Top Ten Things Overheard at Cawthorne’s Republican Cocaine Orgy

Herschel Walker: If Evolution was real there wouldn’t be an ape at this orgy.

Matt Gaetz: What kind of an orgy is this? Where are all the middle school girls?

Lindsey Graham: This orgy sucks, and not in a good way. I can’t find any guys who want to kiss my taint!

Donald Trump: Why didn’t someone tell me you’re not supposed to tip at an orgy? Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene went all Will Smith on me when I tipped them for performing Golden Showers on me!

Mitch McConnell: Where’s the Viagra? I was told there would be complimentary Viagra pills!

Judge Jeanine Pirro: Rand baby I don’t care if you don’t want to wear a mask but nobody uses my back door without wearing a condom!

Laura Ingraham: I’m not saying I’m a lesbian, but where’s all the lipstick lesbians hanging out?

Franklin Graham: I was hesitant to give a benediction at an orgy, but I must say I’m glad I came! I have never seen so many good Christian folk coming to the Lord. Why everywhere I turn I hear: Jesus, Jesus, I’m coming!

Ted Cruz: Look everybody there’s Ann Coulter! I knew she was a man!

Donald Trump Jr: Bitches get out of my way! I’m here for the cocaine!