millennials

Millennial Wankers Get Lost in the Woods Searching for UFO’s

“Three young hikers who were looking for UFOs got stranded in Blue Hills Reservation and had to be rescued by police Thursday night. But they said their harrowing night on high ground outside Boston paid off.

One of the hikers, Ramona DiFrancesco, 18, said the group saw several UFOs during their journey, including `three bright lights in the formation of a triangle` and a giant orb that looked `bigger than the moon.`

Boston Globe

These millennial scum had smart phones, but no flashlights. To go hiking in the woods, in the evening, without flashlights is nuttier than believing in UFO`s.
These morons claim to have seen several UFO`s during their adventure, including a giant orb that looked “bigger than the moon.” Idiots, if you smoke enough weed the moon will look bigger than the moon.
What fate should befall these three millennial wankers who got lost in the woods searching for flying saucers:

Discover that bears not only shi* in the woods, but they also dine on wankers trespassing on their territory.

They see a UFO in the sky, and they have a close encounter of the third kind. After being anally-probed by aliens for hours they stumble out of the woods walking bowlegged like a mother.

They are rescued by first responders, and the cops proceed to beat the holy hell out of them for wasting their time and resources.
For God`s sake, enough of this UFO tomfoolery!
Read More:

https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2017/06/09/ufo-hunters-get-lost-blue-hills/6ZH8fRmUcRXxnz6LHFyhEI/story.html

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Die Millennials! For God’s Sake Just Die!

“Online retailer Opening Ceremony is getting into the bizarre upscale jeans trend with a pair of $425 convertible pants from Y/Project.

The `Detachable Cut-Out Front Jeans` by Y/Project are composed of a pair of high-waisted booty shorts with two pant legs that connect to the shorts via buttons.
Unlike other shorts/pants combos, these ones leave a gap between the bottom of the shorts and the tops of the pant legs.”

UPI

This trend in bizarre and expensive jeans is reason #1,0001 to hate millennials. There can be no peaceful coexistence between normal people and millennials, their sense of aesthetics and their philosophy of life is anathema.

The convertible jeans are the latest weird jeans to hit the market, how can we forget the $425 jeans pre-caked with mud or the $100 pair of completely transparent clear jeans.

Millennials with their college degrees are working at Starbucks and Wal-Mart, living in their parents` basement, and relying on Uber for transportation, but they can afford a $425 pair of Jeans? Something is rotten in Denmark.

Bootie shorts and jeans are two distinct animals, and never the twain should meet. If a woman has the hips and the legs for bootie shorts, by all means she should wear them, but nobody, not even a supermodel, should wear a pair of high-waisted bootie shorts. That`s just wrong!

I am eagerly waiting for the Zombie Apocalypse, I just hope and pray that they will wipe out millennials from the face of the Earth.

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Epidemic of ‘Avocado Hand’ Injuries Proof God Hates Wankers and Millennials! Video!

“Surgeons say growing numbers of amateur chefs are reporting to accident and emergency departments with what they are calling “avocado hand”; serious stab and slash injuries that are the result of failed attempts to penetrate the fruit`s hard outer casing with a sharp knife before encountering a resistant inner stone.

The British Association of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Surgeons is calling for safety labels on the fruit to staunch the flow of injured patients to hospitals.”

The Times

You don`t need to be a rocket scientist, a chef or a Mexican to know how to properly cut open an avocado, but with the incredible surge in the popularity of the fruit a lot of newbies are suffering serious injuries attempting to cut open the delicious treat.

I admit that I always cut open an avocado quickly because I`m eager to start eating it, but I`ve never come close to injuring myself.

Do we really need a safety label on the fruit, and what warning message would be on the label:

Morons should stick to eating fruit that doesn`t require a knife to cut it open.

Ask a Mexican American, who has years of experience eating avocados, for assistance in cutting this fruit open.

Don`t use anything sharper than a butter knife.

Bitch please!

Writing this article has given me a yearning for guacamole, and I`m not going to don safety gloves when I prepare the scrumptious meal.

Photo of clueless idiot and Avocado Hand victim Meryl Streep:

https://www.cnet.com/news/avocado-hand-jokes-memes-times-of-london-twitter/

Read More:

are https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/holy-guacamole-that-s-got-to-hurt-zjzvx3j7d?_ga=2.234837150.1494059052.1494594478-1435761260.1494594307

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes