My coworker has been trying to persuade me for months to stream or download movies from a torrent site, but I always countered that it was copyright infringement, and that downloading films from a torrent site was an excellent way of contracting a virus.

But the other night I couldn`t find a straight-to-video flick on Netflix that looked interesting, so I made the fateful, or should I say fatal, decision to watch Mother! on a popular torrent site. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, now I know what they mean by “curiosity killed the cat.”

Little did I know that not only was I exposing my computer to malware, but I was also exposing my soul to eternal damnation.

Mother! is the worst movie in the history of cinema. The running time of this execrable mess is 121 minutes, but it will take you 121 years of therapy to recover from watching it.

The writer and director Darren Aronofsky should be banned from Hollywood for life, and forced to live in a conservative community where a work like Mother! Is viewed as sacrilegious trash.

The star of Mother! And Aronofsky`s girlfriend Jennifer Lawrence should endure all the indignities and torments that her character suffered a hundredfold in real life.

After I viewed Mother! I took a long bath, but I still felt defiled and dirty. If only I had the courage to pluck out my eyes and pierce my eardrums with a knitting needle.

This is perhaps the most consequential essay I have ever written, if you value your sanity and spirituality I beseech you, for God`s sake don`t watch this abomination.

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