Month: March 2018

Does Jesus Speak to Mike Pence?

“Buried under an avalanche of breaking news this month, Vice President Mike Pence gave an impassioned defense of religion.

`The overwhelming majority of Americans enjoy their faith, and we have all different kinds of faith in this country,` Pence said during an event broadcast on C-Span. `My Christianity is the most important thing in my life. I try and start every day by opening the good book. My wife and I try to have a prayer together before I leave every morning. I can honestly tell you my faith sustains me in all that I do.`

He was responding to a question about a joke comedian Joy Behar cracked during an episode of The View on ABC in which she compared Christianity to a mental illness.

`It`s one thing to talk to Jesus,` Behar said on the popular daytime talk show. `It`s another when Jesus talks to you.`”

Charlotte Observer

All Christians talk to Jesus, but only charlatan televangelists and mentally unbalanced believers claim that He literally answers them.

Sane evangelicals will say words to the effect of: I went to Jesus in prayer and I believe He is leading me to take this action.

But when a pious Christian declares “I asked the Lord if I should vote for Donald Trump, and Jesus not only ordered me to vote for him, but he also commanded me to wear a MAGA hat every day,” WATCH OUT! That wasn`t Jesus speaking to him, the wanker is misinterpreting the fart emanating from his arse for the word of God.

Folks who claim that Jesus speaks to them in an audible voice are sanctimonious morons of the worst kind.

I`m not a theologian or clairvoyant, but I know damn well that Jesus does not speak to Mike Pence. If Jesus ever speaks to Pence it will be to rebuke him for enabling and making excuses for the short-fingered vulgarian.

We need less holier-than-thou Christians declaring “Jesus spoke to me,” and more humble believers saying “I`m feeding the poor, and visiting prisoners in jail just like Jesus instructed me in the Gospels.”

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/opinion/editorials/article201882049.html#storylink=cpy

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Jeff Sessions is the Creepiest Politician in History

Attorney General Jeff Sessions has been called everything from a Keebler elf to Mr. Magoo to a grey alien to a steaming pile of dung, and that`s what his friends in the Senate call him. Just kidding, even though he served for over two decades in that august body, he doesn`t have any friends there or anywhere else.

Sessions is the creepiest politician in history, he`s like a loathsome lizard that you are too afraid to touch so you just poke it when a ten-foot pole.

This vile creature is older than dirt, and it`s not too soon to be talking about his funeral. I hope it`s a closed casket funeral, he looks like a vampire now, God only knows what he will look like when he`s finally dead.

Donald Trump has been publicly shaming and humiliating Sessions ever since he recused himself from the investigation into Russia`s attempted meddling in the 2016 election.

I haven`t heard a single politician, pundit or preacher come to his defense, arguing that a man of such integrity and high moral character shouldn`t be subjected to such despicable treatment.

Because of course the slimy racist doesn`t have any integrity, people defend him on strictly political terms.

We worry whenever Trump blasts him, only because it may mean that he`s getting ready to fire him. As much as we loathe Sessions we don`t want to see him fired, because Trump would replace him with a lackey who would fire Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

Sessions endorsed Trump early in the 2016 presidential race, he travelled with the short-fingered vulgarian and got to know him very well. Sessions knew what a sick bastard Trump was, and he should never have agreed to serve as Attorney General.

I`m enjoying watching Trump torment Sessions on a daily basis.

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The Faith of Donald Trump: A Spiritual Biography Worst Book of the Century

Many biographies have been written about Donald Trump, they chronicle his multiple bankruptcies, extramarital affairs with porn stars and Playboy centerfolds, dubious business transactions, feuds with celebrities, misogynist and racist behavior …

Reading about Trump is like swimming in a septic tank, it`s not for the faint of heart.

Competing with all these tomes that delve into the deviant behavior of Trump there`s a biography that purports to delve into the godly side of the short-fingered vulgarian, and it`s not a satire.

The Faith of Donald Trump: A Spiritual Biography was written by David Brody, a reporter for the Christian Broadcasting Network, and Scott Lamb, a Baptist minister. Holy shit!

You`d expect a book about Trump`s spiritual life to be as skimpy as Two Corinthians, but it`s a hefty 375 pages.

This is not a book review, I have not read and have no intentions of reading this abomination. I am sick and tired of white evangelicals justifying and rationalizing Trump`s immoral behavior; I`d rather be dead than waste three or four hours of my life reading this drivel.

In the book flap there`s a blurb by Newt Gingrich, you remember him, he`s the devout Catholic who visited his cancer-stricken wife at the hospital to plead for a divorce so he could marry his mistress. Hopefully Newt`s endorsement will be enough to scare anyone from reading this claptrap.

I don`t know who is more despicable, Donald Trump or the white evangelicals who hail this Antichrist figure as a Messiah.

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Donald Trumps Seeks Authoritarian Solutions for Gun Violence and Opioid Crisis

Donald Trump has expressed a fondness and affinity for dictators like Russian President Vladimir Putin, Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte, and even North Korean Dear Leader (smart cookie) Kim Jong-un.

Like the aforementioned despots Trump has an aversion for the hallmarks of any thriving democracy: An independent judiciary, a robust and free press, and the concept of due process.

Trump, during a bipartisan meeting at the White House to discuss school safety and gun violence, said it might be better in some cases to allow police to confiscate guns from potentially disturbed individuals before allowing due process. “Take the gun first, go through due process second,” Trump declared. That`s the proclamation of a tin-pot dictator, and not a sentence that a United States president should ever utter.

In the same week that Trump expressed disdain for due process he also advocated the death penalty for drug dealers. At a White House summit on opioid abuse he said:

“If you shoot one person, they give you life, they give you the death penalty. These people can kill 2,000, 3,000 people and nothing happens to them.”

According to Wikipedia more than 14,000 people have been killed since Duterte declared a war on drugs and ordered the police and military to kill drug dealers without due process. There`s a river of blood flowing in the Philippines, but drugs are as plentiful as they were before Duterte`s ill-conceived war on drugs.

Trump would be well-advised to focus on the public health component of the opioid crisis. Tough talk like demanding the death penalty for drug dealers might excite his base, but it won`t do anything to fight the opioid epidemic.

Authoritarian measures won`t solve the intractable problems like gun violence or the opioid crisis, Trump needs to remember that he`s the president of the greatest democracy in the world and not the dictator of a Third World dictatorship.

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Study Says Cats Would Kill You If They Were Bigger

“If you`ve ever suspected that your cat might be plotting to kill you, you might be on to something.

A new study from researchers at the University of Edinburgh shows many parallels between domestic cats and their larger feline brethren, including aggression and neurotic behavior.
The study rated domestic cats as expressing high levels of dominance, impulsiveness and neuroticism, characteristics they share with larger felines like the clouded leopard, African lions, snow leopards and Scottish wildcats. House cats also have high levels of anxiety, insecurity, tension, suspicion and fear of people.
the results of the study, while not completely a shock, are unnerving, especially a conclusion that domestic cats have a desire to kill humans and would likely do so if they were bigger and stronger.”

Orlando Sentinel

Cats are cute and cuddly, but they are also mean and sadistic. When I moved into my house I had a problem with mice, but the cat that I owned at the time, Patches, quickly got rid of the pests. Patches would toy with a poor hapless mouse for hours before she would finally put it out of its misery.

You may deceive yourself into thinking that your kitty would lick you to death if it was as big as a lion, but truth be told he would probably smack you around for a few minutes before tearing you apart limb from limb.

My cat Tico tips the scale at 25 pounds, and he is so fat and fluffy, and as cute as a button. He has a penchant for plopping down on my face when I`m taking a nap, he`s drawn to the warmth of my body, but I also think he just might be trying to smother me.

I don`t care if my cats are plotting to kill me, I love them to death.

Read More:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/gone-viral/os-cats-kill-you-bigger-study-post.html

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Awkward: Donald Trump Massages Mike Pence’s Thigh During Billy Graham Memorial Service

“During a memorial service for the late Reverend Billy Graham in the Capitol Rotunda on Wednesday, President Trump, in a rare display of public affection, reached over his wife Melania to place a firm, but gentle hand on Mike Pence`s thigh. Pence looked as comfortable with the president`s touch as you`d imagine, his mouth squeezed tightly shut, his hands gripping the hem of his suit jacket.

Was it a gesture of reassurance? A warning? We may never know. I would like to know how Karen felt about it, though.”

The Cut

I`m not surprised that Trump reached over his wife Melania and placed his tiny hand on Pence`s upper thigh, he knows darn well that if he had placed his hand anywhere on Melania`s body, she would have swatted the disgusting little thing.

Pence is a devout evangelical and perhaps Trump was only trying to console his Vice President on the death of the evangelical icon, or maybe he was just screwing with him. But one thing is sure: Those were the longest moments in the life of the noted homophobe.

After the memorial service Pence probably retreated to his prayer closet and uttered this prayer:

Lord I can resist an ugly orange baboon when he touches my thigh, but please don`t let Jared Kushner caress my thigh lest I become a sodomite.

Read More:

https://www.thecut.com/2018/02/donald-trump-touches-mike-pences-thigh-billy-graham-memorial.html

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Dude Attempts to Rob 7-Eleven By Pointing Finger at Clerk

“Authorities are looking for help identifying a man they say pointed a finger at a 7-Eleven clerk and demanded cash early Wednesday before leaving empty handed.

According to Southwest Florida Crime Stoppers, the man walked into the store with a red shirt covering his face, and approached the clerk with a pointed finger.

The man demanded all the cash from the register, but the clerk refused and the man left the store.

He was seen riding a white bicycle north on Imperial Shores Blvd.”

CBS NEWS

If a dude attempts to rob a 7-Eleven by pointing his finger at the clerk, and leaves the store empty-handed on a bicycle, you don`t have to be clairvoyant or a crime novelist to write the next chapter in his life:

He will be nabbed by the cops and walk out of jail bowlegged a few weeks later.

I wonder what this hapless would-be robber told the clerk: Gimme all the money in the register and a Big Gulp or I will give you a proctology exam?

Moral of this story:

If you point your finger at a clerk demanding he hand over all the money in his register, there are three fingers pointing back at the biggest wanker in the country.

Read More:

http://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2018/02/28/man-reportedly-attempts-to-rob-convenience-store-armed-with-a-finger/

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Parkland School Shooting: Would Donald Trump Really Have Run In?

“US President Donald Trump has said he would have run in to the Florida high school where 17 people were shot dead this month even if he was not armed.

`I really believe I`d run in there even if I didn`t have a weapon,` Mr Trump told a group of state governors gathered at the White House.”

BBC

Even if Trump possessed the valor of a Navy SEAL he`s not going to run into a school and confront an active shooter. If he jogs more than a couple of seconds he`s out of breath; he is so obese that he can`t run to the bathroom before soiling his diapers.

The five-time draft-dodger, derisively known as Captain Bone Spurs, is too much of a coward to confront a child brandishing a water gun let alone a madman toting an AR-15.

We don`t need false bravado from our commander-in-chief, we need action. Trump doesn`t have the courage to defy the NRA, and demand thorough background checks every time a citizen buys a gun including online and at gun shows. Trump doesn`t have the backbone to demand that Congress pass legislation banning all AR-15 type rifles.

The teenage survivors of the Parkland massacre are the true heroes, they have the courage to speak truth to power and demand sensible gun control.

Read More:

http://www.bbc.com/news/43202075

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