Robert Paul Reyes’ New Year’s Resolutions

Every year like clockwork at this time of the year I post my Top Ten New Year`s Resolutions. But I`ve never published an update on how many of the resolutions I managed to keep.

My yearly Top Ten lists are a testament to my abject failure to keep my commitments, it`s always a case of the “spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Maybe I should channel a beauty pageant contestant and simply declare that my only resolution is to strive for world peace. But my regular readers know that I`m a cynical old bastard, and I would lose what little credibility I have.

A more rational course is simply to end the practice of posting my Top Ten New Year`s Resolutions. I really don`t need another reminder that I`m a weak human being whose dreams and aspirations are bigger than my ability to make them come to fruition.

I could post a list of the Top Ten Accomplishments of 2017:

I managed not to accumulate any debt this year, as the year comes to a close my only bills are my monthly utility bills.

I haven`t made any enemies this year (that I`m aware of). I may have legions of online enemies who hate me because of my sometimes controversial essays, but in real life I haven`t pissed somebody off to the extent that they consider me an enemy.

Make that my Top Two Accomplishments of 2017.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year. If you don`t have much to celebrate this year, do like everyone else, and manufacture some faux joy by getting sloppy drunk.

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Cruel New Year’s Eve Prank

“A man in Germany has started the new year with quite a shock – after finding himself bricked in to his own home.

The home owner in Mainhausen, Hesse, opened his front door on Monday to find someone had quietly built a brick wall in front of it during the night, police confirmed.”


My thoughts:

New Year`s Eve is the perfect time to play a prank like this, the average person would be too drunk to wake up if his house was being demolished.

It must have taken a team of wankers to pull off this prank, the victim must be very disturbed to discover that there`s several individuals who think so little of him.

Would this cruel prank be covered by a homeowner`s policy as an act of vandalism?

The second order of business for this hapless fellow, after dismantling the brick wall, should be to install surveillance cameras.

Dear readers, I hope you`re having a better New Year than this German fellow.

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Robert Paul Reyes: My New Year’s Wishes for 2017

Survive the year without Donald Trump`s tiny hand pushing the red button that will usher in a nuclear winter.

Endure the year without accumulating debt, or developing another infirmity.

Grim Reaper will drag Hillary Clinton, Beyoncé or Robin Thicke to hell.

My personal Web site will elicit more tweets, emails and comments.

My cats Tico and Ebony will turn from frenemies to BFF.

My pooch Mandy will dig fewer holes in my backyard and destroy fewer plants and bushes.

EDM finally dies.

Ronda Rousey will disappear off the face of the Earth.

Mr. T beats Colin Kaepernick to a bloody pulp.

President Trump declares Snoop Dogg`s birthday a national holiday.

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