Like Every Other Dictator Donald Trump Wants a Military Parade

“Donald Trump loves pomp and circumstance. He loves public displays of toughness. And he really, really loves the military.

Add it all up and you get this: `Trump tells Pentagon to plan a military parade.`

The parade would be modeled after the Bastille Day parade that Trump spectated last year during a visit to France. `The marching orders were: I want a parade like the one in France,` one military official told The Washington Post, which broke the story.”


Dictators muzzle the free press, ridicule their political opponents, constrain an independent judiciary, and they love military parades.

It`s impossible to produce a documentary about a dictator and not include footage of military parades. Every dictator from Mussolini to Hitler to Stalin to Kim Jung-un has presided over military parades.

Evidently Trump has become green with envy as he`s seen Lil` Kim preside over a military parade once or twice every year. Ostensibly Trump wants a parade to demonstrate his love and appreciation for the military, but we all know that he wants missiles parading down Pennsylvania Ave. as compensation for his tiny hands.

America is the greatest military power in the world and we don`t need to stage elaborate military parades. The world is cognizant of our military might, for good or ill, our military is engaged in dozens of countries.

What we really need to do is impress the world with the power of our democracy to do good, by accepting refugees from every corner of the world.

Unfortunately, Trump will probably get his silly and expensive parade because nobody in his administration has the guts to tell him that it`s a stupid idea.

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Shock Video Proves Donald Trump’s Scalp is as Smooth and Bald as Baby’s Butt

“A video shows the president climbing the stairs to Air Force One last Friday when a sudden gust of wind catches his combover.


The blast lifted the strands of hair like a flap and revealed his bare scalp underneath for all to see.”

The New York Post

Donald Trump`s hair defies gravity, it offends our aesthetic sensibilities, and it`s an affront to the Almighty.

Volumes have been written about his coiffure, his supporters swear it`s his own hair kept together by hairspray and prayers, others claim it`s a toupee or implants, and a few think it`s an abandoned Robin`s nest.

Trump has declared on numerous occasions that it`s his own hair, but he`s a pathological liar, and we have to take everything he says with a grain of salt.

I personally favor the explanation that it`s a bird`s nest, but I don`t really care, the only thing I know is that whenever I see the buffoon on TV I`m overcome with a desire to buy a flamethrower on eBay and travel to Washington and burn the abomination.

Now there`s video proof that regardless what`s on the moron`s head, whether it`s how own follicles, an implant, or a wig, underneath it there`s a freaking bald scalp.

Now that we`ve solved the mystery of Trump`s hair, can anyone explain why his hands are so tiny, or why his mouth looks like his rectum?

Piers Morgan Blasts BBC For Airing Homophobic Cartoon of Him and Donald Trump

“Piers Morgan launched a blistering on the BBC after it aired a homophobic cartoon depicting the British journalist with his nose up President Trump`s backside.

The Good Morning Britain presenter, who secured the first international interview with Trump last week, slammed the corporation for using the image on The Mash Report – its satirical news roundup

He wrote: `Amusing though this image may be to many people, can you imagine the BBC broadcasting it if the President was Hillary Clinton or the interviewer was a woman?”

Daily Mail

I share the cartoonist`s disgust at Piers Morgan`s softball interview with Donald Trump, it was an abomination and a disgrace to the profession of journalism.

However the cartoonist shouldn`t have sunken to Trumpian levels to register his disapproval of Morgan treating a pig like Trump with kid gloves. It was wrong for the BBC to air the homophobic cartoon.

The cartoonist could have made his point without drawing a sexually graphic cartoon, he could have simply depicted Morgan kissing Trump in his sphincter-like mouth: Same thing, much less offensive.

If the President was Hillary Clinton, and a cartoonist depicted a female interviewer licking her ass, feminists would no doubt torch the BBC studio.

Not only would such an outrage against a woman not be tolerated, but to portray a politician who everybody in the world knows is a straight-up butch lesbian performing a lesbian sex act would ignite a firestorm of protest.

There is no need to resort to homophobia to denounce Trump and his sycophantic enablers.

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New York Theater Invites Patrons to Bring Their Dogs

“A theater in upstate New York is telling patrons to bring their dogs to four movies this month.

For its Dog Movie Week from Feb. 11 to Feb. 17, the Smith Opera House in Geneva, N.Y., will show dog-related films Best in Show, Must Love Dogs, The Artist and Bolt. The theatre will offer free treats to dogs, who can attend for free, as long as they are leashed and well-behaved.”


We`ve all taken a dog to a movie, we all have a date from hell horror story.

But taking a real dog to a movie is a dream come true; I can`t think of anything better than sharing a bucket of popcorn with my pooch as we enjoy a movie in a theater.

When a dude takes a date to a movie, he`s usually the one who pays for both tickets and the overpriced snacks. A night at the movies can easily set you back $50, but for Dog Movie Week at the Smith Opera House canines attend for free, plus they get free dog snacks.

Going to the movies has gone to the dogs, and I`m doggone happy.

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Donald Trump Claims Orrin Hatch Said He Was the Greatest President in History

“It`s no surprise to anyone that President Donald Trump loves to boast about how great he is. But he seemed to take things to a new level on Thursday when he suggested that some people are saying he`s the best president in American history. He attributed that extreme bit of praise to Orrin Hatch, the longest-serving Republican senator.

`He said once I am the single greatest president in his lifetime, now he`s a young man, so it`s not that much,` Trump told Congressional Republicans at their annual retreat in West Virginia. And apparently it wasn`t enough that the 83-year-old from Utah said that he was the best president in his lifetime. `He actually once said I`m the greatest president in the history of our country,` Trump told the lawmakers in his next breath. `I said, does that include Lincoln and Washington? He said yes.` The commander in chief clearly enjoyed the praise very much: `I said, I love this guy.`”


President Donald Trump likes to compare himself with the “late great Abraham Lincoln,” but when historians render their verdict he`ll be compared with Richard Nixon.

Trump`s default mode is to exaggerate, if his personal physician told him “Don`t worry the length of your penis is only slightly below average,” he would boast “My doc just informed me that Ron Jeremy would envy my presidential pecker.”

Nobody in his right mind, not even Trump`s most deluded sycophants, would claim that he is the greatest president in history.

What Senator Hatch actually said was that Trump can be the greatest president, but never that he actually is the greatest president. Hatch said that he would like to work with the president to make this the greatest presidency in history for the American people.

Of course even that statement is patently ridiculous, it most be noted that Hatch uttered those ridiculous words in the immediate aftermath of Trump`s tax plan becoming the law of the land. When we are drunk with victory we utter all sorts of nonsense.

Trump is a blithering idiot and a world-class narcissist, I can`t wait for him to be impeached.

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Trump Boasted His State of the Union Was Most Watched in History! It Wasn’t!

“President Donald Trump touted the ratings from his State of the Union Thursday morning, tweeting that the numbers were record-breaking. But they actually werent.

“Thank you for all of the nice compliments and reviews on the State of the Union speech. 45.6 million people watched, the highest number in history. [Fox News] beat every other Network, for the first time ever, with 11.7 million people tuning in. Delivered from the heart!” Trump tweeted Thursday morning, his third tweet of the day.

Trump`s right about the numbers. Per Nielsen data, approximately 45.6 million viewers tuned in to watch his speech. And he`s also accurate that Fox News garnered the highest ratings, although, per Nielsen data, the network actually had 11.5 million viewers, not 11.7. But he`s not right when he called the numbers the “highest number in history.

Trump`s three immediate predecessors – former Presidents Barack Obama, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton – all amassed higher ratings from their first State of the Union than he did: 48 million people tuned in to watch Obama in 2010; 51.7 million tuned in to Bush in 2002; and 45.8 million tuned in for Clinton in 1994. (The President delivers an address to the joint sessions of Congress during his or her first year, and the State of the Union the following year).


President Donald Trump has a long history of exaggerating the size of his crowds and the ratings of his speeches, he`s exaggerated everything from the length of his tiny pecker to his golf handicap to the size of the crowd at his inauguration.

It should come as no surprise that Trump lied when he boasted that the ratings for his State of the Union were record-breaking. They weren`t, not by a long shot.

Any president, especially on his first State of the Union address, has one primary objective: To deliver a speech that is short on inflammatory rhetoric but rich in platitudes that will unify the country.

Although the president`s State of the Union address wasn`t as divisive as his usual stump speech, he still sought to solidify his base by demonizing immigrants from Mexico and Central America.

Trump cares more about his own popularity than he does about the state of the union, as evidenced by his fixation on the rating for his important speech.

Trump`s State of the Union speech was as long and boring as a typical Bill Clinton address, but it wasn`t a ratings blockbuster.

Trump is a reality TV buffoon and his approval ratings as president and the ratings for his speeches will never match the ratings of Celebrity Apprentice.

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Pics of Busao the Cat and His Space Heater God

Ancient Egyptians worshipped a Cat Goddess, often represented as half feline, half woman, whom they called Bastet.

Thousands of years later we still worship felines, they rule the Internet, and they are the divine queens and kings of our homes.

We treat our cats like deities, we buy them gourmet cat food, expensive toys (that they ignore in favor of a box or a crumpled piece of paper), and cat condos for their entertainment and relaxation.

But the reverence and awe isn`t mutual, or dogs may look upon us as gods, but cats barely give us the time of day.

But is there anything or anybody that cats worship?

There`s a pampered kitty in Japan named Busao who worships his space heater. Busao looks upon his heater with a mix of reverence and awe.

I wish my cats looked at me the same way that Busao looks at his heater, after all I spend a small fortune looking after their every need.

Cat lovers know that their pets always make themselves comfortable in the warmest place in the house, be it next to a space heater or the furnace.

Maybe if I wrapped myself in an electric blanket my spoiled cats would always cuddle on my lap, and treat me like Buddha.

Pics of Busao and his Heater God:

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Music World Stunned! Ed Sheeran’s ‘Shape of You’ Wins Grammy for Pop Solo Performance

In the most disappointing result in the 60 years of the Grammys, Ed Sheeran`s `Shape of You` won the 2018 Grammy Award for pop solo performance. Even the late Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli is turning over in his grave.

The other four nominees (Lady Gaga, Pink, Kesha & Kelly Clarkson) were bona fide divas who never fail to deliver a knockout performance.

I fail to comprehend how this wanker sells out arenas, the perfect venue for Sheeran is an old timer`s bar where the patrons are deaf and drunk and his singing is just an ambient noise that doesn`t distract them from their main focus, getting plastered.

Sheeran is a lackadaisical singer and a horrible songwriter, case in point the lyrics to “Shape of You”:

I`m in love with the shape of you

We push and pull like a magnet do

Although my heart is falling too

I`m in love with your body

Last night you were in my room

And now my bedsheets smell like you.

“Shape of You” is the song that plays in an elevator that descends all the way down to the pit of hell.

If “Shape of You” comes on the radio the average person won`t simply change the radio station, he will blast it to smithereens with a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun. And if he`s listening to the radio in the bathtub when the song is played, he will knock the radio into the tub, choosing death over the chance that he will ever hear that cursed song again.

Sheeran`s CD`s should be tossed into a bonfire! Come to think of it, he should be set on fire as well!

This is the lament of a pop culture critic, not a call to action.

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Hillary Clinton Gives a Shout-out to ‘Activist Bitches’!

“The former presidential candidate and secretary of state sent out a video message directed to `activist bitches supporting bitches`, as she put it, via Twitter Friday night.

`Hey everyone, I just wanted to say thanks,` Clinton said into a cellphone camera, seated at a red banquette in what appeared to be a restaurant.

`Thanks for your feminism, for your activism, and all I can hope is you keep up the really important, good work,` she said.

At the urging of an off-camera companion, she added with a laugh: And let me just say, this is directed to the activist bitches supporting bitches. So let`s go.”

The New York Post

Hillary Clinton is the worst presidential candidate in history, and the only Democratic challenger incompetent enough to lose to the likes of Donald Trump.

Hillary oozes privilege and insincerity, and she should spend the rest of her miserable life apologizing effusively for blowing the election, and saddling America with the Trump administration.

In this video Hillary was speaking not to network cameras but to a fan`s cellphone when she gave a shout-out to a group called “Activist Bitches Supporting Bitches.”

If Hillary had demonstrated this good humor and sincerity when facing network and cable news cameras during the election she might have beat Trump despite her grievous shortcomings as a candidate.

If Hillary had given a shout-out to her fellow butch lesbians and activist bitches during the presidential campaign Trump would be golfing and grabbing pussy fulltime.

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The Ten Commandments Rewritten for Donald Trump

“Tony Perkins, the president of the conservative Family Research Council, contended Tuesday that the evangelical community has given President Donald Trump a mulligan when it comes to his personal behavior.

`Yes, evangelicals, conservatives, they gave him a mulligan. They let him have a do-over. They said we`ll start afresh with you and we`ll give you a second chance.` Perkins said in an interview on CNN`s `Erin Burnett OutFront.`

Perkins` remarks come after a Wall Street Journal report that Trump`s lawyer, Michael Cohen, formed a private LLC to pay a former porn star in exchange for not speaking publicly about an alleged sexual encounter with the then-candidate.”


Evangelicals are willing to give Donald Trump a second chance, a hundred chances, even though he never admits making any mistakes, let alone express remorse or repent.

Trump will get a mulligan from evangelicals every time, as long as he continues to support their evil anti-gay, anti-immigrant and anti-women agenda.

I`m sure God will give me a mulligan when I say: Fuck Trump and fuck the hypocritical evangelicals.

It won`t be long before Tony Perkins rewrites the Ten Commandments especially for Donald Trump:

  1. I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt have no other gods before me. Except for Mammon, as a billionaire thou are allowed to worship Mammon.
  2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, but feel free to place a copy of Time magazine bearing thou regal image in every room in the White House.
  3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain in public, but in the privacy of the White House goddamn the hell out of thou subordinates if they don`t praise thou like a deity.
  4. Remember the Sabbath Day to keep it holy. Thou hast permission to sleep the entire Sabbath, for that is the only way thou can keep it holy.
  5. Honor thy father and thy mother by keeping alive thy father`s Nazi legacy.
  6. Thou shalt not kill thou enemies, instead kill their reputation on Twitter.
  7. Thou shalt not commit adultery, but as president thou gets a mulligan when thou fornicates with a porn star.
  8. Thou shalt not steal in person, but thou hath a dispensation to execute tax laws that steal from the poor and give to the wealthy.
  9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against a conservative, but thou are free to defame and libel heathen liberals.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thou neighbor`s wife, but thou will be forgiven if thou grabs her by the pussy.

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