A myriad essays have been written about Donald Trump’s striking and disturbing countenance. Trump slathers on orange tan lotion on his weathered mug leaving pale circles around his eyes that give him the appearance of a feral raccoon. Then there is the obscene sphincter-shaped mouth that makes him look like a demon that just escaped from the pit of hell. But it is his infernal hairstyle that defies gravity, offends aesthetics, and scares the bejesus out of little children that keeps me up at night. Pundits, politicians, and preachers ponder why the billionaire former president carefully cultivates a coiffure that looks like cotton candy dipped in a Russian hooker’s urine.

I never imagined that any other politician, let alone Trump’s running mate, would ever don a hairstyle that could compete with the former president. But there has never been a weirder vice-presidential candidate than JD Vance. The couch-fucking freak is saying, “hold my beer, take a gander at my haircut.”

Social media has been horrified by the photo of a new haircut by JD Vance. Who cut his hair, his inbred aunt stricken with glaucoma and cataracts?

The unruly clump of hair atop his dome, with no gradation to the rest of his hair, is not a great look for anyone and certainly not for someone running for vice-president.

Vance’s hairdo looks normal from the front, but from the back it looks like the devil himself styled his hair.

Thank God sofas aren’t sentient creatures, imagine if you will, getting humped by a mean and weird a-hole with such an insane hairdo?