senior citizens

Woman Given Lifetime Bus Pass as 103rd birthday Gift

“A frequent bus rider in Florida was given a lifetime bus pass in celebration of her 103rd birthday.

Pinellas Suncoast Transit Authority shared a photo of Barbara Rygiel receiving the special bus pass from CEO Brad Miller and Board Chair Darden Rice on Tuesday.

Rygiel takes the bus to church about four times a week and said the lifetime bus pass would help her avoid the fees that tend to pile up over time.”

UPI

At first glance this seems to be the kind of heartwarming story that we need in this time when so much tragic news dominates the airways and the Internet.

This sweet old lady takes the bus four times a week to church – that`s an outrage. Isn`t there a Good Samaritan in her congregation willing to provide her transportation to God`s house?

Most cities have subsidized bus service for seniors and the disabled community, certainly a city in Florida that`s infested with old folks should have such a free service!

A limousine service should step in and provide the old woman with free rides for life, what the hell she`s 103-freaking-years-old, she`s going to croak any day.

If I live to be a hundred I hope my city rewards me with free weed for life; I wouldn`t want to take the chance of dying in a damn bus.

Read More:

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/08/16/Woman-given-lifetime-bus-pass-as-103rd-birthday-gift/8231502904694/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=7

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Chimp at Zoo Throws Poo in Grandma’s Face to the Delight of the Crowd: Video

“A grandma left a Michigan zoo with an unexpected souvenir after being struck in the face by a ball of poop.
Video shared to YouTube by Jacob Mitchell shows a chimpanzee at John Ball Zoological Garden in Grand Rapids swaying back and forth in its enclosure before hurling the ball of feces up toward the crowd above.
`It got grandma,` one onlooker said.

Members of the crowd laughed as the a gray-haired woman in a wheelchair turned toward a camera as the chimp`s excrement hung from her nose.”

UPI

The sweet blue-haired grandma rocking on her front porch, greeting one and all with a smile and a fresh-baked cookie only exists in fairy tales and black and white movies.

chimp The old hags I`m familiar with all more likely to greet you with a wet fart than a smile, and they will hurl a string of expletives at you if you walk on their lawn.

Old people think they can get away with anything, and it truly warms our hearts when we see one of these decrepit souls get their comeuppance. “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” is a Christmas classic because the “drunk on eggnog old broad” got run over by a reindeer.

Visitors to a Michigan zoo were blessed with an unexpected treat when a chimp hurled a handful of crap at the crowd striking an old lady in a wheelchair right on the nose. “It got grandma” an onlooker shrieked in delight, and the crowd erupted in laughter.

The world is a cruel place and it seems that nothing good ever happens, that`s why we must never take these unexpected joyful moments for granted. God bless everyone is this tableau: The angry chimp, the delighted crowd, and even the hapless old lady.

Read More:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/04/04/Chimpanzee-flings-poop-at-unsuspecting-grandma/5921491308634/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=8

Japanese Town Offering Discount Funerals for Seniors Who Give Up Driving

“A Japanese town is offering elderly drivers discount funerals as an incentive to give up their licenses — and hopefully delay their own memorials.

The Ichinomiya Police Department is partnering with the Heiankaku funeral home, which has 89 locations in Aichi prefecture, to offer 15 percent discounts on funeral services for elderly residents who agree to forfeit their driver`s licenses.

Recent statistics released by prefecture police indicated drivers over the age of 75 were blamed for 13 percent of the prefecture`s fatal traffic collisions in 2016.

UPI

Kudos to the Japanese town of Heiankaku for trying to convince elderly drivers to forfeit their driver`s licenses.

The elderly are a menace on the road; they tend to drive huge cars; they impede the flow of traffic by driving too damn slow, and their motor skills are too slow to react to quickly changing traffic conditions.

As soon as a driver reaches the age of 65 his license should be revoked, and as compensation he should be granted a 25 percent discount on Uber.

The only motorized vehicle a person over age 65 should drive is a Hoveround scooter.

Whenever there is an accident involving a senior citizen and a normal driver, the police offer should always assume the old person is at fault.

In a perfect world our highways and byways would be senior citizen free zones.

Read More:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/03/22/Japanese-town-offering-discount-funerals-for-seniors-who-give-up-driving/9751490209125/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=4

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Woman, 98, Teaches Yoga! You Go Girl! or Bitch Please?

“She is the `World`s Oldest Yoga Teacher` who, at age 98, still teaches five classes a week. But above all, Tao Porchon-Lynch is a poster child for health and positivity in a world obsessed by wellness and longevity.

The former model and Hollywood contract actress — who earned her title from Guinness World Records — still has a delicate, slender physique.
Once in the studio, she happily demonstrates yoga poses, even if she sometimes calls on one of her dedicated students to show off others.”

Yahoo

I`m not exactly lithe and limber, even in my prime I couldn`t touch my toes. I have nothing but respect for a 98-year-old woman who teaches yoga.

But I would by psychologically traumatized for life if a nonagenarian wearing Lululemon yoga pants demonstrated the Kapotasana yoga position before my tender eyes.

I`m sorry but if a yoga teacher is so old that when she is demonstrating a yoga position you wonder if she is displaying fine form or if rigor mortis has set in, it`s time for that yoga instructor to hang up her yoga pants for good.

Tao should be doing the downward-facing dog next to Jack LaLane performing calisthenics in heaven, her work here on Earth in done.

Read More:
https://www.yahoo.com/news/tao-98-old-poster-child-yoga-wellness-035323584.html

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Cops Break into Car to Rescue Mannequin That Looked Too Real

“The report to police was deadly serious — an elderly woman apparently frozen to death inside a parked car in Hudson, New York.

Police in the city said they responded to the call Friday morning with an emergency rescue crew. It was cold — around five degrees Fahrenheit — and the car had snow cover and looked like it hadn`t been moved in a while.
Authorities saw an elderly woman in the front passenger seat, police said. She was wearing an oxygen mask. She did not move and was unresponsive.

An officer smashed the rear window, opened the door…and discovered the woman was really a life sized mannequin. The kind that is used in CPR training.”

CNN

If a Good Samaritan saw a frozen pooch inside a parked vehicle, he wouldn`t hesitate to smash the window to rescue the poor creature. We are a nation of animal lovers, and we hate to see cats or dogs in distress.

However if you saw an elderly woman who looked like a human popsicle inside a parked car, would you smash the window to rescue her?

A blue-haired old lady isn`t quite as cute and cuddly as a kitten or a puppy, and many people would have moral reservations about interfering with the handiwork of the Grim Reaper.

Kudos to the citizen who called 911, and to the cops who smashed the car window in an attempt to save what they thought was a freezing elderly citizen.

The owner was furious at the police officers for damaging his vehicle, but the rest of us should be happy that in this cold world someone still cares about an old lady freezing to death.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/12/17/us/frozen-woman-turns-out-to-be-mannequin-trnd/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes