Lauren Boebert: ‘God Only Cares About Faith’

Rep. Lauren Boebert is the far-right evangelical darling whose stock-in-trade is peddling wild conspiracy theories, babbling about the Biden crime family and brandishing assault rifles.

Evangelicals are very tolerant of the moral and criminal failings of Republican politicians as long as they adhere to their anti-abortion, anti-LGBT and anti-immigrant agenda.

However, since September, 2023 when Boebert was captured on video vaping, uttering obscenities and groping her date’s penis during a performance of the family-friendly Beetlejuice, she has felt a need to burnish her evangelical credentials.

To that end, the woman of God who flipped the bird as she was being escorted out of the Beetlejuice musical performance, gave a Bible study lesson on the Nazi-friendly Rumble network:

“We know nothing pleases God except faith. It’s not our works that please him”, the biblically illiterate bimbo had the audacity to proclaim. Of course, anybody who has a basic understanding of the New Testament knows that good works spring from faith, and that without works faith is dead. In other words, it’s not OK for Boebert to give her date a hand-job in public because she has faith in Jesus.

Bitch please! Stick to musing about how Hunter Biden’s dick pics on his Laptop from Hell somehow leads to the conclusion that Joe Biden must be impeached.

Idiot Lauren Boebert Misspells Main Town in her ‘Thoughts and Prayers’

“Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) made an unforced error Wednesday night when she sent out a ‘thoughts and prayers’ tweet to the victims of the mass shootings in Lewiston, Maine.

Boebert’s post was short, reading, ‘Sending prayers to Lewistown, Maine tonight. Know that the entire country is praying for you.’”

Yahoo News

Evangelicals’ default response to any natural disaster, terrorist atrocity or mass killing is to offer “thoughts and prayers”. After expressing this trite sentiment, they focus their attention to their everyday religious duties of demonizing the LGBT community, ostracizing immigrants and fluffing their messiah, Donald Trump.

The thoughts and prayers of the average evangelical are as efficacious as farts and belches, and they only serve to darken the mood of a community stricken with a senseless tragedy.

But the thoughts and prayers of Boebert, who owned a restaurant called “Shooters Grill” that fetishized guns and featured gun toting servers, are especially repugnant.

The dimwit couldn’t even spell correctly the name of the town beset with tragedy, it’s Lewiston not Lewistown.

I doubt the Almighty reads Twitter, but if He did, I’m sure he’s thinking: Bitch, please. Just shut the fuck up!

PAC That Destroyed Madison Cawthorn Claims Lauren Boebert Was an Escort & Had 2 Abortions

The American Muckrakers PAC, Inc. issued a press release claiming Rep. Lauren Boebert was an unlicensed paid escort and had two abortions. The release also claims Boebert met senator Ted Cruz in Aspen, Colorado through an introduction by a Koch family member and ‘client,’ and that Cruz donated ‘at least $136,250.00 to the Boebert Campaign and helped her raise large sums of money during trips Boebert made to Texas.’

Rep. Boebert responded to the allegations by tweeting: ‘Fact Check: Not true. Fake News. Four Pinocchios. Also… Y’all need Jesus!’ To which American Muckracker’s PAC replied, ‘No. Second. Term. For. Boebert. If it’s fake news, then sue us.’”


These salacious allegations haven’t been confirmed by a major media outlet, but I wouldn’t dismiss them out of hand. After all, the American Muckrakers PAC leaked lurid photos and creepy videos of former Rep. Madison Cawthorn that directly resulted in his primary defeat.

Boebert calls the allegations that she was a paid escort and had two abortions “fake news”, but this is the pathological liar who is the leading proponent of the Big Lie in Congress.

I believe the allegations made by the PAC; Boebert’s Pinocchio nose is longer than any dildo she employed as an escort.

If a congresswoman had a history of working as an escort and she’s had a couple of abortions, that’s not disqualifying. The average escort has more dignity and respectability than the average politician, and there’s no shame in having an abortion.

But when a congresswoman runs on a platform of family values, and she’s vehemently anti-abortion, her blatant hypocrisy is a disqualifying factor.

Allegedly Boebert was a paid escort who met clients through Imagine paying for a high-priced call girl, she knocks on your door, you excitedly swing the door open, and standing there is Boebert.

I won’t delve into the likelihood that Ted Cruz was a client of the evangelical escort, I don’t want to gross out my readers.

Let’s pray that Boebert will meet the same fate as Cawthorn.