Jeff Bezos Blasts into Space on a Dick-Shaped Rocket

Jeff Bezos blasted into the edge of space on his rocket company’s first flight with people on board, becoming the second billionaire in just over a week to fly in his own spacecraft.

The Amazon founder was accompanied by his brother, an 18-year-old from the Netherlands whose daddy paid almost $30 million for the seat and Wally Funk (the only crew member worthy enough to be mentioned by name) an 82-year-old female aviator, astronaut and Goodwill Ambassador.

“Best day ever!” exclaimed Bezos when his capsule touched down after the 10-minute vanity flight. It may have been the best day ever for the gazillionaire and his lucky passengers, but I was put off by all the attention lavished on a filthy rich man playing at being an astronaut.

If a 10-minute flight onboard a spacecraft that briefly (for a couple of minutes) touched the edge of space entitles you to be called an astronaut, then the maintenance guy who cleans the rocket deserves to be called a rocket scientist.

The enduring image of Bezos’ vanity enterprise won’t be his out-of-this-world smile but the 60-foot-tall phallus-shaped rocket. What an appropriate shape for the world’s richest man’s spacecraft, after all he’s just trying to prove how manly he is by flying into space.

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