donuts

JD Vance’s Donut Shop Visit Awkward as Hell

Americans identify with Homer Simpson’s love for donuts. His orgasmic delight in gobbling his favorite pink frosted donuts with multicolored sprinkles is a metaphor for our urge for instant gratification with products of dubious nutritious values.

JD Vance’s campaign team thought that orchestrating a photo op at a donut shop would be a perfect way to demonstrate that he is a normal guy, and not a weird asshole.

JD Vance’s interaction with workers at a donut shop went epically awry.

After looking at the donut display case, he said: “I’m JD Vance, I’m running for vice president, good to see you.” “OK” is the only response from the employee. She was not impressed with her weird customer and wanted the interaction with him to be as brief as possible.

When a regular guy enters a donut shop, he mutters “mmm donuts” and orders his favorite donut. Only a weird character would ask for an assortment of “whatever makes sense.”

Vance has also gone viral for comments about Diet Mountain Dew and Swiss cheese on a cheesesteak sub restaurant in Philadelphia.

His comments about subjects that have nothing to do with food are even weirder. Witness his comment about our country being “run by childless cat ladies” and his belief that people with children should be rewarded extra votes.

The only way that this photo op could have gone worse is if the shop had a couch and he decided to have carnal relations with the couch instead of ordering donuts.

The ‘Enter Through the Donut Shop’ $100 Donut is a Culinary Abomination!

“A Florida doughnut shop is celebrating its grand opening with a $100 doughnut containing 24-karat gold and Cristal champagne.

Bjorn Delacruz, pastry chef at Enter Through the Donut Shop, in Miami Beach, said the Gold Cristal Ube Donut is loaded with luxurious ingredients.

`It`s created from a base of ube, which is a sweet purple yam from the Philippines,` he told WVSN-TV.

`Within the ube mousse we suspend little bits of Cristal gelee, basically Jell-O shots made from Cristal. We cover it with Cristal icing. I airbrush it with some gold, and then I guild it with about with six to nine sheets of edible gold,` he said.

UPI

Doughnuts are the staple of Joe the mechanic, Bob the cop and Larry the truck driver; it`s the delicious morning treat that provides nourishment to the working person.

Leave it to a trendy douchebag to commit sacrilege by introducing a $100 doughnut containing 24-karat gold and Cristal champagne. The mere thought of this culinary abomination makes me want to vomit.

Doughnuts and champagne just don`t go together, what I need in the morning to get me going is a doughnut or two and an industrial strength cup of coffee.

The pastry chef at Through the Donut Shop brags about the luxurious ingredients of his $100 doughnut, with all due respect he can stick his ube mousse and edible gold up his wazoo. The only ingredients that a doughnut needs are fried flour and sugar, lots of sugar.

I prefer my doughnuts to be laden with sugar sprinkles, it goes without saying that edible gold is fool`s gold.

When you bite into a $100 doughnut you might remark: I can taste the sweet essence of the sweet purple yam, and the aftertaste of the Cristal gelee is divine!

But when you devour a delicious poor man`s doughnut, you will be so overwhelmed by the fried sugary delight that all you will be able to utter is: mmm donuts!

Read More:

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2019/02/22/Florida-shops-100-doughnut-contains-gold-Cristal-champagne/6861550858823/

‘Dunkin’ Donuts’ Considering Name Change to ‘Dunkin’! Say it Ain’t So!

Sometimes on my way to work when I`m craving a delicious sugary donut and a steaming hot cup of coffee, I stop at a Dunkin` Donuts. I know that I can consume my calories and caffeine in safe place where millennial scum and trendy hipsters seldom venture.

You won`t find any such riff raff at Dunkin` Donuts it`s a home away from home for cops, construction workers and common folks.

If it`s a cup with your name written on it that you want, or a Wi-Fi hotspot go to Starbucks, Dunkin` Donuts is for real folks.

Today I found out the horrible news that the iconic donuts chain is contemplating a name change to: Dunkin`

Dunkin` Donuts is obviously trying to appeal to millennials who are triggered by the wonderful word “Donuts.” The venerable donut chain is playing with fire, if they alienate their loyal customer base by deleting “donuts” from their name, I predict they will go out of business in a few years.

Scripture warns us not to tamper with iconic names that have made America the greatest nation on Earth:

For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and there be many Starbucks along the way, but small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and there be a few Dunkin` Donuts along the way.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes