Joe Biden has done very little actual campaigning for several reasons. First, he believes he’s the prohibitive favorite, and gosh darn it, it’s his turn. Word to the wise Joe, ask Hillary how far that attitude got her.

Second, he’s afraid of making gaffes, his handlers treat him like a vestal virgin limiting his campaign appearances and restricting his interactions with the press.

Finally, touchy-feely Joe is afraid he won’t be able to restrain himself and he will not only kiss babies but grope prebuscent girls.

The Biden campaign is in serious trouble, he’s trailing Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders, Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren and South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg in Iowa.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so Biden is trying something novel, campaigning. Biden’s kicked off his Iowa “No Malarkey” tour, the most intense campaign swing of his 2020 presidential bid. Malarkey? Really? Who’s sponsoring this tour, Geritol or Viagra?

Crazy Joe Biden nipped his wife Jill’s finger onstage at a rally in Council Bluffs, Iowa, as she introduced him at the first stop of an eight-day, 800-mile road trip through the first-to-caucus state.

I thought this was a “No Malarkey” tour, if he nibbles on Donald Trump’s tiny fingers on a debate stage during the general election, the short-fingered vulgarian will probably take a crap on him.

But we really don’t have to worry about that possibility, a candidate who gropes little girls and nibbles on the fingers of adults has no realistic chance of winning the Democratic nomination.