Month: August 2024

JD Vance is a Mean Jerk

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Donald Trump is a manifestly vicious, nasty, petty, and vindictive little man, but his supporters and sycophants find these odious traits endearing and inspiring. Every vile comment and every ridiculous statement that emanates from his sphincter-shaped mouth is treated as the Gospel truth by his disciples.

White evangelicals are every bit as fascist and disgusting as their orange messiah.

Trump chose JD Vance as his running mate over the objections of his trusted aides, and in short order he has become the most disliked vice-presidential candidate in history.

Vance is on a mission from God to remain in the good graces of his boss by spouting hate on every campaign stop. He has an audience of one, and Trump feeds off the hateful energy of his underlings.

Not to belabor the point, but JD Vance is a mean asshole, and he is even turning off the MAGA base. Trumpers love when Trump waxes evil because they believe he can do no wrong, but Vance does not enjoy the same dispensation to be an evil jerk.

Vance was a deplorable jackass before he became part of Trump’s orbit, being in the former president’s orbit has only magnified his fiendishness and degeneracy.  

Vance is every bit an abomination as his Dear Leader, but America is sick and tired of the bad vibes, and the Trump ticket is destined for defeat. This will mean the end of the 78-year-old Trump’s political career, and it will mean the end of the 40-year-old Vance’s career before it really got started.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

JD Vance’s Disqualifying Haircut

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A myriad essays have been written about Donald Trump’s striking and disturbing countenance. Trump slathers on orange tan lotion on his weathered mug leaving pale circles around his eyes that give him the appearance of a feral raccoon. Then there is the obscene sphincter-shaped mouth that makes him look like a demon that just escaped from the pit of hell. But it is his infernal hairstyle that defies gravity, offends aesthetics, and scares the bejesus out of little children that keeps me up at night. Pundits, politicians, and preachers ponder why the billionaire former president carefully cultivates a coiffure that looks like cotton candy dipped in a Russian hooker’s urine.

I never imagined that any other politician, let alone Trump’s running mate, would ever don a hairstyle that could compete with the former president. But there has never been a weirder vice-presidential candidate than JD Vance. The couch-fucking freak is saying, “hold my beer, take a gander at my haircut.”

Social media has been horrified by the photo of a new haircut by JD Vance. Who cut his hair, his inbred aunt stricken with glaucoma and cataracts?

The unruly clump of hair atop his dome, with no gradation to the rest of his hair, is not a great look for anyone and certainly not for someone running for vice-president.

Vance’s hairdo looks normal from the front, but from the back it looks like the devil himself styled his hair.

Thank God sofas aren’t sentient creatures, imagine if you will, getting humped by a mean and weird a-hole with such an insane hairdo?

National Dog Day

I am an unapologetic misanthrope. I believe organized religion is a curse and a blight on humanity, but there may be some truth to the Calvinist belief in the total depravity of man. History is a record of our incorrigible inhumanity towards each other and our fellow creatures. In short, I would be averse to celebrating National Humanity Day. (if such a holiday existed)

Today is National Dog Day and it is celebrated every year on August 26 and is dedicated to the love of man’s best friend. Though I am loath to celebrate National Humanity Day, I enthusiastically celebrate National Dog Day.

Canines exude love, loyalty and loveliness, and humans have a natural affinity for these furry angels. I would never deduce that a total stranger is a “good man” or a “good woman”, there’s always something offsetting about even the best of us. But I do not know how many times I’ve petted a pooch I’ve just met and told him, “Good Boy.”

Dogs are our better angels, and they bring out the best in us. I find it difficult to trust people, but I tend to give the benefit of the doubt to a person who owns a dog or a cat. If humanity is ever successful in climbing out of its moral cesspool it will be because we learn to value and love our fellow animals. A dog will lead us to salvation.

Evangelical Movies are Cheesy & Cringey

“An overwhelming majority of Protestants view Christian movies as effective evangelism tools even as most churchgoers remain hesitant about sharing such films with their non-Christian friends, a new survey reveals.

When asked if they viewed Christian movies as effective evangelism tools, 81% of respondents answered in the affirmative.”

ChrsitianPost.Com

So-called “faith movies” or “Christian movies” are cringy, corny and cheesy and a total waste of money and time for a non-Christian who is corralled into watching them by their evangelical friends or family.

Christian movies are so bad that evangelicals rarely invite non-believers to watch them, because they instinctively know that they will be repulsed by the propagandist nature of these paint-by-the-numbers flicks.

Producers of Christian movies know that their core audience sees things in black and white, therefore they avoid any trace of nuance or subtlety. In fact, these flicks have all the subtlety of a sermon delivered by a fire and brimstone evangelist.

The “stars” of these motion pictures are washed-up actors like Jim Caviezel, Kirk Cameron, Stephen Baldwin, Kevin Sorbo and John Schneider.

I would rather watch a North Korean propaganda film than a Christian movie.

JD Vance’s Donut Shop Visit Awkward as Hell

Americans identify with Homer Simpson’s love for donuts. His orgasmic delight in gobbling his favorite pink frosted donuts with multicolored sprinkles is a metaphor for our urge for instant gratification with products of dubious nutritious values.

JD Vance’s campaign team thought that orchestrating a photo op at a donut shop would be a perfect way to demonstrate that he is a normal guy, and not a weird asshole.

JD Vance’s interaction with workers at a donut shop went epically awry.

After looking at the donut display case, he said: “I’m JD Vance, I’m running for vice president, good to see you.” “OK” is the only response from the employee. She was not impressed with her weird customer and wanted the interaction with him to be as brief as possible.

When a regular guy enters a donut shop, he mutters “mmm donuts” and orders his favorite donut. Only a weird character would ask for an assortment of “whatever makes sense.”

Vance has also gone viral for comments about Diet Mountain Dew and Swiss cheese on a cheesesteak sub restaurant in Philadelphia.

His comments about subjects that have nothing to do with food are even weirder. Witness his comment about our country being “run by childless cat ladies” and his belief that people with children should be rewarded extra votes.

The only way that this photo op could have gone worse is if the shop had a couch and he decided to have carnal relations with the couch instead of ordering donuts.

Barack Obama Destroys Trump with Quip about his Weird Obsession with Crowd Sizes

Tuesday night the rock stars of the Democratic Party, Barack and Michelle Obama, were at center stage and they didn’t disappoint.

Michelle Obama was up first and the former first lady delivered a blistering address, taking roundhouse punches at disgraced former President Trump, while rarely naming the steaming pile of human shit.

Former President Barack Obama was eloquent and inspirational appealing to our better angels to rise above the divisiveness and chaos in large part created by Trump.

But with this punchline, demonstrating the timing of a professional comic he eviscerated his nemesis:

“Here is a 78-year-old billionaire who has not stopped whining about his problems since he rode down his golden escalator nine years ago. There’s the childish nicknames, the crazy conspiracy theories, this weird obsession with crowd sizes.”

In Obama’s ferocious takedown of Trump, he used the word “weird” that has come to define the former president, his running mate and his MAGA supporters. Trump is many things, racist, cruel, vindictive, petty, obscene, and infantile, but it is a weird vibe that permeates all these vices.  

Obama is spot on, the blithering idiot has not stopped whining since he rode down his golden escalator, and we are sick and tired of the whining incontinent toddler.

Enough with his juvenile nicknames, the weird conspiracy theories, and his weird obsession with crowd sizes.

When Obama made the crack about weird obsession with crowd sizes, he made a suggestive gesture that left no doubt that he was mocking Trump’s tiny mushroom-shaped penis.

Thank you, Barack Obama, the nation owes you a debt of gratitude for destroying Trump with one epic broadside.

‘Evangelicals for Harris’ May Tip Scales in favor of Kamala Harris

“We certainly didn’t have ‘Evangelicals for Harris’ on our 2024 bingo card, but apparently it’s a real thing. The group hosted a Zoom call yesterday evening with… 40,000 people. Not only that, but it’s also started rolling out an attack ad against Donald Trump targeting Christian voters in swing states, urging them to read their Bibles before casting their ballots for the thrice-married, 34-time convicted felon/fraudster/sexual abuser who doesn’t go to church.”

Queerty.Com

Ever since his first presidential run in 2015 Donald Trump has held white evangelicals in the palms of his freakishly small hands. He takes their votes for granted, indeed as their messiah, he takes their donations and slavish devotion to him for granted as well.

Vice President Kamala Harris is surging in the polls, and in less than a month she has managed to overtake Trump in popularity in the swing states. The electorate is embracing the normalcy and gaiety of the Harris campaign, and some formerly Trump loyalists are jumping of the Trump train and joining Harris’ crusade to save democracy. With the sociopath’s numbers plunging, he can’t afford to lose the support of any white evangelicals.

“Evangelicals for Harris” isn’t a parody, it’s a real thing. The initial ad from “Evangelicals for Harris” is urging evangelicals to “read their Bibles before casting their ballots for the thrice-married, 34-time convicted felon/fraudster/sexual abuser who doesn’t go to church.”

If evangelicals read the damn Bible instead of using it as a cudgel to beat anyone who doesn’t share their Neanderthal views they might reconsider their support for the amoral orange degenerate.

If only a hundred thousand evangelicals experience an epiphany after reading the Good Book and forsake the evil Trump and change their allegiance to Harris it might make the difference in a close election.

The vast majority of brainwashed white evangelicals will support Trump no matter what, but I’m hoping that the efforts of “Evangelicals for Harris” will siphon off enough votes to give her the victory.

Kamalanomenon: Kamala Harris is a Pop Culture Phenomenon

Before Kamala Harris became the Democratic presidential nominee, she was considered a political lightweight with a penchant for tossing word salads and cackling like a witch on crack. She had little respect, little influence, and the gravitas of a flea.

But when President Joe Biden dropped out of the race and endorsed her, she consolidated her power in lightning speed to the extent that no one challenged her for the nomination, and her most formidable rivals quickly endorsed her.

Kamala’s first major decision as a presidential nominee was a masterstroke, she chose the affable, personable everyman Tim Walz as her running mate. Harris who laughs at the drop of a dime and Walz who always has a smile dancing on his lips are political heavyweights and a pop culture phenomenon known as Kamalanomenon.

The Joe Biden presidential campaign was on life support, but the Kamala Harris campaign is on fire. Her rallies fill arenas, her campaign coffers are overflowing, and millions are signing up as volunteers.

The joyful duo is steamrolling the mean weirdos in the polls and in the affection of the electorate. Harris is dominating the news cycles as well as the social media buzz, she’s the hotting thing in pop culture. I am all in on Kamalanomenon, I have a Harris sign and garden flag on my front porch. If you want to save our democracy from the likes of Trump and Vance, you need to get with the program and do everything in your power to elect Kamala Harris and Tim Walz.

Tim Walz is Right, Donald Trump & JD Vance are so Weird

Minnesota Governor Tim Walz and newly minted running mate of Vice President Kamala Harris is the embodiment of normalcy. The former schoolteacher and high school football coach is as American as apple pie and as normal and welcoming as your favorite auto mechanic, school crossing guard and neighborhood mail carrier. With his bald pate, beer belly and bubbly demeanor he is as approachable and likeable as your beloved pastor or favorite bartender. He exudes goodness, harmony, and decency, in short, he is a good egg.

Serial sexual predator Donald Trump and his couch-humping running mate JD Vance are bad eggs who exude corruption, criminality, and creepiness. They are plain weird.

Trump is infamous for christening his political opponents with nasty nicknames and cruel adjectives describing their personas.

After a decade of Trump’s criminality, pathological lying, temper tantrums, unhinged rants, and spreading of conspiracy theories, we have become accustomed to his strange behavior.

It took a normal guy to remind us that Trump is weird, it is Walz who first called Republicans weird, and that adjective has stuck. It has unleashed a million memorable memes and viral moments.

A trans-hating conservative who has a penchant for wearing eyeliner, dressing in drag, and having intimate relations with a couch is just freaking weird.

A morbidly obese septuagenarian cursed with a mouth that resembles a sphincter, doll size hands, and raccoon eyes and yet has the nerve to criticize the personal appearance of women is just freaking weird.

Let’s make America Normal Again, let’s kick Donald Trump and his Mini-Me JD Vance to the curb.

What America needs now, more than ever, is the normalcy of Kamala Harris and her astounding running mate Tim Walz.

Kamala Harris and Tim Walz are Spreading the Joy

When Vice President Kamala Harris, dubbed “Laffin’ Kamala” by Trump, was considering whom to anoint as her running mate, there was a deep bench of qualified contenders: astronaut hero Sen. Mark Kelly, straight from central casting California Governor Gavin Newsom, wildly popular Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro, and youthful Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear, to name a few.

Harris did not go for ideological or geological balance, instead she doubled down on the joy factor. Harris, who will burst into laughter at the drop of a dime, chose Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, who is renowned for his jovial demeanor. Walz is the quintessential happy warrior whose enthusiastic nature never dims even when interacting with the political opposition.

During the vetting process Harris and Walz clicked, they shared the same gleeful vibe. Their cheerfulness is infectious, and their campaign rallies match Trump’s in crowd size, and exceed his in exuberance and exultation. These joyful warriors are drowning out Trump’s gloom and doom with their hopeful vision of liberty and freedom for everyone, including racial, religious, and sexual minorities.

When I consider these gleeful politicians not only do I feel motivated to vote for them, but I wish I could hug them and share in their rapture.

It is with a sense of elation that I will vote the Harris/Walz ticket.

Tim Walz ‘Tampon Tim’ for Vice President

“As governor of Minnesota, Tim Walz, now Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris’ running mate, signed a bill into law requiring school districts to place tampons and pads in girls’ bathrooms in schools serving grades 4-12.

The law required tampons to be placed in all school bathrooms, including the boys’ room.

Detroit Free Press

Tim Walz is the quintessential suburban dad you don’t mind sharing a beer with and discussing sports, current events, or even politics.

With his white hair, bald pate, beer belly and jovial expression, you would expect him to be a postal worker, auto mechanic or a baker, instead of a politician.

Republicans are desperate to produce a credible attack line against such a pleasant character; how can you denigrate a gentleman with such an impressive Resume: former teacher, high school football coach, and 24 years of military service?

The best they can do is dub him “Tampon Tim” for signing a bill requiring schools to place free tampons and pads in all bathrooms, including boys’ bathrooms, for the convenience of trans students.

I applaud Walz for signing this bill into law, it demonstrates his empathy for all female students and especially those who may not have the financial resources to afford female sanitary products.

And it’s not a federal crime or a mortal sin for a tampon dispenser to be placed in a boys’ restroom. It’s an acknowledgement that there may be trans or binary students who use the boys’ restroom.

I’m voting for “Tampon Tim”, I can count on him to represent all Americans, including sexual, religious and racial minorities.

Cowardly Donald Trump Afraid to Debate Kamala Harris

Donald Trump’s debate performance against Joe Biden was as chaotic, confusing, and just plain crazy as his typical MAGA rally diatribe. He spewed falsehoods without real-time fact-checking from the moderators or his opponent. He refused to back down from his vow to seek retribution, refused to condemn the January 6 insurrectionists and refused to say that he would accept the results of the 2024 election if he lost.

However, history will record Trump as the undisputed winner of the debate because his opponent was a cognitively impaired, physical frail, living skeleton who stared into space with mouth agape when Trump was speaking, and uttered gibberish when it was his turn to speak.

Biden’s debate performance was so dreadful that Democratic leaders forced him to drop out of the race. Before Biden dropped out Trump boasted that he would love to debate Biden again, anytime, and anyplace.

But now that he is facing a much younger Kamala Harris Trump is scared shitless about another debate. He backed out of a debate that had already been set to run on ABC.

Now Trump is saying that he will only debate Harris on Trump-friendly Fox News in a setting that will include a MAGA audience that will cheer any lie, obscenity and nonsense that emanates from his sphincter-shaped mouth.

What happened to “I will debate my opponent anytime, anywhere”? Harris insists she will show up for the previously scheduled ABC debate, and if the cowardly Trump does not show up, she will debate an empty chair.

The orange clown has a yellow stripe a mile wide. He should man up, don his big boy diapers and debate Harris on ABC.

Jimmy Carter Says He’s Holding on to Vote for Kamala Harris

“Former President Jimmy Carter told family that as he approaches his milestone 100th birthday this fall that he’s holding on to vote in the presidential election.

‘I’m only trying to make it to vote for Kamala Harris,’ Carter told his son Chip this week, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Carter, who turns 100 on Oct. 1, has been receiving hospice care for over a year.”

USA Today

Jimmy Carter is a former president, a Nobel peace Prize laureate, a humanitarian, and a Habitat for Humanity volunteer who helped build thousands of homes.

He is also an evangelical Christian, but don’t hold that again him, he is nothing like the Christian nationalist evangelicals who support Donald Trump.

The humble man from Plains, Georgia is a devout Baptist who has been teaching Sunday School most of his adult life, and he is the only American president who taught Sunday School while in office.

Carter is a strong believer in the separation of church and state. As president, he refused to hold prayer breakfasts in the White House. He rolled up his sleeves to build homes for the homeless, but he did not wear religion on his sleeves.

Most historians consider Carter a mediocre president, but his post presidency has been extraordinary. He established the Carter Center to wage peace, fight disease, and to monitor elections all over the world to safeguard democracy.

Carter’s list of accomplishments is long and illustrious, but he’s holding on to vote for Kamala Harris.

If a 99-year-old man in hospice is planning on voting for Kamala Harris, you have no excuses for not defending democracy by voting for Harris this November.