Month: January 2019

Donald Trump’s Incredibly Shrinking Wall

Wanker

Donald Trump is suffering from an embarrassing shrinkage problem that only George Constanza could understand. I`m not referring to the puny presidential pecker, if that worm shrank you would need a microscope to see it.

I`m talking about Trump`s incredibly shrinking wall, during the presidential campaign he spoke of it in such lofty terms, that his base imagined a colossal structure that would rival the Great Wall of China.

Trump described his proposed wall as 1,000 miles long, made of concrete slabs, and rising 35 to 40 feet in the air.

And of course he repeated ad nauseam that Mexico would pay for the damned thing. Mexico will erect a phallic symbol taller than the Washington Monument in honor of Trump before it finances his boondoggle.

Trump has given up on the idea of having our Southern neighbor pay for the wall, and now his is holding nearly 1 million federal employees hostage in a bid to have taxpayers fund his monstrosity.

Trump`s rhetoric on his proposed wall between the United States and Mexico has changed, nowadays he`s just as likely to call it a fence, steel slabs or a barrier as he is to refer to it as a wall.

The mighty 1,000 mile wall has been downsized to a paltry 500 miles, and he might eventually settle for a 10 mile bead curtain, made in China.

The Democrats shouldn`t give an inch, let Trump explain to his fanatical base that the wall was just a rhetorical device, and that it will never be built.

The World Will End Not With a Bang or a Whimper But With a Trump Tweet

Stable Genius

In 2018 Donald Trump famously referred to himself as a “stable genius,” but his words and actions manifestly prove thats he`s the polar opposite: an unstable fucking moron.

In fact, Trump is so unstable and volatile, and he relies only on his own counsel, that many fear that he might start a nuclear war if a foreign leader offends his tender sensibilities.

Fortunately, contrary to popular belief there is no red button that our lunatic commander-in-chief can press to usher in Armageddon. He can`t just push a button and nuclear-tipped missiles will fly to Moscow, Beijing, Ottawa or Paris. Cadet Bone Spurs can`t unilaterally launch a nuclear strike, he requires military personnel to carry out such an order.

However, the putative Leader of the Free World can start a nuclear war with a tweet. We must never forget that when tensions with North Korea were at a fever pitch he practically goaded Kim Jong-un into striking Guam with a missile.

The world may end, my friends, not because of geopolitical tensions between the Russian Federation and the United States or due to economic tensions between American and China – the world may end simply because Trump`s tiny fingers pecking away at the Twitter machine ticked-off a mad dictator with a nuclear arsenal.

Happy New Year!