surfer dude jesus

White Evangelicals Have Traded Surfer Dude Jesus for Morbidly Obese Trump Jesus

A Google search of “Jesus” will pull up a plethora of images depicting a tall, white guy with long, blond hair and a beard. But the blond surfer dude Jesus is historically and ethnically incorrect.

In New Testament times men in Judea tended to have brown eyes, black hair and olive-brown skin. According to skeletal remains from that era the average male was about five foot five inches.

If Jesus returned claiming to be the King of Heaven and Earth, white evangelicals would look askance at the short brown fellow, and reply:

King of Heaven and Earth? Please! We doubt if you’re even in this country legally! Show us your green card!

White evangelicals will only accept a Jesus who is tall, white, blond handsome cisgender male.

Which makes it surprising that they have substituted this Adonis Jesus as their savior for a man who may be white, but’s who’s morbidly obese, hideously ugly and has doll hands and a tiny Ken doll penis.

I guess white evangelicals are comfortable worshipping the grotesque Trump as their messiah as long as he clings to his abhorrent beliefs: white supremacy, anti-immigration, anti-abortion …

White Evangelical Pastors Vow to Defend Statues of White Surfer Dude Jesus

“A group of evangelical pastors gathered at Seattle’s CHOP zone earlier this week to pray and declare that they will defend houses of worship and statues of Jesus after activists called for tearing them down amid Black Lives Matter protests.”

Fox News
White evangelicals seem to be unfamiliar with the basic tenets of their faith, the first of the Ten Commandments prohibits making any statues of Jesus or any other heavenly being:

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

Evangelicals should be leading the charge to topple these graven images, the blond surfer dude Jesus statues are a sacrilegious abomination, a historical misrepresentation and an aesthetical nightmare.

But I’m not surprised that white evangelicals worship their white Jesus statues, after all they worship an orange anti-Christ.

The historical dark brown or black Jesus would be appalled at the spectacle of evangelicals defending these vile statues.

Instead of defending statues of Jesus, evangelicals should be defending the Gospel message of peace, unity and love. But if these reprobates embrace an amoral buffoon who is the antithesis of everything that the Bible teaches, I’m not surprised they are defending graven images.