Donald Trump is the most famous, or should I say infamous, person in the world. His name recognition is right up there with Jesus, Santa Claus and the devil himself. So why in God’s name hasn’t there been a biopic depicting his career as a politician since he descended the Trump Tower golden escalator to announce his presidential candidacy?

Trump’s political career has all the ingredients for a Hollywood movie blockbuster: financial shenanigans, criminal indictments, impeachments, unbridled greed, political corruption and sex in all of its deviant variations:  extramarital affairs, golden showers, a dalliance with a porn star, sexual harassment, a protagonist with a mushroom shaped micro-penis and even allegations of rape of a minor.

The Trump life story is a film begging to be made, so why isn’t there a Trump biopic?

To begin with, you just can’t find an actor to play Trump straight out of central casting, he is a one-of-a-kind physical abomination. Pray tell where is a Hollywood casting director going to locate a septuagenarian with raccoon eyes, an orange complexion, a triple chin, a hairdo that resembles cotton candy after Russian hookers have peed on it, a mouth that resembles a sphincter, grotesque doll hands, and a beer belly that looks like it’s ready to explode. The film will require nude scenes, and exactly where can you track down an actor with a mushroom-shaped minuscule pecker.

Also, producers are afraid to make a movie about Trump because of his MAGA followers. They worship Trump as their messiah, and they won’t be pleased without anything else than a hagiography. You think Muslims are upset when the Prophet Mohammad is depicted in an unfavorable light? Imagine if Trump is accurately portrayed as a dangerous sociopath, his supporters would burn down every movie theatre that plays the Trump biopic.

We may have to wait until Trump is dead before a Trump movie is released.