.” Realizing his blunder, Trump responded, “It’s very nice, I like that. Thank you very much.”

Flunkies bearing gifts for Sleepy Don would be well-advised to label them with a Sharpie so he will know exactly what they are.

When you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail, and when you are a senile septuagenarian, every product made from fabric looks like a blanket. I am surprised Trump did not lay his head down on the Resolute Desk using the flag as a blankie.

I am relieved Rose had the presence of mind not to gift the demented old fool a T-shirt wrapped in plastic, he might have dropped trou in the Oval Office mistaking the shirt for diapers.

The only time America is safe from Trump’s shenanigans and evil edicts is when he is sound asleep. Every American who cares about our country should give him comfy blankets and fluffy pillows; in the hopes it might encourage him to stay in bed for longer periods of time.