I have an eclectic tastes in movies, and I have seen avant-garde films that depicted some very disturbing images. But a few weeks ago, I saw a film that showed a scene that left me contemplating the very nature of reality, and it wasn’t a porn flick or a snuff movie, it was actually a PG-rated picture.

The mind-blowing scene portrayed a woman wiping her butt in the toilet while sitting down. Since I was potty trained, I’ve been wiping my behind while standing up, like every other red-blooded man, or so I assumed. Maybe this is just a chick thing I thought, and since they sit on the toilet to defecate and urinate, they just do everything sitting down.

I was so mortified by the disturbing imagery that I decided to research the matter online, and so I googled: Do men wipe their butt standing up or sitting down? I clicked the MensHealth.Com result and it turns out they did a survey: After you go No 2, how do you wipe? Sitting down: 64.8% Standing up: 35.2%

I was shocked to discover that I’m in the minority, and I no long know if I’m coming or going. I urinate standing up, but I’m afraid to google it, because if I discover that most men urinate sitting down, I will jump off a cliff.