Why Your Cat Doesn’t Like to be Picked Up

I adore my cat Tico and I express my love by petting and kissing him, and lavishing him with treats and toys. One thing I never do is pick him up and cuddle him; I would strain my back if i picked up my 25-pound tubby. But there are other reasons why I never pick up my giant ball of fur.

Cats are predators and they tend to perch on top of the kitchen counter, refrigerator or a dresser so they can survey their territory. But a cat is a proud creature and he doesn`t feel like a regal lion when he attains a high vantage point because his clueless owner picks him up, restrains him and calls him a cute pussy.

Any feline worth his salt will squirm, scratch, and make noises that don`t resemble purring when his owner picks him up. Don`t disrespect your cat by carrying him, allow him to jump on your lap if he so desires.

A cat isn`t a stuffed animal, he`s a little person, and if you respect his independent spirit he will reward you with a lifetime of companionship and affection.

Notice the way cats interact with each other, they approach each other gingerly: Licking, rubbing and sniffing each other. I`m not suggesting that you lick, rub or sniff you kitty, I`m merely pointing out that being picked up is an affront to a feline`s tender sensibilities.

This essay is for persons who have recently adopted a cat, longtime cat owners know very well that their pets don`t like to be picked up.

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Obama’s Most Popular Tweet

Thank you for everything. My last ask is the same as my first. I`m asking you to believe-not in my ability to create change, but in yours.

Presidential tweet from Obama

Twitter is the perfect social media platform for Donald Trump, its 140 character limit per tweet is well-suited for his crude but pithy comments.

Only an anal-retentive prick gets his panties in a twist over any mistakes in spelling, grammar or syntax in a tweet, a perfect medium for a grammar-challenged vulgarian.

Trump has brilliantly used Twitter to bypass the left-leaning mainstream media and convey his thoughts directly to his followers. Trump doesn`t have the intellectual resources to write a memoir of his presidency, but I expect he will publish a collection of his White House tweets.

Obama is no slouch at using social media to further his political objectives. Obama`s tweet echoing a line from his farewell address is the most retweeted tweet for the @POTUS Twitter account, which will soon be inherited by Trump.

My last ask? Really? Trump`s tweets may be vulgar and grammatically confusing, but he would never try to wax poetic by writing “my last ask.”

The American people believe in change, and they have voted for change by denying Obama a third term in kicking Hillary to the curb.

My last ask is for Obama to reconsider his plan to stay in Washington until his daughter graduates from high school, and return to the land of his birth.

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Sen. Bernie Sanders Praises Donald Trump

“Sen. Bernie Sanders once called Donald Trump a `pathological liar,` but at a forum at George Washington University in Washington, DC, the self-described socialist praised the president-elect`s extraordinary accomplishment in winning the White House.

`Trump took on the Republican establishment, he took on the Democratic establishment, took on the media establishment and he ended up winning the election to become president of the United States. And that is an extraordinary accomplishment. And it talks about perseverance, it talks about very strong political instincts, it talks about a way to connect with people,` Sanders said.

`So I give Donald Trump his due,` he said.”

The New York Post

I echo Sen. Sanders` sentiments, Trump deserves our grudging admiration for taking on the Democratic establishment and the Republican establishment, and destroying the Clinton and Bush dynasties in the process.

In prevailing over the establishment of both major parties, and exposing the mainstream media as stooges of the Democratic party, Trump advanced the cause of liberty, freedom and democracy.

Trump`s populist appeal transcended party labels, and we can only hope and pray that he won`t forget the dreams and aspirations of ordinary working people now that he`s President of the United States. We must hold Trump`s tiny hands to the fire to ensure that he fulfills the promises he made to the working class.

Trump is an ignorant clown, and if he doesn`t blow up the world, I will at least give him credit for blowing up the establishment — for that I will be eternally grateful.

Even though Trump and Sanders are on opposite ends of the political spectrum they have a lot in common, they are both populist leaders who fought the establishment. I supported Sanders in the Democratic primaries, and he would have won the Democratic nomination if he fought the Democratic establishment with as much vigor as Trump fought the Republican establishment.

When it became crystal clear that the DNC was 100% behind Hillary Clinton, Sanders failed to denounce the corrupt organization in no uncertain terms. It also boggles the mind why Sanders gave Hillary a pass on her email scandal.

Trump is president in large part because Sanders failed to live up to his reputation as a revolutionary. Some revolutionary, in the end he enthusiastically supported the corrupt Hillary.

I`m not surprised to see Sanders give props to a fellow revolutionary for winning the election by blowing up the system.

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Is Hillary Clinton Going to Run for Mayor of New York City?

Last week, reports (in reality more like rumors) began circulating in the media that Hillary Clinton was considering a run for mayor of New York City.

I tend to dismiss these rumors, the office of mayor of the Big Apple wouldn`t be a consolation prize commensurate with Hillary`s huge ego. After coming so close to breaking the ultimate glass ceiling, running a municipality would be quite a letdown.

Septuagenarians like Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Joe Biden don`t have the energy, vigor, and youthful ideas that the Democratic party is in desperate need off, they should focus their energies on their grandchildren, and achieving regular bowel movements.

After two grueling presidential campaigns that ended in abject frustration and humiliation, first in losing to a relatively unknown community organizer with a Muslim name, and then a know-nothing reality TV clown, Hillary wouldn`t risk losing to Bill de Blasio as he seeks reelection.

The days of running for political office are mercifully over for Hillary, the only running she`s doing these days is running to the bathroom before she soils her adult diapers.

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Photo Captures Hillary Clinton’s Despair

This photograph which was tweeted by New York Times senior editor for politics Carolyn Ryan is worth a thousand words.

The photo captures Hillary dining alone at an upscale upstate New York restaurant.

Hillary`s face is out of focus, but her loneliness and alienation is perfectly captured by the photographer. Her secret service detail must be keeping watch from another table — even her longtime aide/lover Huma Abedin isn`t hovering over her shoulder or sitting by her side brushing her pantsuit with a lint roller.

Perhaps Abedin has latched onto another female politician, one with a future, say Senator Elizabeth Warren.

The image depicts Hillary gazing into her cell phone, considering her emails derailed her presidential ambitions, you`d think she`d forsake modern technology.

When the New York Times publishes Hillary`s obituary they should include this photograph, it perfectly captures the forlorn and defeated presidential candidate.

In the end we all die alone; this photograph captures Hillary`s political death, without aides, bodyguards, husband or lesbian lover by her side.

Link to photograph:


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New Restaurant Opens in Iraq: Trump Fish

“A Donald Trump-themed restaurant-one that`s not owned by the president-elect himself-just opened in the heart of Iraqi Kurdistan. Called Trump Fish, its specialty is carp, which comes grilled or fried.

Local businessman Nadyar Zawiti picked the name after hearing Trump`s promises to arm Kurdish forces to help defeat ISIS, he told CNN.”


The Trump-themed restaurant is a homage, not a mockery, Kurds love the blowhard billionaire almost as much as the Russians, because of his promises to arm Kurdish forces.

I have better choices for the specialty of the house:

Orange Roughy

This would be perfect, an orange fish that belongs to the slimeball family. What is Trump if not an orange slimeball?

Puffer Fish

This toxic fish defends itself by filling its elastic stomach with water (or air when outside water) until it`s much larger and imposing. Another perfect choice — Trump is toxic and full of hot air.


A marine creature that doesn`t have a brain or a sexual organ? Perfect description of micro-penis Trump.

Seafood doesn`t have a long shelf life, customers of Trump fish would be well-advised not to bring any doggie bags home. Trump doesn`t have a long shelf life either, he`s not president yet, and I`m already sick and tired of his buffoonery.

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Clown Donald Trump Attacks Clown Chuck Schumer

“President-elect Donald Trump dismissed his rivals as clowns – but he still hasn`t figured out proper grammar.

In yet another series of typo-filled tweets Thursday, Trump blasted the Affordable Care Act and the Democrats` promise to salvage the healthcare plan, which the Republican businessman has vowed to repeal. He also bullied soon-to-be Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer with name-calling taunts.

`The Democrats, lead by head clown Chuck Schumer, know how bad ObamaCare is and what a mess they are in,` he tweeted early Thursday, likely meaning to write `led` instead of `lead.`”

New York Daily News

This is a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black. (For my politically-correct readers, let me stress that I don`t mean to imply that there`s anything wrong with being black.)

Senator Schumer and President-elect Trump are known more for their vanity about their physical appearance, than they are for their policy positions.

Schumer`s hairline is hair-plugged to perfection, and his countenance is relatively wrinkle-free thanks to Botox, and Donald Trump`s uses two cans of hair spray to keep his comb over in place, and his face is orange thanks to spray-on tan.

Trump and Schumer are addicted to the spotlight, they start experiencing withdrawal symptoms when they are away from the cameras for more than a few minutes.

Only a clown would repeal Obamacare without replacing it, and only a clown would defend Obama`s disastrous health care plan.

Schumer may not be as grammar-challenged as Trump, but a clown is a clown is a clown.

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Cruel New Year’s Eve Prank

“A man in Germany has started the new year with quite a shock – after finding himself bricked in to his own home.

The home owner in Mainhausen, Hesse, opened his front door on Monday to find someone had quietly built a brick wall in front of it during the night, police confirmed.”


My thoughts:

New Year`s Eve is the perfect time to play a prank like this, the average person would be too drunk to wake up if his house was being demolished.

It must have taken a team of wankers to pull off this prank, the victim must be very disturbed to discover that there`s several individuals who think so little of him.

Would this cruel prank be covered by a homeowner`s policy as an act of vandalism?

The second order of business for this hapless fellow, after dismantling the brick wall, should be to install surveillance cameras.

Dear readers, I hope you`re having a better New Year than this German fellow.

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Mariah Carey New Year’s Eve Debacle! Top Ten Conspiracy Theories

Mariah Carey blamed a conspiracy by Dick Clark Productions for her disastrous New Year`s Eve performance, others have blamed Ryan Seacrest.

Who is really to blame? A congressional committee should investigate this matter, but until they arrive at a definitive conclusion, here`s my top ten conspiracy theories:

Ronda Rousey Theory

Ronda Rousey sabotaged Mariah`s earpiece in a desperate attempt to deflect attention away from her crushing loss to Amanda Nunes.

Grassy Knoll Theory

Sarah Palin gave Mariah the evil eye from a grassy knoll in Alaska, the eagle-eyed former beauty queen blames the diva for America`s moral decline.

Hacker Theory

A 400-pound hacker who`s into death metal went ballistic when Mariah started to croon “Emotions” and hacked the ABC feed from his bedroom in his parents` basement.

North Korea Theory

The North Koreans are expert hackers as they have already proved by hacking Sony Studios. Kim Jong-un ordered his military to hack the ABC broadcast, it was either that or target Times Square with a nuclear-tipped missile.

Russia Theory

There is as much evidence pointing to Russian involvement in the Mariah debacle, as there is evidence proving that they hacked the DNC. So why the hell not blame Putin?

Donald Trump Theory

Trump is responsible for this dastardly deed, he will never forgive Mariah for laughing at him when he failed to grab her pussy with his little hand.

Mariah Carey Theory

Mariah`s earpiece malfunction was an elaborate plot by the diva to generate publicity for her upcoming reality show.

Joe Biden Theory

An act of petulance by the outgoing vice-president, he was frustrated that he had no major accomplishments after eight years serving as Obama`s sidekick.

Fake News Theory

That wasn`t Mariah, it was a drag queen celebrity impersonator! It was fake news manufactured by the network to spike ratings.

Shit Happens Theory

Shit happens! Period! End of story!

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Robert Paul Reyes: My New Year’s Wishes for 2017

Survive the year without Donald Trump`s tiny hand pushing the red button that will usher in a nuclear winter.

Endure the year without accumulating debt, or developing another infirmity.

Grim Reaper will drag Hillary Clinton, Beyoncé or Robin Thicke to hell.

My personal Web site will elicit more tweets, emails and comments.

My cats Tico and Ebony will turn from frenemies to BFF.

My pooch Mandy will dig fewer holes in my backyard and destroy fewer plants and bushes.

EDM finally dies.

Ronda Rousey will disappear off the face of the Earth.

Mr. T beats Colin Kaepernick to a bloody pulp.

President Trump declares Snoop Dogg`s birthday a national holiday.

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