Japanese Town Offering Discount Funerals for Seniors Who Give Up Driving

“A Japanese town is offering elderly drivers discount funerals as an incentive to give up their licenses — and hopefully delay their own memorials.

The Ichinomiya Police Department is partnering with the Heiankaku funeral home, which has 89 locations in Aichi prefecture, to offer 15 percent discounts on funeral services for elderly residents who agree to forfeit their driver`s licenses.

Recent statistics released by prefecture police indicated drivers over the age of 75 were blamed for 13 percent of the prefecture`s fatal traffic collisions in 2016.

UPI

Kudos to the Japanese town of Heiankaku for trying to convince elderly drivers to forfeit their driver`s licenses.

The elderly are a menace on the road; they tend to drive huge cars; they impede the flow of traffic by driving too damn slow, and their motor skills are too slow to react to quickly changing traffic conditions.

As soon as a driver reaches the age of 65 his license should be revoked, and as compensation he should be granted a 25 percent discount on Uber.

The only motorized vehicle a person over age 65 should drive is a Hoveround scooter.

Whenever there is an accident involving a senior citizen and a normal driver, the police offer should always assume the old person is at fault.

In a perfect world our highways and byways would be senior citizen free zones.

Read More:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/03/22/Japanese-town-offering-discount-funerals-for-seniors-who-give-up-driving/9751490209125/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=4

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Pussy Riot’s Nadya Hates Putin and Trump

“When it comes to defiance, Nadya Tolokonnikova of Russian punk band Pussy Riot could be considered a pro.

In 2012, Pussy Riot staged a guerilla performance at the Cathedral of Christ the Savior in Moscow. The show mocked Vladimir Putin and the Russian Orthodox Church, which led to Tolokonnikova and fellow bandmate Maria Alekhina receiving a two-year prison sentence.”

Huffington Post

Nadya Tolokkonnikova of the punk band Pussy Riot is one woman serial pussy-grabber Donald Trump doesn`t want to touch with a ten-foot pole. (Not that tiny hands Trump even knows what a ten-foot pole looks like.)

Nadya has a long and distinguished history of resisting the tyrannical rule of Vladimir Putin, and in an opinion piece she wrote for Foreign Policy she offers some tips to her American cousins on how we can resist Donald Trump, whom she calls a “stupid ape.”

She argues that Putin and Trump are alike; they are thin-skinned egomaniacs who lash out at every perceived slight. Putin has no restraints on his power, he imprisons and even kills his enemies, Trump has to operate within the constraints of a democracy, but he`s still a dangerous person.

It`s our moral imperative to resist tyranny whether we live in an oligarchy or a democracy.

Many Democrats are under the delusion that judging by the colossal mistakes Trump has made in only two months in power, that he will soon be impeached.

But Nadya warns us to be prepared for a long and bitter fight, we may be stuck with Trump for four, or God forbid, eight years.

Putin may be a ruthless dictator, but he`s a patriot and he always has the best interests of the Russian Federation, Trump on the other hand only cares about growing his personal wealth and protecting his brand.

Americans are worse off under Trump than Russians are under Putin, and we must resist Trump by any means necessary.

Read More:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/pussy-riot-advice-donald-trump-putin_us_58d01dc1e4b00705db51953a

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For the Good of the Country Twitter Should Ban Donald Trump

“Andrew Napolitano`s wiretapping allegations seem to have gotten him pulled off the air on Fox News.

Just Last week, Napolitano appeared on `Fox & Friends` and weighed in on President Trump`s allegation that former President Obama had him wiretapped.

`Three intelligence sources have informed Fox News that President Obama went outside the chain of command…`

`He used GCHQ. What the heck is GCHQ? That`s the initials for the British spying agency.`

This claim was then repeated by the White House.”
AOL News

Andrew Napolitano has been with Fox News almost since its inception, and he has a long history of disseminating conspiracy theories. We`re all familiar with his type, they usually sit at the end of the bar babbling about Alex Jones as if they were quoting Scripture.

Napolitano has effectively been suspended by Fox News, he was absent as a legal analyst for Supreme Court Nominee Neil Gorsuch`s Senate hearing.

Donald Trump has a lot in common with the loud guy at the bar and Napolitano, he loves conspiracy theories and he has no reservations about sharing them on social media.

Unfortunately, when the President of the United States spreads unsubstantiated allegations and crazy conspiracy theories on Twitter he diminishes his presidency, confuses the electorate, and tarnishes the international reputation of our great country.

In just over a couple of months Trump has severely weakened his presidency with his pathological lying, and spurious allegations against his political opponents.

Accusing former president Barack Obama of a felony without a shred of evidence was beyond the pale, and it has sown the seed that will lead to Trump`s eventual impeachment.

Napolitano was suspended by Fox News for impugning the integrity of a British spy agency, I wish Twitter would suspend Trump for spreading lies.

Read More:
https://www.aol.com/article/news/2017/03/21/fox-reportedly-pulls-andrew-napolitano-from-air-after-wiretappin/21904088/

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Congratulations On Your Weight Loss Lena Dunham!

“Dunham`s row with Hilton came just days after she debuted her slimmer figure at the opening of personal trainer Tracy Anderson`s flagship studio in New York. She responded to the public celebrating and condemning her weight loss in a lengthy post.

`I`ve accepted that my body is an ever changing organism, not a fixed entity- what goes up must come down and vice versa. I smile just as wide no matter my current size because I`m proud of what this body has seen and done and represented,` the Girls star wrote.

`My weight loss isn`t a triumph and it also isn`t some sign I`ve finally given into the voices of trolls. Because my body belongs to ME–at every phase, in every iteration, and whatever I`m doing with it, I`m not handing in my feminist card to anyone,” she asserted.”

UPI

Dunham is correct, her body belongs to her, but as an entertainer it`s incumbent upon her to maintain a pleasing weight so as to not gross out her fans every time she makes a public appearance.

But she`s incorrect in her assertion that her weight loss isn`t a triumph, maintaining an aesthetically-pleasing figure is a personal triumph. Losing tons of excess weight that leads to myriad health conditions is a triumph. Shedding ugly pounds is a sign of discipline and it`s a triumph over sloth and apathy.

A fat person smiling at his girth makes as much sense as an alcoholic smiling at his tremors.

Lena, you`ve earned the right to smile! Smile, girlfriend, smile!

Read More:

http://www.upi.com/Entertainment_News/TV/2017/03/20/Lena-Dunham-dismisses-fashion-criticism-I-try-at-a-lot-of-things/1541490026652/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=11

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Permissive Parents Allow Toddlers From Hell to Engage in Unholy Tomfoolery

“Jonathan and Susana Balkin said their Nest home monitoring system was recording in the bedroom of 2-year-old identical twins Andrew and Ryan when the boys decided to climb out of their beds for some rowdy playtime March 13.

`My wife and I just heard a lot of giggling and playing so we were just eavesdropping on them for a little while and we didn`t want to disturb them because they were having so much fun,` Jonathan Balkin told Global News.

`We ended up spying on them for a little while on the camera just to make sure they weren`t getting into trouble,` Balkin told NBC`s Today. `Then after a while we decided, OK, it`s time to intervene and put them to bed. That didn`t really work out so well.`”

UPI

Jonathan and Susana Balkin have absolutely no shame; they willingly shared a video with the world that exposes their awful parenting.

If I was the parents of toddlers, and I witnessed them climbing out of their cribs to roughhouse after midnight, I would spank the Bejesus out of them.

These clueless parents didn`t want to disturb them, because they were having so much fun. There is a time and a place for everything, midnight isn`t the time for toddlers to have fun.

I wonder if these evil twins set the drapes on fire, will they hesitate to intervene because they are having so much fun?

These hapless parents cleaned up their room, and put them back into their beds, and of course they went right back to their tomfoolery.

I would have made the toddlers clean their room, spanked the hell out of them, and believe me they would have bit their lips and gone to sleep like little angels.

Read More: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/03/20/Bedtime-averse-twin-toddlers-stave-off-sleep-with-two-man-dance-party/9521490030125/

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Angela Merkel’s Bewilderment at the Entity Known as Donald Trump

“Angela Merkel`s facial expressions illustrate global bewilderment at Trump.”

Slate.com

As a writer I value words over photographs and videos, but a picture is worth a thousand words and these photos of Chancellor Angela Merkel`s facial expressions perfectly encapsulate the world`s bewilderment at Donald Trump.

I could write a 1,000 word thesis on the rise of Donald Trump as evidence that we live in a simulated reality, and that the God/Programmer has a really wicked sense of humor.

But I will spare myself hours of writing and editing, and simply implore you to click the link at the bottom of this page. Angela Merkel is every citizen of the world.

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Images of Angela Merkel`s bewilderment at Trump:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/03

Epic Las Vegas Street Fight Between Dude Wearing Eeyore Onesie and a Guitarist

“A shocking brawl between a man holding a guitar and another man dressed in a Eeyore onesie was captured on video.

The clip of the men was taken in Las Vegas, Nevada.”

Daily Mail

What happens in Vegas doesn`t always stay in Vegas, especially when it`s an epic street fight between a man brandishing a guitar and a freak dressed in a Eeyore onesie.

If a Winnie-the-Pooh fan sees this video, the poor kid will need a lifetime of therapy. For God`s sake parents, don`t let your children watch this abomination.
I would have bet against the dude wearing a onesie, it`s axiomatic that only babies and pitiful wankers wear onesies. But the onesie dude slammed the guitar dude to the ground, knocking him out dead cold.

After the costumed gentleman dispatched the guitar wimp, a woman rushed up to the costumed man, kicked him and punched him. Every pushover needs a woman like that backing him up.

The street guitarist is the one who struck the first blow by hitting Eeyore with his guitar, I hope he can play the guitar better than he can swing the guitar.

This lame fight needed to be left in Vegas.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4330240/Video-shows-bizarre-fight-two-men-Vegas-Strip.html#ixzz4brx4U2vP
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Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Donald Trump Wants to Kill Meals on Wheels

There should be a special place reserved in hell for scammers who target the most vulnerable segment of our population, the elderly.

Con artists who are convicted of fleecing the elderly should be treated like child molesters behind bars, they should walk out of the Big House bowlegged and terrified of taking a shower.

Which brings us to the greatest flimflam artist of our times, Donald Trump. He basically bullshitted his way into the White House, and now he`s crapping all over the poor and the elderly.

The president just released his budget proposal that slashes federal funding from multiple programs that aid the elderly and poor.

The orange bastard wants to eliminate funding for a government program that partially funds local Meals on Wheels programs. Meals on Wheels is considered sacrosanct by Republicans, Democrats, and anybody with a beating heart. Only a Scrooge, the Antichrist or a monster with a really deep hatred for the elderly would kill Meals on Wheels.

Meals on Wheels delivers nutritional meals to the elderly and to the disabled who are housebound. The only social interaction that many of these disabled and elderly have is with the Meals on Wheels volunteers.

Trump`s $1.15 trillion budget proposal seeks a humongous increase in military and other security spending while slashing spending on social welfare programs that benefit the poor and disadvantaged.

Trump is building up the military to compensate for his micropenis; he should get a penis transplant and leave the poor and elderly the hell alone.

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Billboard Depicts Donald Trump, Nazi-like Symbols! Masterpiece!

“A billboard depicting President Donald Trump`s face next to explosions and dollar signs created with typography imitating Nazi swastikas went up in downtown Phoenix on Friday afternoon.

The back of the billboard shows five fists forming sign language letters with the word `unity` beneath the fists.”

The Arizona Republic

Regardless if you are a Republican, Democrat or an Independent, we should all agree that this controversial billboard is an expression of free speech, and it should not be taken down.

This masterpiece perfectly captures the cluelessness of Donald Trump, he seems oblivious to the nuclear explosions going off behind him. Nero played the fiddle while Rome burned, Trump will be tweeting and contemplating why God cursed him with tiny hands while the world burns.

The dollar signs created with typography imitating Nazi swastikas are a stroke of brilliance that perfectly captures Trump`s unholy amalgamation of Nationalist fascism, unbridled capitalism and unchecked power.

This billboard is a clarion call, the time to take action against Trump is now before his rhetorical Twitter bombs ignite nuclear explosions.

Pic of billboard:

http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/phoenix/2017/03/17/billboard-depicts-trump-nazi-like-symbols-karen-fiorito/99326126/

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Grandmothers Knit Sweaters for Chickens

“Residents of a Massachusetts retirement home knitted sweaters for the chilly chickens living on a nearby estate — and their owners say egg production is up.”

UPI

You`re a young child and you rip open grandma`s large Christmas package with eagerness and anticipation only to discover a sweater that she lovingly knitted for you.

For the rest of your life you dream about suffocating the old hag with her sweater or poking out her eyes with a knitting needle, rendering her incapable of knitting any more sweaters.

For eons grandmothers have been knitting sweaters for their loved ones, and for eons we`ve been ignoring those sweaters, wearing them only when she comes to visit.

Let`s pray and hope that this grandmas knitting sweaters for chickens thing catches on, and henceforth they will only knit sweaters for critters that appreciate their handiwork.

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Photo Credit: Wikipedia