September is ‘Happy Cat Month’

September is “Happy Cat Month,” never mind that there`s already an “International Cat Day” and a “National Kitten Day.”

So how can we make our feline friends happy?

BECOME A HOARDER

If your house is spotless and spic-and-span, you are making your pets neurotic. Cats thrive in chaos and clutter and they prefer junk all over the place so that they can roam across their house unobserved.

Kitties love boxes, never throw away a box, a house strewn with boxes makes for a very happy cat.

If you become a hoarder you will become a pariah to your neighbors, but you will provide your cats with a cat-friendly environment and earn their gratitude.

KEEP LITTER BOXES CLEAN

Cats may love a messy house, but they demand that their litter boxes be kept clean. As soon as your tabby uses his litter box, scoop his feces and flush it down the toilet. A litter box that smells like a heavenly breeze makes for a content kitty.

ALWAYS HAVE FOOD AVAILABLE

Cats like to nibble all day and all night long, and they are finicky as the devil. Place at least a dozen bowls of dry and cat food of various varieties in every room of your house.

GET RID OF YOUR DOG

Cats and dogs are arch enemies, and peaceful coexistence is a myth, your cat won`t be happy until you banish your pooch to his doghouse.

DITCH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER

Cats are notoriously jealous and they will seethe with anger if they observe you lavishing attention on anybody but them.

ALLOW YOUR CAT TO USE YOUR BODY AS A PILLOW, SCRATCHING POST AND GARBAGE CAN

Your cat will sleep on your head, knead your stomach until it bleeds, and cough up a fur ball on your lap. Don`t complain if you want your cat to be happy.

In other words, if you really want your cat to be always happy, be prepared to be as miserable as the devil.

Just love your kitty, and even if don`t do all of the aforementioned things he will still love you.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

 

Dude Builds Elaborate Maze For His Cats! Cat Lover or Lunatic?

“A proud cat owner celebrated International Cat Day by building his pets an elaborate maze of cardboard boxes.

Chris Poole converted 50 cardboard boxes into a massive maze for his famous feline friends Cole and Marmalade.

Poole individually constructed the boxes, before cutting various holes in the sides and lining them up in a winding pattern throughout the room.”

UPI

I love my cats, Tico and Ebony, and I cater to their every whim. I know they love playing with boxes, and whenever I buy anything that`s packaged in a box I save it for their entertainment and amusement.

But Chris Poole really takes the cake when it comes to pampering his kitties, he constructed an elaborate maze of cardboard boxes for his furry friends. The maze covered the entire living room floor. I may dedicate a corner of my living room for my pets` boxes and toys, but this dude really went overboard.

Whenever I buy toys or treats for my felines, and I wonder if I`m coddling them too much, I will play this video to remind myself that my furry friends haven`t completely taken over my life yet.

Read More:

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/08/15/Cat-owner-turns-50-cardboard-boxes-into-elaborate-maze/3041502818637/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=7

Link to video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXS_sMYdqco

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Cool Cat High Fives and Fist Bumps His Owner: Video

My pooch, Mandy, is very eager to please, and with a minimum of effort I might succeed in teaching her a few tricks, but truth be told, I`m too lazy and she`s too stupid. The only trick she`s mastered is to come running when I call her to dinner.

My cats, Tico and Ebony, have learned a lot of tricks on their own, they`ve become versed on opening kitchen cabinets in search of treats, and they got the knack of jumping on my remote control to change the channel when I`m watching a program that doesn`t align with their aesthetic sensibilities.

But they would never deign to learn a trick that would make me look good in front of my friends and family, like rolling over, playing dead or shaking my hand.

Here`s a cool cat who`s learned how to high five and fist bump, most human beings can`t high five or fist bump without looking like spastic nerds.

If I showed this video to my felines on my cellphone they would probably cough up a hairball on it, they don`t cotton to obsequious cats.

Cat Named ‘Trouble’ Allegedly Attacks Little Girl

“A cat named Trouble allegedly attacked a 7-year-old girl while she was visiting her grandfather in Joliet, according to a complaint filed Thursday in Will County court.

The owners of the allegedly troublesome cat are being sued over the incident that apparently left the girl with claw marks across the forehead. The injury required surgery, the lawsuit said.

Anna Tezak, the mother of the girl, is suing Rena and Kelly Blankenship, who were identified in the complaint as the owners of Trouble. Tezak is seeking at least $50,000 in damages.

“I think we have enough evidence that this was their cat they habitually let run around their neighborhood,” said Jordan Kielian, Tezak`s attorney.”

The Herald News

We know the cat`s name (Trouble), but what`s the girl`s name (Brat)? Felines don`t attack unless provoked, what was the little girl from hell doing? Pulling its tail? Throwing rocks at it?

The only ones more evil than the mischievous girl are her greedy parents who are suing for $50,000 for a few scratches that their daughter sustained on her forehead.

The judge should award them $10.00 so they can buy a jumbo container of Neosporin, and whip them with a cat o` nine tails for filing a frivolous lawsuit.

How the hell do we know anyway that Trouble, or for that matter any cat, scratched the troublesome girl? Her own parents may have scratched her, this could all be a scam.

Read More:

http://www.theherald-news.com/2017/07/28/lawsuit-cat-named-trouble-attacked-girl-in-joliet/a509s8i/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Twerk the Twerking Kitten an Internet Sensation

“A kitten that has become an internet sensation thanks to her hot dance moves has been adopted.

Twerk, who is about 4 months old, suffers from cerebellar hypoplasia (CH), a brain disorder that causes her body to shake, making it look like she`s doing the dance popularized by pop stars like Miley Cyrus.”

Yahoo

Twerk is a beautiful kitten and her twerking dance moves are adorable. I hope this special needs kitty will be spoiled rotten by her new owners.

Twerk doesn`t twerk because she has a skanky nature, her dance moves can be attributed to a brain disorder that causes her rear end to shake uncontrollably.

Celebrities like Miley Cyrus don`t twerk due to a brain disorder, they are afflicted with a disease of the soul that compels them to dance like shameless whores on crack.

When I see Twerk twerk I feel like hugging her and giving her a big kiss, when I see Cyrus twerk I feel giving her a swift kick in the ass.

Link to video:

https://www.yahoo.com/news/apos-twerk-apos-kitten-does-193200353.html

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

George the Skateboarding Cat is a Fraud

“There are cool cats, and then there’s a level above that, topped by this skateboarding kitten.

Twitter user @ericaclaire shared some photos of her adorable kitten on Saturday, proving to the world that some cats are just born hip.”

Yahoo.com

Multitudes of cats have gained Internet fame due to their adorable physical deformities (Grumpy the Cat, Lil` Bub), or because of their peculiar feline antics.

I`ll be the first to admit that the skateboarding kitten, otherwise known as George, is cute as a button, but he`s a poseur and a fraud and underserving of Internet stardom.

There have been many dogs who have achieved viral fame because of their mad skateboarding skills, (Otto and Jumpy), these talented pooches actually skateboard by using their paws to propel the skateboard forward.

But George has simply been placed on top of a skateboard by his owner, he knows as much about skateboarding as he knows about quantum mechanics.

Shame on Erica, the owner of George, she`s one of the great con artists of the digital era.

I have too much integrity to plop one of my cats in front of my computer and claim that he`s the one who`s blogging under the name of Robert Paul Reyes.

George is a fraud, but like I said, he`s a cutie, here’s a link to his pics:

https://www.yahoo.com/news/skateboarding-kitten-coolest-cat-block-131000894.html

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Cat Manicures? Give Me a Break!

“There are times we take matching fashion trends a tad bit too far, and this is probably one such instance. After Mother-daughter matching dresses, not to forget the age-old tradition of siblings – especially twins – being dressed alike, we now have fashion conscious pet owners getting their cat`s paws manicured and painted to match their own!

No kidding!

Though there is very basic problem with this trend, which is that nail polish should not be used on the claws of your pets because of the polish`s toxicity. However, there is a way out and doting pet owners have embraced with with perfectly manicured hands – nail caps. People have found out these nail caps to attach to their cat`s claws and then get matching nailpaint.”

Indian Express

I love cats, and I don`t spare any expense lavishing my kitties with toys and treats, and I can understand a cat lover obsessing over his or her beloved pets.

But I draw the line at a cat lady painting her feline`s claws to match her nails. A cat with manicured claws doesn`t look cute or attractive, it looks repulsive and freakish.

I would never let a woman style my hair to match hers, and I would never let her paint my cat`s claws to match her nails. I would kick that psycho bitc* to the curb, and never let her come anywhere near my babies again.

This is a deplorable trend that makes both cat lovers and cats look ridiculous.

Read More:

http://indianexpress.com/article/lifestyle/fashion/matching-cat-manicures-4742758/

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Book Featuring Pics of Cats and Boobs Ultimate Therapeutic Experience

“If there`s one thing you see more of on the internet than boobs, it`s cats.

So innovative Japanese photographer Yuki Aoyama has done what now seems so obvious: combined the two.

 

His collection, released in a book titled `Painyan` (a pun in Japanese on the words for `breast` and `meow`), contains 96 pages of beautiful women with cute kitties. The contented cats can be seen pawing at cleavages, settling inside blouses and even resting between two sets of breasts.”

Daily Mail

A book that combines two of the Internet`s hottest trends (cats and boobs) is destined to be a bestseller. Cool cats and Hot chicks = sizzling sales.

This book is family-friendly, only the cats are naked, all of the women are wearing G-rated cleavage-baring tops. Your two-year-old toddler will enjoy this book as much as your 22-year-old husband.

Reading this book is more therapeutic than drinking milk and eating oatmeal cookies while getting a foot rub by a geisha. Even the photo of the kitty resting between two sets of breasts didn`t induce any threesome fantasies, my only thought was “that kitten sure looks comfortable.” I`m not gay, not that there`s anything wrong with being gay, really!

I love cats, books and beautiful women, this book would make the perfect gift for me. Hint!

Pics of the adorable cats and beautiful women:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4583588/Japanese-photographer-releases-book-breasts-cats.html#ixzz4k0hBZSWv

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Maintenance Guy Plays With Homeowner’s Cat: Video

“I broke the pull string light switch in my laundry room.

cat My apartment maintenance guy came to fix it and had a great time playing with my cat on his way out.”

YouTube video description

When I lived in an apartment, I always hated it when the landlord scheduled the maintenance guy to make repairs while I was at work. I always wondered, will the dude go through my personal stuff, watch porn on my computer or tease my cats?

Nobody had surveillance cameras in their homes in those days, so God only knows what the dude did in my apartment. Now I have a home security system that includes surveillance cameras, but I still wouldn`t allow a contractor to work in my house when I`m not home.

It restores my faith in human nature that this maintenance guy fixed the problem and played with the cat.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes

Why Do Cats Knead?

“Not all cats knead, and they don`t all knead in the same way. Most cats only use their front paws, but some use all four; some kitties bring their claws out, and others don`t. A cat kneading at your lap might hurt, but your kitty doesn`t have any bad intentions.

Even when they`re too young for their eyes to open, kittens need to knead, says Katy Nelson, DVM, Virginia-based veterinarian and Freshpet ambassador. Nursing kitties push around when suckling to get their mother`s glands to release more milk, she says. No one is totally sure why the habit lasts through adulthood, but there are a few theories.”

Reader`s Digest

I have two cats, and they both knead on the carpet, rugs, sofas, and on my belly and chest when I`m sleeping on the sofa.

Ebony weighs about 10 pounds, and she kneads my chest and belly with her claws out. She purrs with contentment as she`s poking me with her sharp claws; I usually let her knead for a while before I gently dump her on the floor.

Tico tips the scales at over 25 pounds, and he kneads me his claws retracted, and he also purrs peacefully as he`s suffocating me. I gently dump Tico on the floor after only a few moments, because my life takes precedence over his pleasure.

According to the Reader`s Digest article kittens knead their mother`s glands to release more milk, and most cats continue to knead throughout their lives.

When my kitties knead me I don`t see it as a sign of affection, they`re simply trying to make their bed (me) comfortable for them to sleep on, it`s no different than when we fluff our pillows.

I would find my cats penchant for kneading a more endearing quirk if Ebony`s claws weren`t so sharp (it`s a nightmare trimming her nails), and if Tico didn`t weigh so much.

I`m just glad dogs don`t have a predilection for kneading, if my 70-pound Pit Bull mix jumped on me and kneaded me it wouldn`t be such a pleasant experience.

Read More:

http://www.rd.com/advice/pets/why-do-cats-knead/

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes