I am a pragmatic, unsentimental soul who prefers dystopian science fiction movies, gritty documentaries, and crime thrillers, especially those that feature serial killers.

Naturally, cheesy Hallmark movies are anathema to me: their predictable plots, sanitized small towns, and exaggerated romantic tropes are unbearable. Happy endings may belong in a massage room, but in a feel-good Hallmark movie, they are nauseating.

The Hallmark brand feels conformist, manufactured, and bland; thankfully, I can easily ignore the Hallmark Movie Channel among hundreds of streaming options.

Although many Hallmark mall locations have closed over the years, some remain open. Since only baby boomers seem to send physical greeting cards, how do these relics stay profitable?

I may be old, but I still cannot stand Hallmark’s saccharine sensibility. I only hope no prankster googles me and sends me one of its greeting cards.