jesus

Mike Johnson Compares Himself to Moses

Christian Nationalist House Speaker Mike Johnson spoke at the National Association of Christian Lawmakers (NACL) gala on Tuesday night. When the fundamentalist took the stage, he thanked the NACL “for not allowing the media in.” I’m not surprised the media was banned, Johnson doesn’t want the press and the electorate to know the extent of his religious fanaticism. But the good Lord allowed his remarks to be made public:

“The Lord impressed upon my heart a few weeks before this happened that something was going to occur. And the Lord very specifically told me in my prayers to prepare, but to wait… I had this sense that we were going to come to a Red Sea moment in our Republican conference and in the county at large.

Look, I’m a Southern Baptist. I don’t wanna get too spooky on you. But you know, the Lord speaks to your heart. He had been speaking to me about this, and the Lord told me very clearly to prepare and be ready. Be ready for what? I don’t know. We’re coming to a Red Sea moment. What does that mean, Lord?

When the speaker’s race happened and Kevin McCarthy, who’s a dear friend of mine, was deposed and vacated from the chair. Oh, wow! Well, this is what the Lord may have been preparing us for.”

Almose every religion believes you can communicate with God via chanting, praying or meditation. Most people of faith pray, and even though they have no scientific proof that God answers or even hears their prayers, they believe it’s a spiritual, cathartic and therapeutic practice.

Then there are the religious fanatics who are convinced that the Almighty not only hears their prayers, but that he answers them, sometimes audibly. If you talk to the Supreme Being you are a normal human being, but if you believe that he audibly talks back to you, you should exchange your pastor for a psychiatrist.

Johnson is convinced that the Lord spoke to him very clearly telling him that He choose him to be the next Moses to be the Speaker of the House. Jesus Christ! The apparent Republican presidential nominee thinks he is Jesus and the Speaker of the House thinks he is a Moses figure. We are fucked.

Outrage: Meteriologist Prays to Jesus as He Watches Tornado Hit Small Town

Tornado

“A Mississippi meteorologist broke down on air while reporting the news of an emerging tornado that swept through the region killing at least 26 people.

Matt Laubhan, the chief meteorologist for local network WTVA, appeared to struggle to contain his emotions as he told the viewers that the town of Amory was going to take the direct hit.

‘Oh, man. Dear Jesus, please help them. Amen,’ he prayed, as updates of the tornado’s movements came in.”

Independent.com

It is unconscionable for a meteorologist to break out in prayer during a weather report. Laubhan’s plea to Jesus wasn’t going to alleviate the fears of all the non-Christian and atheist viewers. I can imagine how outraged evangelicals would be if a Muslim meteorologist pleaded with Allah to have mercy on the infidels, or if a Native American weatherman broke out in a dance in an appeal to this deity to alter the course of the tornado away from his town.

Should we cut Laubhan some slack because the tornado was going to take a direct hit on his own community? Hell no! It’s incumbent upon a meteorologist to maintain a professional demeanor, especially during a disaster.

If firefighters break down in tears or in prayer if they respond to a fire in my house, I would demand that they be fired.

Laubhan should summarily be fired, his prayer was an insult to his profession, and to his viewers, Christians, and non-Christians alike.

Twitter Verifies Account for Jesus Christ

Jesus

When a zillionaire, who believes that we live in a simulated reality, buys Twitter, you don’t have to be a theoretical physicist to know that he will turn it into his virtual playground where anything goes. Elon Musk has set the tone by tweeting conspiracy theories, firing thousands of employees by email and verifying Jesus Christ’s Twitter page with the cherished blue checkmark.

Jesus’ Twitter page feature a profile picture of a Jesus statue pointing its right index finger and raising its left thumb with a smile and a wink. The smile and the wink are clues that this isn’t the Republican Jesus who frowns at anyone having fun, and has a penchant for condemning liberals, gays and feminists to hell. That last thing Twitter needs is a MAGA Jesus egging on the demonic antics of Donald Trump.

The Jesus of the Gospels had twelve disciples, but Twitter’s Jesus has 830,000 followers, and he doesn’t follow anyone, not even Elon Musk. Trump-worshipping white evangelicals have made it embarrassing for anyone to admit that they are a follower of Jesus Christ, but I’m not ashamed to say that I am a follower of Twitter Jesus. I’m not even ashamed to spread the word: Follow Jesus at: https://twitter.com/jesus

White Evangelicals Have Traded Surfer Dude Jesus for Morbidly Obese Trump Jesus

A Google search of “Jesus” will pull up a plethora of images depicting a tall, white guy with long, blond hair and a beard. But the blond surfer dude Jesus is historically and ethnically incorrect.

In New Testament times men in Judea tended to have brown eyes, black hair and olive-brown skin. According to skeletal remains from that era the average male was about five foot five inches.

If Jesus returned claiming to be the King of Heaven and Earth, white evangelicals would look askance at the short brown fellow, and reply:

King of Heaven and Earth? Please! We doubt if you’re even in this country legally! Show us your green card!

White evangelicals will only accept a Jesus who is tall, white, blond handsome cisgender male.

Which makes it surprising that they have substituted this Adonis Jesus as their savior for a man who may be white, but’s who’s morbidly obese, hideously ugly and has doll hands and a tiny Ken doll penis.

I guess white evangelicals are comfortable worshipping the grotesque Trump as their messiah as long as he clings to his abhorrent beliefs: white supremacy, anti-immigration, anti-abortion …

If the Physically Repulsive Trump Was Young and Handsome White Evangelicals Would Worship Him as Their New Savior

White evangelical Christians revere Donald Trump, and demonize his detractors and critics as godless liberals, socialists and infidels. Loyalty to Trump is as important to evangelicals as the divinity of Jesus Christ, the infallibility of the Bible and the sovereignty of God.

Trump is physically repulsive, witness his orange hued complexion, his wispy urine-colored hair, triple chin, sphincter-shaped mouth and tiny doll hands. In spite of Trump’s grotesque physical appearance and amoral character, evangelicals treat him like a demigod. I am convinced that if the short-fingered vulgarian was decades younger, handsome and articulate, white evangelicals would proclaim that he was the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.

Evangelicals main objective used to be to evangelize the world, that is to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Their new mission is to spread Trumpism, especially its most important doctrine, the Big Lie that the 2020 election was stolen for their orange messiah.

A Christian can believe in the Trinity of God, the divinity of Jesus Christ, the inerrancy of Scripture and the need for a born-again experience, but if he doesn’t believe the Big Lie he is ostracized as a heretic.

Christians should reject the evangelical movement as a true expression of Christianity, and secular citizens should oppose evangelicals as zealously as they do Nazis and white supremacists.

If Jesus Returned Today He Would Embrace Biden and His Atheist Supporters and Rebuke Trump and His White Evangelical Followers

Donald Trump’s 2015 presidential campaign was awash in shock and scandal and his tenure in office was mired in corruption, incompetence, amorality and chaos. Nevertheless, white evangelicals voted for him in overwhelming numbers in 2015, and after four years of Trump fuckery 85% of them voted to reelect him.

Joe Biden conducted a presidential campaign devoid of drama, corruption and the politics of personal destruction, and his first 100 days in office have been scandal free, and yet only 23% of white evangelicals approve of his work in office.

It should be noted that 89% of Black Protestants and 80% of Hispanic Catholics support the current president, compared to just half of white Catholics and white non-evangelical Protestants. (All of the data that I have mentioned is from the Pew Research Center.)

Biden has overwhelming support from those who are atheist, agnostic or unaffiliated with organized religions.

What facts can we deduce from this statistics?

First of all, white evangelicals have strayed from the faith, and they have replaced the love and compassion of the Jesus of the Gospels for the hatred and enmity of their orange messiah, Donald Trump.

An ungodly lust for earthly power has corrupted white evangelicals; black and Hispanic evangelicals, for the most part, remain faithful to their main mission of loving thy neighbor and preaching the Gospel.

Secondly, that a belief in a deity isn’t required or necessary to possess a moral compass. It’s the “children of God” who worship the filthy beast, Donald Trump and the atheists and agnostics who support the compassionate and kind, Joe Biden. White evangelicals and their orange savior are destined for the dustbin of history. If Jesus Christ returned today, he would break bread with Joe Biden and his supporters, including the atheists and agnostics, and condemn and rebuke Trump and his white evangelical followers.

Republicans Must Disavow Donald Trump, Their Cheeto Jesus

“The View’s Meghan McCain on Wednesday went off on the Republican Party for pushing Rep. Liz Cheney (R-WY) out of a leadership position over her anti-Trump stance, calling the GOP a ‘sausagefest of MAGA’ that has rallied around a ‘Cheeto Jesus.’

Daily Beast

Meghan McCain didn’t break any new ground by dissing and dismissing Donald Trump as “Cheeto Jesus.” Detractors have been calling him that since he became the Republican frontrunner in 2015. What else can you call a gross freak with an unnatural orange complexion who is treated like the Second Coming of Jesus Christ by his followers?

Why is “Cheeto Jesus” the perfect nickname for Donald Trump? Let’s count the ways:

I love me some Cheetos, but it’s impossible to eat the addictive cheese curls without the orange dye making your fingers as orange as a pumpkin. Likewise, it’s impossible to be in Trump’s orbit without his shitty essence smearing your body and soul.

Cheetos are delicious, but if you eat too many you will gain weight and end up with a stomachache.  Likewise, too much of Trump in your life and in your politics and you will become physically and spiritually ill.

Cheetos are a light and fluffy snack with no substance, you would be well-advised to eat a healthy and well-balanced meals and only occasionally eat the yummy snack. Likewise, Trump is a lightweight who has no substance or moral core, and no serious person will ever look to him for political or moral guidance.

White evangelicals have replaced the kind, gentle and pure Jesus Christ of the Gospels with the cruel, coarse and corrupt Donald Trump. They will burn at the stake any infidel or apostate who doesn’t buy Trump’s Big Lie.

The GOP needs a political exorcism, the party has no viable future until they disavow their Cheeto Jesus.

When ‘Jesus’ is Trending on Twitter You Know There’s Something Rotten in Denmark

Twitter is a righteous stronghold on the Internet, progressives, social justice warriors, and civil rights activists use the social media platform to try to make the world a better place.

Nevertheless, the forces of wickedness maintain an outpost on Twitter, conservatives, evangelicals, conspiracy theorists and assorted riff-raff abuse the micro-blogging platform to troll the forces of democracy, enlightenment and humanity.

Even with the King of Trolls Trump banished from Twitter, the stench of sulfur remains, and occasionally the stench permeates the social media site when names for the Christian deity and Biblical verses trend.

“Lord Jesus Christ” doesn’t trend when there’s a legislative or legal victory for African Americans, the LGBTQ community or religious and ethnic minorities, but when a conservative politician, pundit or reporter waxes racist, xenophobic or homophobic. If Jesus is trending on Twitter, you know there’s something rotten in Denmark.

Today was one of those days when I logged on to Twitter, saw “Lord Jesus Christ” trending, exclaimed “Sweet Jesus on a popsicle” and wished and prayed that these twisted evildoers went back to the nether regions of the Internet where they belong.

Franklin Graham Infuriates Evangelicals After Telling Them to Get Vaccinated

Over the last four years evangelical leader Franklin Graham has worked tirelessly to paint a religious veneer on Donald Trump’s racist policies, harsh rhetoric and myriad crimes against democracy and the God that he worships.

Graham isn’t rewarded financially by Trump for his thankless job as a fluffer, but propping up of the racist, corrupt and incompetent short-fingered vulgarian inspires his flock to donate to his ministries. It’s all about the Benjamins and Graham will debase himself to keep himself living in the lap of luxury.

Graham has amplified Trump’s COVID misinformation and conspiracy theories. He’s lambasted Dr. Anthony Fauci for having the temerity to suggest that we should follow the science instead of relying on the counsel of anti-science buffoons like himself who said “COVID exists only because Man has turned his back on God.”

Graham finally said something about the pandemic that makes sense, or at last as much sense as you can expect from a white evangelical minister:

“I have been asked my opinion about the vaccine by the media and others. I have even been asked if Jesus were physically walking on earth now, would He be an advocate for vaccines. My answer was that based on the parable of the Good Samaritan in the Bible, I would have to say — yes, I think Jesus Christ would advocate for people using vaccines and medicines to treat suffering and save lives…

… Vaccines have worked for polio, smallpox, measles, the flu and so many other deadly illnesses — why not for this virus? Since there are different vaccines available, my recommendation is that people do their research, talk to their doctor, and pray about it to determine which vaccine, if any, is right for them. My wife and I have both had the vaccine; and at 68 years old, I want to get as many more miles out of these old bones as possible!”

Graham’s statement is problematic, we aren’t given a choice of which of the three vaccines currently available we prefer and his implication that vaccines may not be right for some people is unscientific hogwash. But I give him credit for urging his followers to be vaccinated, especially considering that vaccine hesitancy is epidemic in the evangelical world.

Graham was crucified for urging his flock to be vaccinated, he was called everything but a child of God by outraged evangelicals. True believers who have the mindset of “Jesus is my vaccine” tore Graham a new asshole for his heretical statement.

I don’t have faith that evangelicals will ever see the light of reason, science and common sense.

If Jesus Christ, the Great Physician walked on the Earth today, he would advocate for people to listen to scientists and physicians like Dr. Fauci, and to disregard the advice of con artists like Graham.

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Roger Stone Finds Jesus, Must be the Same Republican Jesus that Trump’s White Evangelical Supporters Worship

“President Donald Trump’s longtime friend and campaign adviser Roger Stone says he was never worried about going to prison.

Just days before he was set to begin serving a 40-month prison sentence after being convicted of lying to lawmakers who were investigating whether Russia influenced the 2016 elections, Trump commuted his sentence.

‘Praise be to God. I was never nervous or worried because I had prayed so fervently for deliverance from my persecutors and I knew in my heart that He would Protect me,’ he told me.”

JustTheNews.Com

Roger stone is the quintessential political trickster, his hardball political tactics, blind loyalty to his clients and unbridled glee at the success of his politics of personal destruction ensured that there would always be Republican candidates lined up to avail themselves of his services.  

It’s a miracle that Stone’s Machiavellian politics and win at all costs mentality didn’t land him in prison, but he managed to avoid the Big House in his long career from working for Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and George W Bush.

But it looked like working for Donald Trump, who makes Richard Nixon look like a Sunday School teacher, would finally get him imprisoned. Stone was facing prison time after being convicted of lying to Congress, witness tampering, and obstruction of justice.

Stone wasn’t worried about going to prison because in his own words:

“Praise be to God. I was never nervous or worried because I had prayed so fervently for deliverance from my persecutors and I knew in my heart that He would Protect me.”

Praise God Indeed, Stone knew that he would protect him, after all Trump had repeatedly hinted that he would pardon his loyal aide. I’m sure Stone who has a penchant for orgies prayed fervently to his false messiah to save him while clutching a rosary in one hand and a porn DVD in the other.

Stone claims to have given his life to Jesus some six months ago, and I suspect his “conversion” will have zero influence on the hardball and sometimes criminal ways he conducts business as a political consultant. After all, the white evangelical Christians who are Trump’s most loyal supporters, wax orgasmic at the evil machinations of their hero.

‘Jesus is My Vaccine’ Signs Expose the Ignorance of White Evangelicals

There have been protests to reopen the economy in several states, and the protesters are the usual suspects: militia members, white evangelicals, Tea Party activists, white supremacists and antivaccination activists. These assorted nuts are vehemently opposed to the common sense measures that governors have taken to stop the spread of the coronavirus.

In these rallies signs proclaiming “Jesus is my vaccine” are ubiquitous, these protesters aren’t shy about exposing their ignorance to the world.

Faith in Jesus and two bucks won’t buy you a cup of coffee at Starbucks, let alone protect you from the coronavirus. The virus is no respecter of persons, it infects Muslims, Jews, mainstream Christians and nutjob white evangelicals at the same rate.

I wonder if some of those morons brandishing “Jesus is my vaccine” signs are referring to Donald Trump their false messiah, and not Jesus Christ. After all, these fools not only drink the Kool-Aid but swallow disinfectant to inoculate them from the virus, per the suggestion of their Dear Leader.

The temptation is to dismiss their ignorance and just rest in the knowledge that their misguided faith will result in cleaning up the gene pool. But their stupidity affects all of us, their defiance of social distancing and refusal to take vaccines for any disease spreads the coronavirus.

Jesus is my vaccine? I’m sorry, but there’s no vaccine against ignorance and stupidity!