Critics condemn my blog for its frequent use of epithets and vulgar metaphors, claiming it has gone to shit.

This essay about “shit shoes” will certainly provide them with ammunition to blast my colorful opinion pieces.

Gut health brand Let Loose is selling “Shit Shoes,” 7-inch-tall, 1970s-style platform shoes designed to improve posture during bowel movements. The shoes straighten the rectum while in use, making stool easier to pass without straining.

I do not normally give a shit about bathroom posture or etiquette, but if this funky footwear helps me avoid straining and getting hemorrhoids, I’m in.

So, if someone hears me blasting “Staying Alive” or “I Will Survive” while in the shitter, do not be alarmed, I am only setting the proper vibe while this platform shoes wearing fool drops a deuce.

If you thought John Travolta looked cool walking in the opening scene of “Saturday Night fever,” wait until you see me strut to the bathroom in my Shit Shoes.