Donald Trump: Campaigner-in-Chief

Donald Trump`s default speech mode is hyperbole, and that bombastic style was a perfect fit in the worlds of professional wrestling and reality TV.

Trump`s disregard for the truth and over-the-top rhetoric served him well on the campaign trail, enough American swallowed his alternative facts to land him in the White House.

Trump`s shoot-from-the-hip style has been a disaster in the White House, his press conferences and tweets have infuriated and perplexed American politicians and foreign leaders.

The press isn`t seduced by Trump`s shtick, they are determined to hold him accountable for the excesses of his administration. They want the truth about his ties to Russia, and they want an explanation for the chaos swirling in the White House. Unfortunately, the media`s bias against conservatives in general and Trump in particular taints their mission to uncover the truth.

Trump thrives in chaos, but even he needs a break from the freak show, and he is seeking affirmation and refuge on the campaign trail.

The Donald returned on Saturday to the activity he enjoys the most: Running for the office he already holds. “I want to be among my friends and among the people,” Trump told a crowd of 9,000 diehard supporters at Orlando Melbourne International Airport in Melbourne, Florida.

The applause from his adoring true believers is an elixir for Trump, but he can`t campaign for the next four years. Trump can accomplish only so much from executive orders, sooner or later he has to govern. Trump doesn`t know the first thing about running a country or being commander-in-chief — we`re screwed.

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Donald Trump is Bonkers

“Al Franken recently raised a provocative question about Donald Trump: Is he mentally ill? On HBO`s Real Time with Bill Maher last week, the Minnesota senator claimed that some of his Republican colleagues have `great concern about the president`s temperament,` adding that `there`s a range in what they`ll say, and some will say that he`s not right mentally. And some are harsher.

Congressman Ted Lieu, a California Democrat, is introducing legislation that would require the White House to have a psychiatrist on staff. `I`m looking at it from the perspective of, if there are questions about the mental health of the president of the United States, what may be the best way to get the president treatment?` he told the Huffington Post.”

New Republic

You don`t have to be a psychiatrist or a psychologist to deduce that Donald Trump is bonkers.

The only thing up for debate is what drove Trump crazy: Untreated syphilis infected his brain? Orange spray tan seeped into his brain? Too many rejections by his daughter Ivanka?

After witnessing Trump`s surreal press conference on Thursday I said to myself:

This presser is so over-the-top it`s parody proof, Saturday Night Live has an impossible task trying to satirize the stream-of-consciousness rantings of a lunatic.

Trump is bonkers! Stark raving mad! Crazier than a shithouse rat!

Trump`s grip on power is secure for at least the next two years; America`s only hope is that in two years the Democrats will regain control of both houses of Congress and immediately begin impeachment proceedings against the Orange Menace.

In the meantime I hope that Pence, Priebus, and Banner will force Trump to sleep in a straightjacket so he can`t fire off any tweets in the middle of the night that will ignite World War III.

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Brewery Offers ‘Paw-ternity’ Leave for Employees with Puppies


“A Scottish brewery has instituted a new policy offering `puppy parental leave` for employees raising young dogs.

BrewDog brewery announced the paw-ternity policy that provides all employees with one week off when they bring home a new puppy.

`BrewDog was started by two men and one dog in 2007,` the brewery said in its announcement video. “And we now employ 1,000 people around the world.”


I commend BrewDog brewery for their dog-friendly workplace, and for their paw-ternity policy that provides all employees with one week off when they bring home a new puppy.

The brewery`s headquarters has 50 office dogs, what an awesome work environment; I can think of at least five co-workers that I wish I could replace with a puppy.

When I adopted a puppy, Mandy, from the Humane Society I took two weeks off from work. That gave my plenty of time to bond with Mandy and housetrain her. It would have been cruel to adopt a puppy, and then go to work, leaving her alone in a new and strange environment.

A paw-ternity policy is a good start, but an employer should also offer its employees pet bereavement leave. When Mandy dies and goes to the Big Dog Park in the Sky, I know I will be too devastated to go to work.

Pet lovers everywhere should support BrewDog Brewery by buying their beers.

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Chris Christie: Trump Made Me Order Meatloaf at White House Dinner

“The New Jersey governor and former Republican presidential candidate, along with his wife, Mary Pat, visited the White House on Tuesday to have dinner with Trump. Christie spoke about the event while guest-hosting a New York sports talk radio show and says that when the diners opened their menus, Trump told everyone to have whatever they`d like to eat – except Christie himself.

Instead, Trump insisted that both he and Christie would have the meatloaf.”

People Magazine

I`m not surprised Christie had the meatloaf, he`s a “yes man,” plus he`ll eat anything that`s placed in front of him. You don`t weigh as much as a baby hippo by having a refined palate. The easiest job in the world is being Christie`s personal cook, all he has to do is fill the governor`s trough with slop, and he`ll be a happy camper.

If Trump told me “You and I are having meatloaf,” I would reply, “Oh, hell No! This is the damn White House, I`m having steak and lobster and I`m washing it down with Dom Perignon,”

Trump is surrounded by sycophants and yes men – for the love of God isn`t there one man who will tell the emperor that he isn`t wearing any clothes, and that`s he`s exposing his tiny pecker?

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Susan Sarandon: My Sexuality is Up for Grabs for People of Any Gender! Yuck!

“Susan Sarandon has described her sexual orientation as open and up for grabs.

The Thelma & Louise star said she would have relationships with people of any gender but added that she is not getting many offers.

The 70-year-old mother-of-three was married to Chris Sarandon for 12 years before a 21-year relationship with actor Tim Robbins.


I had a prurient interest in Susan Sarandon`s sex life circa 1975, she was sizzling hot in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but I don`t want to hear Jack about the sex life of 70-year-old thespian.

Americans love lipstick lesbians and hot bisexual women, and there`s no quicker way for a hot starlet to generate buzz than to declare herself bi or lesbian. But a septuagenarian actress can come out of the closet, and she will only elicit scorn and disgust.

Nor surprisingly Sarandon isn`t getting any offers; I wouldn`t touch Sarandon with a ten-foot pole.

Sarandon boasts that her sexual orientation is up for grabs, her morality and self-dignity are up for grabs as well.

If Sarandon writes a tell-all memoir about her romantic life when she was young and hot I might read it, but old hags shouldn`t gross people out by talking about sexual matters.

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President Donald Trump Vs Prime Minister Justin Trudeau! Who Won the Handshake Battle?

“President Donald Trump has a weird way of shaking hands. His herky-jerky grappling style sometimes makes it look like he`s fighting with the other person, and maybe even trying to rip their arm out of its socket. But Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau appeared prepared for an uncomfortable greeting when he visited the White House on Monday.

A video of Trump welcoming Trudeau shows the prime minister quickly grasping the president`s shoulder with his left arm, seemingly bracing for a potential pull. Trudeau then brings the handshake close and toward his center, cutting off Trump`s leverage and ensuring that his shoulder remains intact.”

Huffington Post

Donald Trump is a WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) fan, a friend of WWE CEO Vince McMahon, and he even hosted a couple of WrestleMania events.Trump was inducted into the celebrity wing of the WWE Celebrity Hall of Fame.

Trump has introduced a wrestling submission hold into the world of politics with great success. It`s not the Huge Kiss of Death, although if Trump kissed an opponent with his sphincter-shaped mouth it might kill him. It`s not the Genital Grasp of Domination whereby the Donald grabs a person`s genitals until he or she cries “uncle.”

It`s the Presidential Handshake of Death, typically Trump greets a world leader by gripping his hand, jerking it toward him almost ripping the arm out of its socket, rendering him a quivering mass of jelly. Even strongmen like Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu have been no match for Donald`s submission hold.

Trump finally met his match, and it wasn`t North Korea`s dictator or Iran`s Supreme Leader who got the best of him, it was, believe it or not, the pretty boy Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Watch and marvel as Trudeau counters and neutralizes Trump`s signature submission hold.

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Donald Trump Valentine’s Day Memes

Donald Trump is the most meme-worthy politician of our social media age. His clownish physical appearance, penchant for tweeting insults, and his thin skin are just too much of a temptation; the vanguard of the resistance are bloggers, pundits, and politicians armed with memes.

When you think of which holidays are synonymous with Trump “April Fools` Day” and “Halloween” come to mind, a Trump Valentine`s Day meme sees incongruous, but why not? Trump`s twisted love for his daughter Ivanka, his budding bromance with Putin and his pussy-grabbing ways are just begging for memes.

In the last couple of years I`ve created over a dozen Trump memes, but today I want to feature these Valentine`s Day Trump memes created by minds even more twisted than mine. Enjoy:

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Burger King Giving Away Sex Toys in Adult Meals for Valentine’s Day

“While most of us might agree that a Valentine`s Day date at a fast food joint is kind of the worst thing ever, Burger King is prepared to fight that stigma. This year, the Israeli version of the OG chain is offering a romantic boxed food for two called the Adults Meal-designed for those 18 and older, so bring your ID-that comes with two Whoppers, two packets of fries, two beers, and a romantic adult toy. Spoiler alert: That means sex toy.

`Kids` meal? That`s for kids,` the commercial`s narrator seductively declares, before informing us that `Burger King presents the Adults Meal, with an adult toy inside. Only on Valentine`s Day.` The deal will only be available at BK locations in Israel on Feb. 14, from 6 p.m. until closing.”


Denizens of a trailer park may consider a Valentine`s Day date at a Burger King the epitome of romance, but those of us whose teeth and brain cells haven`t been destroyed by meth would rather give Rosie O`Donnell a bikini wax than take our Valentine`s date to a fast food joint.

On the other hand, I`m sick and tired of being asked “do you want fries with that?” as soon as I step inside a burger joint, it would be refreshing to hear: Do you want a dildo with that?

An Israeli Burger King selling an adult meal with a whopper of a toy inside? The toy might as well be a miniature golden calf, divine vengeance will surely follow!

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Adele’s ‘Black Friends’ Comment at Grammys Evidence of White Guilt

“Accepting the award for Album of the Year for her record 25, Adele instead said Beyonce deserved it.

She said: `I can`t possibly accept this award. I`m very humble and I`m grateful and gracious but my artist of my life is Beyonce and the Lemonade album was just so monumental – Beyonce, it was so monumental – and so well thought out and so beautiful and soul-baring.

`All us artists here, we f****** adore you. The way you make me and my friends feel.

`The way you make my black friends feel is empowering. You make them stand up for themselves and I love you and I always have.`”

Daily Mail

Adele swept the top awards at the Grammys last night, including song and record of the year for “Hello,” and album of the year for “25.”

Adele deserves all the accolades, she has almost single-handedly saved the music industry, “25” was the top selling album of 2015 and 2016.

But her acceptance speech for “album of the year” struck a discordant note. The album “25” was a masterpiece, and not only Adele, but all the producers, engineers, writers and back up singers who worked on the album deserved the recognition. Adele was out of place not only to reject the Grammy, but to break the trophy in half.

Adele`s white guilt is clouding her judgement, she should apologize to her collaborators on “25,” her fans, and the Grammys. On one side of the racist spectrum are the blatant racists who denounce Beyonce as a talentless ghetto skank, and at the other end are the obsequious white folks who bend over backwards praising Beyonce as the Queen of the Universe.

Unlike Adele I don`t separate my friends by race, if I separate them at all it`s by loyalty. There are my loyal friends who stick with me through thick and thin, and then there are my fair-weather friends who desert me when times get tough.

For Adele to speak on behalf of her black friends is patronizing and insulting — maybe she should only open her mouth to sing.

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Dominican Newspaper Runs Photo of Alec Baldwin Instead of Donald Trump

A Spanish-language newspaper in the Dominican Republic mistakenly ran a photograph of Alec Baldwin from Saturday Night Live in place of a photo of President Donald Trump.

Everyone in the civilized world, including the Caribbean, knows that Baldwin has impersonated Trump on the NBC late night sketch comedy show to the acclaim of critics and the mortification of the American president.

The newspaper El Nacional issued a correction, but not before the image went viral.

My thoughts:

If you believe this was an honest mistake, I have beachfront property in Nebraska you might be interested in purchasing.

Before the advent of the Internet a newspaper in a banana republic could run a photograph of an Oompa Loompa in place of an image of President Trump, and Americans would never hear a word about it. Today the mayor of Timbuktu could name his bowl movement “Donald Trump” and appoint it to his city council and it would be trending on Facebook and Twitter before you could say: Holy Shit!

The world has become a village, and the entire world knows we have elected the village idiot president of the United States.

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