Female Shopper Knocked Out by Cauliflower Says Her Life is Ruined

“A female shopper was knocked unconscious by a head of cauliflower while grocery shopping — and she says the incident has ruined her life and caused her long-term health problems.”

The New York Post

It’s an inexorable law of nature that shit happens, sometimes when you least expect it. Sammi Mai, 42, was grocery shopping when she bent down to look at the bottom shelf and a head of cauliflower fell down from the top shelf and hit her noggin.

A normal non-litigious person would shrug it off and marvel at the absurdity of life. But Mai, in my opinion, pretended to be knocked unconscious and is now claiming that the incident has irrevocably ruined her life.

My reaction? Bitch, please! If a head of cauliflower fell on your ear it would cause no damage, it certainly wouldn’t leave you with a case of cauliflower ear.

Mai is being as melodramatic as Trump the drama queen who reacted as if a ballistic missile had mangled his ear when a bullet fragment grazed his ear.

Mai doesn’t have high-priced lawyers like Trump, and if she does sue, her lawsuit will get thrown out.

Title of Trump’s Memoir: Shit Happens

“Jimmy Kimmel thinks he’s found the title of Donald Trump’s memoir — and it came right from the ex-president himself.

Trump at the weekend continued to push his 2020 election lie when he told the North Carolina GOP convention that Republicans ‘had a great election, bad things happened, but we had a great election.’

‘That should be the title of his book, Bad Things Happened,’ cracked Kimmel on Monday.

Huffington Post

Kimmel is spot on “Bad Things Happened” perfectly sums up the Trump administration, although a more Trumpian title would be “Shit Happens.” Shit definitely does happen especially when an amoral, ineffectual and corrupt shithead becomes the Leader of the Free World.

“Shit happens” is a colloquial phrase that expresses the existential, and some would say pessimistic observation, that shitty things happen to people not due to karmic or divine judgement, but for no particular reason.

Even the most optimistic person expects to step on dog crap every once in a while, but nobody was prepared for the shit storm that was the Trump administration. Shit happened as in Trump’s mismanagement of the coronavirus pandemic resulted in over half a million deaths. Shit happened as in Trump’s refusal to concede defeat and his promulgation of the Big Lie incited an insurrection. Shit happened as in White Nationalism was not only tolerated but glorified in Trump’s authoritarian regime.

The functionally-illiterate Trump won’t need a ghostwriter for his memoir, anyone with a third-grade education could write his book: It was the best of times for racists, it was the shittiest time for everyone else. Everything I touched turned to shit, and I turned the world’s greatest democracy into a shithole country. Shit happened every day of my administration, and even now I’m still stirring up shit.