Donald Trump`s signature sartorial look is an absurdly long red tie. The Donald rarely buttons his jacket, he wants everyone to behold the amazing length of his tie.

You don`t have to be a rocket scientist, a stable genius or a fashionista to know that Trump`s long tie is compensation for his puny presidential pecker.

Trump triumphantly walked into the House chamber to deliver his State of the Union speech with his tie suffering from Peyronie`s disease. Nobody had the nerve to tell him that his tie was bent, and he delivered his address with his tie askew.

I once had a boss who walked around for hours with his zipper wide open, everybody hated his guts, and nobody wanted to spare him humiliation.

I`m surprised Mike Pence didn`t intentionally make his tie crooked to visually express solidarity with his boss.

It was appropriate and fitting that the most crooked president in history gave one of the most important speeches of his tenure wearing a crooked tie.

I don`t believe in accidents, I believe in a Supreme Being who is in control of the tiniest details. The Almighty Himself bent Trump`s tie to express how much He despises the short-fingered vulgarian and his white evangelical supporters.