Ellie Kemper, celebrated for her roles in “The Office” and “Bridesmaids”, is best known as “Kohl’s Mom,” the lovable and humorous brand personality created by Kohl’s, the American retail store department chain.

Although Kemper is an attractive actress, her characters—like Kimmy Schmidt in “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” and Erin Hannon in “The Office”—are known for their innocence and kindness rather than sexuality.

Kemper’s own experience as a busy mom of two makes her a perfect fit for the role of Kohl’s Mom, an omnipresent but non-intrusive brand spokesperson who is always ready to offer a word of advice to her customers.

 When I was a dapper young man department store salespersons always hovered nearby, eager to earn a commission by steering me towards high-end merchandize. As a senior citizen, I feel unnoticed and must signal for assistance.

But I am confident that Kohl’s Mom would acknowledge my presence with a welcoming smile and offer her witty advice as if I were the only customer in the store.

In the commercials, customers call her “Kohl’s Mom,” and it is assumed that everyone recognizes her. Indeed, her commercials have gone viral, and she is a household name, even in pitiful towns where there is not a Kohl’s store.

I dreamt about Kohl’s Mom the other night, I was a young man again, Kohl’s Mom was the greeter, she made it rain Kohl’s cash, dazzled me with her latent sexuality, and everything was right with the world.