Cops to Get Police Cat!

“Last week, the Troy Police Department set a goal: 10,000 Twitter followers by April and the department gets a police cat.

Well, they hit the goal on Wednesday morning, which means it`s time for police cat!

Click on Detroit

Every police department worth its salt has a K-9 officer, but a canine officer ain`t no therapy animal, and it can`t be used in community outreach.

A canine officer who runs down criminals, and sniffs out your stash isn`t going to engender warm and cozy feelings toward cops.

I give a K-9 officer a wide berth, but if I see a cop petting a Kitty Officer I would feel compelled to pet the cat and hug his human handler.

The Kitty Officer will be expected to make public appearances on behalf of the police department, but he won`t live in the police station. He will go home every night with an officer.

This is simply a brilliant idea, can you imagine a cat wearing a police hat? He would inspire hundreds of kids to become police officers!

Read More:

https://www.clickondetroit.com/news/pawesome-troy-to-get-police-cat-after-hitting-twitter-goal

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Study Says Cats Would Kill You If They Were Bigger

“If you`ve ever suspected that your cat might be plotting to kill you, you might be on to something.

A new study from researchers at the University of Edinburgh shows many parallels between domestic cats and their larger feline brethren, including aggression and neurotic behavior.

The study rated domestic cats as expressing high levels of dominance, impulsiveness and neuroticism, characteristics they share with larger felines like the clouded leopard, African lions, snow leopards and Scottish wildcats. House cats also have high levels of anxiety, insecurity, tension, suspicion and fear of people.

the results of the study, while not completely a shock, are unnerving, especially a conclusion that domestic cats have a desire to kill humans and would likely do so if they were bigger and stronger.”

Orlando Sentinel

Cats are cute and cuddly, but they are also mean and sadistic. When I moved into my house I had a problem with mice, but the cat that I owned at the time, Patches, quickly got rid of the pests. Patches would toy with a poor hapless mouse for hours before she would finally put it out of its misery.

You may deceive yourself into thinking that your kitty would lick you to death if it was as big as a lion, but truth be told he would probably smack you around for a few minutes before tearing you apart limb from limb.

My cat Tico tips the scale at 25 pounds, and he is so fat and fluffy, and as cute as a button. He has a penchant for plopping down on my face when I`m taking a nap, he`s drawn to the warmth of my body, but I also think he just might be trying to smother me.

I don`t care if my cats are plotting to kill me, I love them to death.

Read More:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/gone-viral/os-cats-kill-you-bigger-study-post.html

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Viral Video! Cat Naps in Front of Busy Escalator!

“It`s the epitome of cat behavior.

An eight-second clip that has been viewed over 1.3 million times on Facebook, shows a feline sitting in front of a busy metro station escalator, unbothered by the inconvenience she is causing riders. The calico kitty sits almost dead center to where people need to exit, seemingly confident that the dozens of people stepping off the escalator will move to accommodate her nap time.

And they do!”

People

I`ve owned cats all of my adult life, and I learned very quickly to walk very gingerly because they are liable to plop down and take a nap anywhere: Next to your bed, the bathtub, the middle of a hallway …

Felines expect their owners to be aware of their location at all times, and to navigate our way around their home without stepping on their paws or tail.

I`m not surprised that this calico kitty decided to sit in front of a busy subway station escalator, with the full confidence that the commuters would give her a wide berth.

This kitty may not have survived much longer than a New York Minute in an escalator in the Big Apple, but thank goodness all the commuters accommodated her nap time in the busy Istanbul metro station she calls home.

Link to video:

http://people.com/pets/cat-escalator-turkey-metro-station-taksim/

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Dude Falsely Reports a Fire to Get Help for Cat Stuck in Tree? Hero or Wuss?

“Authorities say a teenager whose cat was stuck in a tree is in bigger trouble after falsely reporting a fire to attract help.

The 911 center`s operations director in Hamilton County, Tennessee, Jeff Carney, tells WRCB-TV that multiple agencies responded to what they thought was a fire Monday at the home of 18-year-old Trevor Austin Lane.

Lane`s arrest report says his cat had been stuck in the tree overnight, and he figured the fire department`s `big ladders` would be of use.”

New York Post

If my cat was stuck in a tree I would consider it a catastrophe and I would caterwaul like a cat in heat until I got everybody`s attention. I could care less if my neighbors thought I was a pussy for being so worried about my kitty.

However it`s inexcusable to falsely report a fire to summon help, and Carney should be whipped with a cat o` nine tails.

If Carney had simply told the truth, the 911 operator would have contacted Animal Control to rescue his feline.

Carney was arrested and jailed on a $1,500 bond; I hope he didn`t tell his new jailbird friends why he ended up behind bars, or else they would consider him a pussy and they would be all over him like white on rice.

Read More:

https://nypost.com/2018/02/07/teen-called-in-fake-fire-to-get-help-for-pet-cat-stuck-in-tree-report/

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Louis the Horse-riding Cat Breaks the Internet! Video!

“Now there’s something you don’t see every day. It’s a cat, riding a horse. Louis the cat and Comet the pony both belong to a professional horse-trainer. They’re good buddies, and often enjoy going on rides in the English countryside. The odd couple sure looks like they’re having fun. After all, what’s better than spending quality time with a friend?”

YouTube Description

There are a gazillion and one videos on YouTube depicting cats doing just about everything under the sun, but this may be the only video depicting a feline riding a horse.

Louis the cat isn’t a side-saddle riding sissy, he is an accomplished equestrian. Perhaps Judge Roy Moore the well known pedophile and amateur horseman can take pointers from Louis on how to properly ride a horse.

It’s surprising that there aren’t more horse-riding cats considering that felines gravitate toward higher perches. My cat Ebony likes to jump on top of my highest bookcase so she can properly survey her domain.

With all the tomfoolery and insanity emanating from the White House, I thought my readers might enjoy this adorable diversion:

 

Santa-Hating Cat Becomes Internet Superstar

It`s axiomatic that cats hate Christmas! They strip your Christmas tree of tinsel, and spread it all over your house. They shred the Christmas wrapping from the gifts under the tree. They disrespect the Nativity Scene, and plant their fat butts on the Baby Jesus. They caterwaul when Christmas carolers visit your home. They hiss like a Grinch on crack when you put a Santa`s cap on them. They recoil in horror when you dress like Santa Claus. And they climb up the chimney to escape when you play Mariah Carey`s “All I Want for Christmas.”

A pic of a kitty cat ominously standing over a tiny Santa Clause figurine has become a venerated image for Scrooges all over the world.

I echo this cat`s sentiments: Bah Humbug, enough with the Christmas cheer!

Pic of kitty hating on Santa:

http://rare.us/rare-humor/christmas-hating-cat-has-showdown-with-santa-claus-becomes-internet-celebrity/

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‘Firefighters and Felines’ Calendar: Perfect Gift for the Cat Lover

“Firefighters and felines.

That`s the theme of a new 2018 calendar coming out of Stanislaus County. The goal? To raise money for the Cat Network of Stanislaus and animal rescues from the North Bay fires. The calendar also lists cats that are looking to be adopted by their `fur-ever` families.”

ABC 10

Firemen are the epitome of machismo, and calendars featuring firemen in beefcake poses is a time-honored tradition. You will find firemen calendars in the kitchens of suburban women, and in the bedrooms of urban gays.

Firefighters and felines are inextricably linked, a firefighter rescuing a kitten from a tree is a cliché, so a calendar featuring burly firemen and cute cats makes purr-fect sense.

This calendar validates the fact that masculine men love cats. I love football, fast cars, beautiful women and cats, and that`s not a contradiction but an affirmation of my innate machismo.

The proceeds from the sale of the “firefighters and felines” calendar benefits the Cat Network of Stanislaus, support this excellent cause and buy a calendar.

Calendars are up for sale at Caldrons Pet Choice: 3507 Tully Rd Suite 80-85 in Modesto.

Read More:

http://www.abc10.com/news/local/firefighters-pose-with-cats-for-2018-calendar-for-purr-poseful-cause/494527822

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Should Donald Trump Read a Book About Cats to Improve His Image?

“Jarosław Kaczynski, the most powerful politician in Poland, read a book about cats during a session of parliament on Friday.

Kaczyński, head of the ruling Law and Justice (PiS) party, was engrossed in `Atlas of Cats: Wild and Domestic` while lawmakers were discussing controversial plans to overhaul the justice system, the Associated Press reported.”

Politico

This is the purr-fect publicity stunt, nothing softens the image of a hard-boiled politician than having him read a book about cats.

I`d rather read a book about kitty cats than participate in a debate about judicial reform.

No politician has a more dreadful image than Donald Trump, his image would improve if he was photographed reading a book about any subject.

Bookworm he ain`t, but maybe he could be persuaded to read something up his alley, “The Cat in the Hat.”

Let`s face it trying to improve Trump`s image is a fool`s errand, the buffoon is more likely to be photographed watching porn images on his Twitter feed.

Read More:

https://www.politico.eu/article/poland-jaroslaw-kaczynski-cat-book-parliament/

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It’s National Cat Day!

Author Terry Pratchett once said, “In ancient times, cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.” Felines have the spark of divinity and we are overjoyed when they deign to pay us mere mortals any attention.

Our modern day religions have failed to meet our spiritual needs, maybe it`s time to worship cats like the Egyptians of old.

Catholicism is a patriarchal religion that condones pedophilia and misogyny, Evangelical Christianity`s infatuation with Trump has deprived it of all credibility, Americans love bacon too much to embrace Judaism, and of course with Islam there`s that kill infidels for Allah thing.

Now that I have offended the followers of every major religion, I assume that only enlightened souls who worship cats are still with me.

Today is National Cat Day, and we must cater to every whim of our feline masters, hmm, that`s pretty much every day for us.

Let`s use this supreme holiday to spread our faith: Tell your friends and neighbors who don`t own cats about the joys and pleasures of owning these divine creatures.

Adopt a kitty, it will change your life and save your soul!

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

 

Why Do Cats Knock Things Over? Because They’re Jerks!

“Cats have their quirks, no doubt. But one of the more puzzling – and annoying – things they do is to knock stuff off tables and shelves.

Do they hate your things? Are they criticizing your home decorating skills? Or are they simply trying to drive us insane?

Truth is, it`s none of those things, although I do believe there might be a touch of vindictiveness in some of that behavior.

Animal experts say there are three reasons for this destructive and sometimes hilarious conduct. They`re bored and want attention, they`re practicing hunting, and they`re hungry.”

The Mercury News

My cats, Tico and Ebony, despise each other, and they avoid each other like the plague.

They don`t eat, sleep or play together, they unite forces only when they seem to be in a competition to see who can knock more things over.

Usually they just flick objects over, like a glass of water that`s precariously perched right on the edge of the coffee table, but Tico, who tips the scales at 25 pounds, sometimes pushes things over the coffee table or an end table.

In other words they don`t accidentally tip things over, they deliberately attempt to break my possessions.

I find cheap knick- knacks aesthetically displeasing, the only small objects that my cats can knock off my table and shelves are expensive crystal figurines. Tico has knocked over, and broken a couple of crystal candle holders, at least the candles weren`t lit.

Tico`s girth prevents him from jumping on top of my tallest book shelves and tables, and Ebony is too old to jump very high, so I place my most expensive objects on my tallest tables and shelves.

Why are my kitties and indeed all cats so destructive? They don`t knock things over to get my attention, they are very independent and barely deign to look in my direction.

They aren`t trying to hone their hunting skills, they know damn well that I will serve them gourmet cat food and treats throughout the day.

Cats are jerks, plain and simple. Adorable and fluffy, but jerks all the same. They knock things over because they are jerks.

Cat lovers have learned how to cat-proof their homes, and we gladly put up with their jerk tendencies.

The last time that Tico knocked something from the coffee table, I just picked him up, and gave him a big hug. Take that you big jerk.

Read More:

http://www.mercurynews.com/2017/09/26/why-does-my-cat-keep-knocking-my-things-off-the-table/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes